Iownallamajustkiddingilied
298565
12730
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Dec 27, 2015 9:29 AM
Iownallamajustkiddingilied
298565
12730
182
kangooooooo
It's a Lacoste© dog
Spearka
must be one of those really autistic dogs
Zreen
Must've taken the recent flu vaccine
Decolatageit2me
Puckered a little when I saw this. Good job, @OP
phatblunt
just Floridian things
partialmitch
Well, you won't have to worry about burglars or cats or neighborhood children.
OpticPugshot
Florida man strikes again.
gman41750
Oh oh! There WAS a cute little puppy there a minute ago!
hollybadass
I just had a dream about an alligator under my bathtub.
Prahlis
Gator for scale. Kinda went badly.
betterave
Oh no! Poor puppy got eaten!?!
Hannondorf
Anyone know what breed this is?
GoddammitMrNoodle
This... this is why I live in an area that can get 6 months of winter. So that I will never have this happen.
thefrayedendsofsanity
What a croc.
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buttscommasteve
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buttscommasteve
micahvanwinkle
Florida? Florida.
FloridaMansNeighbor
Hey, I remember that day! It was one of the more calm experiences since moving down here.
reflectedsoundofundergroundspirits
Stucco on the house? Yea, it's Florida.
JRubin
Save us, Florida Man!
IMainReinhardt
You look up and scream "help us!" I look down and shout "WHERE'S THE METH!?"
Renkyu
That's a lovely scaledog
Scubasteve813
I would have stoked but I am from Florida.
joeystar
Scales are supposed to be yellow!
AspiringGoodMotherfucker
The dog is in the croc...
Rynyl
Question: what determines which animals are cats (ferrets = snake cat) and dogs (alligator = scale dog)?
Badger421
A Ouija board.
UltronForPresident
I prefer dino dog
koboshi
so the dog is dead?
Zer0th
There would be blood.
andyskeels
Not familiar with gators?
Klingon00
♪ The Circle of Life! ♪
bootygoobagels
Gator's bitches better be wearin jimmies!!!
zenfox27
DON'T PLAY THAT SHIT
gamblingpoet
Pimps don't cry~
WaltWITTman
If there are two types of people, you're one of The Other Guys.
zenfox27
My man
MmmYesShallowAndPedantic
"I'm telling you, you were a pimp..."
mwiili
No...were you even listening to the story?....
AvatarReymoth
You idiot, that's a cat.
absolutetrainwreck
Question: Can alligators be nice? Are they always in predator mode or do they enjoy cuddles?
pangyre
They are generally extremely shy. Most reptiles become quite docile when well fed. Most all of them get a bit “bitey” when hungry.
FancyGeronimo
Ever hear the one about the guy who could put his dick in an alligator's mouth?
theycamepresmoked
One of my friends had a pet alligator and she had pictures of them snuggling. Seems like a LOT of trust would be needed.
DangeRxRanger
It would have to be around humans from birth, and not have to hunt for food. I'd imagine it's much more difficult than domesticating a dog.
Hyero
A lot of farm raised alligators can be pretty tame, but you still have to be careful. Unless they're hungry they normally don't care.
FutureImpact
Remember if the tale can reach you the mouth also can. Thumb rule about of they can swing around after you.
DutchOvenMePlz
Slap that nigga wit da Gucci flip flop!
Iownallamajustkiddingilied
Sick reference bro
ultramagneticpopsicle
what type of dog is that?
Appathebisob
Armored dog
ForWhatPost
Plot twist. That's actually bae.
pellonme
Looks like a full gator, must be bae
scratchanimator
What's with the playboy bunny in the top left corner of the text
inc0ncevable
Got root?
Iownallamajustkiddingilied
Shhhhhh
theworldneedsmoremullets
Playboy is your service provider?
Iownallamajustkiddingilied
I mean, they do provide me with *a* service.... But no, not cellular.
HarryBlackstoneCopperfieldDresden
Yep, a wholly owned subsidiary of Virgin mobile.
tooomanysteves
I see what you did there....
audiocubes
Why is this not top reply??
ElectronMagnifier
Well if you're getting screwed mind as well get by the good ones
Hybris51129
Well considering Playboys new non-nude policy they have had to branch out to make ends meet.
SuperTornadoMan
Omg I just realized that lol.
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Tylerm1
MY FRIEND IN HIGH SCHOOL MADE THAT TWEAK
Tylerm1
I'm not sure this is getting downvoted. Is it that hard to believe that I'm friends with the creator of a relatively obscure iPhone tweak?
Xist3nce
Moderately sure it was the caps.
Tylerm1
Yeah true but I just find it very cool how popular zeppelin became.
oatmealheaven
hackerman
lovestospoon
Yup
batty77
I'm from Louisiana. This is kind of normal.
TheHappyShark
Welcome to the great state of Florida, where ancient beasts walk the marshy soil on a mission to kill you
AdonisMcThunderCock
*dags
zenfox27
Slightly geeking
AdonisMcThunderCock
Well, I like geeking. I like caravans more.
MarkSoupial
It's fer me ma
AdonisMcThunderCock
... his what?
aGuessWorkOrange
His ma!
DopeFudgee
Can it fetch
WaltWITTman
Body parts?
Sunderwear
That's so fetch.
CranberryMuffinMunch
It can play Marco Polo in water and tag on land.
LyssaP
Will it blend?
Keikz
Gee Cyril, maybe im afraid of any apex predator that has lived though the K-T extinction. Unchanged for a hundred million years.
CClop
Just saw that episode yesterday. Isn't life neat.
BennettJeffery
What does this swamp have to do with brain aneurisms? "It doesn't. They can happen at like anytime. That's what makes them so terrifying."
isthatonfireyet
That's the scary thing about brain aneurysms. They can happen anywhere
monto207
Always up vote an archer reference!!!
cralmo
Do you want Archer jokes? Because this is how we get Archer jokes!
scratchanimator
So you know we're going to point out the Playboy bunny in the top corner of the text message
mustang2006
Haha I got that reference
NotAIIHeroesWearCapes
This should be the motto and photo for Florida
McStooley
They're (mostly) harmless, unless you kiss them off. Just like the bears in Florida. Had a friend bear. Named him Fluffy. Was a cool bear.
Klnwltrnk
I keep forgetting just how awesome that show is.
KharnApproves
That episode is one of the best of the series.
WeShallDoubleOurEfforts
As a zoology nerd, I loved how specific Archer's alligator knowledge was.
TheBitcherThreeMilfCunt
He is going to hate crocly
GilderoyPopDropNLockart
Awww pigly
iftheshoefitz
Alligator not a croc
quitecrafty
Archer!!
DemonKiller44
Lana!!....Danger Zone
quitecrafty
I freaking love Archer! Is it totally weird I'm attracted to H Jon Benjamin's voice?
DemonKiller44
Not at all it is quite a nice voice too bad he probably can't do anything else as he will always be Archer
Ajcolls
Are you fucking serious? The next post for me is this exact quote in gif form...
SenorMacaroni
I only see a donut
slagath0r
Keikz is our next spiritual leader
Keikz
Link, cant see it
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Ajcolls
Yep this is the one, thanks for finding it because I gave up searching for it again
AngelDisease
It's cool, glad to help
superspaceshit
ahaha this made my day
broverlin
You guys are all missing the point the dog is INSIDE the alligator-shaped packaging
DaniaAudax
Because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong...
AmNotFaggot
Dammit Archer! *cri* This is all your fault
IJNHiryu
Crocodiles are so badass
NukeMuffin
*Alligator.
Andrizzle0159
That's a gator mate
IJNHiryu
*sigh* Crocodillians are so badass.
Danishlmgurian
I mean, if they haven't changed for millions of years, its probably because something's done right.
DemonKiller44
It dissolves bones
StitchtheFitch
And fear is its bacon bits
StellatrixBombass
I need to hump you.
DemonKiller44
Uh thanks?
thegreenweeniecommeth
Straight to the point. No subtle motions. I like that. Can't confuse her intentons now. Go get her buddy.
DaniaAudax
Diddyu
... and hooves.
AuntSharron
And turtle shells, just like Bill Brasky!
bawler54
and your mom
DemonKiller44
Your mom however can never be dissolved it would take centuries to get in the mouth let alone dissolve her
magisch
They're also adorable.
BenSnow97
Since when can expelled wizards use Imgur, Hagrid?
DaniaAudax
whiskeytango73
Semi-relevant? http://imgur.com/SO9NWb5
MyNameIsDaveAndILikeChipotle
I will always upvote Archer
FrontRowTicket2theEndoftheWorld
Only half of an erection. The other half would have missed you.
jackdogblue
This is extremely relevant
SadCannibalNoises
Archer is always relevant. Always.
jaimefannister
I half upvoted for your correct opinion and other half upvoted for your username because I heard Hannibal sighing.
SadCannibalNoises
http://www.shoesandstarships.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/sad-cannibal-noises.jpg
jaimefannister
*gasp ... best friend?
hideakikarate
On an entirely unrelated note, I have a 3 wheeler. Call it Frankenstein. Hodge-podge of a vehicle. Keeps trying to kill me. Not yet, buddy.
TysonGoesOutside
My brother has one too. Those things are death machines. Way more dangerous than my dirt bike because it gives the illusion of stability.
pookieeatworld
https://youtu.be/QQh56geU0X8
rightarms
I once asked my dad if I could drive our 3 wheeler in water. He thought I meant just a few feet. I drowned it in a river. I was 6
Theonewholaughsinappropriately
My dad flipped one and broke 11 bones. Had to be airlifted to the hospital, never ever healed proper. Beware the 3 wheeler...ooOoOo
SnookerSylph
My uncle just about killed my dad on a 3 Wheeler when they smashed into a tree that was having sex with a barbed wire fence
Theonewholaughsinappropriately
Sex and murder? What more could you ask for?
guichequiche
Crocodiles are like, my third biggest fear, behind alligators and brain aneurysms
BassTapir
Just imagine an alligator with a brain aneurysm.
SadCannibalNoises
Right? How scary would that be!
Candyclysm
Theyre the silent killer
Luke0451
You'll be re relieved to know that alligators are only found in China and Florida. Unless you live in either.
ionlyspeakthetruth
Perfectly healthy 25 yr old friend just dropped dead getting ready for work a month ago. Aneurysms are now on my list as well.
AndyP3
I had one in my aorta but it was caught by a free heart screening! <3 <3
AndyP3
*heart screening for high school athletes (I was 16).