pilomotor
28987
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Apr 28, 2026 6:03 AM
pilomotor
28987
529
6
TheSecondPiewackit
Prove I don't believe it.
Snooj
You think reading facts will change my mind? I still believe.
JacktheKind
I always thought cognitohazards were truly nightmarish things.
But the only consequence, is my european ass - who never intended to do anything of significance in Kentucky - simply can't get married there, by the stuffed cocaine bear.
elbowdeepinawhateverthatis
Oh great, thanks for the cognitohazard, OP.
ElbowDeepInAPoliceState
The person responsible for dissolving the marriage (dunno whether it's a bureaucratic or legal process) would have to prove that at the time of the marriage one or both partners didn't believe that the taxidermied bear couldn't officiate a wedding, which is going to be pretty difficult thing to prove without them outright stating they knew it wasn't permitted
MajorasTerribleFate
The only logical choice is to act in a way that validates Cocaine Bear's ability to perform weddings. If it attains consciousness and you didn't help that happen, then Cocaine Bear comes after you.
Rokocaine's Bearsilisk.
thegarts
That movie was something else.
anoranora
Everyone who reads and understands this post is qualified to go to law school now
ConnectToReality
I read the post and I still believe in cocaine bear's vested powers.
Sechran
The Tinkerbell Effect - something that's made true by the widespread belief that it is. Biggest example? Fiat money is worth anything.
Badprenup
I've always been hard-pressed to call things like "fiat money having a value" the Tinkerbell Effect. I feel like there should be a distinction between systems intentionally designed by people for measurement or facilitating parts of daily life and things that develop spontaneously without intentional human design.
I don't think fiat currency has value JUST because people believe in it, we know it doesn't but we also all (mostly) agree that it's the best solution available for making trade work.
Larktonguesinadicecup
Right any given example of fiat currency was deliberately created with the intent that everyone would believe in it by the same organization that still maintains it or a successor. We could call that artificial in a nonpejorative sense. Things like urban legends that turn into belief we could call organic like sovereign citizen stuff. Someone hears that somewhere and believes it, but there's no particular group that creates or owns that stuff.
ThadisJones
If an actual legal dispute ever hinged on whether or not Cocaine Bear was an authorized wedding officiant, the finding would probably be "no", so this is less a loophole in the law and more like a thing where it works only as long as everyone plays along with it despite knowing otherwise.
ardtay
whoisyourdaddy
"reading this post renders you unable to get married by Cocaine Bear" - Not if you don't believe this post. So Magats can still get married by Cocaine Bear.
SwissScars
"The" Cocaine Bear, or any Cocaine Bear.
bayesiancuttlefish
ANY cocaine bear in Kentucky.
But since you read the post, not you.
UneventfulLover
According to the cited source, _any_ bear in Kentucky will do. Cocaine optional, but may help keep the bear occupied until the newlyweds, best man, and best woman get away, or it would be a "One wedding and four funerals" kind of thing
thisisjunk
Good point. So far, there has only been one Cocaine Bear. But, if another such were to exist. And should it end up in Kentucky, I see no reason why Cocaine Bear 2 would not also be able to officiate weddings. It's really down to whether one Cocaine Bear is insufficient to meet the market demand of couples who are willing to have their marriage performed by a drugged up bear (or the carcass thereof).
shyriath
I would argue that any second bear might be physically separate but spiritually the same; i.e. there is but one Cocaine Bear, but He is not limited to one simultaneous manifestation upon this earth, appearing whenever and wherever He is needed and coke is in sufficient supply.
johnxbear
False. I believe it has the power to do so. So it does. Just because "the man" doesn't want me to get married doesn't mean i don't believe it.
trinxter
This rock can legally officiate at your wedding. Look at it! It's clearly an official rock.
ReverseSyzygy
nono, that's the cocaine
pdp1
mrsparkle001
LariCheltsy
No we actually drive on the correct side of the road in Kentucky
mrsparkle001
Yeah I couldn't find a better Kentucky meme. Its so unimportant a state people don't even bother making memes about it.
Grapeape2000
Well aint that just a Roko's Basilisk
ThrashAndChemistry
https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1a2U0N282eW5ibjU3OTJscjgyYTZoMjh3Ymw5OTlyOXp5MWxmbWNkaCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/TL6poLzwbHuF2/200w.webp
mksu
The game, but the consequences are far more severe
KingdomsCrown
Welp there goes my 8 year winning streak
Neednoggle
That's the first thing I thought of too. Dammit, I wanted to be the one to ruin everyone's day >=/
flnhst
slightlybrokenegg
Damn get good scrub I won the game over a decade ago and was given immunity from having to play. It sucks this generation doesn’t understand the game and what it take to win.
bacononbacon
So much blood…..
fcib
As marriages usually have.
Arook1
I would say less severe personally.
dogfavoriter
"if the parties believe that..." how the hell would you even establish this one way or another if it were challenged in court?
thisisjunk
"eh, they wasn't siblin's. 't's legal enough." From the government's typical point of view, marriage is more of a legal contract that the two people will be acting as a single unit for various activities. And the city or county clerk that filed the paperwork for the marriage is much more important for it being legal. Plus, divorce in Kentucky is (for now) no-fault. So, any reasons why a couple might separate kinda don't matter. Just file the paperwork.
iRecommendBooks
Really common thing for states to give up on deciding who is a valid officiant or not, because anyone can hang a shingle and declare themselves a clergy in their own religion and have followers.
States don't want to be in the business of determining whether Pastor Cousin Joe is a real sticks pastor or a fraud.
Huor
Kentucky.
IWantedOneOfThoseLongUsernamesTooSoIGotOne
I just want to know how the stuffed Cocaine Bear sings the paperwork. I've officiated three marriages, you gotta sign the paperwork!
htapoicoS
Yeah thanks for this post, asshole. Now I can't get married by the cocaine bear
pilomotor
Sure you can. Just get blackout drunk as soon as possible.
thisisjunk
"Reading this post... blah blah blah" This is patently untrue. Reading something doesn't automatically alter what you believe. Cocaine Bear isn't a Fae creature to be bound by Weird laws.
doctorbocker
It kinda seems like it is.
FanBladeFleshlight
That would be like if reading the Bible forced you to believe any of it. No, simply obtaining information doesn't mean a damn thing.
I mean hell, look at all the people who went to school, graduated, and still think vaccines will kill you.
FoxPesdassi
It does in the sense that it reinforces natural supposition. Neither I, nor any other rational person, would have reason to think that any taxidermied animal has the authority to "officiate" (despite being inanimate) weddings. BUT, if we read a special legal exemption had been made for this *specific* bear, that would suggest an intriguing possibiltiy--which would just as quickly be voided when we *also* read that no such exemption was made. The situation defaults to normality.
Clayman8
That we know of...
Someshithead241
Yes it does. You can no longer believe, because you know it can't. You can continue to act like you believe, but you will always know or doubt.
thisisjunk
Cognitive Dissonance is a feature in Humans. If they continue to say they believe and act like they believe. Then we have no way of proving whether they actually believe or not.
Athanar
I believe a court could be feasibly be convinced that a person saw the ruling and became convinced that it made the law effectively meaningless due to the exception, meaning the bear COULD officiate weddings. The whole thing loops back on itself.
I'm not entirely convinced otherwise, actually...
LordAndSaviourBirdJesus
You only have to convince the state that you believe, which I guess wouldn't be difficult. So simply stating you believe in Cocaine Bear's authority should be enough, no?
LuLuPennyAndOdium44
I've read the majority of the bible and yet am still not an abrahamic theist... take that athiests!
Vectron
If religious people can deny the evidence of their eyes and ears so can I.
Someshithead241
That's called delusion and sunk cost fallacy. You still doubt, but you force yourself deeper into your deeply held beliefs to deny that doubt.
But it still exists.
CommodoreSkippy
Couples have been legally married by the bear. That means it it CAN marry people, even if legislators say it's not allowed to. It can because it has, a fact that proves itself. If I insist that it can't marry people, I'd be denying the reality that it has, and I for one chose to believe in reality.
Corin
I personally know that Cocaine Bear *can*. I believe wholeheatedly regardless of what you or anyone says
Wapusk
What if I have a brain injury and having read it once is insufficient to form a permanent opinion?
Yacobs21
I disagree entirely, this post is what made me believe the cocaine bear can officiate weddings
Before I saw this, I didn't believe, but I was convinced by explaining the legal interaction it is based upon
Someshithead241
No because by knowing it can't, but can be exploited through supposed belief, any interaction you will have going forwards will be under that mindset. The intention of exploiting a supposed belief.
FaeVikingPrincess
But it says that it can. If we believe. So we choose to believe in his authority.
CommodoreSkippy
The key here is that "belief" and "knowing" are distinct things. If my belief in the cocaine bear is sufficient to grant it the authority to marry people, then it shall have it.
FaeVikingPrincess
Someone mentioned the fey. And lo' here I am
thisisjunk
Greetings! Would you like an apple, in these trying times?
Aranon1183
Oh, great... It's everyone's least Faevourite Fae.😜😜
FaeVikingPrincess
Least favorite? That's not cool. 😭
Aranon1183
I'm sorry. I just wanted to use the pun.😅😅