There are no words for how much I fucking hate that way of doing subtitles. I would throw the inventor of that subtitle-method out a helicopter over the ocean if I could.
I'm guessing the trash editing is so they can repost and not get taken down for posting content that belongs to someone else but all I can think of is Wayne's World.
you can tell they did their research with the satire because it manages to capture the distinctively overzealous editing style of online conservative propaganda perfectly.
This, often the trad-wife influencer in question also becomes the main breadwinner by selling an alluring idea to people with this particular kink.
I would be ok with it if they did not also peddle the idea that everyone who does not share their fetish is wrong and should be forced to do so. YKINMK
You can find them struggling with 2 minimum wage jobs in their 40s because their husband left them saddled with a gaggle of kids, no marketable skills, and no work experience when he dumped her for a younger model.
Weren’t in his palms. Went through the wrist between the bones so the body would hang. If you did it through the palms then they would just tear through and the body would fall over. TMYK.
Well, that might be up for a little debate here. 1) Nails through just the pals will tear through, yes. 2) Nails through the lower arms, between the ulna and radius will not tear out.
But, Might they have nailed through the hands, and bound the lower arms to the cross using some sort of cordage? The nails through the hands being more symbol that function.
You'd have to put those questions into the context of roughly 2000 years ago. "Nailed through hand and foot", this person is really go nowhere, we made sure of that. A bit along the lines of cutting hands off for stealing. I do not know, but not knowing is a great place to start thinking about this. Science has shown that nails through the hands don't hold. Then why is almost every depiction of Christ with nails through the hands? I'm just curious (and a non-Christian).
For some reason (maybe the reason is "we were not there, so we assumed", and now it's being continued) almost all art shows nails through the hands. There is some interesting reading about that on https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Crucifixion
But if they try to be realistic about it, and say that the wounds would be in the wrists, then that just means that a lot of Christian zealots will end up dying when they try and fake stigmata. Is that what you want? A bunch of dead charlatans? With blood on their hands, from aforementioned pierced wrists? Just a bunch of dead dickheads, trying to play pretend at being special and being some kind of miracle? Is that it?
It's really important to clarify that you mean this is how crucifixions were done, but that Jesus is a fairy tale and never existed in the way described by Christianity.
I’m actually fully prepared to accept that there was a thirty something carpenter who professed that loving your neighbor was a good idea that got nailed to a cross for his troubles. That idea doesn’t bother me in the least. I can even stretch to him being cut down a bit early, and stumbling up after three days rest, only to conk out again. The rest… not so much.
Look man as a staunch atheist, Jesus of Nazareth almost certainly existed. And he was almost certainly executed by the Romans. He just, didn't do all the miraculous shit people talk about. People were EXTREMELY GULLIBLE then.
Babomonkey
Please tell me that these subtitles were added by some brain-fried tiktoker and NOT how The Onion is doing subtitles.
dixxienormus
That's a fair assessment, except for that one little detail - the non existent messiah.
cattlegrazer82
TIL Nine Inch Nails is not actually a reference to Jesus's crucifixion.
battousai124
Is it bad that I had no inkling that this was satire until the logo??
MotoCanuck
Onion always flowing absolute gold.
Cebrail
There are no words for how much I fucking hate that way of doing subtitles. I would throw the inventor of that subtitle-method out a helicopter over the ocean if I could.
barrocoyote
Just realized that the guy is the morning show host from the old Onion clips
msaroff4
I did not know that this was satire until I saw the logo at the end.
We live in the worst timeline ever.
PotatoSalt
WTF kind of screensaver-cinematography was the cameraman going for
cheeriossuckbecause7
Infowars has improved itself.
SgtPakcrat
Under new management - The Onion
darbythemiddle
FUCK THIS EDITING
VinchVolt
it's the onion, the bad editing is a deliberate riff on actual conservative propaganda editing techniques
darbythemiddle
oh ok
Niagaran
I know this is the onion but FYI all trad wivery is based in white supremacy
Resistance1000
Republicans want "their" women to be barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen so dinner will be on the table when it's damn well supposed to be.
Toqom
But also.moat.of them need their wife to work for a second income
SJBSavageInk
Oh I'm not allowed to think about that. 😂
NChomsky
Is no-fap good Friday like the religious equivalent of no-nut November?
woozle
Also, the nails went through his wrist. The wrist was considered part of the hand. Because of course in the palms wouldn't work.
Dezri
CouldntCakeLess
Moistvagina
Anyone who thinks captions like these are ok should be drug out into the street and shot.
nurmich
I'm guessing the trash editing is so they can repost and not get taken down for posting content that belongs to someone else but all I can think of is Wayne's World.
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
that's the original: https://instagram.com/reel/Da-2hTcCJvf
RoyDMercer
Thank God it's the Onion.
nanabroccolifart
i forgot at first I was like “oh no”
Sielle
No no, didn't you read the end? It's Info Wars! ;)
HandoB4Javert
nobodyspecial995
Birds aren't real!
nobodyspecial995
Only barely
pdp1
If it didn't show the Onion clip at the end, I would have thought it was real
VinchVolt
you can tell they did their research with the satire because it manages to capture the distinctively overzealous editing style of online conservative propaganda perfectly.
IupvoteAussies
It's great, a decent number of the comments on Instagram haven't figured it out yet
torp
So far.
aChungusAmongUs
I’m really glad that this is what infowars has become…
Bojovnik84
Still, no AI.
nobodyspecial995
What about this is AI?
Bojovnik84
All of the parts with Jesus are AI.
ThisOldCPU
Ever hear of ShutterStock? Those weren't AI.
crcb
What???
woozle
Have you noticed that you only see younger trad wives? I'm sure the older ones have some things to say.
PlausibleLies
They don't, their husbands don't let them.
DidItForScience
The older ones are locked in the house.
ImmaCatImmaSexyCat
Because they're mostly just fetish models. They cosplay as trad wives who serve their man and it's a turn-on for their followers.
TheAnswerWasAlwaysMoreLube
This, often the trad-wife influencer in question also becomes the main breadwinner by selling an alluring idea to people with this particular kink.
I would be ok with it if they did not also peddle the idea that everyone who does not share their fetish is wrong and should be forced to do so. YKINMK
crcb
That's because they're social media grifters
woozle
Yep. They're playing to the male audience.
walnutbreath
You can find them struggling with 2 minimum wage jobs in their 40s because their husband left them saddled with a gaggle of kids, no marketable skills, and no work experience when he dumped her for a younger model.
nobodyspecial995
(pssst, this one is an actress)
woozle
thanks for that. Every other one I see says the same bizarre bullshit.
nobodyspecial995
This is from the new Infowars site, after being bought by The Onion.
woozle
I saw infowars and had to read the captions. I am hearing impaired and can sometimes miss subtle cues. :/
charondaboatman
Weren’t in his palms. Went through the wrist between the bones so the body would hang. If you did it through the palms then they would just tear through and the body would fall over. TMYK.
MangoPort
Then why do we have Palm Sunday?
I swear some people post without even thinking.
charondaboatman
BitWeasel
Well, that might be up for a little debate here.
1) Nails through just the pals will tear through, yes.
2) Nails through the lower arms, between the ulna and radius will not tear out.
But, Might they have nailed through the hands, and bound the lower arms to the cross using some sort of cordage? The nails through the hands being more symbol that function.
charondaboatman
And what symbolism would that be and directed at who and for what purpose?
BitWeasel
You'd have to put those questions into the context of roughly 2000 years ago. "Nailed through hand and foot", this person is really go nowhere, we made sure of that. A bit along the lines of cutting hands off for stealing.
I do not know, but not knowing is a great place to start thinking about this.
Science has shown that nails through the hands don't hold. Then why is almost every depiction of Christ with nails through the hands? I'm just curious (and a non-Christian).
BitWeasel
For some reason (maybe the reason is "we were not there, so we assumed", and now it's being continued) almost all art shows nails through the hands. There is some interesting reading about that on https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Crucifixion
ScoundrelPDX
TMI, too
Sageypie
But if they try to be realistic about it, and say that the wounds would be in the wrists, then that just means that a lot of Christian zealots will end up dying when they try and fake stigmata. Is that what you want? A bunch of dead charlatans? With blood on their hands, from aforementioned pierced wrists? Just a bunch of dead dickheads, trying to play pretend at being special and being some kind of miracle? Is that it?
...Because it's the future I'd want.
thetickcannothaveaspoontoobig
Cearnaigh
You'd think that those stigmata would rather help with masturbation, too.
TheWhiteBarry
It's really important to clarify that you mean this is how crucifixions were done, but that Jesus is a fairy tale and never existed in the way described by Christianity.
charondaboatman
Ooh, yes. But I gave up trying to explain it to the people who believe it. Everyone else knows. But good for pointing it out, thanks! +1
hogeyegrex
I’m actually fully prepared to accept that there was a thirty something carpenter who professed that loving your neighbor was a good idea that got nailed to a cross for his troubles. That idea doesn’t bother me in the least. I can even stretch to him being cut down a bit early, and stumbling up after three days rest, only to conk out again. The rest… not so much.
HamSlamwich
Look man as a staunch atheist, Jesus of Nazareth almost certainly existed. And he was almost certainly executed by the Romans. He just, didn't do all the miraculous shit people talk about. People were EXTREMELY GULLIBLE then.
TheWhiteBarry
By what historical account are you basing that on? Tacitus? The guy born roughly 50 years after Jesus supposedly died?
HamSlamwich
Yes it's too bad we couldn't obtain an account of his death from before it happened. That would be helpful.
TheWhiteBarry
You really think you did something there and it took you a day to come up with that absolute zinger lmao.
How about one single secular document from BEFORE he supposedly died? Go ahead, I'll wait.
SleepyHollowAppleTree
I feel like I'm having a fucking stroke with these jumpy ass captions.
AtmaDarkwolf
is ok, the words she says is also stroke inducing. I fucking HOPE most women are intelligent enough NOT to think or say shit like this.
jaggcomputing5
The captions are supposed to be for information, not art or whatever stupid shit some cock brain was thinking.
breadedfishstrip
I thought one word captions were already terrible, having them jump around is just a fantastic new innovation in Stupid Subtitles
ForTheLoveofGodAndAllThatIsHolyMyAnusIsBleeding
You know who wasn't having a stroke? Jesus.
Sensiblyinteresting
Nails prevent strokes!
icouldntthinkofabetterusername2
spontaneous9
Where do they get a white Western European guy in the Middle East anyway?
thisisnotfineffs
racism + stupidity
CaldariBob
American Jesus had the power to time-travel.
csullivan
spontaneous9
astrangehop
His dad was white /s
spontaneous9
Nah, you're thinking of Santa Clause
/s