FF and the most ridiculous shoes

These shoes are one of the most wild pairs I own.

They look impossible to stand in, and for me they basically are, but that's just because I'm terrible at wearing heels because of my unstable joints. It's like trying to perform a Cirque du Soleil move with every step. Even using the cane on the steps was harrowing. Necessary as hell though.

I thrifted them years ago. They are covered in a stiff fishnet kind of fabric that lightly sparkles as the picture below better illustrates. I couldn't believe they were so weird and also my size.

Yesterday I broke my THT streak for the first time. I didn't post anything. While I don't owe anyone regular posting, I was challenging myself to do so weekly for as long as I could.

I just didn't have it in me to post yesterday. It was a fuck ass day...I felt like a literal avatar of clumsiness and bad luck from the moment I woke up. I wasted so many spoons (chronic illness lingo) on tasks I didn't want to repeat but had to due to mishaps and bullshit. All before I'd actually started my day. I was defeated and just wanted to sleep all day but my body doesn't even let me nap most of the time.

I still feel quite defeated. I can't get ahead. I'm bothered by circumstances and truths I can't change from different areas of life.

On top of that, I've been feeling quite self conscious about my thighs as of late as they're getting visibly worse and I don't know what I can really do about it, if anything beyond accepting it.

I have lipedema and possibly lymphedema (my Dr suspects both) and I'm pretty negative towards myself about it because it's fucked with my mental health my whole life...and I always thought it was my fault and I just wasn't trying hard enough...nope, it's genetic again.

My body is incapable of not looking like a lumpy pillow with my combination of conditions no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try. The pressure is off me I suppose, but. I'm not to the acceptance level about it yet because it pisses me off more than you can know. Especially how society judges folks with legs that look like mine-treated like it IS our fault on top of being mistaken for cellulite (which there's not a fucking thing wrong with either, it's just a different condition folks also blame the individual for -_- )

I feel more confident in thigh high socks or tights as a result of this. I need to get some compression tights, but they just aren't doable right now. I have other shit I need to take care of first. They cost like 2x as much as the normal stockings. I wish the socks and tights that fit weren't so fucking expensive to buy or ship. The quality is worth it and all, I'm just disabled and poor-which is not stated for pity, it's just the reality I'm pretty frank about. Life is just too damn expensive, period.

The good news is I did get both a pneumatic pump therapy session AND nature walk in yesterday, both of which were long overdue. I'm on a new medication that's supposed to be helping with my legs, and I've already lost a little weight with it (I think that's supposed to happen) it's not good or bad, it just is. Remember, weight isn't an indicator of good or bad, healthy or unhealthy. Fat is not a morality indicator. It just fucking is. It's neutral.

Even with the weight loss, guess what? they're still lumpy. Just like they still were as an anorexic teenager that weighed 105 ibs at my lowest. They will always look lumpy and I wish society was kinder towards that aesthetic instead of having such a knee jerk reaction. I wish I could look at my own legs with kinder eyes, but between this issue and the erythema nodosum bumps my legs get sometimes, I fucking hate my legs.

It's still too early to tell if the new med is helping overall...I know It's making another issue worse...so that's not fun, but I may have to decide what I'd rather deal with...

Shoes: thrifted
Dress: thrifted
Fishnets: no idea, probably Spirit Halloween. I didn't buy them.
Cane: hurrycane, I believe Walmart carries them

Body by EDS and Lipedema today
No DMs No exceptions