MRFF has allegedly received over 100 reports from troops at over 40 different locations being told this is a Christian holy war to bring about Armageddon. Normally, I'd scoff at such a claim, but with Hesgeth in charge of the DOD and his purges of military leadership and watchdogs, I'm more inclined to believe it. If it's true, we're being led by deranged psychopaths who need to be removed from office by any means necessary.
Reminds me of the one where mankind has beaten some ancient Old One and are harvesting it's corpse for tech and research, but they have to keep killing it because it keeps regenerating every so often enough to be alive again.
We would be avoiding an extinction level event and acquiring what we need to propel ourselves into the Space age. I don't see any drawbacks to this plan.
The plan is full of holes, for example, what causes space Jesus to change course? If space Jesus is able to change trajectory in space, thereby defying Newton's laws of motion, could he not simple dodge the intercept mission vehicles?
Durgon8tr
satire at its finest!
jlist
Today I learned that 95% of the time "Jesus" is found on my hard drive it's me being amazed at some porn video and putting that into the title.
thepunchline710
Honestly more believable than the shit nazis are saying.
Degarafarat
If he returns the same way, he will arrive at an empty spot in space the Earth was 2000 years ago.
tavadis
Caucasian Blood is only taken from inhabitants of the Caucasus region, everything else is just blood
therandombagofmeat
509tigerfish
walnutbreath
MRFF has allegedly received over 100 reports from troops at over 40 different locations being told this is a Christian holy war to bring about Armageddon. Normally, I'd scoff at such a claim, but with Hesgeth in charge of the DOD and his purges of military leadership and watchdogs, I'm more inclined to believe it. If it's true, we're being led by deranged psychopaths who need to be removed from office by any means necessary.
fartharder
He's making sense
TheDirtySanchezBros
Nomestoo
Hahahahahahahaha
SteveD31415
You just know there are mega churches full of crazies who are cheering for the war in Iran because they think it brings the Second Coming closer.
Greer8
SodomySnake
Caucasians shouldn't even *be* Christian. The Romans are to blame, as usual.
TigerThong
what branch of Christianity is this? cause its the sanest sounding one.
Apeofdeath
The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades
xltjet
Timbuk3!
meganical
Post apocalyptic Space Jesus required a pretty complicated plan
salunatics
Frencheeseater
On the video, i hear "Cocaine Jesus", maybe i misheard :D
BeaverOnFire
Thojira
what a ride, I'm all for power energy taken from space caucasian jesus
unannouncedguest
Caucasian Jesus had me laughing so hard
PauliePlaysPoorly
Bloke's got some good ideas.
LurkMasterP
https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1MTJtd3R2Zzl3a3IzaDB0cnhhM3UxbnN1aGR1ZHYwZnlnaWJka3V2YSZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/CyQTbMMWwpGKY/200w.webp
nonickname23
I thought he was going to arrive in a Honda.
Geveg
I kinda like the idea of an FTL drive powered by god-blood. Seems like it would make a decent writing prompt.
PrincessBatCat
Reminds me of the one where mankind has beaten some ancient Old One and are harvesting it's corpse for tech and research, but they have to keep killing it because it keeps regenerating every so often enough to be alive again.
509tigerfish
Donaldbain
If Space Jesus is nigh invulnerable, how do we penetrate his skin to extract the blood?
cognescenti
Weren't you paying attention? It's called S.K.E.E.T.E.R.
Kbantar
Off him some space wine. He will transubstantiate it for you.
TunnelRat13
Just hold out any old cup and he'll fill it for you, no charge.
CaldariBob
Simple! You go in through the backdoor!
Donaldbain
Yes, but we still need to collect the blood.
CaldariBob
You use a really big needle! It's all soft and squishy on the inside!
dirque
Yes, he only indestructible on the outside.
myeyesthegogglesdonothing
Escapist83
Jesus I thought this was a legit schizo post at first before I saw the name.
gronzilla
The name?
oldwindy
Albert Einstein
plaguebarbie
(Caucasian) Albert Einstein.
SamHandwhich
We would be avoiding an extinction level event and acquiring what we need to propel ourselves into the Space age. I don't see any drawbacks to this plan.
RuffyRuffHausen
Sounds like some sort of warhammer 40k sitch with engineered mad emperors, whst's not to like.
Sonicschilidogs
The plan is full of holes, for example, what causes space Jesus to change course? If space Jesus is able to change trajectory in space, thereby defying Newton's laws of motion, could he not simple dodge the intercept mission vehicles?
worm61
He’s already started his deceleration burn
InitHello
He farts really hard.
HeyHeyDoubleA
PBS did a short special on this called “can you fart yourself to the moon.” Entertaining, but more math than I was ready for!
PrincessBatCat
Please tell me there's a link to this video somewhere.