SVcross
191099
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Jul 18, 2017 11:48 PM
SVcross
191099
4623
106
amahler
For some reason I imagine her saying all of this while doing meaningless things like making coffee or cooking dinner or in passing
bachterman
bachelor of arts.
Fizzledrizzle69
"She's be a terrible mother!"
kevvywevvy
My mother called our cat a wasterer before, I thought it was hilarious!
GeddyLee2112
We talk to our dog all the time. Sometimes when she talks back, she sounds like Bill Clinton.
wonder89
I answer for the dog in Woody Allen's voice.
ConfusedAxis
"Stop eating weird shit. You're just going to puke again."
SVcross
Things people have told me in the past, for $200
Gazbunner
Dude if you ever get tired of your wife, please send her my way. She's a true prophet.
UrsusDerpus
Your wife seems lovely.
A2ZorBlanks
So which of these are secretly directed at you?
EccentricNimoy
Freudian fun fur all!
Vatatheo
"I will fight you in hell upon a mound of bones" well, I'm adding that to my collection.
MagicalScientist
My cat too will eat ribbon and throw it up. Or, more often, eat half of a length of ribbon.
Magicflutefreddie
Mine doesn't need to eat a ribbon to throw up
optimusgoose
I don't even wanna know what she says to you
zappbrrrannigan
Nevermind that, I do want to know what she says to you!
sarahsaurroar
I talk to my cat Toby all the time. Mostly to either tell him off for being so noisy or just general 'such a sweet kitty' talk.
comebacklaterimthinkingofsomethingfunnytosay
I always tell my dog he needs to get a job. All he contributes is the occasional poop on the rug.
violinpro21
Your wife sounds like Brittany from Glee with her cat, Lord Tubbington
azamfir112
Your wife must be that heart from Dishonored.
littlefreak3
To all the people acting like this is @OP 's wife... THERE'S A FUCKING WATERMARK!
SVcross
Where?
TheGoldenSuit
i wonder if wife is drunk when saying these, or if she just has a drunk personality.
AmbiguouslyPunny
"You are a single bead on a string of lives that I hold together". Holy shit! Ruthless reality there! I love it!!
iamnotmybrotherbuthello
"I will fight you in hell upon a mound of bones" = GOLD
Graypony4
"Miss Kitty have you ever thought of running away and settling down? Would you marry me? If I asked you twice and begged you pretty please?"
mydrivec
I would buy a coffee table book full of these!
amahler
I would too
serpentinebaboo
Kind of reminds me of Shit My Dad Says but crazier and less fatherly.
ImgurisluvImgurislife
Make one. $1,000,000 idea. I'd buy two of them
REALLYANGRYBEE
"Have you heard the tale of Dath Plagueis the Wise?"
twerksforfish
i tell my spastic chihuahua to "calm your titties, all 8 of them!" my family thinks i'm weird
wonder89
Well,it is a male, so they have a point.
twerksforfish
nope, both girls
EvilKam
What medications does your wife have access to?
Midlands1234
Medications and or drugs
LaTransDragon
Catnip
HadMeSomeChickens
None of them
IAmAPoohBear
Halfway through I was definitely thinking "This girl is on something 24/7"
201chass
All of them
TanDumpLord
Yes.
PizzaSlutForever
The right ones!
MrHumberfloob
And is she single?
railgap
Literature?
TheCrazyVulcan
No, you wife is a straight up Super Viliion. Replace all the lines with "Miss Kitty" to "Mr Bond" and you are half way to a Hollywood script
TheCrazyVulcan
*Villain
samsonguy920
No, no...I like Super Viliion. That is a supervillain name to keep.
beerlady
..... you also have a cute kitty butt, Mr. Bond.
Wylf
You and your eight nipples are shit, Mr. Bond.
beerlady
I asked my own cat these questions.... fuck me, intense
samsonguy920
What do you think of the plight of the Jewish people, Mr. Bond?
SamaelTheVenomOfGod
I'll be honest, I'd watch the shit out of that.
beerlady
fuck me too!
SamaelTheVenomOfGod
Are you missing a comma, or is that an invitation?
WaterSpoonBodyHot
Dude your wife talks about some deep shit
rickeyspanish
I don't believe him
ArchPigeon
"You and your eight nipples are shit" - Dude's wife
SwaghettiYologneseWithMemeballs
Either that or she's actually Jon Arbuckle
spaceystacey
The fifth one hits home...
HaniiPuppy
What's freakier are what the cat says back.
ValiantVox
And a lot of shit
MainTrip
Your wife is glados!!!
Varidin
Some of the snarky ones are GlaDos, but the deeper ones remind me of the heart from Dishonored.
Thereisnopatchingstupid
Yeah, but GlaDos was a potato. *smug smile*
tupilak
I think the dude is a woman, Sauce: "ShitmyGAYwifesays"
FoxGodRecords
THANK YOU!
tupilak
I am not a hero, but i do wear a cape...
FoxGodRecords
You do you. You … do … you.
Znayx
Probably because she's quite familiar with things that go deep
itbelikedat88
There are two kinds of people on this thread
PlightHopper
bilateralunsymmetry
BURN! Large penis joke on the hubby. That must smart!
TheThingOnTheDoorstep
Uhm... #shitmyGAYwifesays
Znayx
I realise I could have played off that more thoroughly, praising my own size, but... I have not yet mastered the art of funny comments.
SVcross
I think you have