Since my TBI, my memory completely went to shit. 60+ year old active memory in a 26 year old mind and it never fully healed. I'm 32 and I still remember remembering differently than I do now. It fucks you up mentally because everyone says you haven't changed but you fully recognize your capability disappeared forever in one day.
Hey, the truth is you are doing fine. This pain is part of you. I'm sorry that it hurts, but the artist who is you is a troubled person. And there is this one good thing about pain, and that is that great art can come from it.
I know you've lost a lot. Art can take a long time; take as long as you need. I see you're bracing your hands against stationary objects like the work and the table; that helps. Do all the "cheating" you can do. Take whatever advantages you can and use them. Keep creating
Hit from behind by gasoline tanker running over 70mph. Received severe TBI 7 severely damaged disks in lower back and other injuries. Spent 5 years learning to walk again and live with constant pain but the most frustrating part is my memory is affected. I used to be able to do complex mathematics just in my head now I find myself using a calculator for simple addition. I forget things I know I should know and it has cost anger issues because I'm not right anymore and can't help it.
Moderate nerve damage to the brachial plexus checking in. Can't thread a needle without huge effort. A firm handshake makes my smallest finger collapse inward at the first knuckle. Shit sucks
Hit by a pickup truck while in a crosswalk 7 years ago. Woke up three days later with emergency brain surgery having been performed to save my life. I was hit when I was 36, but woke up with the wisdom of someone who was 66. I get frustrated when I think I’m about the life I could have had, but my accident tared the scale on perspective. In the ensuing years, I was able to accurately reweigh components of my life and determine what was truly important.
Suffered a stroke August 2024 and I have been left with tremors in the left hand that disrupt fine motor control when trying to do anything with it. Typing is so much harder and takes longer and is more exhausting as I have to ficus so much on controlling my hands to try and stop the tremors to type. And the fatigue I am left with is no fun either.
As of late my arms have been randomly going numb. From the shoulders to the fingertips. Numb to the point of mild pain from lack of circulation. I shouldn't, but I've been ignoring it.
But it sucks to have to stop my projects because I can't feel shit. Can barely grab things.
Kind of down and out about life and the future so just kind of in a "fuck it mode" with it otherwise. Not being able to just escape into art due to it though.
I had shaky hands since I can remember. I showed it to my Dr. (at a rather young age) and asked what I can do about it. He straightened his arm, showing his shaking fingers and said "The same as I". Funny, but it helped me accept it. I build models and paint them. I might take a bit longer then others, but don't care. I enjoy what I enjoy. You will sure learn to cope with it. You already do.
My friend's mom got a nasty TBI a few years ago. She's been through it, partially raising her younger siblings through school and driver's licenses and starting jobs, advocating all the way up to the governor's office to get government support as claims keep getting denied, and really missing the mom she used to have the whole time. Her mom was able to go to her son's wedding for a little while but the light and noise was too much for her to stay the whole time.
Not TBI but severe carpal tunnel. Can't feel my hands anymore. Can't afford surgery. I tried painting today and I couldn't hold my hands still enough to paint a straight line. On the plus side I can use VERY hot water for dishes.
Same as having Crohn’s disease, or having had cancer. People love to undervalue or just entirely discount this shit just because they can’t perceive that such things do exist and can greatly impede someone.
It’s great when said people are those you live with or your bosses at work. -_- Really makes you wanna keep bothering to live.
Between age 8 and 10 I had three different head traumas and was knocked unconscious in two of them. I tried to build model airplanes when I was 11 and 12 and couldn’t do the decals or any painting correctly because of fine motor inefficiencies and it was very frustrating, so I quit trying. TIL that this may have been brain damage, and, since I’m a doctor, I’m pissed because I should have figured this out before this! This was also 60 years ago, so it doesn’t matter anymore, but still, DAMN!
I'm an MD too. Similar age. Severe TBI (diffuse axonal shear injury) two years ago after falling off my bicycle. 50% reduction in cognition, reflexes, reaction speed. No more sports. I'm lucky I'm not worse as I look normal like OP, but still pissed about what I can't do anymore.
I always wonder if my current personality disorder disability comes from the many times I was hit in the head by heavy objects in my childhood. Didn't go to the hospital unless bleeding because my parents hating doctors, but still. So many heavy objects...
This is a confusing statement. Concussion is a mild form of TBI, though we don't use that term anymore really, then there's moderate and severe. No idea which this person is.
I also has a (mild) TBI. No one at work understood that post concussion syndrome made it very hard for me to look at a computer screen or why I kept making minor spelling/punctuation errors. People can be very judgemental when they do not have personal experience. I definitely empathize with you. One thing that was very helpful for my recovery was doing cognitive rehab and balance training. Cognitive rehab was a therapy program that had me doing things to improve my eye tracking. 1/
Eye tracking (the way your eyes work in tandem to move) can be off in TBI. I did a bunch of puzzles. Some of them are here: https://www.gamesforthebrain.com/ My therapist had me start very slow so that I didn't get overwhelmed or frustrated. Ironically, it also involves staring at a screen, but it helped me. The most difficult exercise was the game number hunt (from the link). You might inquire at your local hospital physical therapy clinic about balance/vestibular training. I think your 2/
painting is lovely, moreso knowing the effort it requires. I found that I needed extra emotional support as well because mood is effected as well in tbi. I hope you have resources near you. I wish you well on your journey.
one thing I noticed, and idk if it applies to you or not, was the concussion made me very emotional when doing cognitive training (puzzles etc). At times, I was so frustrated with this one color matching puzzle that I almost started crying. It is just something that happens post TBI, so don't judge yourself, roll through it, that reaction is showing you that you need to take a break. I am almost 10yrs post TBI & back to normal. or my normal abnormal lol. It is possible!!!
How do you keep going? How do you get to a place where you can *somehow* enjoy doing the things that used to be easy and fun and now are a source of frustration and reminder of loss?
You learn patience, with yourself, with your illness. It becomes a life of 10 minutes of something is a glorious victory, little things are big achievements. An intricate balancing act of spoons and there's always new ways to come at a problem. You can do it, you just need to find the right way to do it for you.
It’s honestly been hard. The first year and a half I was bitter. Then I started to try only to “fail” compared to previous attempts which was wildly discouraging. Frankly now I’ve learned to take the time. Yes it’ll take me longer BUT the outcome will still be something I find acceptable and coming to the realization that I’ll never be “healed” and to take the time I need has really helped. But it has taken a long time and I do get discouraged a lot still
Keep at it, the more you do it the more your brain makes pathways that allows you to it better over time - and knowing you, you're a fighter! I'm sure that you will be able to create beautiful things JUST like in the past (and now!).
CasualFridayHandjob
Since my TBI, my memory completely went to shit. 60+ year old active memory in a 26 year old mind and it never fully healed. I'm 32 and I still remember remembering differently than I do now. It fucks you up mentally because everyone says you haven't changed but you fully recognize your capability disappeared forever in one day.
zafner
Hey, the truth is you are doing fine. This pain is part of you. I'm sorry that it hurts, but the artist who is you is a troubled person. And there is this one good thing about pain, and that is that great art can come from it.
I know you've lost a lot. Art can take a long time; take as long as you need. I see you're bracing your hands against stationary objects like the work and the table; that helps. Do all the "cheating" you can do. Take whatever advantages you can and use them. Keep creating
leaderofmars
This is me without the TBI, some of the least coordinated unsteady hands in my social circles
dwolvin
{hug}
Themaxdu1
Man she is cute.
RuricOrhlandis
Hit from behind by gasoline tanker running over 70mph. Received severe TBI 7 severely damaged disks in lower back and other injuries. Spent 5 years learning to walk again and live with constant pain but the most frustrating part is my memory is affected. I used to be able to do complex mathematics just in my head now I find myself using a calculator for simple addition. I forget things I know I should know and it has cost anger issues because I'm not right anymore and can't help it.
errantcompass
Moderate nerve damage to the brachial plexus checking in. Can't thread a needle without huge effort. A firm handshake makes my smallest finger collapse inward at the first knuckle. Shit sucks
puckeydrew
Hit by a pickup truck while in a crosswalk 7 years ago. Woke up three days later with emergency brain surgery having been performed to save my life. I was hit when I was 36, but woke up with the wisdom of someone who was 66. I get frustrated when I think I’m about the life I could have had, but my accident tared the scale on perspective. In the ensuing years, I was able to accurately reweigh components of my life and determine what was truly important.
MarieAnntionette
Let the style be the product of the ability <3
johnvilnis
Suffered a stroke August 2024 and I have been left with tremors in the left hand that disrupt fine motor control when trying to do anything with it. Typing is so much harder and takes longer and is more exhausting as I have to ficus so much on controlling my hands to try and stop the tremors to type. And the fatigue I am left with is no fun either.
arumunus
As of late my arms have been randomly going numb. From the shoulders to the fingertips. Numb to the point of mild pain from lack of circulation. I shouldn't, but I've been ignoring it.
But it sucks to have to stop my projects because I can't feel shit. Can barely grab things.
Kind of down and out about life and the future so just kind of in a "fuck it mode" with it otherwise. Not being able to just escape into art due to it though.
TomboiLacroix
Big hugs @op I have mild Cerebral Palsy. Invisible disabilities are tough. It’s good to see you try again.
JamesWesson
I know the feeling. I've had tbi for 25 years and my hands still shake sometimes, but things do get easier. Just hang in there :)
baldbear
I had shaky hands since I can remember. I showed it to my Dr. (at a rather young age) and asked what I can do about it. He straightened his arm, showing his shaking fingers and said "The same as I". Funny, but it helped me accept it. I build models and paint them. I might take a bit longer then others, but don't care. I enjoy what I enjoy. You will sure learn to cope with it. You already do.
IAmTheBadW01f
My friend's mom got a nasty TBI a few years ago. She's been through it, partially raising her younger siblings through school and driver's licenses and starting jobs, advocating all the way up to the governor's office to get government support as claims keep getting denied, and really missing the mom she used to have the whole time. Her mom was able to go to her son's wedding for a little while but the light and noise was too much for her to stay the whole time.
SilverFoxChaser
Not TBI but severe carpal tunnel. Can't feel my hands anymore. Can't afford surgery. I tried painting today and I couldn't hold my hands still enough to paint a straight line. On the plus side I can use VERY hot water for dishes.
mediumrarechickenstrips
Seriously, it's still better than I can do. And probably better than most folks on here. I hope you keep going!
DrewThe3DPrinterGuy
StevieTheAussie
Same as having Crohn’s disease, or having had cancer. People love to undervalue or just entirely discount this shit just because they can’t perceive that such things do exist and can greatly impede someone.
It’s great when said people are those you live with or your bosses at work. -_- Really makes you wanna keep bothering to live.
SciFiGuy2018
Stay strong!
jenoween
I don't have this issue as bad, but I still don't remember conversations and I forget words for things.
I handed something to my husband and asked him "Could you please heat this up in the marshmallow?"
He knows now that this means microwave.
elliotmarieeee
I got chicken and kitchen confused a lot but my ex made fun of me for it lol
drduffer
Between age 8 and 10 I had three different head traumas and was knocked unconscious in two of them.
I tried to build model airplanes when I was 11 and 12 and couldn’t do the decals or any painting correctly because of fine motor inefficiencies and it was very frustrating, so I quit trying.
TIL that this may have been brain damage, and, since I’m a doctor, I’m pissed because I should have figured this out before this!
This was also 60 years ago, so it doesn’t matter anymore, but still, DAMN!
eiko987
I'm an MD too. Similar age. Severe TBI (diffuse axonal shear injury) two years ago after falling off my bicycle. 50% reduction in cognition, reflexes, reaction speed. No more sports. I'm lucky I'm not worse as I look normal like OP, but still pissed about what I can't do anymore.
KaptainObveeus
I can see. Thanks for sharing.
elliotmarieeee
Thank you for taking the time to see. Most people won’t
TargaX
I was never a fan of Throttle Body Injection.
freshthrowaway1138
I always wonder if my current personality disorder disability comes from the many times I was hit in the head by heavy objects in my childhood. Didn't go to the hospital unless bleeding because my parents hating doctors, but still. So many heavy objects...
PotatOSLament
Hey, are you okay?
freshthrowaway1138
haha, no.
PotatOSLament
D’ya wanna talk about it to someone with absolutely no qualifications to offer help, but is willing to hear a rant?
freshthrowaway1138
Naw, I've already got what I need. I was mostly just mumbling about the connection.
PotatOSLament
Okay. Have a good one!
EverNotRelevant
TBI = Traumatic Brain Injury (often a concussion)
ChesterSnapdragonMcFistycuffs
This is a confusing statement. Concussion is a mild form of TBI, though we don't use that term anymore really, then there's moderate and severe. No idea which this person is.
Sooner70
Appreciate it. I was pretty sure she wasn't talking about a Through Bulkhead Initiator (what TBI means to me), but.....
McBzz
Max? Is that you, subtly coming in with some fresh airplane facts?
Sooner70
No idea who Max is and TBIs aren't used in airplanes (to my knowledge, at least).
McBzz
I was way off!
baldbear
Like a brick to the head, a wooden plank, an iron rod or falling out of a rolling car? I know these things.
johnvilnis
Or a blood clot in the brain. Aka stroke .
Iguessitstimetojoin
I've had 18.... I'm not the person I used to be
languex
Realizing we'll have tRump for another 3¾ years.
MatureDendriticCell
I also has a (mild) TBI. No one at work understood that post concussion syndrome made it very hard for me to look at a computer screen or why I kept making minor spelling/punctuation errors. People can be very judgemental when they do not have personal experience. I definitely empathize with you. One thing that was very helpful for my recovery was doing cognitive rehab and balance training. Cognitive rehab was a therapy program that had me doing things to improve my eye tracking. 1/
MatureDendriticCell
Eye tracking (the way your eyes work in tandem to move) can be off in TBI. I did a bunch of puzzles. Some of them are here: https://www.gamesforthebrain.com/ My therapist had me start very slow so that I didn't get overwhelmed or frustrated. Ironically, it also involves staring at a screen, but it helped me. The most difficult exercise was the game number hunt (from the link). You might inquire at your local hospital physical therapy clinic about balance/vestibular training. I think your 2/
MatureDendriticCell
painting is lovely, moreso knowing the effort it requires. I found that I needed extra emotional support as well because mood is effected as well in tbi. I hope you have resources near you. I wish you well on your journey.
elliotmarieeee
Thank you for this!!! That’s exactly what I’m still struggling with so I’m going to look into those puzzles!!
MatureDendriticCell
one thing I noticed, and idk if it applies to you or not, was the concussion made me very emotional when doing cognitive training (puzzles etc). At times, I was so frustrated with this one color matching puzzle that I almost started crying. It is just something that happens post TBI, so don't judge yourself, roll through it, that reaction is showing you that you need to take a break. I am almost 10yrs post TBI & back to normal. or my normal abnormal lol. It is possible!!!
Silkyninja1
How do you keep going? How do you get to a place where you can *somehow* enjoy doing the things that used to be easy and fun and now are a source of frustration and reminder of loss?
numonster
You learn patience, with yourself, with your illness. It becomes a life of 10 minutes of something is a glorious victory, little things are big achievements. An intricate balancing act of spoons and there's always new ways to come at a problem. You can do it, you just need to find the right way to do it for you.
elliotmarieeee
It’s honestly been hard. The first year and a half I was bitter. Then I started to try only to “fail” compared to previous attempts which was wildly discouraging. Frankly now I’ve learned to take the time. Yes it’ll take me longer BUT the outcome will still be something I find acceptable and coming to the realization that I’ll never be “healed” and to take the time I need has really helped. But it has taken a long time and I do get discouraged a lot still
cybergeek
open to thoughts from an internet rando?
DutchGuyMike
Keep at it, the more you do it the more your brain makes pathways that allows you to it better over time - and knowing you, you're a fighter! I'm sure that you will be able to create beautiful things JUST like in the past (and now!).
WrongSarah
Whatever you create will be more beautiful than if you had never done anything at all
Creating is an essential release and processing the emotions of not-good-enough will be a good learning experience, if humbling
Don't hold back just because it isn't perfect - nothing is, really