MissDeeMeanor
158237
1625
48
Oct 24, 2021 3:51 PM
MissDeeMeanor
158237
1625
48
DrGonzo1805
Who has time for this amount of fuckery?
Northwindlowlander
Relics are awesome. Like, no, it's not Jesus's foreskin, but, it's the authentic fake jesus foreskin that's been around for 12 centuries
UnicornSausage
Skizmo
Religions are a mental disease.
spattr
He's the son of God. I'm sure he has at least a sixskin or sevenskin.
FunkyFreshFart
Took a while to peel back the truth to this hoax, huh
Rehjee
In the end, they only uncovered the very tip of the iceberg.
TheTripleLindy
You beautiful bastard
v
TakuanSoho
"The four nations lived in harmony, but then rival foreskins soon began to pop up all over Europe" I don't know why I love this phrase <3
RexLibris
How do you circumsise a whale? Four skin divers. I'll see myself out.
chillstepx
SomeDetroitGuy
Did someone think the mohel would keep it? "Here you go, Mary! Here's your baby's foreskin! Enjoy!"
CaldariBob
On a cord around his neck with all the others, like Granpa Mike did in Vietnam?
SaltyEsq
Everyone knows this is top tier end game gear for a paladin. +100 faith
londonosierra2000
Like all foundation for your beliefs
th3grimlin
Ridiculous. Jesus left his foreskin on Saturn when he ascended to heaven. That's where the rings came from.
th3grimlin
Seriously. Leo Allatius in the 17th century. Can't make this up.
mikeymikec
It turns out that The Second Coming was purely so that Jesus could get his towel and foreskin back.
xXxSTEVOxXx
21 Rival Foreskins. New band name! I called it! You all heard me say it!! I called it!
HotsauceIsLethal
Foreskin Jesus
Donaldbain
BornInBabylon
Buster Hymen and the Swinging Organs
wherearemytesticles
Better name than 21 Pilots.
xXxSTEVOxXx
Or 21 savage
Skawomplious
Title of your sex tape, you mean.
CaptainFlow
My husband's nickname in college
Freak0zoid
ataradov
Hey, all christians want a piece of Jesus's dick.
badbmc
Oh that King Charlemagne, he was such a practical joker.
PacMan4Life
Someone needs to turn this into a Magic the Gathering card
RennegaddeFoxxe
Sounds fun. Here you go:
PacMan4Life
That's perfect! I lolled.
BBQ93
Is it not possible that jesus had a foreskin collection, I mean they didn't have pokemon cards to collect in those days
Tom40
I missed that episode of Warehouse 13.
stuart1965
Can I interest anyone in a coffee table from the carpentry workshop of Jesus Christ?
gis4gif
That’s “big dick” energy, there is enough to go around
HarryFrumvrk
Legend has it that one bite of his foreskin could keep you full for up to a year.
dan9ie24
Did you know the Catholic church said it ascended into the sky and became the Rings of Saturn like they wrote it down as gospel
WackKerouac
*Accidentally takes the wrong communion*
Waitihavesomething4this
Still the body of Christ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
bazookasoup
The original communion wafer
PineappleLoopsBroether
……….. chewy or crunchy? ………
q2grapple
Like a pork rind
brianthefly
“Anything a little less penisy?”
cleverlydisguised
Just giant penis I'm afraid
brianthefly
MustardDuck
You get some wine, a wafer, and a piece of beef jerky.
juliovonmatterhorn
What super power did you get?
Apeofdeath
Water into wine
lowerider777
Cotton mouth
counterintel
Fore-sight.
juliovonmatterhorn
+1 brilliant. Simply brilliant.
GanjaPlanet
The ability to cough up foreskin crisps.
ShouldersDeepInAHorse
My palms keep bleeding for no fucking reason!
WackKerouac
I’m gay now
LyraTheLycan
PineappleLoopsBroether
With an extra sensitivity to shellfish
wiltsjunk
Aren't all Jesus relics fake
zorrorosso
As real as the remains of a regular person collected 100+ years after their death (?)
topaz342
I'm going to say 'questionable' until we can get a certified COA (Certificate of Authenticity) signed by an unbiased witness/observer.
Cptmike
Yes
PhloydPhan
Jesus fed the multitude with only five loaves and two fish. It stands to reason he could also multiply his own foreskin.
ObviousPidgeon
Dude was hung.
SavienKennedy
Shittiest super power ever
lastmanonearthbutidroppedmyglasses
I mean if all those communion crackers are His flesh, surely some of them are His foreskin.
FegNiwtons
Are we talking about multiplying the existing jerky or regenerating the foreskin and endlessly making new jerky? Sounds labor intensive
LooseyGooseyBrett
Shaodyn
Yeah, but why would he want to?
50m31AW
Bc they cut it off without his consent. He probably wanted it back
Shaodyn
That makes sense.
DougTheLlama
Like, fiveskin or eightskin, maybe. But twenty-oneskin?
batsi
TA2019
God - "Why the fuck do you keep cutting it off?!"
MustardDuck
1)And behold, the rabi cut jesus's penis for seven days and seven nights, and thus collected a mighty pile of foreskins 15 cubits high and..
MustardDuck
2)...as wide as the ocean. But alas, he was complete even so and all of those that had gathered to witness the holy occasion...
MustardDuck
3)...recieved unto them a piece of jesus so that they could keep it close to their heart and rejoice and show it to their favorite pope.
Vladraconis
Thank you, beautiful
MantisTobagganMD
MissFace
Coming back from the dead could imply that he is regenerative. Therefore it keeps growing back.
SLiMSiM89
This is my kinda Bible discussion
CaldariBob
Like Cassidy in Preacher?
JustPissingAgainstTheWindYOLO
The thing is trolling doesn't help with the religion thing....if I knew better it makes their faith stronger...so not helping dude
tritiumheaven
Dude had like at least 99 dicks, no joke. I saw them back then. Year -1ad. All in one big taint line of dicks. All circumsized.
tommytraddles
Nah, he just had twenty-one goddamn dicks. One more than George Washington.
afahrlig
Thundertaker
Makes as much sense as golden wheel angels with hundreds of eyeballs or any of the other silly refrigerator art kids put in the bible
handbanana13
I bet he had a huge hog
pinatafarmer
Just in case they wanted a snack, he made them some jerky.
HandoB4Javert
Was it still OK or was the jerky off?
WaterUnderTheRocketAppliances
RocinanteBelongsToMars
This sounds blasphemous
IDontWantANameGoAway
Sounds like it, but it's not. It's the 18th missing commandment: Thou shalt snapeth into thy holy Slim Jim
Sasurau
CrimeBrulee
ElbowDeepInAJedi
Yes officer, this is the post right here.
CodeBit
SpacecouchCowboy
SlightChungus
It's probably not Canon but it's safe to assume it was removed in editing for continuity
d0gZpAw
No matter how many times he was circumcised, the foreskin of Jesus always grew back!
AuditorInCharge
I preferred when tying an onion to your belt was the style at the time. Maybe I'm just getting old for all this foreskin crap.
ManOCheese
As opposed to all real relics and parts of the bible that aren't nonsense?
LjubljanaJeNajlepseMestoNaSvetu
I mean you have more modern relics that atr verifiable and have providance, like Pope John Paul 2 blod, or some other modern popes hair...
Bonesy84
Oh sure but that’s not exactly interesting
LjubljanaJeNajlepseMestoNaSvetu
They are put in intricate golf/silver things and shown and worshiper and shit..
night4345
That's not nonsense from the Bible. That's a Ruler making shit up for political points.
nop666
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but the bible is nonsense that someone made up too.
dracklen
Someone certainly wrote it (we know who in many cases). But the historical persons are also very well-corroborated.
ShouldersDeepInAHorse
A ruler making up shit for political points and claiming it's part of a religious book he's never even red, phew, glad that's past us now...
Lassannn
"There are enough pieces of the True Cross floating around Europe to build Noah's Ark." --John Calvin, 14th Century.
flyingmonsters
I believe it was disproved by a scientist
Gremlynn4023
woosh
Pheehelm
"We find a piece of the true cross in every old church we go into, and some of the nails that held it together. I would not like to be (1/2)
Pheehelm
(2/2) positive, but I think we have seen as much as a keg of these nails." --Mark Twain, 19th Century.
Lassannn
He wanted to take a boat ride over the Sea of Galilee but it was super expensive and he said, "Now I know why Jesus walked."
ImaTrashyGalaxy
Hey Lassannn ! Fuck you.
Lassannn
hstein3
MisterLemons
Which is odd because Christ wasn't hung on a cross, but rather, a stake. The Roman custom of hanging until death was done on - >
MisterLemons
- > a large stake with nails driven through the overlapping feet and through overlapping wrists suspended vertically.
Blethigg
And enough of christ's foreskin to make a sail for it, evidently.
Blethigg
Would work especially well in a stiff breeze.
SteveD31415
John Calvin 1509-1564.
Lassannn
I actually meant to type the 6 and hit the 4 instead. Weird.
SerenePrincess013
Makes you wonder if Lassannn has been dipping into the altar hooch...?
Lassannn
only after 8 pm.
SerenePrincess013
I mean, as long as you keep to a schedule.