I once was at a convention and at 2 AM me and my boys were trying to find a place to finish a card game because the game room was closing down. A cute girl told me she was working the con and had a big single room that was empty and invited me to play in there. I yelled up to my boys who were walking ahead of me that I found somewhere we could finish the game.
The note was inside the pen... but concealed through three clockwork mechanisms which you must solve with the Fibonacci sequence and only then can you get her number
I did something similar to get my first boyfriend. I wrote my phone number a bunch on a piece of paper and asked him to throw something out for me. He stood at the trash can for a REALLY long time before asking me if I did it on purpose
...and then there's the other type of guy, who gets ten no's, five fuck off's, and one load of bear mace in the face, and ends up thinking she's just playing hard to get.
Not universal, but most men are oblivious. The arrogant and aggressive ones can’t recognize other people’s signals because they are blinded by their own perceptions. They also don’t understand that “No means No”. Regular men generally don’t pick up on subtleties, or don’t want to be jerks, or may be feigning ignorance, or have been wrong before and don’t want to be embarrassed again , etc. there are a million reasons.
I've been accused of being innapropriate before(amicably) so I just stopped seeing anything other than 'I want to go out with you' as a sign of interest.
All of my serious relationships started because a woman was fed up and got direct. Two asked to sit on my lap. One said, "we should hang out sometime... give me your phone and I will put my number in it."
I had the phone one happen to me once. I was super fucking high at the time and made an ass of myself reeeaaally bad. After she put her number in my phone and handed it back to me it got really quiet and awkward and my high ass brain was like “holy shit. Badass beautiful girl is maybe hitting on you. Do something!” So I said out loud “I’m way too high for this” and got up and went outside for a cigarette
To be fair, that is a good reaction. Don't make that kind of decision when high or drunk, and don't pressure someone who is. Come back when you're both sober.
Unfortunately I way overthought and over analyzed the whole thing in my head for days and came to the conclusion that she probably thought I was an idiot/asshole for saying/doing that and told myself she didn’t want me to text or call her after making an ass of myself.
That’s nothing… In college I literally had a girl pose nude for me and did not pick up that she was interested. How I ever managed to get girlfriends and eventually a wife is still a mystery to me…
My chem lab partner came over to study. After a while she grabs her neck and says "My neck has a kink. Could you give it a rub?" "Sure." She undoes the top buttons of her blouse and pulls it down to her elbows then slips her bra straps off her shoulders. I'm standing behind her, rubbing her neck and shoulders with her cleavage wide open before me. After 10 minutes of rubbing, I'm like "OK! Feeling better? Yeah? Back to the books." A week later it finally sinks in. "YOU... IDIOT!!!"
Umm... No. It's inappropriate for someone to use that as a means of showing interest, or to read into it. It needs to stay safe for anyone who is serving as a model, or else you don't have models, and do have a lot of unsafe people.
Wait for that moment of revelation, eight years after the event, when you realize that that girl didn't get naked and went under your blanket because she was cold.
When I was flirting with my very good male friend, I asked him if he wanted to help me find the horseshoe crab carapace I had lost in my garage. He didn't know that I was flirting. We're together now, thanks to the concerted effort of three mutual friends who essentially smashed us together because we were both too stupid to know that the feelings were mutual.
Yes? But that isn't what this is. By giving the phone number you are in effect making the first move - just doing it is such a crazy way that you risk alienating the person involved.
You're not making the first move. You're enabling the first move. And I don't know how you could say you risk alienating that person. They don't even know you yet. I've seen tons of different ways a girl who wants to be asked out or hook up will do so. And doing it in a way where nobody faces an in-person rejection is perfectly normal behavior. And doing it in a sly way that isn't as overt as literally handing them your number in front of the world is style points, not cringe.
Also men are socialised to be the active part in flirting, and have trouble registering and dealing with the situation when they're suddenly in the passive role. Yes, even the ones who'd want women to be more active.
I've interpreted it wrong before, I just won't do that. It's not fair to women to completely put it in their court but for me, that's my policy. I don't read social cues well if at all, I'd rather miss infinite opportunities than make one person feel unsafe. Unfortunately women think I'm uninterested because in their experience, men keep pushing and going after them no matter what. Getting one hint wrong is not worth the risk. So I say what I mean and need the same.
I hear you, but point blank: if you can't have an open conversation with the person you want to date, then you lack the communication skills for a successful relationship. I don't know if you're anxious, or putting them on a pedestal, or what, but that needs to be corrected first before you can have a functional/healthy relationship.
I required an email from a mutual friend stating that my now wife liked me and would say yes if I asked her out. She was blind cc'd on that email. We've been together since '99.
I like to somehow imagine that friend is still involved in your spousal dynamics. "Email Subject: ITS BEEN 27 YEARS YOU CAN TELL HER YOU'RE FEELING FRISKY YOURSELF FFS"
I was once in a relationship where we both expected the other to initiate stuff and were both frustrated that stuff wasn’t happening. We were both 18 so being dumb was par for the course. I don’t know how we started dating but he broke up with me because I didn’t put out and I was like “you literally never even expressed interest” and he was like “why should I have to do that?!”. So confusing lol.
My friend, I'm nothing to write home about, but I pretty much never made the first move. Granted I am apparently very flirty. I am of course oblivious that I do that too though. Luckily my now wife knew and still knows that so doesn't take offense when I do it inadvertently still.
I think they meant Magic: The Gathering. I've heard tournaments are a good place to meet members of the opposite sex. Or same sex, if that's what you prefer. One way it another, I've definitely heard something about people that play Magic: The Gathering and having sex.
My wife messaged me after our first date to ask what her chance of getting a second *date* was, because I left our first date without making a move and she wanted to make sure I knew I was on a *date.* Look, we met up at 6PM, we got dinner, we walked, we got drinks, we walked more, we wound up at an all-night diner having coffee and I dropped her at her car at 4AM. I didn't make moves because we'd been together 10 hours and she had a babysitter! I was being "decent!"
I mean dude. A girl asked me to a movie, we went to a dessert place after. Talked for hours in the car. And then like 3 days later unrealized it was a date. Granted it was high school, but it's a totally valid question by your wife.
I used to babysit the neighbour kids as a teenager and what it really meant was watching them till they fell asleep and then eating all the snacks they said I was allowed before crashing out on their couch to TV shows I wasn't allowed to watch at home. 0400 was perfectly acceptable in my book!
People aren't oblivious, generally speaking. The problem is that everyone flirts or shows interest differently. Most men have mistaken platonic friendliness and have been burned by that mistake. So a lot of men eventually adopt a "better safe than sorry" view on flirting/social interaction.
I once saw a woman on IG giving pickup advice such as, "Just give them a look. You know, a *look.*" And I thought, "Oh... they have no game whatsoever." Like, women collectively statted wrong and instead of actually picking men up, they put points into making men think we're dumb for not decoding their ciphers.
Like the above example could have just said, "You dropped this" and handed him her phone number. That's a pick-up. Don't give me a freaking D&D puzzle.
As a transbian myself (mostly), yeah I am in fact dumb as a fucking brick when it comes to romantic interest. Of my current 6 poly women I'm dating, four of them had to bonk me over the head with the fact that they were interested.
urusername2
Yes, we are!
GratuaCuun
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1MWhwc2hsMzlldGQ2MGtlcTZiYzZlOXMyMzBnd2tyaTY3dHpncWpmZyZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/GIV1fwmhvNV8rjdiaJ/200w.webp
LazyUsername99
I once was at a convention and at 2 AM me and my boys were trying to find a place to finish a card game because the game room was closing down. A cute girl told me she was working the con and had a big single room that was empty and invited me to play in there. I yelled up to my boys who were walking ahead of me that I found somewhere we could finish the game.
I was married (and still am, thank god.)
RozzySequali
I would have send her a message going "I checked, it wasn't my pen"
LjubljanaJeNajlepseMestoNaSvetu
Sounds to me like she did the dumb thing.
IDownvoteKhaby
Yes, but for every story about a man not picking up a signal there's probably ten more about a man who who mistook politeness for romantic interest.
GravyEducation
The note was inside the pen... but concealed through three clockwork mechanisms which you must solve with the Fibonacci sequence and only then can you get her number
NoneOfYoBiseniss
Yeah, chicks already starting off as high maintenance, hard pass.
meganical
I did something similar to get my first boyfriend. I wrote my phone number a bunch on a piece of paper and asked him to throw something out for me. He stood at the trash can for a REALLY long time before asking me if I did it on purpose
TheWombatStrikesAgain
...and then there's the other type of guy, who gets ten no's, five fuck off's, and one load of bear mace in the face, and ends up thinking she's just playing hard to get.
We are a weird species.
Garwoodxx
Not universal, but most men are oblivious. The arrogant and aggressive ones can’t recognize other people’s signals because they are blinded by their own perceptions. They also don’t understand that “No means No”. Regular men generally don’t pick up on subtleties, or don’t want to be jerks, or may be feigning ignorance, or have been wrong before and don’t want to be embarrassed again , etc. there are a million reasons.
Xenarion
I remember a compilation of "subtle signs" women gave that were missed, and one of them was "eye contact". NO SHIT IT WAS MISSED!
SilverFoxChaser
I've been accused of being innapropriate before(amicably) so I just stopped seeing anything other than 'I want to go out with you' as a sign of interest.
BlueIceDragon
I wouldn't blame the men for not recognizing a trojan horse-ass form of delivery of display of interest. Just be more direct ffs lol.
FinancialRavioli
This reads like a high school exchange. No one is direct in high school lest you get mocked.
OnyxTurret
We men also catch a lot of flack if we mistake kindness of friendliness for flirting. Damned if we do, damned if we don't.
Xenarion
Yeah, different women have different indicators of what's flirting and what's being friendly. Better to avoid making someone uncomfortable.
NoneOfYoBiseniss
Yup, we are either stupid for not or stupid for, zero sum game when it comes to a chicks mind.
iusedtodream
Yeah. Chicks, man. Babes. Girls. Skirts. Tail. Anything but a human being.
NoneOfYoBiseniss
This is why we refer to them as chicks, they literally sound like chicks, even this kid knows. /gallery/thats-boy-s1Aau10
NoneOfYoBiseniss
You forgot Drama Queens.
GentryFriedRichFillets
All of my serious relationships started because a woman was fed up and got direct. Two asked to sit on my lap. One said, "we should hang out sometime... give me your phone and I will put my number in it."
Roune
I had the phone one happen to me once. I was super fucking high at the time and made an ass of myself reeeaaally bad. After she put her number in my phone and handed it back to me it got really quiet and awkward and my high ass brain was like “holy shit. Badass beautiful girl is maybe hitting on you. Do something!” So I said out loud “I’m way too high for this” and got up and went outside for a cigarette
Xenarion
To be fair, that is a good reaction. Don't make that kind of decision when high or drunk, and don't pressure someone who is. Come back when you're both sober.
Roune
Unfortunately I way overthought and over analyzed the whole thing in my head for days and came to the conclusion that she probably thought I was an idiot/asshole for saying/doing that and told myself she didn’t want me to text or call her after making an ass of myself.
brandonblk
if men make the first move it could be considered creepy and then we get put on a sex offender list
CorvidPrime
That’s nothing… In college I literally had a girl pose nude for me and did not pick up that she was interested. How I ever managed to get girlfriends and eventually a wife is still a mystery to me…
cowgoesmoo1
My chem lab partner came over to study. After a while she grabs her neck and says "My neck has a kink. Could you give it a rub?" "Sure." She undoes the top buttons of her blouse and pulls it down to her elbows then slips her bra straps off her shoulders. I'm standing behind her, rubbing her neck and shoulders with her cleavage wide open before me. After 10 minutes of rubbing, I'm like "OK! Feeling better? Yeah? Back to the books." A week later it finally sinks in. "YOU... IDIOT!!!"
FinancialRavioli
Did she propose this as building her portfolio as an aspiring model? Or did she suggest without prompting that you should practice your skills on her?
CorvidPrime
She wasn’t a model, and I wasn’t a professional or aspiring photographer.
1n10didPun
Umm... No. It's inappropriate for someone to use that as a means of showing interest, or to read into it. It needs to stay safe for anyone who is serving as a model, or else you don't have models, and do have a lot of unsafe people.
CorvidPrime
Yeah, I agree. Except I am not a professional photographer… She was doing this solely for my enjoyment.
gablestout
Did you at least draw her like one of your French girls?
OmgOptimized
It's a good cue for you to start using your words, but also it doesn't really pass the gender swap test.
Godryc
Me: "Why would she give me a pen?" "She probably thinks I am her personal trashcan."
causality
Yeah you'll stop calling that kind of caution dumb once you call it very wrong in the other direction.
fractalsphere
Men is too headache
JAPONfan
Wait for that moment of revelation, eight years after the event, when you realize that that girl didn't get naked and went under your blanket because she was cold.
pocsaclypse
samanthadlcruz
By then your kids are starting 3rd grade.
JAPONfan
I'm not that bright. They don't even are old enough to go to kindergarten
holyshitcandybar
When I was flirting with my very good male friend, I asked him if he wanted to help me find the horseshoe crab carapace I had lost in my garage. He didn't know that I was flirting.
We're together now, thanks to the concerted effort of three mutual friends who essentially smashed us together because we were both too stupid to know that the feelings were mutual.
davebarton315101
If a girl in high school did that to me, I’d be discovering it about now, sixty years later.
Niixiie
I said "how are you". She said "Ok. Trying to figure out hot to ask this guy out." So I said "eh. Just go for it. What's the worst that can happen."
And then I just....left. I was all the way home before I figured it out.
OmgOptimized
She didn't actually do it though.
Xenarion
If anything, she gave the signal she was interested in someone else.
Niixiie
I don't blame her. Soon as she realized I had no idea what was happening, she probably aborted the mission hahahahaha
doobiedoobop
Honestly that's just bad flirting.
TerribleAwful
the penis mightier than the sword
DukeDarkwood
djguydan
+1
afatality
not now
nullbr
the penis needs a nap now, be back in 40 minutes
UnoriginalPieceOfRepeatingShit
What's so hard about just coming out and saying "I think we should fuck"? Why resort to cold war spy tactics?
FBNMcCloud
Yeah this is completely unhinged behavior from the girl.
gablestout
You've never had a girl want to make it very clear that she's interested in you but still want you to make the first move?
FBNMcCloud
Yes? But that isn't what this is. By giving the phone number you are in effect making the first move - just doing it is such a crazy way that you risk alienating the person involved.
gablestout
You're not making the first move. You're enabling the first move. And I don't know how you could say you risk alienating that person. They don't even know you yet. I've seen tons of different ways a girl who wants to be asked out or hook up will do so. And doing it in a way where nobody faces an in-person rejection is perfectly normal behavior. And doing it in a sly way that isn't as overt as literally handing them your number in front of the world is style points, not cringe.
FBNMcCloud
Well sorry, I just flat disagree.
BlindGardener
Because our culture sucks.
MeowMachine12
I mean, maybe word it a little differently than that, my dude but I get your intent.
CJAW
Because the idea of being rejected publicly and face to face can be scary
Xenarion
Yeah instead it's subtle hints to get the other to face the risks of rejection by themselves.
afatality
males weren't allowed to show affection in public, so we dont learn or except to receive it
BoatsNGoats
Irrelevant to the situation
TheWombatStrikesAgain
Also men are socialised to be the active part in flirting, and have trouble registering and dealing with the situation when they're suddenly in the passive role. Yes, even the ones who'd want women to be more active.
applesforjuice
I've interpreted it wrong before, I just won't do that. It's not fair to women to completely put it in their court but for me, that's my policy. I don't read social cues well if at all, I'd rather miss infinite opportunities than make one person feel unsafe. Unfortunately women think I'm uninterested because in their experience, men keep pushing and going after them no matter what. Getting one hint wrong is not worth the risk. So I say what I mean and need the same.
Shoutrr
and it's dangerous to try to express it because it could be perceived as creepy (and there's real creepy dudes that made it hard for the rest of us)
afatality
its why i try to be both Mitch Hedberg and every Dr. Who actor.
SploogeMcDuck316
Damned if you think every girl being nice to you is flirting. Damned if you think every girl flirting is being nice.
FluidExchangeProgram
*accept
afatality
no "plan to receive"
afatality
expect dyslexia hit
afatality
*this whole chain is more examples of single-ness*
thedarklord187
Expect **
Septcanmat
Expecto patronum
redsmerf
It's not that we're dumb, it's just that's a very roundabout way to ask someone out
happyrabbitzz
redsmerf
...okay, fair. It's probably both.
Namotatop
This. Going "Oh, men are so dense!" at this is just sexism.
TorrentialUpPour
Right? Hiding a note in a pen is dumb. You're not shipwrecked and floating a message to the mainland, just talk to a human being you like.
MasterChristopher
We all have different weaknesses. Talking like a normal person happens to be one of mine.
TorrentialUpPour
I hear you, but point blank: if you can't have an open conversation with the person you want to date, then you lack the communication skills for a successful relationship. I don't know if you're anxious, or putting them on a pedestal, or what, but that needs to be corrected first before you can have a functional/healthy relationship.
CJAW
I absolutely would not be with my wife right now if she hadn't made the first move.
clashatdemonhed
Yup. I was sitting in the basement watching a movie with her and she was like, so, we gonna make out or what, and now we are married
sjs9702
I required an email from a mutual friend stating that my now wife liked me and would say yes if I asked her out. She was blind cc'd on that email. We've been together since '99.
CulpaScintilla
I like to somehow imagine that friend is still involved in your spousal dynamics. "Email Subject: ITS BEEN 27 YEARS YOU CAN TELL HER YOU'RE FEELING FRISKY YOURSELF FFS"
imgonnaralph
I feel like the only reason I've had any romantic relationships is because she made the first move
ExTechOp
Same here, we've been now together for 45+ years.
RitzBitz25
Yup I made the first move to talk to my now husband
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
Same. And for the majority of my relationships before that, too.
420supercoolusername69
Same lmao
jayman0123
ditto
MonsoonGibby
Lots of people here agreeing with you, myself included. It's almost as if this is a community of socially awkward/inept people.
Wapusk
Me too.
Rodville
Mine did the same. Asked me out directly after I missed a few hints she dropped for me.
AnythingMuchShorter
My wife flirted with me a lot before we dated and I always thought she was making fun of me.
SilverFoxChaser
lol Every relationship I've been in was initiated by the other person.
DefinitelyaHumanNotanAlien
Username does not check out
CJAW
Just because they're chasing them doesn't mean they're making the first move
SilverFoxChaser
Isn't that stalking?
CJAW
You tell me, it's your user name we're talking about
WhatTheFrench
I was once in a relationship where we both expected the other to initiate stuff and were both frustrated that stuff wasn’t happening. We were both 18 so being dumb was par for the course. I don’t know how we started dating but he broke up with me because I didn’t put out and I was like “you literally never even expressed interest” and he was like “why should I have to do that?!”. So confusing lol.
FinancialRavioli
Same. It is well established that I was and continue to be, a dumb dumb head.
darkninja2992
I'm not attractive enough for someone to make the first move. As such fate has deemed my bloodline ends with me
zFUBARz
My friend, I'm nothing to write home about, but I pretty much never made the first move. Granted I am apparently very flirty. I am of course oblivious that I do that too though. Luckily my now wife knew and still knows that so doesn't take offense when I do it inadvertently still.
cannibl4
Beauty resides in the soul. Stay open to magic
darkninja2992
What kind of magic? I don't want to dabble in nonsense like lovepotions. And i really don't need to recreate the movie "obsession"
CJAW
I think they meant Magic: The Gathering. I've heard tournaments are a good place to meet members of the opposite sex. Or same sex, if that's what you prefer. One way it another, I've definitely heard something about people that play Magic: The Gathering and having sex.
darkninja2992
As a guy, i do love nerd girls, but TCGs are an expensive hobby, i got out of yugioh when i was young, i don't need to go back
ActionJohnnie
I also choose this guys wife’s first move.
ArchSchnitz
My wife messaged me after our first date to ask what her chance of getting a second *date* was, because I left our first date without making a move and she wanted to make sure I knew I was on a *date.* Look, we met up at 6PM, we got dinner, we walked, we got drinks, we walked more, we wound up at an all-night diner having coffee and I dropped her at her car at 4AM. I didn't make moves because we'd been together 10 hours and she had a babysitter! I was being "decent!"
FraudulentPepsi
You probably should have got her back to the babysitter sooner. I'll bet they had her parents super worried.
ArchSchnitz
I think it was her mom, actually.
nastypooper
I hope the babysitter had non-alcoholic drinks
zFUBARz
I mean dude. A girl asked me to a movie, we went to a dessert place after. Talked for hours in the car. And then like 3 days later unrealized it was a date. Granted it was high school, but it's a totally valid question by your wife.
elbowdeepinawhateverthatis
She had a babysitter until 4 am?! Damn, that’s a stone-cold professional right there.
ArchSchnitz
I think it was her mother...
IHaveGreatKittenRecipes
I used to babysit the neighbour kids as a teenager and what it really meant was watching them till they fell asleep and then eating all the snacks they said I was allowed before crashing out on their couch to TV shows I wasn't allowed to watch at home. 0400 was perfectly acceptable in my book!
elbowdeepinawhateverthatis
Stone. Cold. Professional.
mksu
The jokes about how oblivious men are roughly the same as jokes about how oblivious lesbians are. I wonder if there's a common factor...
MrGhostbuster
People aren't oblivious, generally speaking. The problem is that everyone flirts or shows interest differently. Most men have mistaken platonic friendliness and have been burned by that mistake. So a lot of men eventually adopt a "better safe than sorry" view on flirting/social interaction.
Bonnedad
100% don’t want to misinterpret, so do nothing
TychoTheMad
Pretty women make brain go smooth.
GravyEducation
No I'm doesn't
cousteau
Flannel shirts?
SmeesNotVeryGoodTwin
I once saw a woman on IG giving pickup advice such as, "Just give them a look. You know, a *look.*" And I thought, "Oh... they have no game whatsoever." Like, women collectively statted wrong and instead of actually picking men up, they put points into making men think we're dumb for not decoding their ciphers.
SmeesNotVeryGoodTwin
Like the above example could have just said, "You dropped this" and handed him her phone number. That's a pick-up. Don't give me a freaking D&D puzzle.
JAPONfan
GravyEducation
rossimus
Honestly, reading this I thought it was a lesbian until the twist at the end.
Xenarion
I was just about to say that.
ExecutiveProducerWolfDyck
Women are inherently inclined towards subterfuge. It's the driving force behind the entire "truecrime" economy.
IPoisonedDorcasMutton
As a transbian myself (mostly), yeah I am in fact dumb as a fucking brick when it comes to romantic interest. Of my current 6 poly women I'm dating, four of them had to bonk me over the head with the fact that they were interested.
NZSheeps
Lesbians are obviously men....
Intentionallysapphic
No, I can confirm I am absolutely not a man. Sorry to burst your bubble.
Xenarion
I would like to laugh, but I've seen too many variants of people thinking this unironically.
DukeDarkwood
I am pretty sure there are over 41,000 Lesbian men somewhere in the eastern Mediterranean. But that's something else entirely.
Rathan5
*nods* liking pussy gives you brain damage
RtheWitch
CannonFolder
Ah, yes, the effects of Toxoplasma gondii are.... Wait, wrong pussy.
Rathan5
SavageDrums
Worth it.
Rathan5
mksu
Rathan5
Tarmaccian
I was going to argue against you, but I’m too brain-damaged to think of a counterpoint.
nobletrex
It’s my fault, I was hogging the shared brain cell.
Rathan5
fastjeff
Rathan5