Agunslingerborn
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Mar 30, 2026 11:25 PM
Agunslingerborn
23102
379
15
spontaneous9
"People who punish their kids by naming them weird shit like this are idiots."
-- Trey Squattreaux
ToenailClippingsJar
Mr. Mxyzptlk agrees, it’s infuriating (mandatory /s these days).
TheMentallyillist
They were so close to naming the child Rhapsody which while unusual would have been infinitely better.
Bugdaze
I worked in a call center once and kept a personal list I titled "You Named Your Kid WHAT?" and as a result I totally believe this story is possible. I don't know how people do it though. I picked a perfectly acceptable but (to me) not optimal middle name for my son 30+ years ago and feel guilty for it
blahblahbushes
100% that Abcde kid is gonna be nicknamed "obesity" in high school.
EmeraldLight
We should ask her, she's around that age now
veronicablood
Ella Menopee unavailable for comment
suggestedCleverUsernameGenerator
Let’s be clear. They were not mocking the child.
They were mocking the mother because it is a stupid name. The mother chose it not the child.
Shaodyn
Kids will find things to make fun of even with normal names like Bob and Steve. Parents, you don't need to give bullies extra ammo like this.
kinogami
Lewis Black did a bit about this kind of thing years ago https://youtu.be/Z1mOFzv02lk
StunttheRunt
Was hoping someone else remembered this.
krstd
Naming yourself or your kid in such manners just screams of attention seeking IMHO.
rbudrick
And it is.
bambulina
That's exactly what it is. Mom wants to be asked about it so she can pat herself on the back for her "creativity". I'm sure she's also loving being mocked so she can perform outrage.
MarsIsAfire
I knew someone who named their dog Dog, and pronounced it dee-OH-gee. I thought it was cute. For a kid, Abcde? not so much.
ArchaeoEejit
Obesity Redford? Obesity Redford?....
pachyderm
My thoughts exactly
bhraal
No, Abscidy. Like if someone is trying to say 'abscess', but only remembers the first half of the word.
emu314159127001
"Oh, just be your weird self, let others join the dance!" STFU, no they will not, and you will be very lonely. Even if you try to hide it, actually. Source: the mirror
Newdonster
Ok Mr. Not Sure.
emu314159127001
Just remember, some day that kid will have their hand on the plug.
carbonr1
Eyeetsass
Do these fucking people hatch out of meat sacks like the orcs in lord of the rings, or what? How are you going to do the most bizarre shit possible, and evade mockery? What fucking planet is this?
spontaneous9
magila
Should have named her Ella Menopie. (LMNOP)
ellseeawesomesauce
2018? Hopefully the kiddo is now old enough to have changed her own name.
LinguisticBitch
Poor kids.
FlatPlutoSociety
Huh, I'm surprised that this is actually a real story. According to a CNN story, the gate agent took a picture of the boarding pass and posted it to Facebook, which is extremely fucked up regardless of how dumb the kid's name is.
KaijuMcCitysmash
I sometimes wonder how many of these kids are going to grow up and murder their parents
Aefinn
Omnimorph2112
I gave my child a stupid name that will likely cause them unnecessary trouble, grief and bullying throughout their whole life and I'm furious that people are mispronouncing it! This is clearly everyone else's fault!
LoudBirb
On the same token, I really wish we, as a society, were beyond bullying people or causing them intentional grief over shit they can't control.
But it's too easy to join in the fun of ripping on random strangers and too uncomfortable to think about a poor kid crying themselves to sleep, afraid to go outside and wishing they were someone else.
NeoMonish
Yes, but in this particular case I really doubt that the gate agent for an airline actually mocked the child's name. They probably said "I'm sorry, is this name correct? How do you pronounce that?" or some similar harmless thing and Mom went off. Service workers would absolutely mock the Mom for that, but out the back on smoko. Very few are stupid enough to do it to a customer's face, that's asking for discipline or termination.
LoudBirb
Oh, for sure, I'm more than happy to give service workers all the benefit of the doubt in these situations. I was more referring to the idea presented by the comment I replied to that the kid has likely been bullied her whole life by strangers about it.
Moreso, you can even see it in the comment section of this post. Hell, I'd bet good money the comment section of any site this story shows up in is full of people poking fun at the name.
Never a spare thought for the kid who might see it.
Omnimorph2112
There's only so much you can expect from people though. If I name my kid TitsMcGee then yeah, other kids are gonna rip them to shreds, people look at the id and will either not believe it or just laugh. That would be entirely on me as a parent. A name like that on an id and it becomes a TSA workers job to question it because it seems fake as hell.
LoudBirb
It would certainly be on you as a parent.
It would ALSO be on the people making fun of the name. Especially if they found out it was real.
People are responsible for their actions, and far too many are far too careless with theirs. My whole point is that people should start thinking about others a bit more. Don't default to mockery when kindness (or at least professionalism) are perfectly viable alternatives.
Yeah, people are assholes. Doesn't mean we can't vocally expect better from them.
eromitlab
Did she consider not saddling her child with a yoonek name?
rhitard
Well gee, if it's on 9GAG it must be true!
Jyx123
Very fair, although out of curiosity, in this case it does seem to be:
https://edition.cnn.com/2018/11/30/us/abcde-southwest-apologizes-scli-intl/
Kiares
It predates 9GAG by a bit, she's probably 30 by now
Ankylosaur
The flight date is 2018
Kiares
I know, it was an exaggeration, anything on the Internet is probably a lie after like 2004
eetsumkaus
the Marilyn Manson rib thing started way before that...
Kiares
As did trickle down economics
ProfessorVanDiggenSagg
You know, I always mock our german bureaucracy for their unwill to go with the flow of time. E.g. Sometimes you can't register historic and/or Electro Vehicles on seasonal license plates, because the databank only accepts 8 letters. But I dread the day on which they suddenly decide to modernize and allow special characters, let alone emojis.
SirRichfield
Verleihnix (Lit. Lendnothing) is the German name of Ordralfabétix, the gallic fishmonger. Also known as Unhygienix (UK) or Epidemix (USA), which shows how something can change during localisation.
TheDildoOfConsequences
As an Ausländer resident in Germany, I'd first assume that this is fake news from the Bild. I mean... Schokominza? Seriously?
harthram
Does that mean chocolate mint?
Zedrapazia
Correct, it does.
Apparently that's fine but Peppermint wasn't.
SirRichfield
For all the non Germans out there, the highlighted Matt-Eagle is a homonym of the Mettigel, where we put onions into a ball of
SirRichfield
raw minced pork meat (Mett) to make it look like a hedgehog (Igel).
Zedrapazia
So Atomfried is forbidden but Solarfried is okay? xD
It honestly sounds like a bunch of these were submitted by the same parents and the approved name is the second one after their first attempt was denied.
Jyx123
Pfefferminza denied but Schokominza was granted!
ProfessorVanDiggenSagg
At least he can live a happy life now
SirRichfield
Don't say it too loud or Altmaier, Reiche and Söder will do everything in their might to forbid Solarfried, because of Die Grüüüüüüüüüüüüüüünen!!!!
Ih8thisSoMuch
My brain catalogs these parents (who name their children like they're brainstorming vanity plates) along with guy roller-blading with exotic reptile - it's a "look at me" energy, cause they're def not thinking of the kid in that moment.
eetsumkaus
in Japan, these kinds of names are called "Kira Kira" (lit. "Twinkle Twinkle"). It's a bit of Japanese tongue-in-cheek humor mocking their parents for having main character syndrome.
Ih8thisSoMuch
Wait, as in "tinkle twinkle, little star"? Cause that's fitting
eetsumkaus
it just means to twinkle in general, or draw attention to yourself. It is often used in a positive sense, but in this case I have to believe it's used sarcastically. It is coincidentally the translation of the same song to the language.
Ih8thisSoMuch
I see. Yeah, a quick search showed me a YA book with that name (Kira-Kira) and it's apparently used in earnest - but like most common terms if you put a little stink on it, it takes on a whole other meaning
Zeeall
Stuff like this makes me glad my country got laws regarding naming.
eetsumkaus
or just require people to provide a phonetic pronunciation. Not everyone uses the alphabet the same way.
TheFuckfaceWhisperer
Here in Japan, there's a list of kanji that can be used for names. Anything outside of the approved kanji are not legal for names. When we were coming up for names for our kids, I wanted names that could be used no matter where they lived. I am of Guatemalan decent so we picked names that would work in English, Spanish, and Japanese. For example, the kanji for things like moon, stars, etc... can transform into things like Selene or Celeste, stuff like that. Worked out really well.
FoxyEllie
oh that's a beautiful idea
TheWombatStrikesAgain
Some countries prioritize the right of parents to fuck up the lives of their kids in any way they want to.
Other countries prioritise the right of children to live a normal life.
DaveSamsonite
It's pronounced "Oz Weepay," not Asswipe.
This is from an absolute ancient SNL sketch that had Nicolas Cage in it. As a new perspective parent, he was projecting all of the name is proposed for their new kid.
rydecker
legislative common sense
DevilsAdvocat
our country does actually have some regulations, but.. yeah, it obviously could be expanded
jzbstl
No matter what your parents name you, every human should have an opportunity when they become a legal adult to choose a new name. First, middle, and last. You could keep your given name if you like it, or drop your middle name, take a new last name, whatever.
I’ve always thought it’s bullshit that people get saddled for life with a name they didn’t choose.
HamSlamwich
But... you can do this. At the EXACT moment you wish for. At the age of 18 you can walk into a court building and do EXACTLY what you're talking about.
Now that you know it's possible(and fairly easy), arr you gonna go do it?
Badprenup
I assume they meant without it costing up to $600+ in legal costs, and potentially including updates to associated documents like SSN cards, birth certificate, existing IDs, all in one fell swoop.
That said, while I get the overall concept of having a system like that and doing it at age 18 before you start to accrue a large paper trail of legal documents that come with being an adult, trusting 18 year olds to be smart and mature about something like that seems like a stretch lol
IHaveGreatKittenRecipes
I fully fukin *did* do this, as a girl born in 87 with the name Jennifer I was one of *literally millions* of Jennifers running around. It was the #1 baby girl name for like a decade on either side of my birth year. So, I always went by nicknames anyway, figured I'd change my name to one of those. I can confirm it's super easy, pretty cheap too.
Also, loophole, but most marriage certificates allow for freeform name blanks. You can change your name on it and it counts.
HamSlamwich
Lol can confirm. I have a sister named Jennifer. And I was class of 02 and EVERY SINGLE CLASS I was ever in had a minimum of 2 Jennifers.
jayman0123
Robert'); DROP TABLE Students;-- strikes again
djr2
Im surprised this didn’t take down Imgur
TryHardEggplant
Little Bobby Tables!
BenderRodriguz1010
Genuinly interested. I worked at the DMV for a long time in the US and have seen some names that shouldn't be allowed because its just mean to the child or fucks up paperwork entirely. People change their names to ridiculous shit too. I met a Jimmy Nutron. https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1dHY4c3ZhdGV0bHV1aXVjM25vdTYwbTBuN2Nhd29vaHRxdjFudDZhNCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/j5ElOMw40c0H6uvBtf/200w.webp
Elonth
Sorry jimmy "Nut-ron"? or jimmy New-tron?
thejon
Back in the early 00s I was delivering pizzas and made regular deliveries to a lovely older woman named "Sha-theed". Except it was spelled "Shi-thead".
I hope she wasn't, but I'm fairly certain when she was growing up that everyone called her shithead.
HulaJesus
Did he end the interaction with "Gotta blast!"?
BenderRodriguz1010
No lol he had no idea about the cartoon. He just thought he was cool lol.
lostinthoughts
We also have laws regarding names (meaning that when you get the first paperwork done, your name has to be approved) and the worst one I've read was a sorry fella called "Chester Justin" born in 2001...
DestinyPrevails
If you want a fairly restrictive example, check this Danish government website:
https://www.personregistrering.dk/hc/en-gb/articles/360021482040-Choice-of-names-and-naming-rules
There's a list of approved first names you can pick from. If you want an unapproved name (Usually foreign, but also memes), you apply for approval and may be granted it. But if you don't get approval you can't name your kid that legally. Most people select a name from the approved list.
somethingstupidandclever
My friend's mom was an admissions person at a large university. She'd always share some of the better names she'd come across. One that always stood out was AlPacinoScarface as just a first name. Ill omit the last name for privacy and yes. Thats just the first name.
BenderRodriguz1010
https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1Zzdqb2NlcnFjaGF4cDRkdndzeGFzOG90NGE4d3kzZjRmdzYxNnBjYSZlcD12MV9naWZzX3RyZW5kaW5nJmN0PWc/l0ExayQDzrI2xOb8A/200w.webp
Machi4vel
I‘m glad you dont let is narrow it down, so many AlPacinoScarfaces in this world
MothMonsterMan
Shit you not we have a James Darth Vader Jones at my work
Sigge1981
I have an acquaintance that added Batman Xerox to his name. He was an adult at the time, so it went through. If his parents had decided to add those names when he was born, I'm pretty sure they would be denied.
shiasurasa12
I've met a Cuban-American named Usnavy (named after the first English word her mom saw, US Navy) and 3 women named Le-A (Ledasha). I currently work with a 't'swhon'ka-nay-nay and my HS math teacher was Dick Johnson (not a diminutive of Richard, his legal name was actually Dick). I really, really thought those were just internet memes. No, parents are really that stupid.
slightlybrokenegg
I mean tbf James jones is a killer name and he gets to fuck with every new person he meets by telling them his middle name.
BenderRodriguz1010
We had an Anakin. No sbit.
Hoiloidl
Friend at least gave their kid Anakin as middle name, first name is completely usable everyday.
Zeeall
To paraphrase the law first names are not to be offensive, presumed to cause discomfort to the wearer or be otherwise unsuitable as a name. There is a bit more too it but thats the basics.
stillnodog
That’s the law we have where I live too (Zeeall, you in Sweden too? Though I guess more countries have similar laws!), and I’m so happy that law exists! Sometimes a name being denied reaches the news, and a recent issue concerns the name Jihad. Plenty of people are already named Jihad in Sweden, but there are concerns that ignorant ppl will make life difficult for kids being named that. Thing is, it’s a traditional Muslim name and should ppl not be named that bc others are ignorant? Just 1/
stillnodog
2/ wanted to give an example of what kind of issues can arise as you said you were curious about how it works :) usually though, it’s more clear cut and pretty much the type of names you’d expect to get a no - Lucifer like Zeeall said, and ABCDE wouldn’t pass either ;)
Zeeall
So like Lucifer, 'Boy Named Sue' and QWERTY would not be allowed.
Quixus
What's wrong with the Lightbringer? 😉
Vortexhelios320
I wonder if someone has ever named their child "VOID" just to fuck up some of their future job/loan applications.
BenderRodriguz1010
Many thanks. Interesting. Here the only names I know you cant have are Null because it messes with computers that use Null in code for stuff. You cant have license plates with it either.
Keittermang
Null is a keyword primarily in databases that just means nothing as in the absence of anything. Different from zero, as zero is something. I'm guessing you're from New Zealand? I always thought it was funny they put restrictions on names when it's really a flaw in the programmer's logic
BenderRodriguz1010
The US, but it's for exactly that reason for license plates.
PballQhead
Some guy in California actually got a NULL license plate a while ago…it did not end well for him.
https://www.wired.com/story/null-license-plate-landed-one-hacker-ticket-hell/