phantomninjachick
118859
7779
195
I had realization that life as I know it's over today.
My husband tried to strangle with a computer cord. I know the next step is death. I know he will kill me. We have a 3 year old daughter. I am getting out.
Two professionals in the victims unit and advocacy said in their 40+ years combined that they have only seen 2 other cases that a person used a ligature. In 40+ years.... FML.
How did I get here? How is this even my life?
Fuck him. I'm taking our child and leaving. I'm getting a restraining order. I will not be a homicide statistic.
I just have no one that can even begin to understand this when I myself don't.
Send good vibes and prayers if you pray. Good Lord I need them.
somedudeyoumightknow
Multiple locks if you can. Can never understate the importance of deadbolts and other low-tech security. Take care of yourself. Good luck.
secreCookiePoster
Stay safe. When you can please seek mental health help. Remember this is not your fault. You’re strong and brave
bartman2014
and consider mental health help for your daughter OP, this would be confronting and stressful for her as well
dimethyltrip
DM me if you want to talk. I'm sorry that happened to you. My ex smacked me in the back of the head so hard I got concussed. I got out
TatersWhatsTatersPrecious
Jesus that's some maniacal shit
Muunk
LEAVE. RIGHT. NOW. DON'T. LOOK. BACK.
justarocknroller
For whatever it's worth, this old hippie is pulling for you and your kid. Here's to better days ahead
juvenilebigfoot
Document everything meticulously. When my parents got divorced, my mom told LOTS of lies. B/c my dad documented, he got full custody.
wronggengirl
THIS.
WillemHellfire
Restraining Orders are a false sense of security. Granted, one should be filed, but never count on one for your safety. Bon Chane.
Cyjsnsmdk
Please please make a plan, gather your/kid’s documents and cash. MOST dangerous time is right when leaving. And your abuser is DANGEROUS.1/
TheMostModestMouse
and make a note saying you are in sane healthy mind, that you are leaving. send it to a friend
ConnieRae
Ywca will help
Cyjsnsmdk
He may try to kill you if you leave, but he WILL kill you if you stay. I wish you safety and peace. 2/
cheshirebrite
Agreed. All of this is correct. Worked for years with women fleeing violence. Take care, you're not alone. Many are in your situation
Cyjsnsmdk
https://www.strangulationtraininginstitute.com/all-abusers-are-not-equal-new-ipv-research-reveals-an-indicator-of-deadly-abuse/
SlightlyRelatedToThePost
Probably worth bringing in some friends to help with the move. Don't allow yourself to be alone with him again.
RhettyMcRhettface
This
FitzChevalric
profiledit
ClockwiseForNewRoll
Nonconsensual computer cord strangling isnt cool. It gives consensual computer cord strangling a bad name. Seriously though get outta there!
Gagerith
useless3y3s
DO NOT TELL HIM WHERE YOU ARE GOING, tell your friends and family that this is life and death and if they know where you are they can't tell
useless3y3s
If you even slightly suspect someone will sympathize with him don't tell them either. Don't use shared credit cards, change your password to
useless3y3s
Find my phone, get somewhere and record any calls he makes to you.
zubax
Shit. Do all the things you said you would do sooner than you plan to do them. I hope things work out for you.
phantomninjachick
Thanks. I'm doing them as soon as possible.
thruthelookingallie
My husband of only a month strangled me too. I didn’t leave, it got way worse. Leave now, your child will thank you one day!!!
DoctorGiz
I’m so sorry.
CynicalScientist
Can you please update this so we know you’re okay? Like periodically? Or maybe just message me? I’m so sorry this happened to you.
ElizaMDancer
This!! I too want to know how things go!
RagingRaven336
For you and your daughter. Wish you all the best. Stay strong
phantomninjachick
Thanks. I'm trying.
AngelWicked803
There is a program called address confidentiality where the enroll your children the court,police no one has your real address so he can’t
AngelWicked803
So that He will not be able to find u or your children thru records . I know from personal experience lasts two years works gr8
sweethome
This might be dependent on the state but NC has it!
phantomninjachick
Thank you! I'm in NC!
AngelWicked803
I’m glad they do .I guess I hoped all states had it as it literally saves lives.
Knightendae
I'm still wrestling with the things my ex did. I was so numb to things only two years after am I really feeling what he did to me.
phantomninjachick
Yeah. It's hard to even comprehend how terrible this actually is. Ikeep having people repeat it to me as a positive reinforcement reminder
YesSorryIAmBack
I got beaten up badly 7 months ago, found a good psychologist. Can even think about the times I thought I was going to die now. Get help!
thruthelookingallie
I’m almost a year out after 10 yrs of abuse, still pretty numb.
Socksforhands
Hey @op, he doesn't know about your account here right?
capricornstunner
This.
phantomninjachick
No, and we have separate phone providers and bills so he had no access.
DivorcedOfCourse
Stay vigilant. Stay safe. Utilize the shelters because they are public and have strict rules about who comes in and out. Change all your
DivorcedOfCourse
Password to something obscure that he wouldn’t guess. Take all of your electronics to have them backed up and wiped in case there’s tracking
DivorcedOfCourse
If you have a vehicle, take it to a shop, explain your situation and ask if they will help you look for trackers. Lock down your social
DivorcedOfCourse
Media and get rid of ANY mutuals. Change your number and only give it to one or two people you trust. Stay strong. You got this
YouseekidsACar
Turn off the GPS/Location Services on your phone so your photos don't geolocate you
wednesdayscereal
Just post again saying you’re safe, so we know you’re ok. Well done for running away, I hope you and your daughter are safe
sitenickname
The domestic abuse bible for women, "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft will set you free:
bigblindguy
Don't. Lundy Bancroft is an anti-vax money grubbing charlatan who is to "Domestic Abuse Support" what McD's is to gourmet dining.
donteatlegoplease
Better recommendations?
edmac23
Replying as a way to favorite this comment.
ICheckUsernameAndSuch
I am both happy that this book exists and disgusted that it NEEDS to exist.
RealCovert
.
SquareButtedPikachu
.
sitenickname
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/224552.Why_Does_He_Do_That_
stillnotavarsityathlete
.
arctic02
.
RunsWithScizrs
.
taghashtag
<3
craftycats2
It’s a great book. Changed my life after leaving my first husband. Bought copies for my girlfriends who were struggling. Please get a copy!
Laylah77
Screw reading a book right now... who tf cares “why”? He’s a dangerous ass. GET OUT NOW. Trust me. I can’t believe I’m still alive myself.
fallasdefratello1
.
CoMoHouston
Doot
halefire
Read Why Does Dad Hurt Mom by him as well.
languidlangosta
.
halefire
This will help you to understand and move on
jgempire
For an ignoramous and victim - very brief summary?
phantomninjachick
It breaks down what's actually going on behind the manipulation and give you great insight to your situation.
jgempire
Thank you
thruthelookingallie
I have this too, it’s a great read.
SomeSpanishInquisition
.
supercoolfresh
Does anyone know if there is a Spanish version?
ElizaMDancer
I would be it exists
SomethingNiceAndSimple
.
DoctorGiz
I read this after my ex fiancé threatened my life and assaulted me. It’s THE book.
phantomninjachick
I bought this! I'm half way through in less than 24 hours. Seriously mind blowing stuff. Thank you!
bigblindguy
Get some real help though, please, that book is... dubious at best. The author is... of questionable intent and mental health.
idonotthinkitownswhatyouthinkitowns
'Look what you made me do' is also excellent
Heavenissize17socks
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gift_of_Fear. Your #1 job: stay as far away and under his rader as possible. Do *not* rely on the RA.
jjw9
You need to have a safe exit plan in place right now. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm
Danielchip
It helped my best friends get out of an abusive relationship. Sadly her ex murdered his next wife. Keep yourself safe please please please.
thatsbadmmkay
@op press charges.
janlevinson
Holy shit so glad your friend escaped
PipeandSlippers
My mom told me at 13 to kill my dad when they were having a fight. First time I threw him and she thought their was an opportunity...
ElizaMDancer
OMG!! Was he an abuser? Or was it your mom? Either way so sorry you had to live through this
YouAreTheInsultMaster
Oof size large
MusicalAmphibian
TreasonousCheeto
Perfect.
MissV
Replying to save.
Smileallthewhile
Also replying to save this for reference. <3
TheAsianBro
Is there a free copy of this available I could share as a resource?
Bedtimechocolatebar
https://www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that-pdf#page=3
basmataz
Yes, there's a pdf of it online. Don't have the link handy but if you just google the book name, author, and "pdf" it comes up.
Booktastic
If you can't find a free copy, shoot me an address & I will mail it to you- a woman who spent 20 years in an extremely abusive relationship.
TheAsianBro
Thank you so much for this generous offer!
Booktastic
My pleasure.
DocBenny
Is it a single page that says "he's s psychotic cunt, run away and call the cops"?
sweethome
Manipulation is a hell of a drug unfortunately
donteatlegoplease
No, it is more in-depth so that it is actually, y'know, helpful
Skuxlife
Get a protective order. This is different than a restraining order. Do it now.
PackardGoose
How? Both are pieces of paper.
Skuxlife
1/2 True. But there is more to it than that. They are quicker to approve, provide state assisted temporary protection, and
Skuxlife
2/2 can require the abuser to give up their guns and prevent them from buying any.
Skuxlife
You can usually get one the same day you file. And they provide protection for you and your kids until a trial.
internetuserr
Is that the police providing protection?
Skuxlife
I am really not sure... Probably partially? I think they just assign you to a safe house that you can stay at.
artistandascholar2000
On average it takes about 7 acts of violence (verbal, physical, emotional, sexual, mental, etc) before a victim will break it off.
amyamazeballs
It felt like a long endless descending series of abuses when I was in it, it just became more real when he turned to violence
artistandascholar2000
Glad you are out of it, some don’t make it.
artistandascholar2000
That’s an alarming number. And it is good you go now! Stay safe @OP!
BetterCakeFarts
Where you at? Ill help you move.
NewMoonRising
You have a community here to help! Reach out to me as well if you need anything!! I have people in places and can get you safe quickly!
phantomninjachick
Thank you! I'm in NC
NewMoonRising
Message if you need anything, I'll put out a call to my people down south! If you travel north, Montana is a great place to hide :)
phantomninjachick
I'm in NC
Cazzyle
I stumbled union this post from her follow-up. 1st @OP, I wish you and your daughter the best, good luck. 2nd- THIS^ is why I love imgur 1/2
Cazzyle
2/2 People don't have to know each other and we support one another and offer whatever help we can give♥️! These volunteers rock!
BetterCakeFarts
So am I, lets go
Cazzyle
BetterCakeFarts
Dm me if you still need help.
Cazzyle
chittychittybangbanglovesustoo
Life as you know it has been manipulation and abuse, this didn't come out of nowhere. You just need to step back to see it. Don't go back.
phantomninjachick
I know. I hoped it would get better but then this... I won't go back. I deserve better and so does our daughter.
slurpeesandstuff
There are many resources to help you. For example, this is for California residents: https://victims.ca.gov/resources.aspx
MorallyCasual
You got this @op !! Your emotions might play tricks on you after you break away. This is just your body adapting. You are doing it right!!!
HighlandPotatoe
Don't let any of his family get to you. Do you have any family you can stay with or move to?
PearjuiceATX
Please keep yourselves safe, remember if you're trying to remain "hidden" that you can't trust any mutual contacts with your location.
NightlyReaper
NO ONE. Trust NO ONE except a lawyer that you're paying. Even if they say you can pay them later give them SOMETHING and don't give up.
slurpeesandstuff
That’s really good advice
bearsareawesome
Where are you? Family who can help close by? Trustworthy friends to help? DM for supportive remote messages if too far to help directly
icanhasimgur
You are not supposed to tell people. Who knows if bears are awesome is good/bad. Not that they are/ aren’t
phantomninjachick
I'm in NC. I do have my parents. So that's something. I'm scared as hell though. Thanks for the open dm!
Kiwipocalypse
Im in NC, in the Triad. If you’re local and need anyone, you can DM. I’m so proud of you for getting out and protecting your child.
oddworldabesexxodus
Do not stay with your parents, he will show up and he will kill all of you.
THEOTHERUPVOTEFAIRY
I am in the Charlotte area, please reach out if you need someone not connected to your husband. I want you free from this.
bearsareawesome
Too far away for immediate white knight service, do your parents know / support you if you leave?
ObscureStarWarsReference
I'm in the Triangle. A great resource in Wake County is https://interactofwake.org/
Allycorinne
Western NC here. Reach out if you need help!
dantethetemplar
Fucking hell, stay safe op, when the time is right look into buying a firearm and taking shooting classes. Please also consider boxing or 1/
dantethetemplar
Jiu jitsu
MeowLettucePrey
I second bjj for sure. It could save your life.
phantomninjachick
I will do that. Thanks for the advice.
shutupbeavis2016
Krav Maga is the best real life scenario self defense system. I’m not knocking other martial arts but Krav Maga is intended to get you out
shutupbeavis2016
Of s*** fast. Other material arts are for competition
APenguinInATuxedo
If your near west virginia, and you get a gun, I have a cousin and an uncle who I'm sure would be happy to teach you to shoot.
caerulakid
Pair up with friends whenever you can, be ready to make a scene, embrace awkwardness, be inconvenient if you need to feel safe.
pmjensen22
Kickboxing is an amazing workout and a helluva a good way to learn how to do basic self defense.
bingbangboomhamburgertime
Jiu jitsu will be much better than boxing against choking
Cartart
Aikido for self defense as well in close quarters
bingbangboomhamburgertime
Either is still better than nothing though
MaladaptedMedic
Boxing is arguably the most effective “martial art” in a street fight against a single opponent. Learning how to throw a punch without
MaladaptedMedic
hurting yourself in the process is incredibly useful. I have a 1st degree black belt in karate, and have been lucky to never need it. Still
Cartart
AR-15's are incredibly easy to shoot but a bit intimidating, I recommend a Kimber 9mm, its small, light weight w/easy handling, and easy to
floxsyu
even a smaller caliber rifle is intimidating, "hmm is this gun pointing at me only .22 , 9mm, or .223 hmmm" main thing, bullet doesn't care.
Cartart
Lol i meant for first time shooters its intimidating to shoot, but yeah you got that right ? bullet will still bite
Cartart
Shoot/conceal carry, also with enough fire power. Stay safe :)
gnochi
Note that my mother (who has arthritis) can effectively shoot an AR, but 9mm pistols are really painful.
gnochi
Also, I recommend against lightweight pistols for new shooters in the strongest of terms. They’re unfun enough to impede training.
shutupbeavis2016
Krav Maga
tictacattack
Arm yourself if you can. Restraining orders don't mean shit to someone who wants to hurt/kill you.
upvotethepups
This
superdinglebudgie
It may not mean shut to them but it means tons in a legal setting.
RIPDayRoot
Agreed
SaraSlaughter
Yep. My childs bio dad has broken every damn distance and communication rule, so I took it upon myself to make sure we’re off his grid.
serepta
Please arm yourself! Go to a firing ranger to learn how immediately! I know this isn’t pleasant but do so. You have a child to protect.
wronggengirl
At the very least always carry pepper spray ON YOUR PERSON, even in your house.
sisuandserenity
This. I just tried out the Smith and Wesson Shield EZ 9 mm pistol. I’m a beginner and I picked up on how to use it quick.
miivollu
Their EZ .380 would recoil less
sisuandserenity
Fair enough, I didn’t try that one.
Timetosleep123
True, but it usually gives Police more powers to deal with the person.
OatmealChocolateChipCookies
Hit or miss on that. Have footage? Cop takes it, a month to look at it, pass to DA, another month, court date in 6 months to prove it's him.
Timetosleep123
1/3 Wow, it is awhile. In Australia, you have a domestic even without violence, you are given a police order and have to leave for 24 or 72
Timetosleep123
2/3 hrs if you breach it you get locked up for a night or if you do it regularly, you stay in longer inside. If you have a police order
Timetosleep123
3/3 If you have a restraining order and you breach it, you 9/10will be locked up on the day to see the magistrate the next day with charges.
OatmealChocolateChipCookies
Plus once the cop takes the footage, it's on you to follow up and call every day, so something actually gets done with it.
IdiotSavantTinker
When seconds count, the police are only an hour away.
AnodeAngryRoughOrangeNasty
One would hope but actually the Supreme Court has decided that isn't the case. Check out the radio lab episode about Serve and Protect.
livefreenburkhard
Timetosleep123
Depends which country you are in I suppose.
storebrandproductmascot
Why is it always assumed that people who barely have the strength to leave someone will automatically have the strength to shoot them? What
IDontKnowWhatToDoAnymoreAndImTired
Being armed is better than not being armed. It's that simple. Whether it's a gun or something as simple as a can of pepper spray.
storebrandproductmascot
I thought I gave an example of why it wasn't so simple, but you assured me it was without addressing that at all, so I guess I'm convinced!
IDontKnowWhatToDoAnymoreAndImTired
You asserted that someone might not use a weapon. You can't POSSIBLY use a weapon you don't have.
storebrandproductmascot
If he manipulates her enough that she can barely bring herself to leave, what are the chances she'll be able to pull the trigger when it
nonmiraj
If he wants to scare or hurt her but not bad enough to die for it, then her with a gun may be enough to scare him off
MySushi
Doubt. Controlling, domineering psychos know how to intimidate especially their domestic partner into hesitation & inaction and they know it
storebrandproductmascot
happens when she hesitates and he takes her gun, and is now armed and furious?
whitey211
He already strangled her. What the fuck does he need a gun for? It's better than nothing.
storebrandproductmascot
With the gun, you just need a split second of uncontrollable rage to kill someone. Killing by hand takes time that can be used to reconsider
storebrandproductmascot
A gun just makes it that much easier, and he's gonna be able to justify pulling the trigger in his own mind easier b/c she tried to kill him
PrometheusSmith
If she leaves and he tracks her down it's not so he can apologize to her.
effarydi
Hang on, your suggesting if hes intent on killing her shes better off without a means of self defense? That doesnt make sense.
phantomninjachick
I know... I asked what a piece of paper can do... Nothing when a person is intent on harm... I'm fucking scared..
tomthetomcat
A big toothy fuck off dog and a gun.
SaraSlaughter
I couldnt go for child support after we ran away because my fucking address would be right on the Appearance Notice he’d be served with.
imaginaryPeppers
Are there any women's shelters near you?
MosquitoHawker
The piece of paper does nothing. The paper trail it establishes means 100x more in court.
amyamazeballs
I'm so sorry you are going through this, please get as much help as you can with this you can't do it alone. I believe in you
Mjsud
You can buy pepper spray at the hardware store.
mary74
If you don't feel comfortable handling a gun bear spray has good distance and will stop someone.
sugarNspiceNnice
Do your best to keep your location from him too...
PriestofThor
Get a gun and a dog. Make sure both are big and well taken care of.
ThomasThundersword
if you are considering getting a gun. dm me and i can give you some advice to help find the right one if you feel that’s the path you want>
ThomasThundersword
to take for some extra protection for you and your kiddo. stay safe and best of luck
unavailableyourcallcantgothruasdialed
Truth. Have been stalked for 8 years now :(
NariEllie
If possible, try to move to a new city and make sure he doesn't know where you're going.
Elf5180
Depends on the state but no matter the circumstance some states legally enforce that both parents know where the children move to even...
Elf5180
If it’s not in their best interest. I had a friend who’s dad was a serial rapist and while he was on parole the mother tried to move the...
Elf5180
Kids to another state but the government wouldnt let them without the fathers permission even though the whole point was to get away...
leanestbenis
It give's you the right to call the police if he is within a certain distance. Other wise he can be around and near you as much as he wants.
insignificantuser
File the order. Get it on record. I have a similar story and made the mistake of not filing. It will protect you and your child later on.
whateverthevoicestellme
As long as he has no police connections, you maybe can contact them (wherever you’re going) and get extra patrols & give his description.
FlamingDeathGoat
As the saying goes, God made man, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Self defense, is YOUR RIGHT for safety, and your child's. Stay strong.
SpecialContainmentProcedures
I own several guns, but first I would suggest a dog.
Aratarya
Dogs saved my sister from an attempt by an ex.
SpecialContainmentProcedures
PLUS, dogs help with the depression.
pennygwen
In the short term, make sure you at least have mace/pepper spray and maybe a taser. I agree with the comment below about moving away too
beardiggy
Get off social media like facebook and make sure friends dont post about you so he cant find a location
Elf5180
My sister has a restraining order on her stalker and when she went on tour (she’s a singer) her stalker showed up to one of her...
Elf5180
Shows and when she called the police and said she has a restraining order they said “we can’t do anything unless she hurts you” so WTF....
Elf5180
IS THE POINT OF THE RESTRAINING ORDER THEN IF YHEY CANT DO SHIT! Also this was around the time where shootings were happening at lots of...
Elf5180
Concerts. Our entire family was terrified but we made sure her security guards kept an extra eye out
GaurieBanner
I am biased in this but, go to a gun range with an attached gun store, tell them your story and ask them to help you. They will move heaven
GaurieBanner
And earth to get you a firearm and how to safely handle and use it.
Kunitsu
i was a kid in a similar situation, my biological father tried to kill my brothers, mother and i. the officer and domestic violence
Kunitsu
counsellor told us that piece of paper meant nothing. it was for punishment after violation, not for protection. we were encouraged to arm
Kunitsu
ourselves, put up camera's around the property because any evidence was better than "we saw"... stay safe and if you can, disappear! i wish
Kunitsu
we had moved away when we had the chance, instead we spent years being tormented by him and his family. do what you have to do, dont feel
OverwhelmingSurplusOfDiggity
Arm yourself with miles. A whole fucking asston of miles. If you have a gun that’s loaded, next to you and easily available /1
OverwhelmingSurplusOfDiggity
Do you truly, honestly think you really could kill someone with it? Not “in theory” but truly, really, and before /2
OverwhelmingSurplusOfDiggity
he takes control of your body? Please, lots of people make the mistake of thinking they could be The Punisher. It’s a big country. Go away.X
LegendaryGrumpyCat
Aluminum baseball bat. Easy to get, light enough to swing hard, and can do some serious damage.
tomthetomcat
Put a sock on it too, person grabs bat sock slips off, you still have the bat they only have a sock
LegendaryGrumpyCat
Great idea!
Blubberpet
Nice
phantomninjachick
Now that is some GOOD info! Thank you!
UrsulatheArtist
You don't have to be. Take a class, learn how to handle a weapon comfortably, get conceal and carry.
ArtemisFolly
And for fuck's sake, NO WARNING SHOTS. If you fire your weapon, shoot to kill.
PearjuiceATX
Not an option everywhere unfortunately. Find out what legal means you are allowed and educate yourself. Remember, run if you're able.
MalcomTheIncubus
And if that doesn’t work, mace the SOB.
dragonknight0464
What about a sword?
Jimz0r
Run the motherfucker through
Bonesy84
Swords are awesome, seriously, people don’t understand how fucking dangerous they actually are.
starshroom108
You will survive, you are awesome, you have a right to live, and things WILL turn around for you. Godspeed
Beardgoesalltheway
Press charges too.
BananaSpiceOfLife
I work with people charged with domestic violence. Press charges unless it will put you in more danger. People that use abusive behaviors...
BananaSpiceOfLife
Rarely change unless they are held accountable AND complete counseling to learn healthier coping strategies.
BuckNasty2003
This may be unpopular now but have hope he’s mentally ill (substance amplifying) and can get help AFTER you abc your girl GTFO
MrStealUrMeme
In my experience dating someone with severe PTSD from an ex. Do not retract ur story. You won't have credibility in court w/ future cases
MrStealUrMeme
against him when he attacks you again.
somethingcreativeplease
Press charges. Get the thing he tried to strangle her with as evidence, get someone to use 'bruise camera' on her neck.
MrJimmyRustles
TIL 'bruise camera' -
somethingcreativeplease
Actually has a better name but couldn't be bothered looking it up ha.
somethingcreativeplease
Firefighter or not hard evidence will go a long way. If this is recent... if its not recent there will still be evidence on the cord.
MeatPopsicleMultiPass
What makes me weary of posts like these is he supposedly attempted murder. Shouldn't he be arrested if true? She should have marks.
jjw9
In many states, strangulation is only a misdemeanor. Maryland just took steps to raise strangulation into a felony offense to protect
jjw9
battered spouses. Strangulation is a sure sign that fatal assaults are coming. She needs to leave ASAP. Discretely but quickly get away
sweethome
He should, but a lot depends on the survivor and level of trust in the local PD, what is the plan if he gets out on bail etc.
noClueWhatToSay
A kid, 17yo was set on fire by her rapist because she dared to report him to the police. They didn’t do anything so 2 days later she died.
thisindianajo
The state should be pressing charges if cops have been called. Key word: should.
thedaringtomcat
It’s attempted murder he should have been charged. What happens next is anyone’s guess.
somethingcreativeplease
Gotta call the police first. No one can do anything if they aren't notified.
thedaringtomcat
100%
phantomninjachick
He's a fireman for our city so pressing charges won't go like it should.
ThatsWhatSheSaid09
It will help when eventually you will have to fight for custody of your child.
Marsupialmessiah
Press charges anyway. Sorry for what you going through. Better days ahead
Cthulhuchooseyou
Save the next person's life. Get it documented now.
Frostycopper
I've arrested and had firefighters charged for dwi, a non violent offense. The least they can do is send in a pc statement for assault.
amop
Get it on record anyway, the next woman in his life will probably thank you
IHaveGreatKittenRecipes
As the adult child of an abusive cop, the record will help your daughter. Abusers know how to look good in court. You have to protect her.
SamPound1
I hate that you are right, i grew up in ct and it is exponentially harder to get justice when they are fire / police.
brobinson2001
Because under VAWA even a misdemeanor DV conviction means losing 2A, and under deferred adjudication/probation. Can't carry, so 1/2
brobinson2001
military and police get dishonorable discharge or fired. Which is who the weapons ban was fucking aimed at.
beardiggy
You might be surprised, it will at least create a public record so if he acts again it will stick. But get out now!! Be safe
xj4low
There are relocation services that will take you off the grid if needed.
MaladaptedMedic
At the very least, there will be documentation of his acts on his file.
manchestertart
Did he tell you that? That no one will believe you? Press charges. You need it all on record to properly protect yourself.
phantomninjachick
His capitan and chief know. His chief is the house I went to after it happened. My spouse is still working.
PlusHooks
He could kill the next one. Someone’s child.
ChelVanin
You’d be surprised. Cops and firefighters have quite unfriendly rivalries in some cities and look for good chances to show each other up.
BioshockDaddy
You have to do every single solitary thing you can do legally against him.
theLASTromanNJ
Umm fire fighters ain't shit, they aren't protected by any real unions or any real laws...file charges
Datdudez
Whatever you do after, get out first.
Dinos91
I'll cross my fingers he burns to death @OP
thejeff80
Fuck that weak shit. Don’t make excuses. You owe it to your child to prosecute.
Bullocks57
Let the states attorney deal with that. It shouldn't go not reported to the police. You'll be surprised. Don't let that keep you for outing
Bullocks57
Him as an abuser. He will do it to his next partner. He needs to be stopped
slh002
If the city tries to cover up, get in touch with a tv station. They will blast cover up on the news.
Retrikaethan
you should do it anyway. it'll suck but if nothing else the record will show that you filed it and will inform future decisions against him
ghostofvenera
Do it anyway. You will regret it if you don’t and he hurts someone else.
lonepinkranger
May not seem like its going to make of a difference now but you need to make your story heard/leave a paper trail. For future women/yourself
TRDirty
Dude one social media post and you're good. The public is horrible but not as horrible as him. Id prefer to have them on my side
wkearney99
So cover yourself and go to the State Police as well. And when you've got a complaint filed with them, take that to the fire department.
Cantstopdontstopwontstop
He knows who your friends and family are so get to a women's shelter ASAP. Shelters are under lock and key and usually surveilled as well.
captainswoopty
@op keep in mind. You existed in this world before he came into your life. You will survive. You’ll see better days. Good luck ma’am.
GiddyKipper
Sorry for your situation. I think you should report it though... How would you feel if it happened to someone else?
JuJuBe15
Even if you expect nothing, file so he can't try to use delay to his advantage. The system is fucked, so any way to cover your ass is top.
letspoopandbrowse
Do it anyway. Seek counsel, many options for free lawyers for domestic abuse. Lawyer up now and document everything. 911 calls are best
Soufange
Do whatever it takes, ESPECIALLY if it costs him his job. He is a risk to you he is a risk to others. Stay safe, we're thinking of you.
akahata
WTF is wrong with your country? „He‘s a fireman.“ I as a European don‘t even understand what this has to do with anything related.
whistlebuzz
Go to the county sherif. File above them.
mudmann1012
Do it anyway @op, there’s a million reasons NOT to do something...even if there’s only 1 to do it, it’s the most important. Truth matters
CoreyLee04
still do it to show there is a record of it. if he strangled you then there should be marks on your neck showing. Take pictures
TheDogEnd
Better to try, and fail than fail to try
sweethome
Not if he retaliates. Priority is to ensure safety for her and her kid.
jokerlives
Thats not a reason not to.
sweetpeach29
Yes it will. Make the report or you’ll regret it later.
BouncingFerret
He's not a cop who shot a black person. He'll get prosecuted to the full extent.
PolitiCat
Without pressing charges he might be able to press charges against you for abducting your child. Lawyer up.
cbmech7
The captain should absolutely know that one of his firemen is a homicidal asshole.
phantomninjachick
His chief and capitan both know. His chief is the house I ran to after... He lives on our street. And he is still working. 1/
phantomninjachick
So if that's the case, then pressing charges isn't going to do a whole lot.
ChonkyChungus69
Yeah. I know several crews where if they knew this, they'd give him an attitude adjustment out in the garage.
callsigncharlie
IF only it was that simple
callsigncharlie
Sorry didn’t mean to capitalize that f lol
kamesha
Please do this. Don't let someone else become that statistic. His abuse won't stop, they just find new victims.
tylerlarson
Do it without expecting a result. You're creating a paper trail to protect others in the future. You're doing your part.
jayneebutidontgotagun
Press charges so that the restraining order sticks. What if you get split custody and he strangles your kid?
captainhappen
It's your decision, and I respect that, as pressing charges will have a huge cost in your time and emotions, but HE TRIED TO KILL YOU
Asadsadsadclown
Even if he could argue down the attempted murder to an assault, the strangulation modifier will bring it back up to attpt murder prison time
StarscreamAndHutch
This. Get it on the (his) record.
vaporwavecatrave
It may also prevent him from hurting someone else in the future. I regret no pressing charges when someone I knew attacked me. I didn't 1/2
vaporwavecatrave
because his father is rich and could bail him out of anything but I should have tried. That being said I can't imagine the pain of trial 2/2
Bullocks57
Most states have a mandatory arrest law for domestic assault.
theperilpartnership
File the report. The prosecutor usually decides to file the criminal complaint or not. Either way, this will help your divorce case.
[deleted]
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strangeassfiction
Please don’t do this to victims. When they fear for their life it is hard to speak out.1/?
strangeassfiction
Its not fair to dangle the fate of others who have their own choices to make as guilt incentives.
TacoPoweredHelicopter
Don't shame her and blame her for his future victims. She needs to do what she needs to do to get away from him.
Thephedora
That said stay safe
DemonFluffer1000
Set him on fire.
phantomninjachick
I would, but he's a fireman. He would know how to put that shit out.
DemonFluffer1000
Nah, without their jacket they are nothing.
doczaius
When he finally does kill someone, it’s on you if you don’t cooperate.
Magicalunicornmayonnaise
Way to victim blame you absolute fucking cunt
RoboPoon
Go fuck yourself.
Grizy
Pretty sure it's on him for killing someone you fucking idiot
tegfdd77
Found the misogynist
brobinson2001
As a former abuser: File a report. The 1992 VAWA requires an arrest and the DA has to go by FEDERAL guidelines. Almost 1/2
brobinson2001
automatic 30 day PFA and a minimum 24 hr arrest. And during that PFA time he's responsible for the bills, so he can't just turn the ?/?
brobinson2001
power and utilities off. Call the police, then when they're on the way call the YWCA. They have 24/7 lawyers for this.
brobinson2001
And the 24 hr arrest is to prevent retaliation. You don't even get the fabled "one phone call" until arraignment and bail is set. So ?/?
SendMeOxygen
Thank you for the actual useful advices, and I’m happy to hear when you said “former”
tegfdd77
It’s not attempted murder?
phantomninjachick
No, it's not considered that. But strangulationis a felony though. I just found that out.
elinveronicap
Generally, causing bodily harm isn't attempted murder unless you can prove intent to kill.
tegfdd77
Yes, but choking is profoundly different than just “bodily harm”. I’ve that in some places it’s being charged now as attempted murder.
elinveronicap
How is it different, do you think?