Rotherin266
191866
4256
139
Mar 6, 2017 1:18 AM
Rotherin266
191866
4256
139
XedtheRed
I'll skip that and keep a 1911 with a spare mag...
PoliticalWanderer
Rule #1: Have your alibi ready before anything happens.
ifounditunderthere
blahtotheblahblah
Skip the bat. Get one of those heavy ass flashlights. You'll knock someone the fuck out with those
10ftmidget
"Well I kept sweets in my car, so thought I'd better keep kids!" "1. they weren't *your* kids! & 2. That's not how any of this works!"
NotSoRighteous
If you keep a trebuchet in your car also keep a 95 kg stone projectile. Your kingdom will thank you later.
gjm147
"But suspiciously, your honour, the defendant did not have a baseball and has no friends. Prosecution rests."
SamBrowning
Well yeah, that's how it would go. Defendant clearly had a bat for use in such situations as these. or. Defendant reached for the //
SamBrowning
//nearest thing to defend himself with, which happened to be a baseball bat he was using with a friend at the weekend, I can see the balls.
AzgarOgly
That reminds me of that guy who openly carried a gun to a presidential meeting. Reporter: did you actually carry a loaded gun there? //
AzgarOgly
The man: can't think of a man silly enough to carry the gun unloaded.
MersopolisII
I see a reflection of the text in the water!
RosegoldEverything
If you give a mouse a cookie, also give it some milk.
unclestankstank
Also keep some used children's baseball uniforms in your car, trust me.
melotprieks
That's creepy.
SoberAndBored
Remember folks, the correct statement is "he was going to attack/kill me" NOT "I thought he was going to attack/kill me". If there was no
SoberAndBored
doubt in your mind then the prosecutor cannot put doubt in the jury's mind that you acted in self defence
SamBrowning
Well if it was home invasion you can shoot them in the head and go back to your tv. So, i doubt the jury cares.
SoberAndBored
I'm in the UK, so no guns. I have a machete shaped like a gladius instead.
SamBrowning
Im also in the UK, America is dumb. I wouldn't suggest a machete, but as long as you never take it off your property, you're ok. Weird laws.
SoberAndBored
I call it my burglar alarm. If I was a burglar and saw a householder carrying that, I'd be pretty fucking alarmed.
HeyOP
Good advice right there. Stupid that it's necessary advice, but still good advice.
Northernhero
Isn't it more stupid to keep a fucking bat in your car instead of a proper deterring weapon?
TheArrestingAbhorrentArrantAbominableAlliterator
I hope you aren't the kind of moron who stores a gun in his car. Because that's what it sounds like.
HeyOP
Are you asking me if that is more stupid than requiring a plausible excuse for its presence other than self defense? No, I don't think so.
jal2000
Don't rely on Imgur for legal advice. This is wrong. Having a bat for defense is legal. Lying in court about why you have it is perjury.
JamesSidhe
Hmm.. jail or have someone think I like baseball that's a tough one
SamBrowning
This post is American, you're not going to jail or bashing someones head in. Just plead self defence and you'll probably get a medal.
SnoopyDancing
in Florida
gentlepancake
if you give a mouse a cookie....he is bound to want some milk
swinglinered
If you give a mullah a fatwa
Alonesurvivor
Good advice. I actually only carry a bat. I will be getting a glove soon
governmentgavemeagun
Or, don't carry the bat.
Dyslexicglove
I wear my hair up in a bun with a long, blade like pin. It is very sharp and very long, so it can easily piece though...er, my hair bun. Yes
fforw
Wait.. if you go into one of those batting cage pratice things, why would you have a glove?
HeyOP
Arguably, you might have a batting glove, but yes you've discovered the basic silliness of the need.
SirDistic
Here in my state you can legally carry any length blade as long as you're not on route to committing a crime. Seriously
SamBrowning
So fucking stupid. "Yeah I had this kitchen knife, but I didn't think I would stab the guy, just cut veg."
TildaDotAmpersand
If I didn't know ahead of time that I was going to be committing a crime, can I get grandfathered in?
battlepants
Or just keep a tire iron in your car. Everyone should have one in case of a flat anyway.
JustFuckingWatchCowboyBebop
I've got a really small car, so I keep a telescoping baton. Should I also carry around a marching band uniform?
nasreal
1 Protip, those collapsible batons are illegal as fuck for civilians to carry almost anywhere. You're almost definitely getting a weapons...
nasreal
2 charge if you use one against someone, even in self defense. In my state I believe they're classified as Prohibited Offensive Weapons.
JustFuckingWatchCowboyBebop
I'm in Tennessee. Carrying a sword on your back is legal, but a metal stick isn't. Great
nasreal
1 Lol, well, the other thing to remember is carrying and using often have different conditions when it comes to legality. You might be...
nasreal
2 legally around to walk around with the sword, but I wouldn't want to deal with the legal issues if you actually went all highlander on...
hmmgottathinkofausername
What about if you keep an axe handle?
grandfalloon
The best kind of axe handle is the one with an axe head on it.
ProfessorCapehornMD1998
Nothing like a piece of hicory
hmmgottathinkofausername
Bro right!?
Imjustheretodrinkandcomment
If you keep a bag of croissants in your car, also keep some butter.
shinymiss
And some milk.
HardhatBambi
Solid advice right here
LikeTheGuardianButForReal
Cwosonts
Bendorff
Alternative if you keep a dead frenchman in your car, also keep some croissants.
mackdaddyginger
But will my lawyer thank me?
Lavalampalana
Your french maid certainly will.
foxfloof
No but your lawyer will spank you.
smallskillerofhambino
I'll thank you.
ButterfaceTaintClown
Don't keep dairy products in your car.
GuylnTheBack
I mean butter can be left out and depending on where you live, it's cold out now
DontAskMeAboutMyUsernameOkay
get the whole kit just to be safe. I'm talking bases, baseballs, outfits, the whole 9 innings.
CoopBro
I'll steal 3rd base, then go home... to sit and watch TV
emptykeg
Peanuts, cracker jacks, a big bag of not giving a shit if you ever go back
Chronozon937
So about your usernane......how big's your dick?
DontAskMeAboutMyUsernameOkay
At least one.
illuminasty
Better have a hot dog cart and a grip of foam fingers
goflyblind
talkin' softball, mattingly and canseco...
ImCherokeeJack
Mattingly, for the last time get rid of those sideburns!
robotzombies
Learn to play, join a team, make friends, coach kids. All part of the plan. Your lawyer will thank you.
pragmatao
A bunch of little kids...
Gawky
I have seen enough Murican films to know something is not like its suppose to be
definitelynotawolf
TheDudeSkywalker
The "whole 9 innings" bit will be under appreciated
ThePizzaGuyOfJustice
Agreed.
CatsAndNinjas
Not at all. It was the main reason for my +1.
GeoTeacher
Heck, put a couple of teams in there
GoogleFucker
Can't go wrong with Jeter riding shotgun! ...Unless he's holding a shotgun...
whowantstobreakfree
We're talking about a car, not your mum
TheRealRobbStark
A couple of spare crowds as while you're at it
STINKPICKEL
Yo, shit gets real. Neighbor's kid was arrested with a bat in his trunk. LEO claimed it's a weapon if there's no ball and glove.
swinglinered
In the storage?
STINKPICKEL
Yes, kid had the bat in the car trunk, but cause no glove or balls, he got arrested for having it.
swinglinered
Did it hold in court?
STINKPICKEL
He got off because his parents brought letter from his coaches, he was in a league. Don't know why he had only the bat in the car.
swinglinered
Batter, not catcher or outfielder?
MyNameisAvailable
Also if your drunk and get in your car planning to sleep it off till you drive, throw your keys into the backseat.
milpitAsian
Advice I got from CHP, throw beer cans around the area. They can't prove that you drove there and then drank, hence plausible deniability.
thoujester
I didn't even think about that and find myself in this position from time to time... thank you.
NothingToSeeMoveAlong
Trunk to be safe and sit in passenger seat
idontneednostinkingpuffin
THIS DOES NOT WORK!! DO NOT TAKE THIS SHIT ADVICE.
colinambulance
Throw them behind a tire, get in the passenger side, then claim you have no idea where your keys went when questioned.
civel
I must live in a dangerous city. There's no way I'd leave my keys outside my car while I was passed out inside it.
tinyfootprints
In Virginia you can be busted just for sitting in the driver's seat, even if the engine is off, when you are drunk.
tinyfootprints
In Virginia, if you are under 21 and have blood alcohol between 0 and 0.02%, you won't be busted for underage drinking if you are driving.
muchLongerUsername
0.02% is crazy low. I'd bet you could hit that just on your body's normal metabolic processes, fuck.
tinyfootprints
The crazy thing is that if a person younger than 21 has ANY blood alcohol, they are subject to arrest. Unless they are driving a car.
MidiArbite
Or better yet the trunk (If you have a pass-through to grab from)
PizzaGovorun
What about throwing oneself on the backseat?
Melanisia
better yet, crawl in the back seat to sleep it off.
MyDogJake
Do not do this in Canada. Care and control. You can still be charged.
BlackManInABush
Didn't know about that. Passed out once in the driver's seat, with the car on for the heat. Just along a sidewalk. Thank fuck no cops showed
DeZaim
Guy at work did that. Woke up some time later to a pool of oil on the ground a big hole in the block. Passed out and out his foot on the gas
adobesubmarine
That won't actually protect you. If you and your keys are alone in the car, they can arrest you for DUI.
kosmonaught
I have a confession...
eroso
I just checked that here in Finland you can't get a DUI unless you make the car move.
BlackManInABush
You and your reasonable laws
eroso
I believe they made it ok to have the car running bc of the harsh winter. Could be different if freezing to death was not a real threat.
thelonepig
No, put them on top of your tire. Don't have them in the car with you.
FriendlyNeighbourhoodCanadian
If you have the keys you get a dui. Give the keys to somebody else to bring back to you in the morning.
Imjustheretodrinkandcomment
Doesn't matter as long as they are within reach. Put them in the trunk.
tarataqa
Throw them down the street.
FriendlyNeighbourhoodCanadian
Give to somebody else to return to you in the morning
TriumphRider24
I can start my car with the keys in the trunk, push button start is in everything now.
hatter13
it ain't in my '93 rodeo, or ANY car more than 5 years old, rockefeller! lol
aCartographer
Swallow them, poop out (or tear your intestines) in the next few days
EyeTri
In some states / situations this could still count.
DarkwingDuc
That's the key. Like most criminal & traffic offenses, DUI laws vary by state. Don't get legal advice from Imgur; look up YOUR state's laws!
creatineshits
In Tennessee (or maybe just Nashville) you can't sleep in a car except for in designated rest areas or zoned mobile parks.
idontneednostinkingpuffin
THIS DOES NOT WORK EITHER!! DO NOT TAKE THIS SHIT ADVICE!
Wintermute1v1
Seriously. At least in my state you can get a DUI if you're in the back seat with no keys. It's absurd. Check your local laws.
FriendlyNeighbourhoodCanadian
No keys should mean no dui, you have no possible way of driving the vehicle. I mean no keys anywhere on you or in the vehicle.
stretchalezander
Sit in the passenger seat so you can say the driver left you there.
Bombpier
Doesn't work My mom had this really happen and still got a dui in her driveway for fuck sake They did cut her a break on the punishments tho
InternationalNitWit
https://images.rapgenius.com/6217d99fa37477865087f77697fe63eb.400x300x12.gif
eroso
Here in Finland it's completely legal to be drunk, sit on a drivers seat, and even have the engine on, as long as the car isn't moving.
ChrisWise
Here in America I got pulled over last week walking to work because I "looked suspicious". The cop even saw me leave my house -_- #GoFinland
ReverandNick
Try as hard as you can to be white.
ChrisWise
I've been trying, but damn it all of my dad didn't mess the whole thing up by being black as hell hahahaha
tehwilsonator
Once got out of a bar, was drunk, wanted to wait it out away from car. But I also wanted a smoke, so I went to the car to get a>>
tehwilsonator
<>
tehwilsonator
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melotprieks
motherfuckers
Qualtagh
Sounded like a pretty reasonable reaction to me. Better than waiting for him to possibly drive off and hurt someone.
TildaDotAmpersand
You're not going to "wait out" your drunk in any reasonable amount of time. Get a cab.
tehwilsonator
Note that my decision-making was compromised because *ahem* I was druuunk. Still doesn't change the cops' decisions.
TildaDotAmpersand
I think they did the right thing. Would you rather have been arrested?
tehwilsonator
I'd rather they have told me to get a cab before waiting for me to potentially start the car and start driving off.
PoopSmuggler
If you keep a gun in your car, also keep some bullets.
MyHumourProbablyIsntForYou
Shouldn't it be a kevlar? Since this post is about giving/receiving and not so much about the projectile itself..
itsAone
your victims will thank you. beating someone to death with a gun handle is hard and painful for both involved
CalmyKingBee
If you give a mouse a cookie
linustheman
he will end up killing your whole family.
ElbowDeepInASnake
linustheman
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZN4DYytjyw
technitium
no one would thank me because leave no witnesses comrade
PixelatedGambit
basball6969
Or at least some bees that you can shoot out of the gun like bullets
ArgonSpark
Already do, thanks.
tiltedcircle
Can confirm.
MobiusAzarath
And cardboard cutouts of Zac efron and osama bin laden
harambesghost18
And your permit if applicable
sirjooz
You see Ivan...
TheRedBaKon
And targets. The lawyer would thank that too
ingloriousimgurist
If you keep a gun with bullets in your car also keep a dead duck
AtillatheGun
Nah, man. clearly we just plan to hit people with it.
al640814
and a receipt to your local gun range
miscohi
your lawyer will thank you
iloveithere
If you keep poop in your car also keep a brown paper bag and lighter.
pyrodice
teaching PoopSmuggler how to wrangle poop?
xSlicko
Thanks PoopSmuggler. I'll never forget your advice
GasBandit
(flicks open switchblade)
IPoopInTheDark
He's been robbing me for years in the dark.
JosephStaIin
He's been robbing both of us!
IPoopInTheDark
we met again in the dark
Oteneo
if you get to know him better he'll tell you how to smuggle poop.
SpaceCatJeffy
Poop smuggling is greatly disliked and looked down upon by many. Donate poop, don't smuggle it.
PoopSmuggler
I make a great deal of money selling it on the brown market.
DrHotdogs
Much cooler than that other guy, Poopsnuggler
PoopSmuggler
That's my filthy half brother.
SpaceCatJeffy
Are you kidding, I love that guy! He's friendly and is very supportive of our local poop donation center: "Smells for Smiles"
Blue5679
Emphasis on filthy I'm guessing
xbxoxy
My lawyer would thank me too?
smokecigars
Thats why I have my CPL and just carry a gun. You'd probably have an easier time in court shooting somebody than beating then with a bat.
DrHouseSynch
A bat can't accidentally go off.
YaBoyJohnorrhea
Neither can a gun while using proper gun safety.
HarryNutz
I have a whole truck full of Cpl. They follow orders pretty good.
lizzzzflo
It's Called a CHL in Texas (concealed handgun license)
VivaLaSteeze
Called a "lol we don't even need one of those anymore" in Arizona. But we go by CCW.
jakcspellgood
I don't know, I imagine the balluff would stop you in both cases.
TheThingNoNotThatOne
Yes and no - a lot easier to prove self-defense, but if you don't prove it, you're seriously fucked.
boobphysicist
choice pig leg?
TangyGraffiti
I have my CPL for a bunch of states but it does nothing for me in MD. I keep a broken golf driver in my truck. Better than nothing and 1/2
TangyGraffiti
Easy to explain away. 2/2
ChrisLucas1
It's bothersome as fuck that I have to do research to drive across states and carry.
TangyGraffiti
Basically. I can carry in almost every state but my own. (Exaggerated) It feels ridiculous.
ChrisLucas1
Should just he a federal license really. I can in almost every state with an NC permit, but not all.
HUFLPUF
Carrying a gun isn't for everyone.
[deleted]
[deleted]
Nakanaidelp
If you have been diagnosed with depression you will not be eligible regardless. It is a mental health concern most states deny over.
esQueSK
Wise decision. Suicide is considered to be an impulsive act and guns significantly increase the chance of success.
ActualKangaroo
I feel the same way, I'm not suicidal...I think? Don't want to keep a point and kill machine around and find out for sure.
smokecigars
Completely agree. It takes a lot of training and mental preparation.
marsgoose
And bludgeoning someone with a bat requires no training and mental preparation?
Pootisborn
Requirements:
HUFLPUF
My gf doesn't want to have one but she has considered something like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSJ2eWarVmY
smokecigars
That thing is a Tippman TIPX paintball gun with $150added to the price. I don't know if I'd trust a little bit of pepper powder with my life
HUFLPUF
Fortunately, she doesn't put herself in high risk situations or places and doesn't have any enemies so as to create any real threat level.
SchlongReviewer
I'm considering applying for my CQL, but I live in MD and they are hard to get. I have my HQL.. I work at a high end car dealer and have to
SchlongReviewer
Be alone/lock up/walk to my car late at night. I'm wondering of I will qualify.
aksteelers907
Alaska here I buy a gun and carry it no permit required it's nice
smokecigars
Sucks you don't live in a "Shall Issue" state.
MyFrontPorchInMississippi
In my state, you don't have to have a carry liscence.
RenamedUser
Yeah. I'm not a huge fan of that change. I know way too many uneducated gun-toters now. I hope they don't ruin it for the rest of us.
MyFrontPorchInMississippi
amen. I am a huge fan of the castle law though
tarataqa
I just live in a nice neighborhood instead.
MyFrontPorchInMississippi
It has nothing to do with the neighborhood. I feel safe in my home, but you have to go to "town" to get food and work and shit.
RenamedUser
Heck yeah. I've read reports from states without it. It's terrifying that victims actually get charged because they defended themselves
RenamedUser
Not to mention they get sued by the family of the attacker. Mississippi protects you from that. One of the better laws we have IMO
marsgoose
Ugh, used to live in Europe, self defense was only legal in defense of your own life and if you use lesser or equal force as the assailant.
CrotchRash
My state got rid of those. Everyone gets to conceal without a license now.
ChrisLucas1
And no pistol permits of any kind either right? What could possibly go wrong?
CrotchRash
In all honesty, it was like a bullshit 8 hours class. And if someone wants to carryx they'll do it regardless.
thoujester
Az?
CrotchRash
Mo
MrMack303
Same thing is in the works in Georgia.
RenamedUser
Same here in MS. I still tell people it's worth it to get a permit, though.
adobesubmarine
I can think of two reasons to do it: makes traffic stops less shitty, and proves to a jury that you're not some average prick with a gun.
RenamedUser
Cops do like when I hand it over at stops. But the biggest reason is being able to conceal in reciprocating states. Your reasons are (1/2)
RenamedUser
(2/2) valid, though. Some cops do like seeing that you care enough to get a permit. And it really has made traffic stops go more smoothly
PeriodBloodDiamonds
New Hampshire just did that as well. Not sure if I agree 100%, though. Still on the fence.
BronzeLeaguePro
If a person wants to have a gun on them, but doesn't want to show the whole world that they have a gun, what's the problem? Honest question.
CrotchRash
I think it was more about the required education before receiving said permit. But the class was a joke anyways.
thatonelostraspberry
Ks?
CrotchRash
Mo
thatonelostraspberry
Close enough you might as well be the same thing friend.
CrotchRash
I'm about 7 miles from the state line.
Xsiah
Concealed Pewpew License?
ParsleySage
Crazy Parry License: https://youtu.be/EGOPl3i6q1Y?t=15s
Viewtheentirealbum11imagestotal1remaining
concealed pistol license
ChrisLucas1
How dare they limit my freedoms to just concealed pistols. What if I can conceal something larger?
Blu8
Pew pew
blahtotheblahblah
Rooty tooty point and shooty
smokecigars
Yes, thats what Michigan calls it. Most states call it CCW, but CCW is actually the crime of carrying illegally here.
ChrisLucas1
All the more reason to build a wall around your state.
Daddyfinger
In CA it's called a YANGACCLEDA - You Are Never Getting A Concealed Carry License Ever Dumb Ass.
rhilterbrant
Oregon it's a CHL.
Rabbit327
It was CCW here too (MI). But because of a court case and poor law wording it allowed you to carry knives, collapsing batons, etc too.
therealsalvi
in MA its called an LTC (license to carry)