Throne of Terra Has It Been a Journey

I was drinking to excess (12-16) EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. My liver enzymes were out of control, I stopped eating almost entirely, I was fat, red-faced, angry, spiteful, and essentially looked like what you would get if someone asked you to draw a picture of a functioning alcoholic. I slowly (and not-so-slowly) cut out all of my friends and family who would let me - even my other drunk friends were worried about me. My always-tumultuous relationship with my father continued to spiral out of control to the point where we wouldn’t speak for weeks at a time and he and my mother would fight almost constantly -her trying to defend me and him trying to... I don’t like to think about it. So one day I went to my mom’s house, broke down crying in front of her, sobbing that I needed help, and I needed it NOW. A week later, drunk, I checked into a detox/rehabilitation program about 50 miles away.

During rehab, it became obvious to me that 99% of their program was higher-power-oriented, rather than psychologically, which is what I ACTUALLY NEEDED (acute and chronic trauma having to do with my father along with severe depression and absolute loneliness being the seed of most of my substance abuse). Being a man staunchly devoid of any kind of religious or spiritual faith, I realized that if I was going to get sober or even get anything out of the program I’d have to do it myself.

I started reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (I know it's a cliche), doing yoga, and meditating whenever I was afforded the time. After I graduated, I lost 40 pounds during the 3 months at the (money-scamming) sober living facility I stayed in while I began the process of rebuilding the wreck I had made of myself and my life. Luckily, my job held my position for me and my pathetic health insurance actually paid out for my short-term disability!

This is one of my reasons - Lucy (Fur). She’s a 2 year-old purebred Chocolate Lab (save the “You're such a bad person! Purebreds are prone to x, y, and z...” horse shit for someone else, she was a gift from my father), and she’s never had a bad day in her life. I’ve never even SEEN such a happy, friendly, precocious dog. She chases birds and is particularly fond of ducks.

Two months later, I waltzed through the Space Center gate and right back into my job, and to my surprise nobody was told where I had gone (inb4 "It would be a HIPA violation if they did tell" because anyone who has worked in aerospace will tell you it's like a marginally-better-paying high school community and they gossip like teenage girls). These days, instead of bellying up to a bar at noon, or hiding in my bedroom with a bag full of 99 Bananas, I work out at the gym, build Gundam models, read Warhammer 40,000 novels, play video games, and most importantly spend time with my mother and even MORE importantly, my dog.

Here we’re waiting on my tires to get mounted.

Here she is as a lil pupper!

This is my REAL reason for all of this. My niece, Chapel Grace. I had her picture on my nightstand in rehab and I have it on my wall today to remind me of who I’m doing all of this for. I was not going to be a deadbeat, drunk, thieving, pathetic, piece of shit uncle that you had to lock the doors and hide your wallet around. My own uncle was a heroin addict and was estranged from our family. I was never going to be that to this gift to the world.

Seriously. I mean look at that adorable little angel.

Remember guys, The Emperor Protects.
If there is anyone out there who is where I was - or even somewhere you just don’t want to be anymore - and you’re thinking that something is wrong and you wanna take that step, trust me (a complete stranger on the Internet) and MAKE THAT LEAP. I PROMISE you that you will not regret it.

Furthermore, if you even just need someone to talk to, my inbox is open for you - yes, YOU - and I will do anything I can to help you get out of that spot you don’t want to be in anymore.

//FP-EDIT//

Wow. I'm honestly flattered. I'd like to thank the academy.

But seriously, three things:
1. A few of you have already reached out to me asking for the first steps. Everyone is different, but in my experience the people who stick with it make it public (not shout-from-the-rooftops public, but they tell their closest few people), and do it fast. If you sit around "Waiting for the right time" you'll never do it. Go tell somebody RIGHT NOW "I have a fucking drinking problem and this shit has gotten BAD and I need to do something about it NOW." If you really want to stop, then having people know you have a problem will keep you honest. They'll bug you about it, and if they really love you, they'll bug you a LOT.

Personally, AA works pretty well for me, despite my aversion to the higher-power thing, because having a sense of community and feeling like you're not in it alone is a hugely comforting feeling that you need in such an uncomfortable time. Seriously, just go. It might feel weird and uncomfortable, but you're quitting drinking. It's not fucking easy.

2. This is for Americans only:
Go register to vote, and go vote for Joe Biden. Look, I don't fucking like him either, but this country is seriously on the verge of an actual, honest-to-God collapse, and if Donald Trump gets elected to a second term because you're put off by how creepy he is or you're still mad about Bernie (I am too. But there's nothing to be done now), then EVERYONE LOSES. I'm not gonna sit here and say "Vote your conscience" because if you were gonna vote for Donald Trump, your conscience has served you for shit. GO REGISTER TO VOTE AND DO NOT VOTE FOR DONALD TRUMP.

3. This one is the most important: BE KIND TO PEOPLE. Community is what gets us through everything. Act locally, treat people with respect, and if you see someone being a bully and picking on people weaker than them, smack them in the goddamn mouth. Figuratively.

//FP-EDIT//