youtinybrainedwipersofotherpeoplesbottoms
19976
470
22
Jul 26, 2026 11:27 AM
youtinybrainedwipersofotherpeoplesbottoms
19976
470
22
QuatermainFT
#7
TheNonSequiturFairy
#9 keep the name Willie Nelson out of your fucking mouth. I don’t give a shit if your mama gave you that name, you’re light years from deserving it.
If you’re desperate to do the country music thing, might I suggest calling yourself Johnny Rebel. At least he was open about being a racist POS.
IWantedOneOfThoseLongUsernamesTooSoIGotOne
#9 Just wait until someone tells the aforementioned expired jar of mayonnaise that the full name of Los Angeles is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula", which translates to "The Town of Our Lady Queen of the Angels of the Little Portion".
The Franciscan monks who named it included "the little portion" after the small chunk of land in the Vatican set aside for a tiny Franciscan chapel.
johnson442
#2 Maybe "Little Princess" was probably sitting next to the guy during this exchange?
jeroen94704
#9 "You jar of expired mayonaise" is excellent. I'll steal that for use at an appropriate moment.
Flash82
... and spend less time with the kids
WackyWavingInflatableArmFlailingTubman
#9 the charisma and social awareness of a wet fart at a funeral.
ChristopheDeMeyer
El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles
5v4297j9fj1
#14 was fun but be really fun if it had happened in real life.
Doesnt translate well though
zer0phucksgiv3n
#12 LeBron Royale
CallMeCourierSix
#2 Red flags. Dating someone who hits you? Nope. Fuck that.
Nooooooooooooooooooooo
#4 https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1cHFlamt3d3BlNTBocGhjMmhvb2IyZ2pkMHRkbzY4bHljM3p5dmc2ZiZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/YRPBhd3vscg5Fxx1DQ/200w.webp
TheFunGuyinOz
#3
We can afford better cocaine after 40.
WackyWavingInflatableArmFlailingTubman
#3 they are wankers
tsooji
#3 not 40, yet. I have 4 cats. Turns out, I'm a little allergic to cats. Also, I'm clumsy, and kleenex boxes are easier to distribute than napkins or paper towels. Also, I'm lazy, and I dont want to have to get up to address minor issues.
ImAWeirdMom
#1 "if there is anyone here named Michael, please stand up"
*Man stands*
"And that concludes our mike check"
DragonThunderUndertaking
"Who is this Juan Too guy and why does he never answer his pages?"
HighSorcerer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3aXWAFyEe0
Tarmaccian
I have used both of these for checks, and also:
“Can everyone hear me clearly? Yes? That’s unfortunate.”
zqwzzle
Ice ice icicle, pop pop popsicle, test test testing 1, 2, 3
thenetbear
Our trumpet player is named Mike, and is also a massive character. The mic check joke never goes unanswered in our band
thedudeman519
I got a buddy whose keyboard player is named Michael McDonald. So they give him shit all the time
ornamentaal
UncleRat
I should send my book out to my publisher now that I have found a title for it. "The Crying Can Start Anywhere." It's about using milk kefir to make cheeses.
Terran81
#10 they mean does your baby avoid expressing needs or wants because it would be an inconvenience to you. The parents that think kids should be seen and not heard. The ones whose adult kids don’t talk to them anymore. 😜
CALAMOSCOPYJANE
Oh wow, that's incredibly accurate.
HowlingRollercoaster2
I was a difficult baby, I had colic and cried a lot. I know this because my parents told me... They told me this while I was pregnant with my first, come to think of it. Interesting choice. Also liked to tell me how stubborn I was. We don't talk now, I guess I am still stubborn.
Terran81
I’m sure they tell anyone who asks, “I don’t understand. After everything I did. Everything I had to sacrifice.” Queue Chris Rock: that’s what you’re supposed to do. That’s the bare minimum. What you want? A cookie?
I don’t speak to my parents anymore. Last conversation I was asked why I bring up the past. Cuz I’m in my 30’s now and you still openly disrespect me. Not even asking for an apology, just for you to fucking stop. (This was a decade ago. I’m in my 40’s now). 🙄
damogen
#8 You can use that flawed logic with any competitive game: "why bother playing football?, I'll never be as good as Ronaldo"
Just play with people on your own level and have fun!
MayMayz4DayzYo
#5 No. There’s a fucking patent to show the correct way. The only reason to do it the wrong way is it pets have access to the bathroom.
DemonDuJour
First phone patent showed it screwed to a wood base and welded to a wire. That doesn't mean we can't learn and grow.
DarkJaeger
Those were so much more fun to end calls with.
WackyWavingInflatableArmFlailingTubman
#2 ha the frailty of women, makes their acts of domestic abuse cute and amusing. What a healthy behavior!
Cearnaigh
"Ma'am, your darling boy has anger issues and punches holes in the wall. Yes. We're doing great."
Same dynamic, yet I somehow doubt as many people will find it amusing.
Kbantar
I had to check. Ice skates as a basic item are much older than I thought. While full metal ones are younger. 5k years ago in Finland made of animal bone. Then primitive metal in the 13th/14th century. But "proper" steel ones in 1850s where you didn't need to use a pole to push off from.
whyforetho
#4 Your nose tends to run more as you age, especially as your body starts experiencing significant hormonal changes, which for most adults is in middle age.
NotAGarbageCant
*everything
FTFY
DutchBoeremeisie
Nose started running when I got pregnant. Which is a thing, apparently. Fifteen years on it hasn't really stopped.
justheretocommentonce
My ex's nose started running always when she was blowing. It was weird, but at least she tried.
snarkybitch
Yeah ive noticed
Eldibs
You ever find it weird that it's your nose that runs and your feet that smell?
copperdomebodhi
Samuel Johnson ( the guy who wrote the dictionary) was sweating so hard in public one day, a lady complained, "Sir, you smell." “No, Madam,” he replied. “You smell, I stink.”
MadamPuddifoot
Wait are you serious? I'm 42 and have been so annoyed with how much my nose runs for NO REASON recently. It's cuz I'm old?!
Omnislash9
38 here and it started like a year ago, I had the same reaction! Goddamnit!
Twinklepot
https://media0.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1NzFvbXI0enNwdTI0bDl5b3ExazQzOTU3eWF4OWV5aGUzcGloNnowdCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/P0xPTc9JEUnVW3UIGe/200w.webp