As an autistic, I’m like… well yeah when someone expresses appreciation/positivity about you, you’d think they’re happy for themselves, that you made them happy and they’re grateful to you for it, so you say “you’re welcome”. But instead that’s supposed to be weird, because they’re not really saying they’re thankful & happy, but instead giving a kind of approval, which is a very different kind of statement & can be quite uncomfortable if you’re not accustomed yet to being on display for others.
Been trying to teach my 3 year old to say sorry by saying it myself at every opportunity. That whole leading by example thing instead of telling him he should say it. He caught on big time last week, saying sorry after he hit me during a tantrum, and a dozen other situations one would apologize for. And he's rewarded with positive reinforcement and dad love. Yesterday I dropped my phone by getting up too fast and kid goes "Oops, you're sorry. It's OK, you forgive you :)"
See this is a beautiful example. Even though that makes no sense in some ways, it also shows that he's internalized the message and applied logic. He learned empathy apologizing to you and he deduced that you should apply that same compassion to yourself -- and told you so -- even though he didn't really have the right words for it. It's so fun watching their minds grow and it shows you're doing a great job dadding.
I don't know why you were downvoted, maybe someone feels guilty :P I certainly try to be a good dad, and I think it's paying off. He's not nervous or scared of me like I was my dad, even when I stub my toe and get a little angey he goes "you ok?" because I never shout at him, and if I keep control of my actions and feelings, I never will. I find it helps to remind myself that he's a little blob still, and I can't have adult expectations of him. Thanks for the compliment anyways :)
Pay no mind. I offended someone & they follow and downvote me. Parenting is hard. It's not the terrible twos it's the terrible two through four. I think you're completely right that we can't expect them to be adults, but we can still treat them with more expectations and autonomy than their years. They grow into it. And I think it's ok if they see us get mad as long as we also handle it appropriately. Like you said, modeling. Mine are grown now and I miss it a little. I think you're doing great.
Hehe, you were instantly downvoted again, so I think you're right on the money with that person following you. What did you say to provoke them? "Be nice to each other"? To quote a complete butthole: SAD. I absolutely agree, anger is an emotion, and is important to be allowed to express, as long as we do it in a healthy and non-destructive way. Congrats on the big kids. I can't wait for the challenges to be more cerebral instead of the physical stuff now. I became a dad at 35, and felt like a 1/
purinketsu
Baby sounds like she has English accent
NoSoundatWork
CaviaPorcellus
you're welcome
TheSilverSeraph
That cute eye strain trying to focus on her hair is so adorable
skathir
As an autistic, I’m like… well yeah when someone expresses appreciation/positivity about you, you’d think they’re happy for themselves, that you made them happy and they’re grateful to you for it, so you say “you’re welcome”. But instead that’s supposed to be weird, because they’re not really saying they’re thankful & happy, but instead giving a kind of approval, which is a very different kind of statement & can be quite uncomfortable if you’re not accustomed yet to being on display for others.
skathir
*when it’s about appearance I mean, as opposed to something you DO with them, such as them saying “I love your funny jokes”.
happenedtomeonce
wodensday
MY BRAND
TrustMeImADog
OP's username is a little too ironic, don't you think?
AllAnusMorissette
BanaCakeTaker
Yeah I really do think
newsguycraigevans
You're welcome
sirava
I absolutely love toddler logic
HandoB4Javert
NorthmanoftheNorth
Been trying to teach my 3 year old to say sorry by saying it myself at every opportunity. That whole leading by example thing instead of telling him he should say it. He caught on big time last week, saying sorry after he hit me during a tantrum, and a dozen other situations one would apologize for. And he's rewarded with positive reinforcement and dad love. Yesterday I dropped my phone by getting up too fast and kid goes "Oops, you're sorry. It's OK, you forgive you :)"
sirava
See this is a beautiful example. Even though that makes no sense in some ways, it also shows that he's internalized the message and applied logic. He learned empathy apologizing to you and he deduced that you should apply that same compassion to yourself -- and told you so -- even though he didn't really have the right words for it. It's so fun watching their minds grow and it shows you're doing a great job dadding.
NorthmanoftheNorth
I don't know why you were downvoted, maybe someone feels guilty :P I certainly try to be a good dad, and I think it's paying off. He's not nervous or scared of me like I was my dad, even when I stub my toe and get a little angey he goes "you ok?" because I never shout at him, and if I keep control of my actions and feelings, I never will. I find it helps to remind myself that he's a little blob still, and I can't have adult expectations of him. Thanks for the compliment anyways :)
sirava
Pay no mind. I offended someone & they follow and downvote me. Parenting is hard. It's not the terrible twos it's the terrible two through four. I think you're completely right that we can't expect them to be adults, but we can still treat them with more expectations and autonomy than their years. They grow into it. And I think it's ok if they see us get mad as long as we also handle it appropriately. Like you said, modeling. Mine are grown now and I miss it a little. I think you're doing great.
NorthmanoftheNorth
Hehe, you were instantly downvoted again, so I think you're right on the money with that person following you. What did you say to provoke them? "Be nice to each other"? To quote a complete butthole: SAD. I absolutely agree, anger is an emotion, and is important to be allowed to express, as long as we do it in a healthy and non-destructive way. Congrats on the big kids. I can't wait for the challenges to be more cerebral instead of the physical stuff now. I became a dad at 35, and felt like a 1/