ibetthisusernamehasntbeentaken
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Jun 18, 2017 1:20 AM
ibetthisusernamehasntbeentaken
341561
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mytola
"The frog spoke over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket." I find it rather hard to understand engineers sometimes...
arthwollipot
My copy of this (in text form rather than images) is dated Aug 2005. I'm sure it was old even then.
dataengineer
I'm a data engineer. Some of these are true some of these aren't. Either way, I find most irritating.
TheMightyCock
+1 for making the text big enough so I can read them from 200 yards away
iwouldliveinsaltforyou
what the fuck do any of these have to do with driving trains?
sunyudai
As a software engineer: Why are you sharing this in image format when a string would be more efficient?
TheBalto
Not to mention the overlapping. At least he/she knows to use PNG.
krispykreme420glazeit
The glass is completely full, half with water and half with air.
IxRxPHYSICIST
Then a physicist walks in and insults everyone....yea we do that a lot.
izmi
I have a Bachelor of Arts. I teach YOUR children how to say "would you like fries with that."
robots914
#13 A graduate with a philosophy degree asks "why do you want fries with that?"
Jackospade
More like: "How many times could you divide a fry until it's no longer a fry? What constitutes 'fry'ness?"
halforderrice
Re: Fwd: Re: Re: Fwd: Re: Re: Fwd: Re: Re: Fwd: Re: Re: Fwd: Re: Re: Fwd: Re: Re: Fwd: Re: Re: Fwd: Re: Funny-ish
somethingprofound
Arts degree here... making more money than my mech eng friend. Not serving fries. Suck itttt.
RICHARDJOKES
#5 is bunk. I have two friends with electrical engineering degrees asking, "Do you want fries with that?"
jenileabedelia
Re:re:re:re:re:re:re:re your dad
Chocofreak13
#5 can go fuck itself. #artschool
MrPredator
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2013/12/wad.gif
earthman888
Look buddy I'm an engineer, that means i solve problems.
foxhoundunit89
Jesus christ would it have been that hard to crop the last one properly?
CompelledCynic
WHY DO ENGINEERS TALK ABOUT ENGINEERS ALL THE FUCKING TIME? I see "As an engineer" at the start of a comment and my brain just turns off...
Vertical8078
I don't particularly like the "as an Engineer" aspect, but nearly all other occupations have rhetoric such as this, so its not only us.
gavr1loo
Damn straight. Im studying for cs-electro engineer and i hate these kind of people...We all dont know what are we doin, ok?
OdinYggd
Because every engineer knows better than the other guy. Its kind of an occupational hazard.
gavr1loo
Or some ego issue?
onlyhalfghost
The ego issue is the occupational hazard. It's why I've moved down to CS/geology instead (where the occupational hazard is alcoholism.)
wwny
#CroppingByHelenKeller
busyDayAtWork
Yea, that last one killed me!
mieuu
she should have just done it at night
Igotbannedforpoliticalposting
Engineers: math nerds with over-inflated egos.
Syrpynt
So you HAVE heard of me? I'm that mechanical engineer that students talk about. If you haven't, get out from under that rock!
KingMurdoc
i'm pretty sure that's math majors
Gayforbae
Oh, no. I hate math. I'm a science nerd with an over-unders ego.
drdildamesh
And a seething hatred for drama students.
wandergirl
Have degree in drama. Can confirm.
dataengineer
I have lots of degree's and hate all of you equally. Even my own ilk.
Strostkovy
If the glass is half full and the engineer says the glass is big, don't trust that engineer to make something that require a safety margin
prodmerc
Yeah, that glass is future/fail proof. Unless it's supposed to go into space, in which case it is indeed too big :D
userian
Exactly!
BlondeEngineerLady
Don't worry. Our safety factors are always perfectly in range. Trust me, I'm an engineer
VindictiveRidge
I was reading these out loud and my husband said, "Actually, a good engineer always allows a safety margin. It's probably only 40% larger >
VindictiveRidge
than it needs to be." I wrote this down to include in the comments, then came down here and SAW THIS ONE. YOU ASS. +1
Incrementor
Unless they actually understand when to apply safety margins. Put a lid on the cup, and you only need a small air bubble for expansion.
SomewhatOxygenated
That's assuming that the lid won't fail...
Incrementor
We're also assuming that the cup itself doesn't fail. The glass could crack.
SomewhatOxygenated
I've seen a lot more lids fail that glasses spontaneously shatter
Incrementor
A gasket may fail due to poor design, but that has nothing to do with a safety margin, which is the topic. Glasses do spontaneously shatter.
trollipolly
Yeah, it should be always at least 1.3 times bigger than it needs to be
Strostkovy
That could get you in trouble. It kind of needs to be determined on a case by case basis
puseline
I'm a QHSE engineer and I don't like engineering jokes because they never apply to me
Syrpynt
"How often is this pouring repeatable?" A health and safety engineer drinks it "Yup, that's 100% alcohol, not water"
Syrpynt
When a cup is half filled with water: A Quality Engineer asks:
KirchoffsVoltageLaw
That's the secret. Never trust an engineer. I don't even trust myself to go to engineering club meetings
eetsumkaus
the engineer you should trust the least is yourself
Strostkovy
I agree in a principle, but damn some people suck
eetsumkaus
you know that one teammate that you can basically expect to redo all of his work? Yeah, you should trust yourself less than him/her
Strostkovy
Should I trust myself less than the engineer who whose flat pattern overlaps itself?
Strostkovy
I work with enough engineers. But I'll trust an engineer over an architect any day.
StatiQus
You got that shit right
mharve26
In my experience it's the Contractors you have to worry about most. Architects usually at least try.
Strostkovy
Architects tend to email me pdfs and tell me they are to scale.
nothingtowritehomeabout
I'm 99% sure these work for computer programmers/web developers as well
zettaze
Agreed, definitely #7. That would be an android programmer right there
ashmenon
Correct, except you'd need to add LSD.
Revokingthesealofquality
A surprising number work for accountants as well.
BronzeLeaguePro
Depends on the type. There are subspecies.
Grenther
yup, 'programmers' are something very different from Software Engineers and there's quite a few more.
vlpplpryguy
Im both an aerospace and software engineer professionally. You are correct.
gravyandfries
CSE's and SE's. Although I've been told many times since I'm CSE I'm not a "real" engineer.
jalexander50
I'm CSE as well and my answer to the people who say that is usually IoT.
TheBlueJelly
As a programmer, I dunno if I'd wanna risk claiming any tangential responsibility for the security problems of IoT...
jalexander50
Security is an issue for sure but the biggest cellular radio module and Telecom companies are pushing IoT heavily. It's a good opportunity.
ikbenlike
As a hobbyist programmer, I laugh at IoT as part of my daily routine
SometimeLurker
The difference between introverted and extroverted engineers: An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when he talks to you... (1/2)
[deleted]
[deleted]
CumsInPies
Bono
iamthisguy247
Typically in a toilet.
ShadowBannedForMakingMemes
SometimeLurker
I posted it as a reply to part 1.
whooshby
My son is very extroverted and just got his first eng. job last week and I don't think they know how to handle him and all his joking.
dokpsy
Depends on the humor.
XavierWolf
Send him to the rail department, they're all cowboys.
Syrpynt
Engineers I've known mostly have dark/silly humor. Source: Engineer who has worked on 3 teams of engineers in 3 years.
SometimeLurker
...An extroverted engineer looks at Your shoes. (2/2)
Killstealer
Mech eng student here, I look everywhere in the room but at the person, or I look them dead in the eyes.
Orwellwasright1984
Glad I could give you two up-votes for this!
Robbann
i get the feeling that that joke would be funny if i understood it
Itanu
Engineers are stereotyped as being so shy that even an extroverted one will only manage to look at your shoes, not face.
DevintheStone
Biomedical engineer here. I've actually had a tendency to stare at people's shoes when we talk for a long time. This kind of makes sense.
dokpsy
So... What exactly do you do as a bio mech? Like real world description not wiki summation. Genuinely curious
DevintheStone
Kinda ranges depending on what you do, but what most BME's do is design and create medical implants and other devices. I've created some (1)
DevintheStone
type of implants while I was at school for a class and my senior project. My group made a total shoulder implant, and then I made for my (2)
Morg729
As a fellow BME student, we're some of the most social engineers
DevintheStone
I don't know about your program, but my group was also one of the most stressed out engineers during junior and senior years.
soaksloginwood
Always heard #6 discussing a woman's body and the punchline 'only a civil engineer would build a playground next to a sewer.'
NZSheeps
It dates the joke, though. Now the sewer IS the playground.
CheddarIsBeddar
This guy gets it.
thissitestealswhatcouldvebeenmyproductivity
Who wants a mustache ride?!
SomewhatOxygenated
His mustache IS glorious, no denying that
7oidberg
Definitely not an engineer created this post.
OdinYggd
Post was probably created by an artist. An engineer would have retyped it, or at least stitched it into one big image.
dnebdal
Maybe shrunk it down a bit, too - I read that at 30% zoom.
TylerTheAnarchist
As an engineering I am retyping this to post on Facebook. So you are right.
RumpBuffalo
Well I have an art degree AND a job that's using it, SO THERE.
HPCmonkey
Coloring on the napkins doesn't count as an art job.
RumpBuffalo
I'm a senior writer for a AAA video game company.
HPCmonkey
Good luck on your early career burnout.
whooshby
What do you do? Art major asks: What should it look like?
RumpBuffalo
I am a senior writer for a gaming company. (BFA creative writing)
squirrelfury
I never get that sentiment. All the ppl I know with graphic design degrees are doing far better than I.
StarryPlough
Always amused me how people studying Engineering in college called themselves Engineers. Didnt hear med school kids call themselves Doctors
TheGreatCanadianImgurian
I do the same as megadog but I think its the difference in effort between saying "a med student" and "an engineering student." Syllables
mgmegadog
I always made sure to say either "I'm an engineering student" or "I'm studying engineering". Now, though, I AM an engineer.
Gayforbae
As a first year, I could rebuild a car & a robot, & program a microcontroller. Id not trust a first year med student to do openheart surgery
GifAsInGiraffe
Engineering profession doesn't get the respec and legal protection it deserves. Repairmen have started calling themselves engineers.
NarcolepticOwl
Anyone remember the Hygiene Engineer from GTA SA?
jonhnefill
Even in web development they now have job descriptions like frontend engineer. Which I personally find ridiculous.
Gayforbae
SerialChillinSpree
So have guys who drive trains.
mstomm
I see engineers as someone who has the ability, not as someone who has the paperwork. People do great engineering work without degrees
shhep
What. No. If someone is smart enough, do you say they've got PhD? Why would you do it with engineers then.
korruptbeowulf
There is a legal context here though. I'm a mech eng but can't call myself a mechanical fitter/trade - I feel it should go both ways
Cadius
A doctor is a title and it would be illegal to call yourself one and practice medicine if your not. So there's that.
topdollar38
Same goes for Professional engineering.
betterave
So is engineer, where I live. All 44 recognized professions have protected titles.
CompelledCynic
Friend of mine is 6 months into an Engineering degree and already makes "As an engineer" posts on facebook. I swear nobody else does this...
topdollar38
That stuff gets annoying for sure. You really don't do any sort of practical engineering classes until years 3 and 4.
Metishield
Every engineering major I know, even freshmen in their first few weeks, have said some iteration of "Trust me, I'm an engineer"
topdollar38
Been there. Then they take their first physics 101 exam and half of them drop out or switch to a business major the next day.
PuhTater
#7 Engineers must have fun with Skyrim
Katalliaan
I think part of the reason it's so broken is that they tried to fit too many features into it. e.g. the civil war was supposed to be dynamic
LordSatanHimself
That and fallout.
Syrpynt
Engineer here, I made the Elemental bound armors and weapons mod. Took me over 2 years to perfect it to what it is now :p --graysonthewolf
BronzeLeaguePro
Many programmers do not. Because the engine that runs those games makes us scared. It's so utterly jerry-rigged it's amazing.
TheOtherOneWithTheHair
As a proprietary, closed-source engine, we have no idea whether it's crap or their development practices are, probably both.
BronzeLeaguePro
We have API access through the console. We can poke around and see what it does.
TheOtherOneWithTheHair
We can see some data structures but not much else, do you have any specific examples of bad development practices that the console reveals?
BronzeLeaguePro
Development practices? No. But shoddy code? Yes. A game that CTD'ed when you rebound keys at launch has shoddy code.
SometimeLurker
#2 always upsets me. As an engineer, my thought is not that it's twice as big as it needs to be but that it's operating at half capacity.
starked
Maybe the cup was only rated for 50% of the spill over volume?
metalist5487
I've always thought if it was filled to half, it's half full. If it was poured from full to half, it's half empty. Or I have a lazy waiter.
VeskaiTsumonit
thank you. I long ago tried this, asking which was it first.
BTrim
Yes, it's a vector. It's half-filled or half-emptied.
ArtificialRandomness
As an archeology major, you need to run a cultural study on the area in the cup per repatriation act
Choiced
C'mon guys. Clearly, it was designed with a high margin for error.
VeskaiTsumonit
So a political science major, meteorologist?
RegisteredAirplaneDoctor
As a mechanic, I'm wondering if that should be hydraulic fluid and where it came from
mariomario42
Safety factor of n=2
Aathole
Lol i fucking love talking to engineers.
PixieSlasher
Found the pessimist engineer
LazyJones1
The glass is at 50% capacity.
OmgOptimized
I'm an engineer, but like science too, I say it's always full.
MyRegularAcctIsntAnonymousEnough
2x capacity for error tolerance
Arbok8C
Aye, we're on a shortage of water. Contact who did material reception and see if this is the required amount of water. If the provider...
Arbok8C
is responsible for providing too little, demand a partial refund and the rest of the water for not respecting the contract's terms.
Arbok8C
Otherwise if the cup is too big, talk to the manager and either square go or find out where they live and make it look like an accident.
JarlPastrami
maybe it's a stylistic choice. To show how no one will ever have as much as they want?
BeckyLookAtHerButt
If the fluid is wine the gas volume plays an important part in the enjoyment of the libation.
JarlPastrami
or that no matter how much someone drinks they will never fill the void?
BeckyLookAtHerButt
Nature abhors a vacuum. Unless you're talking about the inner existential void in which case the wine can only temporarily dull the pain.
JarlPastrami
you're much better at this than me
SometimeLurker
Seems we've found the artist.
Burke616
How about this: the glass is full, but only half its contents are liquid.
CheddarIsBeddar
Badassiel
Same thing, different words
Feanor94
But if it works at half capacity, it will last twice right?- My dad probably
ddoll516
Yes! Overdesigned
Raxiel
If you were a geotechnical engineer you wouldn't be sure how full it actually is, but still think it's probably far too small.
littlejae
More like full capacity, with factor of safety of 2
THWBM
I always say the glass is full. One half with water, the other with air.
ArcaneConjecture
That sounds more like an MBA than an engineer, lol.
dataengineer
I'm 100% sure the device was used for art and therefore not being used to it's specs. TPEBCAP
Nutkin
Nah HMI just fucked up our awesome design!
Notme68
There's room for mods and features.
siripo
The glass is full, 50% liquid, 50% gas
ensensu
I wonder what other states of matter fill the glass besides liquids and gasses? Of course, the glass itself is a solid.
vitorsly
But gas can be compressed and decompressed, arguably it's only 52% full then?
Brownupsman
In a natural atmosphere, gas is in a relaxed state. So the glass is full
Incrementor
100% fluid!
saberloxx
Look out, we got a chemist over here!
APinkDragon
Isn't that more physics?
[deleted]
[deleted]
APinkDragon
I always looked at chemistry as more the reactions and properties. Also, he was dealing in volume, not mass.
MilkBubbleTea
Use physics in chemistry too.
APinkDragon
Physics is just applied chemistry
neighborhoodphysicist
Can confirm
CreatureFromtheBlackLegume
I told that to my boyfriend, he said that made me the ultimate pessimist. I told him to effect off, I'm happy
zadel99
Industrial engineer?
SometimeLurker
Nah. Sorry. Structural engineer. I have to design things to meet or exceed loads that they will rarely, if ever, see (generally).
TheotherAgentJohnson
The cup was designed to the wrong specification.
BearBombs
Nope, the cup is perfect. The quantity of the contents is simply user error.
SometimeLurker
Not necessarily. Things don't spend all of their time at full utilization. If the cup only ever got filled to halfway, THEN it would be.
yzark01
this is a reference to westworld isnt it
TheotherAgentJohnson
You are correct sir
SkyKnight34
Actually it doesn't look like anything to me
TheotherAgentJohnson
Found the host.
Azaer
If its a consumer product without a safety factor it might have a point, spending fouble when the user has no need for extra capacity. Like
Azaer
Selling an uber gaming PC to an office worker who only needs something powerful enough to crunch some excel sheets
mechanicalchaos
Is everyone here really ignoring that he linked the naked woman part as his example for this.
SometimeLurker
Huh. Woops. Imgur automatically linked it when I typed #2. I mean to refer to joke #2.
mechanicalchaos
I just thought it was funny, considering the context. :)
TheDomesticatedGamer
Can confirm this man is engineer. Blames user error instead of design flaw.
thoubias95
As engineering student can confirm it's user error; usually classroom would be more like 90 - 130 % full if people actually came for classes
Shartifartfast
FreeDadvice
This was the best engineering joke I have heard in a while. +1
SecretlyFamousPerson
It IS user error, the user is the one who filled up the glass to only half its potential
dataengineer
Well, when someone uses my things out of spec, it's art; therefore the users problem, not my design. Also high fault tolerance is nice.
Burnmad
Not design flaw or user error, it wasn't built to spec. Manufacturer's fault. :P
Astramancer
I bet sales made up features to get the sale and then blamed engineering.
icorrectpeopleoften
Accurate
llunatical
and then there's people like me, oohing and aahing at a light switch
ArdentSlacker
Laughed harder at this than everything op posted. Tho I may have laughed at those years back, when they were... slightly less old.
schyzm
I work in an engineering operations office can confirm this is 100% accurate.
JBib
As a developer, it almost always IS use error.
MalletBallet
If every user could use the product exactly as the engineer intended, they'd be qualified to be engineers too.
JBib
You're saying knowing how use use software is the same as knowing how to make it? Lolwut?
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
As another engineer, overdimensioning by 2x if you don't foresee growth or spike demand to justify it is just wasteful.
RosencrantzNGuildensternNeverLived
Growth isn't always forseeable. With the cost difference being minimal, it's not wasteful, it's eventually pre-planning.
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
Some industries have very predictable short-term growth; anyway that's why we like scalability. And yes, sometimes the extra cost is small.
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
(short-term being 1-3 years)
pronzpronzpronz
Why don't more people see it this way?
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
Abundance of resources?
Zahnradfee
I can easily see a spike demand for a glass! Expect some after stressful days.
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
“Glass? What glass?”
opdeliversifrequested
You dont work for apple! Do you?
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
Why? Something about iPhone storage?
opdeliversifrequested
Anything apple. Make it work for now. If you want more buy newest.
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
Imagine buying the latest Escalade being single, to commute to work. Maintenance and insurance will cost you and it'll never sell for what ~
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
Oh. But we do it to *save* cash that otherwise would be sunk into idle assets (which can lose value like last year's iPhone).
damogen
unless the design parameters are uncertain, so you have to design with a safety margin
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
Even then you can't have infinite headroom. A car's passenger cell can withstand a rollover but not a semi tipping over on it.
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
In non-critical applications we sometimes compromise to have some congestion rather than spend on mostly idle capacity - telcos and ~
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
airports are typical examples of that (I work in one of the former).
damogen
well, in chemical engineering, where a vessel being under capacity can cost a yearly shutdown of several weeks at 1mio USD/day 1/2
damogen
it is not uncommon to use a generous safety margin when the design spec is marginally better than a guess.