OnlyByMoonlight
71705
1259
14
Jan 25, 2024 6:02 AM
OnlyByMoonlight
71705
1259
14
Ivalicenyan
You : "You're welcome"
Her : "Hand me the moist jizz towelette?"
DankTimez4Eva
Raw dawg. Feels better and you have handy moist towelette after the hot wings
novagalaxias
Marunell
I love, LOVE, moist towelettes!!
RHFiesling
MarkSoupial
If you play it right, you can turn one into the other; VERY easy to convince someone willing to sleep with you to go halfsies on a bucket of wings
Dawsonge
Waw I need this very soon
Qrania
hahahahaha
MrHappySmiles
Why have I been cursed with neither!! *on high fist*
reddenbocker
....why not both?
ssomed
Wings it is
LeCoq1963
Indeed, but they both fit in the category of things it's better to have, and not need, than to need, and not have.
seakoos
She said I could spend the night and that she had a pull out couch. The couch did not pull out. But that's what she called it.
ArcanisTheOmnipotent
If there is not enough time to buy a condom, there isn’t enough time to consider if you should be having sex.
ArdentSlacker
Moist owlettes are the best owlets.
happywalker
ArdentSlacker
Owls are basically balls of derp and claws, you see? ;)
pemgur
Dress for the job you want.
Ifekinlovesauerkraut
Almost 40 years ago, one of my fellow apprentices (a massive fookin' cunt) always carried this old condom around in his wallet. When he finally found a girl who was drunk enough to have sex with him, the thing ripped. That child must be in their late 30s now...
RedCamaro
AtsaMattaForMe
bendaresall
What oglaf is that? There was a ... puzzle vag in a strip bit that's a guy
ArchMagos
Her puzzle vagina was obviously too complex for you.
Zakcl
See? You cannot plumb the depths for sheer enigma!
GovernorRichardGecko
Zakcl
Links to Oglaf can get punished, so go there, the one you want is /trammels/
bendaresall
Thanks a lot! Hehe
DrKleiner007
Im lying in bed right now, „recovering“ from my vasectomy earlier today. More moist towelettes for me.
OnlyByMoonlight
Been there. Done that. Two words: frozen peas
NomDeImguerre
NotTinyPancakes
ok whatever is being implie dher asid ethat a pretty owl
PedroBenecol
Ha! I get it.
TopBananna999
I’m just not that clever. I had to read further down the comments to realize it is a moist owlette. Funny, yes! Easy to guess with just a glance, also probably yes, but beyond my ability to work out without a morning coffee.
RawSuger
I remember the immense sense of defeat handing an antique condom to a more prolific friend who had run out
ChicanoBatman
Always enjoyed handing my buddies Magnum condoms in college. Had more than a few women call me later resulting in my nickname: Segundo Carne... Second Meat
koops
indecisivemelonhead
Those look gross
supercoolfresh
Is he still your friend?
ComcastLover
Too busy with his kids
AwesomeName
I have thrown out more condoms after the expiry date than I have used.
TopBananna999
And here I didn’t even know that condoms even had an expiration date, it has been so long since I have handled one…
suchpun
Use them to have a fancy wank with yourself. Avoids the cleanup.
ImSynnical
This is the way
CuntCrotchula
Also, don't use the wallet condom
iRememberLOLcats
But it's been aged like a fine wine!
reddenbocker
Or you could be smart enough to REMEMBER the wallet condom and refresh it from time to time rather than putting one in there and forgetting it for decades.
JaromirAzarov
Lots of wallet condom babies around, I assume...
CertifiedPreOwnedButtPlug
My husband keeps a spare Lactaid tablet in his wallet. He is, in fact, way more likely to encounter cheese while he is out than he is to get laid. Cuz that part happens at home. Where the condoms are.
HandoB4Javert
ironymus
that's so stupid, I love it 😂👍
HandoB4Javert
Takes a moment.
IUsedToHaveUsernameOnce
I just don't use condoms. Had a vasectomy.
RyanSilver612
Still gotta protect from stds
IUsedToHaveUsernameOnce
Oh right. I should've probably said I'm married
FiftyShadesOfMascarpone
Use the wallet instead
Kyen155
I mean mine is empty, so may as well use it for something!
ministryofpeace
An empty wallet is an excellent contraceptive
firlefranz
If you were thinking of a certain type of woman, that may be true.../s
aSheepAmongWolves
The ham wallet
HandoB4Javert
firlefranz
GoddoG9001
that ring shows though your wallet way too much
patta8388
I do use it. But it doesn't stay there longer than a week and my wallet is always in my coat pocket. No one sitting on that
TheBluntSoldier
Lifehack: You can take a toothpick, shorten it a little and pierce it through the condom. That way the pick holds the wallet open just enough to not damage the condom through friction.
cocainerabbit
that's how i stayed with your mother
jonReremy9669
Brix83
you're technically not wrong....
bratwurstpenis69
s m o a r t
MasterMookie
You can if put it in a good old gameboy game case. But still remember to change it as they do expire.
budgetnoms
Doesn't work for larger size :/
MasterMookie
Yeah they do. Unless you are buying some stupid brand wrapper packaging. The size difference on the wrapper isn't that different. It is the condom that is made differently.
budgetnoms
Not sure why the downvote for stating my experience lol. It was magnum XL's that didn't fit the case for me. I've since changed brands and haven't tried any of the new ones I've tried (it was ages ago that I tried).
MasterMookie
I'm not downvoting you buddy. But condom companies that make large condoms are just selling it for novelty. Large-size condoms are those that aren't as tight as small ones. Stretchier so it doesnt kill your blood flow.
witkop
That will not fit in my wallet. With all the money I usually carry in it /s
firlefranz
Expiration dates on condom packages put me under undue pressure... /s
v
FoxySpirit
Original Gameboy game cases are still the perfect condom container. I but a pack of replicas from amzn just for that.
AshyBoneVR4
This is actually pure genius.
budgetnoms
Any suggestions for larger size?
FoxySpirit
Don't know why you were downvoted, legit question. You could try Game Gear cases. Also square and a bit larger.
budgetnoms
Not sure either, maybe jealousy? Will see what I can find, thanks!
bathtubdronestrike
Things I've learned growing up in early 2000 highschool. The wallet condom is likely expired. The wallet condom is likely damaged from butt pocket friction. Wearing two condoms does not actually work. Buffalo wings are delicious, be sure to carry a cleaning device for hands.
whatspaulplayingtoday
All of these are accurate.
DryAgedPopsicle
Are buffalos flightless birds? Their wings seem so tiny.
whateverthevoicestellme
Nobody uses dental dams
HandoB4Javert
justfillingthespace
Those tan lines don't make sense from any angle.
HandoB4Javert
Psyman2
Did... did she have sex with someone without a Torso?
Aforaseem
That's rude to say against torso challenged people
KlatnYelox
Torso is the usually pressed up against the others body when you're doing doggy style
Psyman2
What??
NefariousGoop
Like... horizontal?
ironymus
Reversed Cowgirl would create those tan lines
justfillingthespace
In that case she wouldn't have a tan on at *least* the upper half of the back of her legs.