Your Cat Tax Refund Has Arrived!

Your Cat Tax Refund Has Arrived!

Well, hello there, Imgurians. I’m J. Catford Meowington the Third, with the Internet Revenue Service. We’re conducting a pawdit on eBay’s account, and it appears that eBay has overpaid on their cat taxes for 2015. I meowed with the eBay team and they decided to share their refund with you. Check it out below! Or don’t. I don’t care, I’m a cat.

Space: The Final Feline Frontier

We at the Internet Revenue Service have heard that you guys have a thing for cats in space. I consider it a great tribute to the feline species; we’re destined to conquer the universe, after all. You know, when we feel like it.

This is perhaps the epitome of excellent space cat wear; it’s like that wolves howling at the moon shirt, but way better because cats rule and dogs drool. I might just buy one to wear for casual Friday in the office.

Gotta Collect Em All

Have you played Neko Atsume? It’s the best mobile game ever. It consists of decorating your digital home and yard with cat toys and food, then watching cats come play and eat. It truly sums up the nature of the feline-human relationship. If you can’t get enough of your digital cat friends, pick up a Neko Atsume plush doll. My personal favorite is Tubbs, the cat who eats all of the remaining food in your bowl and then lays next to it, too stuffed to move. He is living the dream.

Here’s One For The Human Who Loves Cats A Little Too Much

Cats are clearly the most majestic species in the world, and most humans recognize this. The humans who achieve complete and total devotion to cats are known as Cat Ladies. If you know one such priestess, you should get her a cat lady figure in recognition... and maybe check on her once and a while to make sure she’s okay.

Banking On Your Cat’s Fame

Behind every famous cat is their human owner, looking to earn a buck. It might be cynical, but it’s true. We cats don’t mind; we prefer to be worshipped by as many humans as possible. If you’d like to learn the secrets to internet stardom, you should read How To Make Your Cat An Internet Celebrity: A Guide To Financial Freedom. I have to tell you, though, as a professional financial advisor, I highly recommend you spend all incoming funds on your cat.

Cultivate An Appreciation For The Arts

I’m about to tell you a huge Hollywood secret: every great film is a remake of something cats thought of first. It’s true. There’s The Purrtrix, One Meow Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, and Feline’s 9 ½ Lives. Case in point: this rare promotional t-shirt for hit film Purrassic Park, a dramatic look at splicing dinosaur DNA with cat. Well, there it is.

Maximize Your Cat’s Output

The most popular thing humans ask me is, “will you please get off the counter?” The second most popular is, “how can I take advantage of my cat’s deductions to maximize my return?” It’s a great question. As a cat, I can tell you that we shed a lot. You probably dump all of the fur you lovingly brush off your cat, but that’s a complete waste. If you read Crafting With Cat Hair, you’ll learn how to utilize your cat’s hair to make some quality crafts. You can try selling said crafts online or at artisanal home goods stores. They also make really uncomfortable gifts for family and friends. Waste not, want not!

Hmm, Now That The Humans Are Gone…

AH! I didn’t notice you’re still here. Um, I’m not looking at naked cats. I mean hairless cats! Hairless. It’s totally natural. Uhhh. Just check out these hairless cat prints if you don’t believe me. Also, please don’t tell my wife.

Professional Cat Tax

What, you want a cat tax on a post about cat taxes? Fine, here are links to your upvote and downvote cat tax gifs. We will count it toward eBay’s 2016 cat return. It’s been a pleasure working with you. Pardon me while I knock all of the glasses off your counter and sleep on your keyboard. Also, this never happened.