My album "Suicide Music" was posted to Luke, The Folk Punk Archivist's Instagram page. Reading what he wrote about my music is surreal. I'm full of emotions.

Edit: didn't expect this to blow up!

Suicide Music was my first album recorded after my health issues robbed me of my ability to play bass. It was not recorded with the intent of being released while I was here still, so the mixing and recording techniques are fairly poor. Also, it is a bit dark and harder to digest, so this is probably a better place to start
https://soundcloud.com/l0stinthesauce/sets/tinder-for-the-suicidally

I'm most active on Reddit (reddit.com/u/lostinthesauceband) and Instagram @lostinthesauceband, and I stream on RPAN (Reddit's streaming thing) when I can.



I want to be a ghostwriter, so if you're an artist who might be interested, contact me via Instagram.

Background:

I was a very normal kid. Extremely active, mountain biking and running hours a day, social, involved in extracurriculars, etc. I was just as depressed as the rest of us, maybe a little bit more, but it was nothing near what I'd be suffering from once the pain became unbearable.

I suffered a traumatic injury to my pelvis when I was 14, and within a year started to see symptoms.

At around 3 years post injury, I got stuck in a hallway at my school because the muscles in my legs were spasming so much that I couldn't stand on them. I waited until a teacher found me, and was carried out. That was one of the last times I ever went to that school again.

I have been playing bass since I was 8, so when my health issues floored me at age 17, not being able to play my instrument was one of the hardest things to come to terms with.

I became bedridden almost entirely, but the pain was the real struggle.

The only way I can describe it is waking up at the bottom of the ocean. I used to have a panic attack every single morning when I'd jolt awake and be met with the pain. Flailing and gasping for air, screaming and crying.

Things became to bad that I had to take my senior year of high school on homebound tutoring, and while I've bounced back a little bit a few times, I've never come anywhere near fully recovering.

My "normal" music recorded in 2014, before my health issues floored me, can be found here https://soundcloud.com/l0stinthesauce/sets/messin-with-the-dressin

Due to how my condition has progressed, I'm unable to play any of my instruments at this point. The last time I was able to record something usable from a guitar was December of 2018.

I have been transitioning to playing with synthesizers, namely the little bed-friendly music boxes that are the Korg Volca series, and trying to make music again.

Every year the music I make just gets worse and worse as my health continues to decline. I still write every day.

You can literally hear the transition from a normal 17 year old writing generic love songs with poppy bass lines and radio friendly style, to a mentally ill, drug-addled cripple hateful towards himself and the rest of the world.

Just the last 7 days.

And here's all time.
Thank each and every one of you ❤️
Having my music reach so many people and reading so many comments of people connecting with what I wrote is just surreal. It's everything I could ever want to have happened with music.
I don't want to be rich or famous. I just want to be heard.