"Relax, you sound just like your mother. My ex never acted like this, even when it was her time of the month. Now, are you done?" guaranteed to drive a woman so insanely angry it loops back around to calmness. Or gets you killed in a way that would make Pinhead cry. One of the two.
"You sound exactly like your mother." PFFFFFFFFFF WOW oh my God. A moment of silence for any poor soul that uses that phrase with their woman.................................................... And 3 cheers for the ones that some how got away with it and survived.
Oh, this is perfect! My wife’s mad at me for something trivial…
…whoa, it worked! She stopped yelling at me, calmly said “you’re right”, and went off to the kitchen.
Oh, while I’m typing this, she just brought me a pint of beer. Not sure why she’d put it in a glass, and it seems a little extra carbonated. Taste’s a bit off, too. Ah, I’m sure it’s nothing. It sure is nice to have this peaceful family back agaiiiiinnnnnsh iii caant typ gud now very sheepy
MendoncycleSmith
This guy plainly has spent plenty of time doing his own research. =:D
Geveg
"Relax, you sound just like your mother. My ex never acted like this, even when it was her time of the month. Now, are you done?"
guaranteed to drive a woman so insanely angry it loops back around to calmness. Or gets you killed in a way that would make Pinhead cry. One of the two.
VanniCarlisle
Do it for the plot!
https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1c2Rha3FzMnBsMmR2dnVycW43czc4bDhtemRjcDBxa2gzY3hpZGJ3OSZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/iDJuQR0UmiqOI/200w.webp
OperatorWay
AlienJeffries81
He ded
film888master9
I’ve never seen this amount of stab wounds
thekeyofe
"He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times."
Ajinxedchef
#3 May cause violence.
ontarioOT
thekeyofe
Nice loop. Not quite perfect, but close enough that I didn't notice at first when it looped.
gnomedeplume
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1dXdwa3U5ZGI5MXZtanRzNDhqa3BiamN4NXB6bHVydndhcmZoMHg4biZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/opkBx9TikuQbS/200w.webp
Redshadow09
"You sound exactly like your mother." PFFFFFFFFFF WOW oh my God. A moment of silence for any poor soul that uses that phrase with their woman.................................................... And 3 cheers for the ones that some how got away with it and survived.
Davedavedavedavedave
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1Z3hiOWVncG16YXFtb200enJwazg1aXVscGg0MW04d3drNWNwdGVtcyZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/10Jpr9KSaXLchW/200w.webp
huey9k
He will be missed.
polopolomarkopolopolo
TakuanSoho
SyllogismeJazz
TungstenOrbital
Ha!
Zixtank
Also known as How To Become Single in 5 Words or Less.
androgenoide
ActionJohnnie
McBzz
Prepare your will and attain a state of grace because you are about to take the big sleep
Ardilla05
6. You sound exactly like MY mother. It reminds her of how life gives multiple opportunities to build character and role models to follow.
Turboslacker
EMHPicardo
kriswinters
I know what we need to save this gif for.
danishjuggler21
“I’m starting to get where your ex husband was coming from” demonstrates you have empathy and the ability to see other people’s viewpoints.
mikeatike
RedCamaro
this does not work and now my house is on fire.
kriswinters
#6 You're being very emotional - This lets her know that you're aware that rationality is not part of her mental state at the moment.
SarcasticComment
"your sister would look pretty in that" it shows that you are attentive to the attributes of her family
NChomsky
"Calm your tits", which let's her know you are empathetic & care about the welfare of her body.
NuclearGradeIrony
"Calm down," is the "Relax" on crack.
thinkybrainpains
#7 calm down, reminds her of where the butcher knife is located
nnjd4zqrrq31415
Lmfao
Blimymyhat
And don't forget: "Are you sure you want to use a knife? That will make a mess of the floor"
MiserableBustard
#7 You're gonna get wrinkles - The alerts her to the effects of a negative outlook on life.
yeahhedugit
#8 You're wasting time with all that blabbing. You could be getting me a beer.
TakuanSoho
"Makes you look like your mother." - appeals to family serenity and calming motherly figure
mikeatike
Never in the history of calming down had anyone ever calmed down by being told to calm down.
Tarmaccian
Oh, this is perfect! My wife’s mad at me for something trivial…
…whoa, it worked! She stopped yelling at me, calmly said “you’re right”, and went off to the kitchen.
Oh, while I’m typing this, she just brought me a pint of beer. Not sure why she’d put it in a glass, and it seems a little extra carbonated. Taste’s a bit off, too. Ah, I’m sure it’s nothing. It sure is nice to have this peaceful family back agaiiiiinnnnnsh iii caant typ gud now very sheepy
DukePhelan
Good bye Earl.
killergrooves85
Itchy tasty.
annonymouse211
https://media0.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1Znh1ZnNlaHNoenlwNWd5YjhkeWl2ZnJyNmVka2M1cHBxdHY2OGsyaiZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/JoV2BiMWVZ96taSewG/200w.webp
ElbowDeepInAGoblin
You 'bout to get Earl'd. /watch?v=Gw7gNf_9njs
GrandmasterSpank
Remember to record the conversation and put it on the internet.
RexBry
It'll be useful at the trial as well.
GrandmasterSpank
Hah good call :D
Yellowchopsticks
Try to include humor too, to lighten the mood. Perhaps a pun? "Don't ovary react."
southflhitnrun
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExNGhpYmRtaHUzeDlrZnBhOWdmOW41bmViaWRvMWl4aDlncTFzZXl6OSZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/VLe9cJCjYWXLy/giphy.gif
MadamPuddifoot
Don't ovary act.
How did you mess that up.
zHurk777
That's his superpower.
twelvoclocklevel
Went right ovaries head
ThatOtherGirlYouKnow
...and his body was never found.
konmari
It was found. Five times.
FuzzyX
They could have added #6 I wish you were more like your sister!
pseudoersatz
Cops at the murder scene: “—forget the body bags, I need a dozen mops and buckets.”
nnjd4zqrrq31415
Lmfao
futhor
To shreds you say
pravetz
And his cat?
imnotinthewitnessprotectionprogram
That’s usually what happens when a body is thrown in the skin shredder 5000, now with RBG lights
Ardilla05
Smithereens
ElbowDeepInAGoblin
'Cept his wang. They found that in a field.
SoggyFormerDumpsterFire
Do you even watch true crime stuff.. more like "found pickled in a jar by her granddaughter in her closet after her death"
ThatOtherGirlYouKnow
Soothing female voice: "Welcome to the Pickle Jar Murders podcast, I'm your host Felaterly Sisters. This week..."
ElbowDeepInAGoblin
Thanks to Only Murders In The Building, I read that in both Tiny Fey's voice and Steve Martin's voice. Simultaneously.
ThatOtherGirlYouKnow
I've gotta start watching that. Is it any good? Do you recommend it?
ElbowDeepInAGoblin
That was referencing a true crime! They reattached his junk and he became a porn star. <.<