hoopsnek
24800
470
6
From Kate Scott
https://www.quora.com/Has-a-therapist-ever-told-you-something-completely-unexpected/answer/Kate-Scott-6
Nov 25, 2025 8:43 PM
hoopsnek
24800
470
6
From Kate Scott
https://www.quora.com/Has-a-therapist-ever-told-you-something-completely-unexpected/answer/Kate-Scott-6
Euchre
I don't care for "There are no rules." I'd sum up his point as "Whatever works." It just has to work. Truly work.
My approach to doing unsavory chores when I bought my own house was to do them whenever the impulse hit, and power into it until I was tired of it. I didn't start with any kind of schedule, just did the work. It was much easier to 'settle in' to a schedule from there.
hushpuppyextraordinaire
He told me he is the rapist
magicrhombus
Just don't run the dry cycle on the first run.
Plasmodesmata
A similar concept I have told my students: "Don't let perfect get in the way of good." (or better, or progress)
AnonOmis1000
My lowest point was in college. All of college. My last semester i was actually living on campus so if I wanted breakfast I had to get up early enough to go to the dining hall. They had a soft serve machine and one day I said fuck it and got an icecream cone as part of my breakfast. It tasted so good. But then eventually the machine either broke or they turned it off.
CourtRedHanded
imnotSpaceMonster
It’s great advice.
As someone who grew up with not having a dishwasher or (when we finally did) using it as a drying rack only, I understand, but it would feel so wrong. It took me years to not feel guilty for using it 1-2 times a week.
Roqinn
Wish I had a dishwasher other than my 2 hands. I hate doing dishes!
HamburgerTelephone
I don’t get a sense of victory for accomplishing tasks like that. All I get is guilt I didn’t get it done before.
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
People who feel good about doing housework are so lucky. When I'm done any type of housework, the only positive feeling I get is that at least now I can stop doing it. There's nothing about it I like. Obviously it's better to have clean dishes than dirty, for example, but I don't feel any kind of satisfaction from it. It removes the annoyance of not having clean dishes. That's all.
CourtRedHanded
RevolutionOnHerLips
My therapist did similar things for me when I was really struggling. I didn't have a dishwasher. She told me to get paper plates. I was against it at first but eventually got them and felt better. She also gave me permission to just eat three spoonfuls of peanut butter a day if that's all I could. Just to get me to eat something, at a time when my ED was really bothering me and food was triggering to even look at. It kept me alive.
Slimewire
I also like that one about workarounds. Worried about unplugging your hair dryer? Bring it to work with you. Worried that you didn't turn off the stove? Install a nanny cam pointed at it that you can check with your phone.
ningoflamingo
Here comes the requisite commenter encouraging everyone to read How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis. I listen through the audiobook about twice a year. It’s wonderful; practical and inclusive and concise and funny. If 3h feels overwhelming (short for an audiobook but a big ask with depression/task paralysis), she also did a TEDx talk.
ItsStillJustTina
I used to struggle with housework, until I realized that (for me) it's a form of self care.
I deserve to wear clean clothes, I deserve to just cook and eat what I want, I deserve to just crawl into bed at night, I deserve to come home to a tidy home after a long day at work.
So, I do laundry and dishes and make my bed and tidy up my apartment.
It's not a perfect system, but it works for me.
Akintunde
I thought I had ADHD but I was diagnosed bipolar. That was surprising, for like 5 minutes, then it made sense.
shameofslate
Another useful thing I learned here on Imgur was “Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.“
Can’t deal with all of those dishes? At least wash the glassware. Don’t feel up to an hourlong hike? Take a 15 minute walk instead. Just do something, anything.
This approach has helped me because if I give myself permission to just to do the smallest bit, once I get going, I often realize it’s not so hard. Then maybe I start to gain a little momentum and can get a few other things done as well.
TomBrokaw
same same
croatoanrpg
I thought of this as soon as I got a few words into the post. I’m glad you mentioned it. I suffer from ADHD (as well as other physical health problems) and sometimes this mentality helps me do a little. A little is a LOT more than nothing.
Wasnbo
Similar story: I was watching a streamer, she was talking about spoon theory, I noticed a fellow chatter talking about not having the spoons to make a sandwich, even though they were absolutely famished; I said to them, "Okay, don't make a sandwich, just eat the ingredients, straight outta the fridge. Goblin mode that shit!" And it worked for them.
ToolPackinMama
Folding laundry used to be a bugaboo for me, but I just started hanging everything instead, and for some reason that works for me. Undies and socks just get jammed in a drawer.
ArcaneM37
Yup. My dresser became overrun with crafting shit, so I embraced it. That is my crafting dresser now and all clothes are hung up.
euphoricopportunity
I just have a designated "clean" pile.
Astramancer
I toss underwear and socks in drawers and roll up my shirts. No folding for me!
Snooj
I never fold my underpants, I lay them flat in a pile in my drawer. And I lay them face down, because then even if it's dark (sometimes I get up before my wife does) I can grab the waist band, pick them up, and they are already in position for me to put them on without checking anything.
azazyel
My wife puts so many fucking roadblocks in front of things that she never does anything and it drives me crazy
JadeNB1729
Maybe see if you can help her take the roadblocks down? A chore buddy can help a lot to get started doing something that seems insurmountable.
azazyel
I've tried everything I can think of. She wants to exercise, I walk about 3 miles a day and I told her I'll walk with her as long as she wants and then walk her back to the place and then I'll continue my walk. She knows any bag of trash she puts together I'll take out, any box that needs to broken down I'll do it just put it in a certain place. I've offered to block out times on the weekend to clean, she just sleeps in.
JadeNB1729
Then it certainly sounds like you're doing what you can. Have you seen a therapist or behavioral specialist to see if they can track down whether there might be some cause that can be treated by therapy and, possibly, medicine?
azazyel
I've started going but I she wont
JadeNB1729
Good on you, and good luck to you both. I've had a therapist recommend "Is It Me, You, or Adult A.D.D.?" by Gina Pera. https://adhdrollercoaster.org/services/#books
lifeisadadjoke
"Make your bed"...little boost of serotonin to get things going. It snowballs from there. If it helps, I've got rampant ADHD that I've learned to harness for good, and I'm 15 years sober. This was big in the early days of sobriety when the depression hung over me like a damp, hooded cloak, and my anxiety was the extremely itchy lining inside that cloak. Good luck to any feeling like this...especially Americans heading into their holiday weekend.
shameofslate
I look at making the bed as my first attempt to bring order to the chaos of the day. Sometimes it’s the only thing I accomplish in a day, but it’s something.
nation543
"Make your bed" https://youtu.be/pxBQLFLei70?si=zWtuHSPMjc11lwCw
One of the best speeches that I've heard, and this really helped me to understand a basic fundamental outside that I've had my entire life. Still working on accepting this change of perspective but it's on my mind every time I look at my blankets haphazardly thrown about my bed. It's that one action at the start of the day that puts more into motion.
nation543
(fundamental concept*... fuck you autocorrect)
hoopsnek
Excellent video. Thanks for sharing it.
andwings2go
For years I thought making the bed was a childish chore and never did it for years. “No one will see it”
But, it’s not for other people to see that you are a Responsible Adult ™, it’s for you! It starts the day on a good note and at the end it’s cozy to climb into.
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
I like it better unmade. Feels warmer and cozier, going back into a little nest. Made it feels like a hotel. Unmade it feels like home. I don't care who sees it, I care what I prefer.
Xaiydee
For me that's brushing my teeth ...
lifeisadadjoke
I used to feel exactly the same way, and now, I like the look of a made bed as opposed to heaps of blankets. My wife is still in the "nobody will see it" mindset.
andwings2go
Funny story, my turn around was out of guilt and feelings of worthlessness (they can be helpful emotions).
See I do Fire Safety inspections and I’d enter every apartment of huge complexes with a maintenance escort. Every single apartment would have a made bed, all neat and tidy, not a single dish in the sink. And I thought “wow, I’m a piece of shit, everyone lives like this except me”.
So, I made the change, my house neat and tidy, not even a knife in the sink every night, bed made every morn.
andwings2go
Come to find out years later after getting in the habit of living like that, that these people were given 24-72hr notice that we’d be entering the apartment and they all had the opportunity to put best foot forward. Now, I kinda wonder what percentage would be perfect if they were surprise visits like I assumed they were.
KellyCrazyCatLadyinTraining
Oh, dude, I have to tell you- less than half of people clean the kitchen after breakfast; we wait until after dinner to do all the day’s dishes at once so we’re not cleaning the kitchen twice every day.
I make sure that I clean the kitchen at night so it’s clean when I wake up in the morning (and to prevent insect infestation). The bed thing is hit or miss. I make the bed so I don’t lose anything in the sheets, and it keeps cat hair on top of the blanket, not in the sheets.
AVerySillyPuppy
Studies have shown it's actually a bad idea to make the bed. You want the area you slept to air out as much as possible to minimize bacteria
lifeisadadjoke
I wash my sheets frequently enough to stay ahead of this. I have a degree in Toxicology if that helps.
AVerySillyPuppy
Unless you wash them every single day it's literally still better to not make the bed.
lifeisadadjoke
Can you reference that study please? Given that I've studied the science in detail, I'm always interested in continuing my learning. Otherwise, that sounds like overkill.
andwings2go
It’s probably a germaphobe/hypochondriac commenting. Underneath its pillow case, my favorite pillow looks like I murdered a small animal on it years ago. Haven’t had so much as sniffles since I had Covid in 2020.
CloudyTime
The only rules you have to follow are the laws of physics, everything else is a suggestion.
TurnsOut42WasASlightMiscalculation
Gravity - it's not just a suggestion. It's the law!
Kbantar
It took me until my 40s before I finally decided to sleep the way I want. That is on a blanket on the floor. I've never liked beds as they felt like tree top marshmallows. But I never could do what I wanted, because "no one does that". Of course I learned not that long ago that sometimes my mom sleeps on her floor. She never told me.
CatShadowleaf
That's always the worst part for me, when you find out there was somebody who should have understood, who should have spoken in solidarity, and they just didn't.
Kbantar
I'm not sure when I even first spoke it aloud. I was so weirded out by what I wanted. I will mention one nice benefit. It meant we were fine getting a cheap two bed hotel room for me, my GF, and our friend. I slept on the floor in between. lol