GwensBackOnHerBS
19967
615
33
#transmemes
May 30, 2026 6:06 AM
GwensBackOnHerBS
19967
615
33
#transmemes
Rosenaa
As my lovly child says. "It is okay that you sometimes forget, when you correct your self in the same sentence.. It is when you don't give a shite I feel un-loved"... So the Q. are... Do You Love Your children or Not ??
Whoisthisdoctorwho2000
Awww, I still get a little tripped up with the correct way to refer to baby photos and stuff. Check this for a headcannon, we're what you might call "immigrant stock" and have by chance and wedding rings ended up back in the "old country" which prompted the cousins to do some genealogy research... My trans daughter has taken her great grandmothers name... completely by coincidence!!
MrCheesebiscuit
OOF! Wow, that's a burn, love it.
CyberHexx
Gaslight deadnamers. I like it.
yifin
I just like lying, so it's nice when I can do it with a clear conscience
BananaForScaIe
Like when I tell a Cybertruck driver "Nice box!"?
LadyNetrex
Fucking love that!
Rosenaa
I - when I can hear that I'm about to forget my daughters name I do the same as my Father did (He chronicly did not remember names) and just call her Honey, duckling or similar :-)
PoliticalWanderer
teamsloth
colderfish
It's hard for family, especially if they choose a very different name. My cousin changed from Diana to Logan. I've been extra careful, but deadname is in my mind and it's taking a while for Logan to be the norm. On the other hand, my friends kid went from Lea to Leo. I don't think I ever thought twice. And presentation helps for us old people. My other cousin is m2f and she's really never changed her looks, maybe occasional makeup, but looks exactly the same. But all get tons of support
Ceomin
I don't speak for everyone, but most of us will understand an error done when getting used to it if they correct themselves, but just using the deadname and that's it is when it gets bad.
colderfish
Well, we appreciate the leniency. :). What I can say for certain is that every single friend and family member who has transitioned has been *noticeably* happier and seems more comfortable. Plus, those who support them have even found a secondary bond with other family who support them. People I'd never have expected to be friends with suddenly standing up for the same person is really kind of amazing. So, you've probably made a difference in many lives for the better without realizing it. :)
JasonWaterfaIIs
That's disgusting, treat your mother with some goddamn respect, no-one has "died"
teamsloth
I respect you probably have kids that won't come over for Christmas.
Ceomin
Respect is a two-way street ya know. The mother does not seem interested in giving any, so why should she receive any?
SirButcher
Or maybe treat your offspring with respect, first... Between the parents and the children the parents made the decision to have children, so they should be the one who turn toward their children with respect.
NotTheMamaNotTheMama
Why?
AreYouABadPerson
No. Fuck that. If they're going to be a shithead and deadname their own child after a DECADE it's time they treat their child with some god damn respect. Your parents, and family as a whole, EARN respect the same as anyone else.
newsguycraigevans
Whatdoyousaytoanicecupoftea
You know...putting died in quotation marks kind of defeats the purpose of your microscopic rant
FrankRizzo55
no one died either
AbsolutelyNotBacon
Respect has to be earned and can be lost.
Nofoxlefttogive
My neighbor proudly told me that she cut off her trans son. I asked her why and her stupid answer was "why didn't they say anything about it when they were little" ??? I told her her reaction might have been anticipated, or he might have been unable to articulate it. She and her roommate turned out to be Maga, so we were fated to be enemies. I wish I could contact him, I would have him over every holiday+.
Alektrauniccountermeasures
Yes, my friend is dead, you murdered them; and you want me to be happy for you. On an intellectual level I can do that, in the memory of my dead friend. But on an emotional level I miss my dead friend a lot.
Mikeiller
People change as they grow. It's not just a trans thing. Sometimes it's hard to admit that a person you know isn't the same person that you were once friends with it's okay to still miss them, even if they look like they're right there.
FrankRizzo55
But... she's alive and speaking
Oatmealman1
Is dead naming when someone calls a trans person by their previous name?
VitaminJay
Correct.
For my RL friend, we say 'This arrived for your brother, who died mysteriously upon the moors...'.
slack3rdav3
correct
Zetor
ReallyOG
It’s just sleeping
Zetor
Pining for the fjords?
Minsi
Shit's hard as balls. My friend of 19 years transitioned last year and my stupid fucking head is sometimes unable to establish connection to the new name when I speak to him. He's super cool about it for now atleast but I worry about how it makes him feel if I fuck up publicly say a year from now..
Arenlor
Being open with your friend about said concern would help.
Volirus
My mother still messes up my brothers and my name on many occasions. Names we have never changed, names she picked out herself. 40 years later and in panicky situations she still gets it wrong.
Markuspsyches
Same I'll hear "Sister's name", "Other Sister's name", "Dog's name". "Previous {dead} dog's name", before finally "Mine name"
ItWasntSupposedToBeThisWay
Are we related? My mom does that all the time.
LoonyBoBdammitwhotookmyname
I'm honestly bad at it too, mostly with pronouns rather than names. I always (I think!) correct myself quickly but it's really embarrassing because I swear I'm the only friend in our group that struggles with this. Nobody else slips up.
bamblebimble
Even years after ive seen people fuck up for their own genders or names. So I think it's understandable as long as you correct the mistake and apologize.
cuttlefishsticks
I think the vast majority of trans folks have plenty of understanding for accidental slip-ups and mistakes. When you've known someone far longer by one name and set of pronouns, of course slips can happen before you're used to the new, and it's usually very obvious when it's accidental vs malicious. But if you do want to help get the name and pronouns to stick... practice. Doesn't have to be with anyone, you can just write a bit about your friend to help build familiarity to his name.
huey9k
It is hard, but you have an opportunity to drop a laugh bomb on your friend. Wander by them the next time you see them, take 3 steps past them, then stop. Count a silent 15, then slowly return to your friend. Look them in the eye, and say "Your Name... is [NEW NAME]." If you're both Star Trek fans, this is gold.
netutoring
Took me a second... double-checking, but.... when Spock walks by Kirk, comes back and says "Your name....is...Jim." Right?
huey9k
https://youtu.be/_uK8DgNcqDQ?t=248
netutoring
Always made me cry a little. Good tears, but yeah.
CasionProjects
It’s all about intention. Mistakes happen, it’s all the other behaviours that show whether you’re a supportive friend
NairouTryyshokk
In my experiance, it takes the act of using the dead name to become an uncomfortable experiance itself. Get them to give over the top reactions to it, an airhorn, or everytime you use it they vocally honk. Brains do not like change its uncomfortable, so if you make it uncomfortable for your brain, it will become easy! Plus they get to have fun with it.
PineappleLoopsBroether
Do you have any women friends that got married and have a new last name? Same thing.
ropetopus
It isn’t really, unless you’re one of those people who routinely calls your friends by their last name.
Changing habits is hard; it’s what you do when you slip that makes the difference
themuffulettaisalsoaverygoodsandwich
The most important thing is to let them know that you care and you're trying, apologize when you mess up, and keep moving forward.
CedricDur
Honest mistakes can be forgiven. It's the bad faith 'mistakes' that get people to cut them off.
Ragebrew
That mum is going to end up wondering why no one ever visits her at the old folk's home.
iwenttousersubandalligotwasthislousyusername
Shit, mine is already getting dramatically bummed out I don't visit anymore. Like, yeah, you're the only person left on the planet who i willingly interact with who fundamentally disrespects my identity. Even dad got on board eventually, and he screamed at me and said a myriad of nasty things to me when I just asked to be called by my new name. She'll put effort into trying to set up times to hang out, but she refuses to budge and claims she's incapable.
Xenominim
I mean it's going to happen out of force of habit, the fact they're still hanging out with their mother is a good sign. You can't call someone by one name for probably 20+ years from when you literally raised them as a baby and then instantly wipe that name from your brain no matter how supportive you're trying to be.
DeathCup666
exaclty, my parents call me by my older brother's names all the time, it bothers me too, but i get they used it more often and are used to it
giraffytaffy
My kid is nonbinary. They're 11 and came out to me about 2 months ago. Switching to gender neutral pronouns has been harder than I hoped it would be but I'm putting in the effort and encouraging our family and friends to do the same. I still screw up all the time, especially since they have 3 sisters and it's easy to lump them all together. Repetition and compassion will get me there eventually.
PrincessWasabi
At a shitty old folks home no less, she better start saving for a better one
Mechwarrior719
The only dead-naming I allow
IssacOppenheimer
I may still call it "Twitter" instead of "X"...
...but I did swtich from calling the posts on it from "tweets" to "Xcretions".
Shaodyn
Twitter has an incredible level of brand recognition. It's in some dictionaries, FFS. Elon Musk doesn't get to just throw that away because of some weird obsession with having a website named after a letter from the ass end of the alphabet.
Alyxandra452
Comcast
CaptSchmidtGaming
is that even dead naming? I see comcast trucks everywhere
SeanBeanJovi
It isn't. Comcast Corporation is the name of the conglomerate that includes Xfinity. Plus Comcast Business and Comcast Spectator still exist.
CaptSchmidtGaming
non of that matter becuase xfinity was a name invented due to comcasts bad customer service reputation
ifoundthelight
This is a respect thing, and I don't respect twitter.
neospor1n
Gulf of Mexico?
mikeatike
RevRagnarok
Things I will 100% continue to "dead name": VP James Donald Bowman, The Gulf of Mexico, Twitter, Rafael Cruz, The Tappan Zee Bridge, Denali, the Sears Tower, and Rapist Brock Allen Turner.
DWolf
Add Comiskey Park and any other re-named sports venues.
darthsatoris
The rest of the world still calls it the Gulf of Mexico, because it's the fucking Gulf of Mexico no matter what nonsense a senile, burger munching manchild in the White House might say.
Isthe4thtimethecharm
Given I only went to public schools. But I don't remember the president having the power to rename anything
Ivain
He can MAYBE rename stuff actively being funded by the government (with congress approval), but even that has steps that need to be taken, and he cba with any of those, so he'll say it has to happen, his lackies try, and then what remains of the law catches up.
rrlyrae
also, washington national or DC national airport.
supercalifragilisticexpealidocious15
Stupid change, always be the Tappan Zee!!
TuckerCarlsonWarnedYouTheredBeGirlsLikeMe
They could have at least named the new bridge after a better person.
RevRagnarok
Which is why it's on my list.
InitHello
What about Six Grandfathers mountain?
RevRagnarok
Never heard of it sorry.
InitHello
It's pretty important to Lakota people and has four colonizers' heads carved on it.
RevRagnarok
Ah OK thanks. Yeah, we're going out that way and explicitly not going to visit that.
Wolfshead009
TIL. Thank you.