anlyin
144680
2514
79
Jan 18, 2018 10:33 AM
anlyin
144680
2514
79
SwarthyBastard
Damn girl, do you know a plumber? Because I'm tired of your shit.
MrRidiculous
* searching the apartment for something* Dang it girl I think I lost my feelings for you !
onikame
Dang girl, are you tequila? Cuz just looking at you makes me nauseous now.
PhotoSyndlcate
dang girl are you my first sexual experience? because i reaaaly have no idea how we both got here and i think we're both ready for it to end
ThatDPTguy
Damn girl, what’s your best friends name? Must be Dyson because she sucks way harder.
Isaypoopythingsbecausemostofyouannoyme
Dang girl, are you your sister? Cause I’ve been sleeping with you.
Task17
Dang girl, are you my college tuition? Because I’m broke and have no job because of you.
DanielleHL
"I can't deal with a month away from you. I'm backing out of our relationship and engagement."
ImWrong
Do you have followers? Because I've been seeing people being your back.
imagitivewriter
ey you a water level? cause you're difficult and make me wanna quit.
tentaclefriendly
I spent 12 years trying to Love you. You spent 12 years trying to Tolerate me. Neither of us succeeded. Bye.
tentaclefriendly
(Fuck you, Samantha.)
ASolitudeGuard
That sucks, I’m sorry.
Aura0
Damn girl, you my uncle? Cause' you ruined my life.
wetvoltage
You like a gourmet cake, expensive, bad for me and anyone who didnt get a piece at least got a finger in.
fullofwastedpotential
Hey wanna see a magic trick? POOF you’re single tadaaa
fullofwastedpotential
now get your shit and get out
Stuey1221
The classic Simpsons line... welcome to Dumpsville. Population, you.
SometimesYouJustNeedTo
Damn boy are you the daily news? Cause you got a new fuckin issue every day.
Rodrak
"I'll call you Tide Pod. Cuz when you around I feel like I'm dying."
Lithxe
How about "cause on the outside you look mighty fine but inside you're all poison"
VolatileManiac
Thats good
PaulyParker
RGEpicMrT
Damn girl, are you No Man's Sky? Because I really looked forward to my time with you but now I want to be really far away from you.
johnrocks
Dang girl, are you a banana? Cuz this went from hopeful to trash waaaay too quick.
acatinbirdsclothing
Damn boy, are you graduation? Because I'm counting down the days until this is all over.
theshreksorcist
*gives them a diary from which a grey sock falls when they open it* "you're a free elf now" best/worst part is ive actually used this one...
darkdragonempress
What was the reaction?
theshreksorcist
after a few seconds she just kinda stared at me in disbelief and hated me forever. It was great! #worth
ASolitudeGuard
.
professionalbear
Girl are you a timeshare? Because everything seemed promising and worth it and first, but now I’m just figuring out how to get out of this
johnvictor
Dang girl, are you dark matter? Because I can't see you.
datlurkerdude
Dang girl, I'm fucking carol from work now. Did I do it right?
XdashXexclamationVapostropheapostrpheQ
Cheryl*
SirBaconDog
I exhaled rapidly from my nose. +1
justthoughtyousholdknow
I don’t get why it is always a “Carol” when they are probably the ones you don’t want to fuck
Tjitso
Her: Hey, me too
TheGrinchStoleYourShit
Carol from HR? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nTpsv9PNqo
Jenli89
CAAAROL CAAAROL!
Oullim
Fucking Carol
RogueLawyer
Dang girl, are you Star Wars IIX? Because nothing matters anymore and I just want it to stop.
ActivateMyAlucard
Should've waited until star wars VIX, because that would make the one after Star Wars X
Orion1453
Man I'm just looking forward to Star Wars XXX
ActivateMyAlucard
Ha. I'm not allowed to watch any of that anymore. May the force be with you. Mmhmm
aluriilol
daaaang girl, are you not a fan of the new star wars??? because youre wrong and lets fight
contaJokeLord
VIII*
daftgamer
BikeKnight
These are great. And I need more of them.
IKnowAllTheLyricsToTheSimpsonsThemeSong
Classic Jake
ohyouretheotherone
Wow, your pants look great, you should keep them on.
ArdentSlacker
dang, man... how many people are you seeing?
BikeKnight
Just one person, who isn't taking the hint. Maybe a few of these in a row might work.
ArdentSlacker
"Can we just skip all the silly posturing and guesswork and go straight to the restraining order?"
rabbiebabbie
Yeah that's probably the best strategy to go with
Ididthisforthelol
For girls: damn bro, you a car? Cause I'm ready to trade you in for a more reliable model.
Nubbsy
Works for guys too
fullofwastedpotential
That’s nicer to look at, more fun to ride, and actually helps me get places in life
Cosi15
Who hurt you
fullofwastedpotential
don’t even get me started
rabbiebabbie
Her Honda civic :(
Ididthisforthelol
Those damn Hondas.
stonedrunkdoctor
For guys: dang girl u a car? I’m bout to trade you in for a newer model...
mfizz1e
With bigger tits
stonedrunkdoctor
And less tread on the tires...
rabbiebabbie
One that let's me put it in her tailpipe
isitworthitthenlemmelurkit
Dang girl, are you a McDonald’s frosty machine? Cuz this ain’t working.
Adormus
This one killed me!
FatBastardVegetarian
wait...
SometimesYouJustNeedTo
But Wendy’s sells frosties...
FuriousMankins
Ok, so the McDonald's frosty machine isn't working technically. He's not wrong.
isitworthitthenlemmelurkit
Shit.
SometimesYouJustNeedTo
So close. ????
AzraelEternity
Just give it to him/her/it/dog.