DumpingSh1tandBeingKind2
106659
1538
45
Aug 31, 2023 2:15 PM
DumpingSh1tandBeingKind2
106659
1538
45
eggmuffin
Him: "Honey, how big do you want the burger?" Her: "How much did the baby weigh?"
MrKomisiripala
You know whay women need after giving birth? Whatever tf they want.
MarshmallowFluffernutterPie
It ain't called labor for how easy it is!
PerpetuityPhoto
I mean... yeah. I get it. You just blew a bajillion calories pushing a bowling ball out your cooch. That'd work up an appetite in ANYONE.
BookCreaseOnFace
Plus the milk factory just went into double overtime.
romylys6514
I couldn't eat anything during labor. I had to wait until after my daughter was born. The hospital had a McDonald's. The first visitors I had asked why my newborn had sesame seeds in her hair.
SwampApe75
gonna need a bigger burger
eastend666
She looks pretty good for someone who just gave birth.
thewickedmessenger
My wife wanted sushi and martinis. We had sushi delivered and I brought martini fixin's. It was fine dining in the recovery room.
Misora
A lady in the ward with me did sushi too. I waited a couple of weeks but I'd been on a *super* restricted diet for the last 2 months were pretty much all I could eat was grilled chicken salads and cheese (low carb/low antioxidant diet). Once I was allowed to eat I killed some blueberry pancakes.
Misora
I'm diabetic and I ate so much fresh fruits, veggies, and herb teas he started to get a heart condition from excessive antioxidant intake so they said essentially no veggies other than cucumbers or lettuce. But also no breads, grains, potatoes etc. I called my maternity dietician and her comment was "Wow. I'm sorry." I was her 4th patient on that diet in her 20 year career.
dorklordsickus
Can confirm wife wanted Whataburger after the baby was born. God thing they are open 24/7 mostly
OhIfIMust
icouldntthinkofabetterusername2
*CHOMP* “Whoops, wrong hand.”
BabiesAreGreatMedRare
My time has come.
Zipperkiller
Genderbent Terrare
Aldante92
Terraria
jokexplainer
Damn…. Came back from next image to laugh and upvote
Shaows
NecroNikolai13
I want my baby back baby back baby back... ribs.
desolatorx
"hmm, not bad.."
MADFOX
Lmao.. +1
ElbowDeepinaTinyOctopus
It would be an easy myth-take.
thedudeman519
Francisco Goya for anyone wondering Saturn devouring his son
thedudeman519
missojennie
Lampmonster
"California Cheeseburger" according to Chief Wiggum.
bardock
darkninja2992
Hmm, tastes like veal
onelandlubber
Iwilltryandmakeajokeofit
BeaverOnFire
CaptainMilkshake
Sheateababy…. No other way to take that comment.
TurtleBrawler
shea tea baby
CaptainMilkshake
I believe it’s citi field tea baby, now. That’s some nerdy ass shit, right there.
RadiDaddy
Sheateababyitsaboy.
tinydog
Classic!
poppinfresh1988
Bob. They had a baby. It's a boy.
echoawoo
Excuse me, sir. His name is Bob Hadababy-Itsaboy.
guardian19d
A whopper prolly got her pregnant to begin with.
putcleverusernamehere
Shaows
She was willing to negotiate for it.
CaptainMilkshake
She had it her way….
Shaows
Animal style. Wait, wrong franchise.
Merdock
wiserita
This comment is weird and I give it an 8.5/10.
counterintel
Burger king isn't the only one getting sued over size claims...*cries softly*
HIVp0sit1ve69
Eiladar
That's how the Dairy Queen got pregnant. Burger King didn't wrap his Whopper properly.
Cloudblanket
I hear you can also get impregnated by 5 Guys
KiopMiko
Worked for your mom.
TheLastBeerBender
One-handing a whopper is impressive in itself.
APunchToThePuss
Definitely wife material.
Rhianmnop
Personally I think it’s harder than one handing a newborn. After my kids were all born I was incredibly hungry and ready to eat. I think after first child I ate a grilled ham and cheese sandwich with fries after my second I ate a couple of jimmy johns Pepe’s after my twins I don’t remember because I had a c section and was so dopey that I could’ve eaten anything.
rightinthekisser
Uhm. It was a triplet. You really forgot you ate one of them?
Rhianmnop
Hey man nature does what nature does and must’ve known I couldn’t handle 3.
keelindsey
She just pushed a kid out of a hole that a finger is too big for. I think she can handle the whopper.
tmphillips11
I would guess that is not her first child or she is a natural.
Thewayofthebear
..... phrasing
DaNylz
I ordered pizza to the delivery room when my wife was 12 hrs into labour. After giving birth ~5 hrs later, she ate the remaining ⅓ of it.
jhelen8462
After 9 months of nausea and not wanting to eat anything, the INSTANT I gave birth to each of mine I could have eaten an entire late-night-diner menu. That first plate of french toast and then (baby 2) a chicken sandwich with cheese and mayo. 8 and 11 years later I still haven't forgotten how good those meals were.
jhelen8462
Enjoy that burger, lady. You freaking earned it.
DrewK98
Showed this to my wife. She said, "Smart woman." I said, "No: Smart husband."
Hongonee
SlutAtNight
It’s because our stomachs are now not being compressed by an almost 11lb baby who was completely overdue, and had to be kicked out via induction
nero4ty2
After our 3rd kid was born after 20+ hours of labor my wife told me to go get a crave case from white castle, I think i got 3 of them
SageSalven
I ate an entire papa johns pizza. I've never even eaten half . . .
fractalsphere
My friends wife went straight to sushi and wine. She was NOT kidding around. ;)
The22ndDoctor
"If a man can drive safely while kissing me he’s not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” Anon, circa 1923
Nickelbackfat
Ahh yes. ALL the food after giving birth! Hours after having my first a familiar face appeared at my door. It was a friend from college who was now the hospital dietitian and saw my name on his list. He sent me extra food and treats on my trays during my stay. I never wanted to leave!
Dabnoot
If one is going in for a C-section, the drugs that numb also stop the intestinal movement, and thus best not to eat a ton of stuff immediately after as whatever is already in the intestines is just sitting there not moving, just rotting and off-gassing. My wife was begging her body to produce a bowel movement.
ilasid
After a c-section, they also don’t let you leave until you poop.
TCGView
She just pushed a child out of her body. The least you can do is get her a Whopper!
TexMexHex
My wife wanted a chicken salad sandwich when she was done. Her brother said he would go. He brought her a chicken sandwich. She said, "But i wanted a chicken salad sandwich." He pointed out there was a slice of tomato and whole leaf lettuce. Thus the running joke of a chicken AND salad sandwhich was born.
Baron29
Was her brother buried or cremated?
zimirken
My wife was emotionally devastated that I drank her orange juice while she was asleep after giving birth. Never mind that she could ask for another one immediately. It's now a running joke.
Yermamma
You're lucky to be alive.
hannahbutnotreally
I had a four massive sushi rolls and didn't share a single piece. All for mommy.
HaikuSorrow
Huh! In Australia that is what a Chicken salad sandwich would be salad (lettuce tomato cheese beetroot carrot etc) with shredded cooked chicken. I was so confused. :)
CongratsYouAreHereNow
Watch the Alec Baldwin episode of comedians in cars getting coffee. Funny lines about chicken salad sandwich
Thewayofthebear
Oh, get awayyy
CongratsYouAreHereNow
What?
Thewayofthebear
It's off one of his cars and coffee. He had to play an upper class English homosexual in a play.
AwashiMaster11
I think the top food asked after labor is usually a Turkey sandwich. Don't know why but it is often a favorite go to. Probably because they couldn't have it for 40 weeks
DeadeicPrints
Er, what is a chicken salad sandwich? Do you just put a chicken salad on a sandwich? Is that a salad with chicken in it or a salad made of chicken?
HyggeDimsen
Also known as chicken-mayo in same places, I think.
Dagordae
Finely shredded/chopped chicken, mayonnaise, celery, onion, and assorted other vegetables/fruits/nuts and spices depending on the local variation.
Rhythmaster
Chopped cooked chicken, mayo, green onions, black pepper. It's so damn good.
TexMexHex
This. This was his thought process 100%
garpolky
Chicken salad, tuna salad, egg salad, ham salad, potato salad, and pasta salad are all basically the same. Thing+Mayonnaise+Pickles (optional)+Spices(optional)
manyslayer
I wonder if it is a regional thing but to me pasta salad is usually Italian dressing while macaroni salad is mayonnaise based.
LAMovieDesign
Never heard of ham salad before but I just looked it up and it looks pretty delicious to me.
eeps
It's kinda salty, but it's pretty tasty.
Watersample
It's more like tuna salad but with chicken.
OhIfIMust
And it's freaking delicious.
DeadeicPrints
Ooooh. So the chicken is the salad not just an ingredient. And what he brought was a sandwich with a piece of chicken, not shreds of it. I get it now.
itsallaboutthecones
The important part to remember is it has nothing to do with actual salad.
NunyaBizness
And the chicken is from the sea
OhIfIMust
I have a few questions about buffalo wings...
NunyaBizness
I know, right!? those little wings won't support a buffalo !!
AnxiaTeaDD
I remember after giving birth to my first, my son, I was SOOO hungry after. I’m pretty petite and I gave birth to a 9lb 3oz boy. I remember all I wanted was a Round Table Pizza, so my sister and cousin went and got me a medium sized supreme with garlic twists. I ate almost half of it by myself. That was 12 years ago and it was the best goddamn pizza I’ve ever had.
MsladyRiver
And you deserved every slice of it!
minizeries
My friend brought me my favourite pizza from the local indie joint as soon as the baby was out. I literally was eating pizza while they were weighing him; it was amazing. She's amazing.
AnxiaTeaDD
Right?! Was it not the best thing ever?! Also, that’s a good friend:)
pareidoliaperson
I mean you had suddenly all this empty space to fill.
realizedagain
That's impressive because Round Table is cardboard with some sort of zombie cheese on it.
brainkandle1
How dare ye! Round Table is the cat's pajamas!
realizedagain
Maybe it's different here in SF but it's hysterically bad here.
realizedagain
Goddamn I fucked that sentence up badly
AnxiaTeaDD
In the Central Valley area of CA it’s pretty bomb. Most food is here. I was torn between the pizza or carne asada tacos from this super ghetto little taco place. Also, it could’ve been cardboard with zombie cheese and I still would’ve eaten it like it was the best pizza ever. I was fucking starving.
RueandWoe
I had a c-section so I couldn't eat the first 24 after giving birth. I was out of it and just generally "ugh". But once they had verified everything was working appropriately, I remember the nurses being insistent on Eating. Basically:" eat whatever you want. Do not worry about calories, fat, whatever. Eat. "and this was a hospital with good food. Great hamburger, shake and fries XD.
MeowMachine12
Is not eating for 24 hours after a C-section the norm?
ohhhmyyyGLOB
My SIL has had three C sections and we've brought her dinner same day the last couple times. Sounds like this person may have had some extra precautions taken (you poor hungry thing!!)
Gwenx
Maybe not, i prop depends on the situation? My best friend got twins by C-section, she didnt even see them untill 24+ hours later, she also could not eat. But she also had a complicated pregnancy, and was herself sick. We saw her and the girls after a week. Again depends on the situation i think ^^
Acc87
A friend just gave birth after like 12 hours in labour. She said the simple rye-bread, butter and cheese sandwich afterwards was the tastiest thing she's ever eaten.
AnxiaTeaDD
Mmm carbs:) yea after I had my boy, that’s all I wanted was something with bread and smothered in cheese.
IExplainJokesThatNeedNoExplanation
Mmmm rye bread
Merdock
I've never thought about it before, but it kind of makes sense that a woman would be super hungry after delivery. If my wife got pregnant and had a kid, I'd be getting her anything she wanted... Well almost anything.
aintnothinbutahounddog28
Yes many hours of INSANELY intensive physical labor during which you can't eat can tend to make one hungry. Not sure what *kind of* makes sense about it. 'Kind of' carries the implication that there are various reasons why it wouldn't make sense...
Merdock
I only meant that it was something I had not thought about before the post. I meant no offense by saying "kind of". I don't mean to imply that there are various reasons why it wouldn't make sense.
Crazyaussiecanadian
As a farmer I can tell you most animals eat and eat and eat after giving birth. There's suddenly a whole lot more room for food and they haven't eaten much for the previous few days.
howwouldyoudescribeyourself
This! The room is ... unsettling first, then awesome. And the hunger after giving birth is unreal.
AltF4EwingsSarcoma
They don't want you to eat when delivering a baby in case they need to put you under general anesthesia in an emergency. Wife was in labor 14 hours and had ice chips all day. I got her dumplings from her favorite place and had them ready to go.
HelpfulCorn
Fucking sucks. I had a 26 hour labor and was starving. At least they brought me a good breakfast after
naley23
Oohhh I’ll ask my husband for some food. I’m less than 2 weeks away from delivering our baby!
moocowincog
have food ready to snarf down on the drive to the hospital. that's what my wife did on our 2nd kid and she said it was a really smart decision.
AnxiaTeaDD
Oh wow how exciting! Yes, think of what ur gonna want after baby comes because it’s like the most hungry feeling ur ever gonna feel and then the most satisfying meal you’ll ever have after eating.
naley23
Thanks! I’ll have to think about it because food cravings are all over the place.
naley23
Thanks! I’ll have to think about it because food cravings are all over the place.
AnxiaTeaDD
You’ll know exactly what it is you want right after:) after I had my son I KNEW I needed that specific pizza. Before that I could hardly think of food because of all the heartburn. But after he was born I was like “oh finally! I can eat/drink without immediately feeling like I’m gonna barf!”
reallynotbob
That baby looks weird.
Whitemannatee
I was leaning towards baby seal.
reallynotbob
Omg that actually IS a baby. I absolutely thought it was a shaggy small dog. I’m a dork.
twatburglar
They are super strict about no eating during labor. I was induced at 8am on a Thursday, didn't give birth until 5:15am the next day. Then they didn't get me breakfast until 9:30am. You get fucking hungry after all that work.
TheDouche
They want less poop coming out.
twatburglar
No, they don't care about that, trust me. It's more about if you have to have a C-section. If you need to be intubated. They can't chance you having food come up and have you choke on it.
moocowincog
here's the video I'm referencing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coVCp2xqspQ&ab_channel=MamaDoctorJones
brobinson2001
Hard pass on trusting a doctor that has time to do YouTube videos. Trusting YouTube videos is how we got anti-vaxx, anti-mask COVID deniers. Post the study, not the video of someone's opinion.
moocowincog
Recent studies suggest that all those precautions are largely unnecessary these days, and common medical practice hasn't caught up to the data yet. In fact, having famished mothers in itself is a risk factor.
twatburglar
Wish they would have told me that 6mo ago and 20mo ago.