Seeing post of shitty parents

Makes me realize my parents belong to the category of shitty parents

TL/TR - I had shitty parents and feel very lonely right mow. I would love to have a home and finally have a family.. but Im too broken at this point.

. i.e. just a few examples

* My mom used to leave me alone in the car while she went to get groceries. Full carts loads of groceries (not just a quick purchase)

* Beat me up with a hanger until her stress/strength were released. Left me all bruised many times.

* Once drove me and my dog to a river just outside the suburb and left the dog there. I cried loudly as she drove away and dog dog running behind the car. She was laughing, as if it was hilarious.

* She even told my 1st grade teacher to hit me if I wasn’t good... and I quote “you have my permission to hit her” - I remember those words because she said them in front of all my classmates.. they all laughed at me and took that as permission for them to bully me from then on... And since the teacher had my mom’s permission, she never did anything... she actually hit me too

*My mom always allowed my dad to be abusive and offensive with me. I grew up with him pointing out how ugly and stupid I was on a daily basis. can you imagine a child getting this treatment from the ones that are supposed to protect you? His insults became more harsh and R rated as I grew older

* When I was 19, old enough to work, she would lock me in and hide the key, because she didnt. Want me to work... my guess is she didnt want me to have enough moneys to move out and leave.

It took me many years to get the courage and money to go somewhere. She created an environment for me to always feel insecure and afraid of her enough not to move out sooner. She gaslighted me and made everyone of my friends and family give me peer pressure and made me feel like I was a bad ungrateful daughter.. she always had the ability to portray herself as a sweet innocent victim and me as a rebelious daughter... while it wasn’t the case at all.

I didnt party much.. didint have a boyfriend until I turned 24. Didnt drink alcohol until I turned 28 and I have always lived with severe depression, not knowing why I have been so depressed... i suspect a big part of it is because of how bad they were with me... I hide my depression very well and I look like a happy human being that has her shit together, but in reality I feel very lonely and I wish I had a home and supportive family to spend the holidays with.

Meanwhile I have some people tell me that my parents didnt know any better and that they did their best. That they are still my parents and loved me in their unique way and Im supposed to love them back...... am I crazy for thinking this is bullshit?!? Someone that loves you is not supposed to treat you this way.... sorry for such a shitty post. I dont have anyone to talk to about this.

EDIT: thank you all for your kind words and support. I am aware that others had it worse, and Im grateful for at least being alive. I grew up thinking that all these things were normal, until now that I talk to others or see posts of shit parents and realize that this is not normal at all. I dont know why its still a daily struggle to put a happy face. Im working on it.... im getting better. But the holiday season makes me remember all of it again.... I guess it could have been worse.

The Imgur community has been a tremendous help.

Much appreciated. Cheers to you all .