MicMacPaddyWhack
333016
8449
261
What a silly invention
Who cannot relate to this?
me irl
How to break the tension
Jurassic Park
gregory irl
Part 1: http://imgur.com/a/GmMha
Bonus NSFW Hilarity: http://imgur.com/kF5n0G3
(Warning: NSFW is a written piece, not as exciting as you're probably hoping)
ChinMusic
#3 *unzips*
MarlinCivetta
I can't believe the Kevin Jonas one is in here. Made by Joe.
losa219
Omg the bonus one is awesome. Reminds me of Peter Griffin trying to write erotica
Quaille
http://i.gyazo.com/8ac7971b76d6a76c52dacf923b6b21ac.png This is fucking beautiful
WhiteDrake
"Spongy love mountains"
pumpkintits007
Alright dog, I'll give you a bone. +1
ohwellwhatchagonnado
Sorry, I finished looking and forgot to upvote you. I CAME BACK I'M SORRY FOR USING YOU LIKE THAT.
Yodaloid
"She clutched the sheets with ecstasy...and her hands" fucking lol
theaccountiestaccount
I died.
igotalittlewilly
"Made him hotter- hotter for sex!"
iamannethesearemypants
Lost it at dick Parkinson's
CrayCrayRae
Favorited to reference the bonus
corneliusfudge
"Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it."
HatsAreEssential
I used to work at a bookstore. We used to have this game once a month where we picked out a bunch of "romance" novels and told a story (1/2)
HatsAreEssential
(2/2) by reading one sentence from each book. Not even combining bad romance novels at random could create something this funny.
Draevan13
Bawxxy
Five nights at Jurassic Park?
WizardMcMagic
I was looking for this.
BackdoorCryptography
#3: She looks young for 130
wrincewind
KG? LBS? Stone?
kjoch08
Honest to god, that's how I interpreted it until I read the comments. I am not a smart man.
saxonabeach
get out
SebaJun
Never expected Hyeri to be on imgur.
SebaJun
lokishadowgirl
LittleRedRotten
yup yup yup.
AnalBeard
The third one is definitely me. First one, not so much - mostly because I'm a dude.
LittleSnail
Her snootch got all warm, too.
gir194787
I like how those were all after thoughts. Oh by the way, her snootch got all warm too
EyeFarted
I read that and thought "Did Jay and Silent Bob write this shit?!"
CrispyWorm
Haha snoogins. Buuung. Snoochie Boochies
Syllabilien
"galloping abs"
papayapanda
Bbest part :D
littlespacebased
"fulfilled with sexual fulfillment"
Dawnstempest
To keep my sanity I was hoping it was a parody. I saw the cover, I am no longer so sure.
eggmuffin
In Norway, we call these books that you find by the checkout "housewife porn".
WhimsicalCalamari
That book is a gift to mankind.
jagolovesballs
Tumblr posts are so confusing on the mobile app now. I can never tell where each one ends.
thefrompleman
also makes it a pain when trying to save them to kek at later ;(
spoonybards
'suffered from dick Parkinson's', 'her snooch', 'engorged pecker', 'his hot pearlescent sperms','pink petals of her clunge', 'dick aneurysm'
spoonybards
'throbbing meat wand', 'undulating midsection', ''spongy love mountains', 'galloping abs', 'stinky scent of lovemaking'.
AlexisKing
"Her snootch got all warm, too."
IComeWithWifi
The last one did say "Leaders" and Betty II is our Head of State...
NexiKuro
I like that it has Beatrix as the dutch leader, she abdicated 2 years ago. That said our kings head would be too fat to fit so I understand.
PatrickPunchhard
I think it's supposed to be Heads of State cos the Irish one is Higgins not Kenny and the Dutch one is their old queen. Merkel is wrong
SirPelvisJohnwood
But then Merkel is wrong: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/President_of_Germany
SealandIsARealCountry
I'm going to point out that Sandra Hill is a really big author. Source: My mother's bookshelf...
tekkenchoir
Some editor volleyed to have trees cut down and tattooed with this drivel? Damn. I should start writing porn seriously.
dhelsan
Oh god, I thought it was only my mom...
Dawnstempest
That scares me, because her writing is so horrible it's funny.
CrazyHatLady
Is she really really serious? I was hoping it was satire.
mcgravin
I don't know the quality of her work normally, but this "excerpt" is not actually from her book. Pure satire.
CrazyHatLady
That restores some of my faith in humanity, at least.
IfYouDontLikeItSuckMyDick
not satire, unfortunately. shelve her next to fifty shades and all the shit with fabio half naked on the cover..
CrazyHatLady
Hmmm, maybe I should take up writing romance novels.
IfYouDontLikeItSuckMyDick
if you can stand to write that shit, it's actually a huge and growing business. you'd think it was 1950 with all these frustrated housewives
jessieedawnn
Suddenly I've realized what books my mom was actually reading all those years... unpleasant visualizations happening...
CthulhuBubbles
My mom too. :I I actually read one once because I was curious. never again.
dogfavoriter
"Torolf entered her like she was a lottery."
NeaterSpree
For 5 bucks?
Syllabilien
"Metaphors? How do those work, again?" --the author, probably
Saxit
"Most likely not gonna win anything, but might as well try."
itsahollyday2
"And she was fulfilled with sexual fulfillment." How redundant
Watchoutitsaflyingcatcactus
Op got an upvote just for that bonus. I almost didn't read it. I can't breathe.
AttractiveFlatulence
It sounds like a line from a Lil Wayne song
Fandumb
Is anyone else seeing
as their dream girl?
eggmuffin
My dream girl comes with less murder, but she's a looker, alright.
mineisanevillaugh
She gave me dick Parkinsons
MyNameisJavert
I almost had a dick aneurism
slack3rdav3
That man's neck is definitely broken.
doc70
yes
kcgingerbeard
You too like the face sittings
tirusr
10 out of 10, would date. I assume this poor fellow pissed her off.
MimicOctopi
That bonus one. I'm torn between cringing and laughing so hard that I have a uterus aneurysm.
ElleriaPlays
Meat wand XD
MicMacPaddyWhack
Dick Parkinson's.
Trolltongue
I just went into your gallery and upvoted all your images & comments, I don't care, nothing has ever made me laugh as much as that last img.
MicMacPaddyWhack
omg thank you! >///<
minnow1776
I'm currently clutching my sheets with lust and ecstasy and also my hands
TheDarkLordOfTrees
I have an erection
Kiwi31415
I couldn't get past "Torolf entered her like she was a lottery."
countseven
I feel like it makes sense, if you assume it's written about two of Lovecraft's horrors.
Chocolatesporks
It's not actually from the book, it's a fan-written passage (mocking the book I guess). So at least it wasn't actually published..
MeMePickMePlease
Still a better lovestory than twilight..
Ohhhlookaunicorneatingasamurai
Blobblesonlychangingnamebecauseofbeingflaggedspam
'uterus aneurysm'
lygerzero0zero
It HAS to be intentional, right? It doesn't sound like bad writing to me. It sounds like somebody who's really good at writing really bad.
Somnophobe
Reminds me of "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies".
zigzagler
I've never heard or seen the word "clunge" before today, so I'm going to assume they are a troll of an erotic writer.
PlasticFantasticLover
they use it in the inbetweeners quite a bit. But I'd never heard it before that.
SomeMenDreamOfCookies
It's not actually writing from the book, it's someone who vaguely mimicked the style of the author and wrote a parody of it.
lygerzero0zero
Oh, it is? The actual photos of the book were too blurry to read. That's a bit of a letdown, but still a hilarious parody.
tlazolteotl
I read it as Bonus NSFW Hilary and was wondering when Hilary Clinton was coming into the story.
YutteHermsgervordenbrotborda
I didn't even notice it wasn't Hillary until your comment xD
Eldare
Same thing :D
minnow1776
"She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge." HER CLUNGE?! HER FUCKING CLUNGE?!?!
Afghaniscran
http://youtu.be/1t01uTnnhcw
RingoStalin
http://static.bips.channel4.com/bips/orig/the-inbetweeners/characters/83a50cc1-76bd-4f26-86f9-17f76b10ae21.jpg
PlasticFantasticLover
I'm convinced that whole thing was actually written by Jay from the inbetweeners.
sms001
I'm still trying to get over "When's the last time you ruffled the turkey?" from yesterday.
IDidNaht
If you have a beard and are a heterosexual male, it is a clunge-sponge.
snarkweek3000
22Below
I've actually heard clunge used before, it's a dirty slang term in the UK but not too common
BritishBatman
I fucking live in the north of england and I've never heard that before.
BELGIANfries
common enough that i know that it's male equivalent is a clunge-plunger
KraftDurchKoelsch
Wasn't that just a joke from the Big Fat Quiz?
BELGIANfries
dunno, what's the Big Fat quiz?
BELGIANfries
nevermind, i looked it up :)
minnow1776
ARE WE ALL SERIOUSLY GOING TO IGNORE THIS? HER FUCKING CLUNGE?!?!?!?!
UWAGAGABLAGABLAGABA
I lost it on that one. Like wtf?
BookSmart
I mean, I'm not ignoring it, but there's a smorgasbord of bad writing to choose from, so I'm going to put "clunge" aside for now.
FisterMantastic
It is so bad I want to read the whole book.
BookSmart
Oh thank god, I thought I was the only one.
zigzagler
"Baby, does your wet clunge get wet with wetness for me"
chaosdagger
Or is it only wet with shower water wetness?
MornieAlantie
No, she dried the shower water wetness with the towel which then became wet.
chaosdagger
Let's not forget that her snooch also became warm, so it was also wet.
TheWayADrillWorks
http://24.media.tumblr.com/d2e1c8e3d0bcfcf5d41a723ecf3ac509/tumblr_mvj3ahOD5m1slb3bzo1_500.gif
amglasgow
#12 - that website no longer does the funny thing, apparently. Disappointing.
ZacMuerte
https://web.archive.org/web/20150220081007/http://sewingandembroiderywarehouse.com/embtrb.htm you're welcome.
amglasgow
Ha! Of course. Sherman, set the WABAC machine to 1996!
ZacMuerte
I love how the footer goes back to a reasonable size, though. just "If a problem persists..." NOPE. NO PROBLEM HERE.
terithian
Thank you so much. Now we can all experience this wonder of the internet.
whatevenarecats
Basically each paragraph is inside the previous paragraph. With a font size set to 1.4 times the element it's inside
droomph
What was the problem?
ZacMuerte
scroll down. as you went farther down the page the font kept getting larger and larger until it was impossible to read.
droomph
As in what caused the problem?
ZacMuerte
yeah, I sent a 2nd comment. they didn't close the heading font sizer before making the next, so the upscale kept stacking and stacking.
ZacMuerte
if you mean technically: they embeded each element in the previous one, so the part saying "make this big" would stack over and over
whatevenarecats
2/2 telling the text to be 1.4 times the text in the parent element.
whatevenarecats
The text is all H3 tags embedded inside each other, with font size of 1.4em. em units are a factor of the element it's in. So it's 1/2
realandgay
I feel like this site gets progressively more upset with my unwillingness to sew....or read.
ZacMuerte
sew: never seen that. read: yeah... there's a lot of people that try to push reading. not as much as on tumblr, in my experience.
realandgay
I was talking more about the embroidery website with the gradually increasing font but okie. x3
ZacMuerte
ooooohhh. I'm dumb. Dunno how it expects you to read it at the end. far too large to fit on the screen without rescaling.
ZacMuerte
unrelated: you may be real and gay, but are you real gay? (sorry, I had to)
Covarr
"Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm."
JDlovesTurk
I love that this is too comment
Jacana
Is... is 'clunge' a thing people say?...
eggmuffin
"Clunge"...
anonwhymouse
I feel weird, my Wifes WoW character is named Torolf
comeflywithme
"Which was seriously his name" It's cool. I believe you.
JDlovesTurk
I love that this is top comment
BenjimanStickyLiquid
Galloping abs
CarLeg
"throbbing meat wand"
sendmeyourarmslikeliterallycutthemoffandsendthem
My favorite was "her spongey love mountains hurled to and fro from each pounding" ... or maybe "suffered from dick Parkinson's"
TheSkeletonWar
meemouse
I FOUND THIS YEARS AGO AT A PARTY AND ONE OF MY FRIENDS GAVE US A VERY DRAMATIC READING. IT WAS EPIC.
duetodaydotoday
"Oh sorry, I need you - sexually"
Misora
So many orgasms. So much wow.
kbtoys
(Which is seriously his name)
spookymelissa
dick Parkinsons
NrNone
That needs to be the name of a hard-boiled detective.
FabulousFlapjackFury
"felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment"
IncorrectSauce
Spongy love mountains
GraysonHunt
"Her heavy breasts swung with momentum" I just imagined them swinging around as she spins.
TheGingerBeardedBiologist
Her snooch got all warm, too.
foxracing254
Snooch
aguacatedeldiablo
To the motherfucking nooch.
ScruffyBelievesInThisCompany
Snoochie boochies!
adelheid130
Clunge.
Afghaniscran
http://youtu.be/1t01uTnnhcw