I can't really blame people for being a little hesitant to try something new (and in some places taboo). He obviously backed out, but props for at least having the conversation.
Seriously this is less anti lgbqt and more just.. uneducated and ignorant. Better than being intolerant (by a fair margin) but still something we (ALL of us I mean) need to help get past.
Ashley as a pansexual I have to say you are a dream. Keep being you babe! (also an inspiration to this mid transition girl). Were I unwed I would take you in a (wo)manly fashion.
It's in the attitude and how someone handles and communicates it. I can support you as a person and as a woman, but also know that I want specific things if I get physical with someone. I should know that asking about the state of your genitals is very rude in a casual conversation, but if there is a two-way interest in possibly getting intimate that it's a subject that should be discussed respectfully. It's no different than any other couple setting expectations and boundaries beforehand
This. Even as trans, I'm not attracted to trans. Doesn't mean I don't support, just means I have no interest in boinking you. At some point, mature adult communication is required and adult, mature ability to handle reasonable rejection ensues.
Never been attracted to a man in my life but boy there are attractive trans women. Many men are scared that this means they are actually gay, which is a far more complicated explanation than trans women just being women
noooo that would be the antigay. :P Call off women cuz guys like women hence is gay. Control your gay thoughts by only dating other men. Stick it to the libs:P
One of my longtime friends is a lesbian and now that i'm transitioning she's been oddly curious. I think its more of a "puppy hears new sound" sort of curious than anything romantic (i am married) but gosh is it adorable.
According to the insane nazi adjacent, rapist, human traffickers like "allegedly" Andrew Tate, having sex with women for fun/ because it feels good is gay. So... I guess you can ignore any jackass who has this opinion
One of the issues with toxic masculinity is the excessive fear of being seen as anything but perfectly masculine. Bro could've ended up with an experience he genuinely enjoyed, but he chooses to deprive himself of it because he worries about what society might think of him. But, to his credit, it's kinda promising that he was at least willing to chat with somebody he knew was trans. Some guys would completely shut down the notion outright. Maybe he rethinks his stance in the future.
Yeah. Though he does kind of see her as an... experience, instead of as a person. Like he's more worried about if he'll enjoy sex with her (or enjoy it "too much") instead of simply being interested in her as a person and as a woman. Not a promising start TBH.
Several months ago in Minneapolis, a man was getting "served" by a sex worker. Then he found she was transgender, he got a gun, and killed her. He was convicted of first degree murder. Minnesota don't play that shit.
I've had boyfriends whom ive started out as a secret for, because in fairness it is a self revelation lets be honest, but ive had some who showed no intention of me ever being anything more and thats where you cut them off in my opinion.
There was this one guy, a Turkish Muslim, and i always got the feeling that he wanted to be with me properly but he never knew how to deal with what his society would think of him, everything he'd lose etc. 1/
I mean, there's messing up, and there's... whatever that was. -Gets the most patient, gentle responses- "Also you seem exhausting" I think I killed a few brain cells trying to guess what he was _hoping_ to hear?
I think he was hoping to hear an acknowledgement, that yes, a trans woman is different from a cis woman in several ways, so it's ok to be curious and also uncertain about what's going to happen. If you consider that as his goal, and her responses, then you can probably also see where the "you're exhausring" comment comes from.
That does seem like a plausible read of his intentions, but... idk, I don't speak 'dating app,' but a lot of it read like a particular form of negging, like downplaying his interest and trying to get her to chase him, then getting huffy when she only responded to what he said, not what he didn't say. I get that everyone's 'playing games' on dating apps, so the _default_ is "exhausting," but it also read as a cheap excuse to make his uncertainty "her fault."
FinnStep19275
You deserve so much better love! As a pan gender heratic, straight dudes suck!
Goddamnitmisterrnoodle
I can't really blame people for being a little hesitant to try something new (and in some places taboo). He obviously backed out, but props for at least having the conversation.
DyingOx
“What if I like it too much?”...WAT? Oh heavens no we can’t have that!. Pfft typical “my lobster is to buttery” issue lol
TempPlayer
If liking it too much is one of the worst outcomes imagineable, it sounds pretty neat!
AtmaDarkwolf
Seriously this is less anti lgbqt and more just.. uneducated and ignorant. Better than being intolerant (by a fair margin) but still something we (ALL of us I mean) need to help get past.
SacrificialClam
Straight men looking for validation from a trans woman that they are still "straight" even if they like trans women.
pictory
Honestly, just leaves me shaking my head. Just live a little! Be a human with another human. Dear lord how do we reach these dense mother fuckers?
OptimisticMisanthrope
I mean, if I went on a date with you I would hope to end up exhausted.
Thewriteanne
You clearly have the patience of a saint. Bless you. Sorry the stupidity is so strong in the dating world.
FoxVoxDK
I...what do...I'm confused, isn't that the whole point? Also that hair is making me envious.
CrisprCAS
I'd hope my partner would 'exhaust me' while I was 'getting into it'.
NoPostsOnlyComments
This person gets it
SillySnowFox
Ashely you are so pretty.
I'm envious.
UnicornsToxicRainbowFart
I'm so straight let me tell u abt it grl (how I always approach my crush)
Alsoashley
lol
NappaTheFriendlyGhost
Ashley as a pansexual I have to say you are a dream. Keep being you babe! (also an inspiration to this mid transition girl). Were I unwed I would take you in a (wo)manly fashion.
MrCheesebiscuit
😁❤️~
Kevinbfree
You're priceless Ashley.
ParallelParkingInABurka
Well you definitely dodged a bullet there with Mr. You Sound Exhausting, yeesh.
zerogenix
I would not mind being exhausted by ashley
queernosaur
The "also you seem exhausting" really just came out of left field 😭😭😂
lastmanonearthbutidroppedmyglasses
Fellas, is it gay to go on a date with a woman?
CALAMOSCOPYJANE
Omg I love it when you go back and forth between your voices!! Kills me, so talented.
madjo
Maybe he thinks he's going to get pegged by you...
SomeDetroitGuy
That's what he's hoping for.
iamgnat
Pretty sure that is what he wants and is just too much of and idiot to accept and admit it.
TicklishOwl
As a trans, I'm not offended at all if someone is only attracted to cis female genitalia. I get it dude/ette, we all have our preferences.
I will blame them on being assholes about it. But I have been denied before in "OOoooh. I'm sorry :< only attracted to uh..cis girls?"
THat's fine. Sucks, but it's good honesty without bigotry. But acting startled with "ew you're a fa-" isn't cool.
FrankJustice1
It's in the attitude and how someone handles and communicates it. I can support you as a person and as a woman, but also know that I want specific things if I get physical with someone. I should know that asking about the state of your genitals is very rude in a casual conversation, but if there is a two-way interest in possibly getting intimate that it's a subject that should be discussed respectfully. It's no different than any other couple setting expectations and boundaries beforehand
TicklishOwl
This. Even as trans, I'm not attracted to trans. Doesn't mean I don't support, just means I have no interest in boinking you. At some point, mature adult communication is required and adult, mature ability to handle reasonable rejection ensues.
Anfalicious
Like, its a fair thought process to go through, but it should be between you and your internal monologue
pictory
Omg just exhaust me please, I promise I'll be into it before, during, and after. Let's exhaust each other repeatedly?
probablywontbearoundlong
Good lord, I'm glad I got married before dating apps were ubiquitous.
CrabbyBlueberry
To quote Contrapoints, it's all about the mouthfeel.
ChareAndFlaff
lastmanonearthbutidroppedmyglasses
Nbiakro
Never been attracted to a man in my life but boy there are attractive trans women. Many men are scared that this means they are actually gay, which is a far more complicated explanation than trans women just being women
AtmaDarkwolf
but it's gay to like girl holes cuz other guys put them man things into those girl holes, hence it is all gay. U like women, gayest thing ever.
beeeeeeerkaaaaa
Almost nailed the red pill ideology. Fellas, go be gay together. Leave women alone.
AtmaDarkwolf
noooo that would be the antigay. :P Call off women cuz guys like women hence is gay. Control your gay thoughts by only dating other men. Stick it to the libs:P
NappaTheFriendlyGhost
One of my longtime friends is a lesbian and now that i'm transitioning she's been oddly curious. I think its more of a "puppy hears new sound" sort of curious than anything romantic (i am married) but gosh is it adorable.
madjo
But transwomen are women. How is a man being attracted to a woman "gay"? That makes no sense
queernosaur
If your masculinity is fragile enough, anything can be gay
SomeDetroitGuy
Homophobia and transphobia and misogyny - and this is a bit of all of that - doesn't make any sense at all.
Nbiakro
I know! It's stupid
draginator
I imagine they worry about two penis's being involved...
Rpgjgb
According to the insane nazi adjacent, rapist, human traffickers like "allegedly" Andrew Tate, having sex with women for fun/ because it feels good is gay. So... I guess you can ignore any jackass who has this opinion
HarbingerOfThis
To these people, there is no this kind of "woman" category. To them, transwoman and ciswoman are in separate categories.
ElaineTheNPC
One of the issues with toxic masculinity is the excessive fear of being seen as anything but perfectly masculine. Bro could've ended up with an experience he genuinely enjoyed, but he chooses to deprive himself of it because he worries about what society might think of him. But, to his credit, it's kinda promising that he was at least willing to chat with somebody he knew was trans. Some guys would completely shut down the notion outright. Maybe he rethinks his stance in the future.
beeeeeeerkaaaaa
A lot of men love and admire each other. They're homosocial. They'd be together if they could get over their homophobia.
Grendus
Yeah. Though he does kind of see her as an... experience, instead of as a person. Like he's more worried about if he'll enjoy sex with her (or enjoy it "too much") instead of simply being interested in her as a person and as a woman. Not a promising start TBH.
ElaineTheNPC
Good point yeah. But I think that's most men even with cis women tbh lmao.
PrincessWasabi
The on the fence gang is dangerous tho, theyd eat their cake and cry /get violent about it. Red flags
morningxafter
Exactly. The fact that ‘gay panic’ is still accepted as a legitimate defense motion in 30/50 states shows just how dangerous that situation can be.
DanielvonDoom718
Several months ago in Minneapolis, a man was getting "served" by a sex worker. Then he found she was transgender, he got a gun, and killed her. He was convicted of first degree murder. Minnesota don't play that shit.
morningxafter
This went far better than expected, honestly. You should see the screen caps my trans friend sends me of messages she gets on the dating apps.
Camelspotting
Nasty, awful, or both?
ArchMagos
ArchMagos
Me seeing some of the things I got sent when I was dating (and im not even hot)
Alsoashley
The funny thing is how much of these videos barely the surface of why I have.., I could make these videos for the rest of my life lol
SleazyBijou
People are breathtakingly stupid. Where are you? State-wise… is this a regional thing or… people are just THAT stupid.
morningxafter
I can imagine 😂
Pishposhbingbong
Please do.
they're wonderful.
AVerySillyPuppy
The main thing i've dealt with is straight guys who want to keep me a secret. Have you run into that much?
Alsoashley
Alll the tiiiiiime
howunfortunate9
Oh man, what a fairytale dream, being someone's secret guilty indulgence. Not dehumanizing at all.
AVerySillyPuppy
It's fucking astounding how many guys don't seem to get that. Some dared to suggest i should find it hot.
FrancsTireur
I think thats a time thing for me personally.
I've had boyfriends whom ive started out as a secret for, because in fairness it is a self revelation lets be honest, but ive had some who showed no intention of me ever being anything more and thats where you cut them off in my opinion.
There was this one guy, a Turkish Muslim, and i always got the feeling that he wanted to be with me properly but he never knew how to deal with what his society would think of him, everything he'd lose etc. 1/
KingOfTheImgurians
Some people really need to learn to just roll with liking what you like. As we learned from Schitt's Creek, "I like the wine and not the label."
FrenziiTheIMP
That's how I've described my sexuality since I first heard it. It fits me perfectly.
bigtwindaddy10
https://media0.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1amE0NzM5ZnJwOHYwY2hncHExeGtjem83ejh4MjFiaDkydjBnNHF1MyZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/SA6wNM9rNafJdSLfon/200w.webp
pictory
Imagine matching with Ashley and fumbling her?
KingOfTheImgurians
Look, we all mess up from time to time, right?
fenrir4life
I mean, there's messing up, and there's... whatever that was.
-Gets the most patient, gentle responses- "Also you seem exhausting"
I think I killed a few brain cells trying to guess what he was _hoping_ to hear?
KingOfTheImgurians
HarbingerOfThis
I think he was hoping to hear an acknowledgement, that yes, a trans woman is different from a cis woman in several ways, so it's ok to be curious and also uncertain about what's going to happen. If you consider that as his goal, and her responses, then you can probably also see where the "you're exhausring" comment comes from.
fenrir4life
That does seem like a plausible read of his intentions, but... idk, I don't speak 'dating app,' but a lot of it read like a particular form of negging, like downplaying his interest and trying to get her to chase him, then getting huffy when she only responded to what he said, not what he didn't say.
I get that everyone's 'playing games' on dating apps, so the _default_ is "exhausting," but it also read as a cheap excuse to make his uncertainty "her fault."