tulleyTerror
285944
8636
199
Girlfriends coming to visit!!
1234
Apr 24, 2018 11:22 AM
tulleyTerror
285944
8636
199
1234
Darkfusion23
You must live in a good neighborhood
IIIHalezIII
PLOT TWIST: those were her request..
ThoughtsAndBeers
Congrats on the headache relief
abloobloobloob
"i'm in a relationship with a person i can't stand" is actually less of a joke and more of a self-own
minibois
Did you scavenge this from the Vine ruins?
urustai
Nearest Walmart to me has locked up all of the condoms & lubricants.
BetterwithJes
Honest...I thought it was gunna be a rubber glove ????
Captainplanetmotherfucker
Sexist much?
ImCherokeeJack
everypostepic
ADisturbedOne
You married to an amazing women? you mean woman? Unless you're married to more than one woman?!
tulleyTerror
Edit mafe for u. Happy now lol
ADisturbedOne
rofl.
GrumpyOldMan55
She's only coming to visit? Try being married for a few decades. Light weight bitch.
MalePatternBlackness
Damn straight!
xoverthirtyx
Lol because women, amirite guys? Hyuck hyuck
smellslikefishpietome
mossom
got it, she gives you headaches
Imalwaysready
Ha! It's funny because men get headaches caused by the inevitable nagging of women they claim to love!
princessvaliant
Why would you date someone you don’t like?
CalmgotheWildseas
That 7/11 brand aspirin?
bleach365
Excedrin. It's much better and contains a bit of caffiene to help ease pain
expiredmayonnaise
Tylenol
AeternalDreamer
Actually, the act of sex has been medically proven to cure headaches, ironically.
mjangelvortex
Unless you suffer from sex headaches.
mikeatike
Graffiti on a condom machine: Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubbers.
crushingbore
crashcartpro
.
mikeatike
Is that a reminder to write this on the next condom machine you see,
OuroborosX
So why is she your girlfriend?
DeTobiasch
itsgoodpussy.gif
Inchinqtor
Poopbicycle1
I will never stop loving this GIF
celloslut
I’ve always loved this gif... what movie is it from?
Astralar
Goodfellas, great mafia movies
IwishIwereKeithDavid
I worry about the relationships many of you are in
TheFastpaws
Ya.. If they are even half as bad in person. I'd much rather be single then date them.
everettscott
Was the 'lul women give me headaches, no sex after marriage' etc "jokes" ever funny?
IwishIwereKeithDavid
Oh yeah not really
LittleKnownOne
They aren't jokes, that's how they are in probably 95% of cases.
everettscott
What a totally believable statistic! Somebody get this person the Pulitzer for their online journalism of marriage statistics!
LittleKnownOne
I would say all but I left room for the anomalies at the ends of the bell curve.
IwishIwereKeithDavid
Is everything okay at home?
AzgarOgly
I don't think I would trust the product named "Trojan". Especially in the matter that important. Nope.
MotherofVodka
They're also the most uncomfortable condoms I've ever used. Okamoto Crown condoms are the tits.
InboxMeYourMaineCoons
The Trojan walls were impenetrable. It took trickery to get through them. Sperms are not generally as tricksy as Odysseus.
AzgarOgly
But women are.
WhatsAHoya
TRICKSY FILTHY SPERMITSES
dietderpsy
Get off Xbox Shane!
ASDFFDSAASDFASDF
maybe it's a reference to the walls not the big wooden horse (that got in and surprise released all the soldiers)
ASDFFDSAASDFASDF
the greeks all came in on boats, does that make them seamen instead of soldiers?
AzgarOgly
Marines.
Faberaber
"Troia" means bitch in italian
dalexandru20
... Written and directed by woody Allen...
krugle
Grind that shit up and get it in ya!
FsImgur
She's probably gonna blow his mind.
Justgotya
Snort it like a vacuum cleaner
TinyBiscuits
AlcoholicSpastic
.
lncorrectGrammerNazi
UrsaUrsa
I prefer the T-Rex
LightningFIshLivesInTheDeep
Make her snort it too. Just in case she's the alien queen from The Faculty.
Metallica93
Holy fucking shit, that reference! JON STEWART!
ffips
20-year reference game is strong!
shortarms
Why not just break up if you don’t like her
dead0eye
It's just a joke i guess, sometimes the headache is totally worth it. You'll tend to miss it when you no longer get it...
Mrgolde
I’ve been working on mine for 8 years, it’s getting better and it’s rewarding when you grow with someone, but lots of headaches.
shortarms
It’d probably be easier if you didn’t say negative things about her behind her back.
dracodood
Awfully assumptuous
shortarms
Nope. Just observational.
bobbbie2531360
She's been afraid to tell OP he has a small dick, headaches are just her excuse, she's too nice.
tulleyTerror
Because it's just a joke I liked and saw ???? I am a married man to an amazing women thanks
shortarms
Then stop talking shit about her to strangers??
Doctaprocta
Been trying to kick her out for 6 months now. Not as easy as you think
shortarms
Call the cops if she’s trespassing
AllTheCoolKidsPeeTheirPants
I think it’s a joke
ChocloMan
you really think someone would do that, just go on the internet and tell jokes?
sciencebasedlifeform
On imgur? Are you sure?
AllTheCoolKidsPeeTheirPants
I can’t be sure but I have a good feeling
Burdturgler
DidntGetTheReference
That's gotta be at least three
PUNNYguy65
Wha-how?
JackieTreehornProductions
jeam778
Ouch
Gilganesha
Trelfar
Well they actually expire so apparently the poor bastard only had a few years left to live when this went out in 2014. RIP.
RC1359
Pretty sure its implying he'll never get laid again
Trelfar
MalePatternBlackness
Must be married.
thelovebelowzero
That's just depressing
M4nFle5h
What is coincided to be a lifetime of condoms? How do you even calculate something so hypothetical.
MoistenedPenguin
Well, assuming he dies the next day, a box is surly enough for the rest of his life.
HandsWillNeverFit
Considered* and you gather data based on how much you have sex in X period and apply it reducing with age and stop it at say, age 60
DarkZalgo
Actually I've read that sexual activity increases in 60s and 70s. Because old people have like nothing else to do.
HandsWillNeverFit
Of course there's some but it still can't compare to the libido of a younger, freshly in love couple
IntergalacticElephant
You would be surprised at how much sex older couples have. Damn near rivals youngers
DarkZalgo
Sure it can. A younger couple still has responsibilities. People in their 60s and 70s are usually retired with nothing to so.
somethingsomethingusernamey
It means he will only have sex a handful of times
[deleted]
[deleted]
gimking
Hell yeah! Raw doggin' the wife!
ShamanShacker
Im gonna tell him
johnnydarkside
box last box ever about 6 years ago. Got snipped. No more pill or rubbers!
The701
So....how's the procedure, and the afterwards?
johnnydarkside
Mine was textbook. Chatted with doc and surg tech the whole time. Little pain during and minimal after. Got a scrip for loritab but didn't/
johnnydarkside
like the side effects so just popped ibuprofen periodically. Relax for a couple days after then take it easy for a couple more after./
rhinocerass
Hell yeah brother!
AgolfHiller
Yeah border let's go ride my sister after it's been a while
Gatejejf
donkeymoney
Babies!
ThomKlanc
No babies yet ;)
donkeymoney
Do not worry, brother. There's always the next ovulation.
WaltTheWeinerDog
Love the username.
GingerLaird
Please tell me this is an onion report.
Dovahderp1337
Yes, it is. Here’s the sauce: https://local.theonion.com/man-unknowingly-purchases-lifetime-supply-of-condoms-1819591526
AhhhApplesauce
Not me in the picture. So I guess I'm not the only one.
PerkyPervertedPet
I think the joke is, he won't have more sex in his live than the pack in his hand has condoms.
KingDingus92
That it is. Good job
SatoriEnlightenment
Also. That’s fucked up. Yo.
SatoriEnlightenment
Needed that. Thanks.
IncorrektGramerNazi
wow that joke completely went over my head; I assumed he somehow won a larger supply of condoms
TreeNibblingPoptart
Yeah, I thought maybe he won a sweepstakes on the box or something. The more you know
Manateeheehee
Omg I didn't get this joke until you explained it. I am dumb.
AodhanVeIshtar
Right there with ya xP
korruptbeowulf
Him: “Hey honey I bought you some aspirin at the store” Her: “but I don’t have a headache?” Him: “perfect no excuses let’s hit it raw”
TheLoneWolf1015
babybugwondercat
Glad everyone here understands consent so well.
CookieJedi
Almost as well as you understand the concept of a joke by the looks of things.
TheLoneWolf1015
IHugTrees
Just here to advocate using ibuprofen or acetaminophen for headaches instead of aspirin. Continue along..
phantalor
just here the remind you ibu does kill your stomach lining as well as being number one cause for ulcers ...but aspirin does just the same
SPJaymo117
stonedrunkdoctor
I can’t look at the guy without thinking about “the claw”
heeloo
Yeah, it's tough when embarrassing details about your private life are exposed to the public, because of a bad date.
toasteheh
Man this guy just solved the matrix or some shit
ohdeepthought
Well sex helps headaches so really sex is a cure...
BrofessorMegan
Sex also cures the hiccups for my bf. Pretty sure he purposely gives himself the hiccups now. Oh well
anonnymoosecommenter
Yeah, check this out, some poor people get headaches from sex. It's a bitch &1/2 going from bliss to blinding pain w/o hurting partner feels
RalfJWiggum
Wouldn't care as long as they help finish.
ohdeepthought
You get migraines from orgasms? Damn
anonnymoosecommenter
Have in the past. It's not all the time, but when I do, it's awful. I don't want bf to know and worry he did something wrong. But it hurts.
threecheersforsweetrevenge
For some. But it doesn't work that way for everyone
Z0op
When i got a headache, or worse a migraine, the last thing i need is a heightened heartrate which makes my head feel like its about to xplod
EastofReason
I've suffered migraines pretty constant since I was 16. That's 20 years ago. Still comes down to...don't care, had sex.
threecheersforsweetrevenge
Yeah, have tried the whole "getting you off will make the headache go away" b.s.. I couldn't even sit up afterwards due to how bad my 1/2
RoodKontjeAapje
Or someone moaning close to your face, or being shoved back and forth violently...
moonshadowkati
Agreed, surefire way to make things worse for me.
ImAgentSmecker
Don't forget coffee or an energy drink in case she pulls out the I'm tired card
TrippingPocahontas
ive never once in my life been too tired for sex. head maybe, but not sex
avervetmonkey
Just make sure she's not one of the people who get sleepy from caffeine when they're tired. Stimulants help chill some people.
ImAgentSmecker
Good point. Thanks! Never thought of that
museofheart
if shes pullin out a card it means she doesnt want to bang. respect her decision
ImAgentSmecker
It was a joke man. Calm down
merlinious
Then just say no, i dont want to. Dont make stuff up, we do our best to solve problems.
museofheart
usually the excuse is made up bc of people being unable to take the word no
NatalieDormerWillYouMarryMe
thats the problem, no its not. its the go to solution way too often
avervetmonkey
That can be the problem though, if the one not wanting to have sex would get badgered about solving that if they want other things instead.
NatalieDormerWillYouMarryMe
I have to say reading this and all the comments attached, anyone else feel he meant the aspirin for him, not her? not for sex reasons at all
NatalieDormerWillYouMarryMe
that was my interpretation of the joke anyhow
bassurfer
No, because he said "I bought YOU some aspirin"
NatalieDormerWillYouMarryMe
He doesnt say that in the gif at all, in which we are reffering to... Might you try again?
AThreeFootTallChocolateMooseWithFudgeEyes
Her: okay. *gets strapon out*
BeerCir
IAmNotTheDevil
*laughs in bisexual*
Aquatomahawk
You don't have to be bisexual to take a strap on in the ass
CalibrationTest
You are saying that like it's a bad thing
Muffdiver9
Beat me to it.
IAmRelevantToThis
I still really want someone to let me try this... I think I would really enjoy it
HULKAMANIABROTHER
Username checks out