AmARealGrill
584935
16016
693
human u no fair
nostalgium
TBH, if you're 100,000 miles away from a star, you have bigger problems than your credit card being wiped.
Name0fUser
#5 UK forgot to upgrade one of their Longbowman units.
Skittleballs
#5 “armed with (...) bagpipes“ motherfucker what?
ThePastmaster
https://youtu.be/PSH0eRKq1lE \o/
Neproxrezi
have you ever heard bagpipes? i'd rather he get me with the bloody longbow
dweadpiewitwobbits
He lured hungry enemies into bow range with what they thought was the sound of a horribly injured animal.
InboxMeYourHDGIFs
Yeah, bagpipes are fucking awesome!
Skittleballs
As a weapon?
spudpicker
Also, I'm pretty sure that John Rambo killed a whole lot of people with a bow and arrow. Or does it not count because of the grenade tip?
CaptainQuarkk
https://media.giphy.com/media/cjSmUtihpYQeY/giphy.gif ||
CaptainQuarkk
https://cdn.pastemagazine.com/www/articles/Bagpipes.gif
Omni21
Right? How does one fight with bagpipes?
gondring
They were referred to as "warpipes" in the 14th Century.
fitzonda
through sheer conviction and banging tunes
CondescendingCunt
The awful sound itself is sufficient to cause someone's death.
Ireallyhopethisnamewillfitohmygoditdid
#22 That's not what that says! "Je ne veux pas retourner chez Mickey" means "I don't want to return to Mickey('s)". Quite a difference.
skellington01
He wasn't working for 'Mickey' either, but a failing French company Disney is taking over these days (source: Wikipedia)
Dethklok
As a French Canadian
petrie911
I would have thought that "retourner" = "return" would be kind of obvious.
TundraGhost
As soon as I read that, I scrolled to the comments to look for the correction. Thank you.
Deathsloveforcats
Same here. It was too annoying to ignore!
Jekerchan
I thought so, but I wasn't comfortable enough with my French to say anything.
Dwaynethejockronson
Yeah I don't even speak french but I could tell that wasn't right.
txtmylife
Spot on. "Travailler" I believe is the verb "to work" and I'm not even french. Bad show, that one.
Yoloswagforjesus
Thank you
Mercenarity
I don't understand why #6 is so difficult for some people to grasp.
kudichan
Because everyone thinks they're the exception to the rule: "Sure, *other* strict parents turn their kids into liars, but *we* won't!"
fusk
Does anybody wonder why human beings are the dominant species on earth? Well #10 is the answer.
[deleted]
[deleted]
SuperDork42
but she had a huge bladed weapon and it took her a half hour to kill it, for some reason
raidleadergutts
Huge? You're thinking scythe. This is a sickle: http://imgur.com/LGKEUxZ
SuperDork42
If that's not a huge blade, I'm not sure what you think is. I didn't say 'huge, bladed weapon'.
raidleadergutts
Yeah no, I don't consider a sickle as a huge blade. A scythe is a huge blade. A sickle is just, you know, a blade. I dunno what to tell you.
ChickensAreGoodPets
fucking brutal
petrie911
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lzw6nRnaQG0
NotACanadian
And also #9
MidlandRedux
We used to be part of their regular diet. Then we got smarter and took over at the top of the food chain.
NotACanadian
And then seized the rest of their assets and holdings. Humanity LLC then became a global presence.
MidlandRedux
That's pretty much it. Large predators who preyed on humans in the past tend to vanish from the earth.
The701
Other deer are just watching in horror. "Why'd the old human kill Sherry? I didn't see any teeth in its mouth he can use to....OH JESUS!!!!"
maniacalmacaroni
SimplySashi
Gastonisasociopath
that scene is when i realized bill was a terrifying lovecraftian horror
IHateCarpets
Why tell me
SimplySashi
Because he magically pulls out a deers teeth and conjures them just to scare the shit out of a kid. Also he starts Weirdmaggedon.
lostconfusedandeasilydistractedheylookapenny
bill is absolutely terrifying
ninjagall
Especially for a kids show...yikes
owmyribs
"Fuck you so much, I'm gonna eat you with your own damn teeth!"
krapmyself2
Fucking metal
Tkeleth
eating deer*
Nukeshi
my thoughts exactly
EugeneGoostman
Mad Jack Churchill is one of my favourite people: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Churchill
Calhab
I feel sorry for the model thats only .8 of a person..
AndreKroon
Its like one of those people who have some kind of deformity but decide to embrace it and become a model.
boxesoftacos
BiggestofBears
Thanks for the reminder
bigez1988
So we should tell kids to bully. If it gives kids high self esteem, makes them cooler, and less depressed, right?
CatsandDnD
Yeah, that sounds like such bs. At least the worst bullies in my class were the ones with violent/alcoholic/asshole parents, & one ended >
CatsandDnD
> up killing himself.
CardboardPizzas
#27 INB4, a primitive sapient species on a far-away planet will have accidentally witnessed the Doritos ad and made a religion around it.
VoltisArt
In a thousand years, aliens will come for our Doritos, then blow the crap out of us when they find out the company died 900 years ago.
Radix865
Except it's 42 light years away and since radio waves travel at light speed, it's gonna take just 42 years to reach, or 31 years from now.
VoltisArt
Doesn't mean they'll immediately pack their bags for Planet Dorito.
Radix865
Well, we'll see in 73 years, in case they'll travel here in light speed...
IThinkYouGotAFineBrainJack
I appreciate what it does for the hair, but the vodka tastes horrible with the shampoo in it, though.
LordGeneralHammerSmash
The one about the virus just seems like bullshit
ThePastmaster
It's not completely wrong, just incorrect. It need to chance The Universe into The observable universe. Then it is correcter.
canibFrank
Yeah, I mean if we could do that with viruses, why couldn't we just build a ladder to the moon?
freakydeath33
funny, i studied mental health and there i learned the two populations at risk for suicide are bullies and their victims.
Djohaal
Same, most studies point to bullies also being victims of bullying and/or at heightened risk for mental disorders and suicide.
TheManInsideMebyDrTobiasFunke
Same. But you can't argue with the internet.
fearandloathinginaz
Carrot cake has carrots in it because otherwise it wouldn't be carrot cake.
FuzzyX
And long ago it would not have been orange colour but white.
fearandloathinginaz
Similar to our presidential situation
Carnwennan
Sigh. (Citation needed)
aBastardNoLonger
Didn't you see the water mark? You just have to go to the blog, search for the "fact," and source will be "mentioned. Simple! Easy!
melodytofunkytown
Wait so he's aware, but also a vegetable. Isn't that locked in syndrome? That poor poor guy.
manquistador
Pretty sure locked in syndrome shows brain activity. This guy is responding without brain activity. Different thing
crii
read it again, m8.
manquistador
Yah I was slightly wrong. This guy is basically pulling a Buster from Arrested Development. Still not locked in syndrome
yplon2
I read that so sarcastically with my minds voice
AsleepByDay
When asked if happy they say yes. I assume they crack mentally fairly quickly.
Dreigiau
All it takes is One. Bad. Day.
Notdscgsh
As someone who used to suffer sleep paralysis almost weekly this gives me anxiety. I'd rather die!
Bodonne1
Terrifying
snowfork
Ever seen the episode of House MD where the bicyclist has locked in syndrome? He can hear doctors talking about harvesting his organs.
CanadianInvasion
Fuuuuuuck
danzafan37
At that point, I'd want them to. If they can save other lives and I won't ever be able to use 'em except for existing, take 'em
snowfork
He had symptoms of locked in caused by a curable disease. He recovered his motor skills after treatment.
whyisitsohardtochoseafuckingusername
I probably wouldn't care what they do after I'm dead TBH
CanadianInvasion
He wasn't dead yet though?
whyisitsohardtochoseafuckingusername
I thought they were gonna kill him and then harvest his organs.
snowfork
He had symptoms of locked in caused by a curable disease. He recovered his motor skills after treatment.
twotwirlygirlys
I thought you were talking about Hawking for a second o_0
melodytofunkytown
Haha yeah I should have tagged the picture.
tThomas633
Like in that book Johnny Got his Gun... fuck that was dark
Piperr
Extra creepy after having just seen the music video for One by Metallica
espressoandpostrock
Or Staring Through the Eyes of the Dead by Cannibal Corpse
melodytofunkytown
DARKNESS...IMPRISONING ME
SirLordDarthVader
ALL THAT I SEE, ABSORUTE HORROR
TheWallpaperMaker
ALL THAT I SEE... ABSOLUTE HORROR
OPdeliversAnon
And this is why I should be able to sign a form that declares that I want a lethal injection if I end up in this state.
drlazercatz
so the meaning of life is the ability to interact with it? if you were pure consciousness would you feel the same way about death?
OPdeliversAnon
Not talking about the meaning of life, talking about the right to decide. I shouldn't be force to live a life I don't wanna live.
SexualConsent
I'm pretty sure you can come out of it if you can cure whatever affliction caused it in the first place, unless it did permanent damage
OPdeliversAnon
That's up to the doctors to decide. If they think they can cure it, sure, if they don't then end me.
SexualConsent
Agreed
Squinge
http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/01/09/376084137/trapped-in-his-body-for-12-years-a-man-breaks-free
MrPeebles
"I cannot even express to you how much I hated Barney," Martin says." Classic.
Squinge
It made think - if I ever ran an elderly or adult day care - I'd change up the programming. Get some old school Bill Nye, Beekman's Lab, etc
maximuminnovationstevejobs
Yeah that was an amazing interview. I wasn't OK for a while after reading the transcript.
Monka42
That's so fucking terrifying
dangergrouse
Locked in syndrome is probably my top fear.
EvenStevensEvenSemen
Ever read Sea Wolf?
dangergrouse
No, I haven't. I've never even heard of it.
EvenStevensEvenSemen
The titular "Sea Wolf" progressives to, by the end, a locked in syndrome state, then dies a few days later
ANewBadlyDrawnReactionImageAsIMakeThem
There's a movie called 'Awake' that you should never watch ever.
dangergrouse
Thank you for the heads-up!
owmyribs
I actually quite enjoyed that movie. The twist was a genuine twist.
ThanielPIN
.
purplephonecase
Existing in that kind of state is my fear as well. I'd rather die and hope my organs can give someone a better quality of life.
SexualConsent
Well, usually it is caused by... Something. I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure if the doctors cure whatever is causing it, you'll move again
purplephonecase
If there is a cure...that is different. I meant if that would be my permanent existence until I die anyway.
Bootsy81
But what if it happened and you decide it's not so bad after all but have no way to tell anyone not to pull the plug or euthanise you...
dangergrouse
You have a point: that is yet another reason why it is terrifying.
purplephonecase
I couldn't live inside my own head for the rest of my life. It'd be a drain of resources that could help other people.
starsky416
Person with locked in syndrome would also have the ability to blink and vertical eye movements
beanprok
Unless they are are Completely Locked-in... then they don't even have control of their eyes :(
melodytofunkytown
Ahhh gotcha. I wonder what consciousness is like for someone with only brain activity.
beanprok
Look up Martin Pistorius..he had Locked-in syndrome for 13 years. Even when he regained use of his eyes, took 6 years for someone to notice
beanprok
He speaks about what it was like to just basically live in your mind, and have no one know you're still "there". Heart breaking
UltimaCaitSith
Only one person has ever had a confirmed case of it. A lot of fake "healers" will diagnose vegetative people with it in order to extort 1/2
UltimaCaitSith
2/2 money from friends & family in order to facilitate communication. Just try telling a secret to the vegetable and somehow they'll forget.
starsky416
Definitely more than one person confirmed. It's from a stroke in the brain stem. Not common but not abnormal.
UltimaCaitSith
Thanks for the correction! I learned that getting bitten by certain snakes will do the same thing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bungarus
MrPeebles
There's a Stephen King short story about that. Good read.
UltimaCaitSith
tl;dr stay the hell out of India and the Middle East.
MacClay
Sheesh, like we needed another reason.
pattaconk92
For a head transplant to work, wouldn't you have to mend a severed spinal cord? What's the point if you're paralyzed after?
buddhistsunset
Didn't they see the second X-Files movie??
SexualConsent
Maybe they figured out a way to fix that? It's pretty obvious this is expermimental
Squinge
I wish I could find the article, but I read a fascinating piece on the unintended brain-body horror of a head transplant.
petrie911
It's unclear that would happen. People mentally accept hand transplants almost immediately, and our hands are kind of important.
ThatWillBuffOut
The new body would have a healthy heart, lungs and other organs, even if it couldn't perambulate.
iwearlittlesocks
There is a small chance that spinal regenerative surgery will allow the patient to have some movement, possibly full range and strength
iwearlittlesocks
But a body with functioning organs is much better than a body that is decaying
SocialMediaMakesUsLessSocial
I remember (vaguely) reading about this in a Time magazine article about 2.5 years ago. None of tge parties involved are expecting it to be
SocialMediaMakesUsLessSocial
"successful" in the sense that he will be miraculously restored to normal.
1ARKY
So your feet can touch the ground.
IFavouriteEveryPostISee
I suppose we'll never know as the dude who was supposed to get the transplant backed out because he got married and runs a business.
FuzzyX
The use of stem cells to help patch the break can restore some functions.
whatsisname
The spinal cord has been successfully mended in rats. One step at a time.
beardedbobcat
I'm sure he'd still be paralyzed but maybe switching bodies would help with whatever muscle disease he has? Paralyzed but healthier?
JessieJanson
maybe the heart, but if the body rejects the head... bad way to go. There are some treatments with stem cells, still they are vary far out.
pattaconk92
I thought about that as well but his current chair has hand controls indicating at least partial use of his arms...
pattaconk92
... but a head transplant would make him quadriplegic
beardedbobcat
Maybe he only has so long to live with whatever it is he has so being completely paralyzed would be better than death for him.
SebastianVettelDoubleOhFive
Or he's just willing to use his own life for science. He might realize what it will do to him but if it's successful it could open new doors
nytmare
"FACTS"
rockguy21
#1 is from a poorly researched study with a focus group of only 1 school. Good start, I see.
JoshuaMadoc
Bullies often end up either a loser or in jail because their football craze went overboard and ended with dead or mauled girlfriends.
TwatSprinkle
Not sure what sample you're using but the "bullies" from my school, many are successful businessmen now.
JoshuaMadoc
Which is funny, because then they claim they don't remember tormenting anyone. I bet they don't even remember me.
BreadyStinellis
Yup, my bullies "had no idea" they were bullies. Really? Because you went well out of your way to hurt me.
BreadyStinellis
In my experience with bullies it does seem pretty acurate.
CrayonFox
it is not. There are studies that bullies are more likely to commit suicide later on than people that were bullied.
LvAllen
You just made my day.
CrayonFox
it's a study from my psy classes. They checked on bullies and bullied 25 years later. More of the bullies were depressed or suicidal.
Alistairetheblu
...but this is common sense right? The problem with bullies is they have too much self-esteem, not too little.
FajitaPrinceofAllMexicans
Lashing out is a side effect of a lack of self-esteem, having something to prove so you stomp on others.
MyDeadGrandma
Sounds like your average psych study.
fyaycr
I thought that was a fact already.
HeroThatWasNeeded
Source?
UhBell
Yeah #1 is complete bullshit. That's literally psychology 101. Fuck this dump
JimJonesKoolAidSurvivor
Bullies are also the first one to get shot when a kid snaps
ABillionDucks
Eh, if they were, we wouldn't make such a huge deal about school shootings.
helpidontknowmyname
So they've got that going for them.
RaynWisp
Bullying is more about perspective, not clear cut definitions. A bully is often bullied by other groups outside of their victim's group(s)
RaynWisp
So... bullies are also often the shooters themselves
ErikaLight
This comment
CephalopodLodge4
Aww what a shame
sw33tdickwilli
Bully fact; #1 is inaccurate. I did my thesis on bullying. Bullies suffer from significant bouts of depression and are themselves ostracized
ghostanom
IMO bullying is subjective and the people doing it aren't always characterised by the same traits.
SentOS
It's such a shame that some of them are fake or exaggerated. Kinda ruins the correct facts.
bildschoen
OP is probably American. Alternative, fake, exaggerated,, or coincidentally true "facts" are all regarded the same around here currently. :(
Garouleloup
That's fact dumps for you
CyborgScribe
Disclaimer: May not contain facts.
Garouleloup
My favorites are the one who are labeled "Fun Facts" but don't have any fun in them.
champloosamurai
Shark one
CyborgScribe
For some reason the "killed instantly" bit of the bulletproof potion bothers me. People don't die instantly from bullets most the time.
PsychopompGecko
Hell, suicides sometimes have to shoot themselves multiple times in the head to get the job done.
EndersGameofThrones
IS Navy SEALS/frogmen used recurve bows in Vietnam. There are recorded kills.
Koshunae
Theres a video of buzz aldrin punching that guy
thor0486
Wouldn't a leopard give up way before 30 minutes passed? They are glass cannons, they hit hard but they can also injure easily.
highteck9
What about the guy whose getting a head transplant.
busterthedogMC
That one is true I believe
MrLobstrosity
The carrot cake one is fake.
Jackofslayers
Yup I was done after 1
BDisthebestman
Or mistranslated.
UltraBaconist
Yeah like the French one in Disney it really means "I don't want to return to Mickey"
AwkwardKeming
"chez Mickey" is "Mickey's house"
ThattBiggie
Really? Is that just because of the context? I'm learning French, and understood it to mean "I don't want to return to Mickey" as well.
BagtCat
I'm french, I can confirm that this one fact is exactly how it is. When the guy wrote "Chez Mickey", he meant as "at Disneyland" 1)
BagtCat
Implying Mickey is explicit enough to understand as "I don't want to work at Disneyland anymore". 2)
Thajavaman
Mickey's house or Mickey 's place.
ThattBiggie
So chez is used like place or house? Or is it just understood because of the sentence?
greenmarshal
The Doritos one is fake as fuck
DoYouSleepLateBecauseOfMovies
Just to piggyback a comment here; all these are not from their shitty blog.
richprich
The lion one is co.pletely false, as a Wildlife biologist I can attest to that.
Kalflo
Totally agreed. In all likeliness there was far more rats and mice, and on wider areas, than lions.
ForeheadGod
Lol they mean the American Lion, and other ice age-era creatures. Still a lion. Just not the african one youre probably thinking of
Kalflo
Still more rats and mice mate.
AwkwardKeming
I think it was looking at spread, not population.
TrustmeImadoctorzoidberg
Even by spread, I've never heard that lions ever lived in North or South America.
PriestOfLordVote
At least one, Panthera leo atrox, lived in North America ~11,000 years ago. No idea if it ever cross Panama in S. America, highly doubt it.
1douchebag
The American Lion went extinct about 11,000 years ago.
AwkwardKeming
Not arguing cause I have no idea, but the Americas have mountain lions. Common ancestor?
Clockehwork
Not even the same genus, lions are closer to tigers, leopards, and jaguars than any of them are to cougars.
DVSBSTrD
I'm pretty sure there are some bullies with low self esteem and social status.
teeph
Tell yourself whatever you have to.
FergaliciousPotato
The study was very poorly done and was recorded at one high school. Really shitty "study".
DVSBSTrD
It's not shitty, Alphas can be bullies. People just decided the data applied to 'all' bullies, not just a certain type.
FergaliciousPotato
Yeah, that's what I meant by shitty. A lot of factors they didn't consider, and the sample size was small. People could also lie about SE
D33RLORD
There are some but relative of success have been repeatedly correlated antagonistic behavior in youth. Remember real life bullys are not...
D33RLORD
Generally the way they are portrayed on TV. Big dumb misunderstood kids etc, they are usually captains if the football team and the many...
D33RLORD
Dozens of kids who will follow their lead to kids ass and fit in, this includes the cheer leaders the "badass kids" etc.
D33RLORD
I've been bullied alot and shamefully partook in some as well. This is something I'm very familiar with.
leftypride
Yeah, that kinda discounted the entire post for me, which is a shame because I love trivia.
RevanTheJedi
From my experience #1 is generally true.
CMDanaher
But people always say that ALL bullies are like that, which isn't always true. All my old bullies are doing better than me in every way :\
Blehninja
Ofc, being a bully works wonders for them throughout their life. It's a valid strategy until someone calls them out, which rarely happens.
FeliciaSexopants
That sucks. My bullies are all uneducated with like 10 kids & shit jobs now. I would feel a little bad for them, but.
CatsandDnD
One of my bullies didn't look that ok & popular last time I saw her, and another one killed himself. Some are doing fine afaik.
FuturePerfectTense
No there aren't, dingus. Now give me your lunch money!
PolarBears91
Cancel my subscription, I'm over your issues
DVSBSTrD
Wouldn't you rather I buy you some lunch instead? I never seen you eat your own lunch.
jokeinsurance
That is really generous of you, Simpson :)
RevanTheJedi
Is this...is this some kind of gay simpsons fanfiction?
MrPrincess
People who bully can't have high self-esteem, it just doesn't makes sense. They are very insecure, why else would they bully?
MrPrincess
I think you guys are confusing self-esteem with self-confidence :)
DVSBSTrD
Uhhh, because they can get away with it? Popular kids can be just as mean as the unpopular ones.
lesommeil
Because they can. A girl in my history class in 8th grade spent 90 minutes telling me I was a bitch and should kill myself. For fun.
Justaweirdbitch
Regardless of what captain planet told us, I'm sure not all mean, dominant people are sad, low self-image folks.
BubbleConglomerate
"i-i'm gonna bully this guy and h-he will maybe not punch me back t-too hard"
lintwizard
Some people just think it's FUCKING FUNNY, OK?! At least, that's what Gerald Broflovski would tell you!
teeph
Have you not witnessed "nature" in action at all, anywhere, ever? The strong prey on the weak. It's how biology works.
[deleted]
[deleted]
Musicosity
If they were insecure, they wouldn't have the confidence to push you around, dumbass.
CMFMTNPPL
63 million sharks?
FossilGirl
We're gonna need a bigger boat...
melveys
Yeah, those numbers are wrong. Scientists estimate that it's likely over 250 million per year.
Jfaive12
stop
melveys
In the name of love?
TheEffingLizardKing
Actually they just discovered that it's probably 1.2 billion sharks killed in Oklahoma alone
zagibu
Per second.
melveys
Amazing. No wonder Ive never seen any there
Lolzorski
Yeah sharks are losing this war pretty bad
HerbieRobinson
I'm finding the virus one tough to believe
rrlyrae
actually, the math works out. typical virus is 5-10 nm (10^-9m), and 10^31 is plausible number. stack them and 10^31 nm ~ 10M light years.
Lolzorski
http://www.reasons.org/blogs/theorems-and-theology/more-viruses-than-stars--no-way I don't even know. It cites a source here, but still.
machupicchu47
seriously 200 light years? there's no way.
OLIVEGARDENSBREADSTICKS
I did the math, and by my guess it's 40 mil lightyears. The graphic said 200 million by the way. Those nanometers add up in sextillions.
Fatikis42
It is extremely untrue. One of those "facts" that gets spread because no one feels like doing the math.
IllegalDuckling
I'd imagine we'd live in sea of viruses, then..
spookyfckr
We do...
JudgeNotByTheColorOfOnesSkinButByTheContentsOfOnesDumps
I do too since to view viruses you need a microscope right? So even 100 trillion i doubt would reach five feet. Maybe I'm reading wrong..
Honeybadger2198
Viruses are measured in nanometers, or 10^-9 meters. If there are 10^31 viruses, and viruses range from a size of 20-400 nm, it would take>>
rrlyrae
looks like this honey badger gave a shit!
Honeybadger2198
Ey look at you so vey clever literally never heard that one before ever!!! Gold star.
Honeybadger2198
2,500,000 - 50,000,000 viruses to make a meter. Take the average of that, which is 26,250,000, and that's how many it takes to make a>>
Honeybadger2198
meter on average. Which is about 26x10^6 meters. There are 9.461x10^15 meters in a light year, so it takes about 360,000,000 viruses to>>
JustCallMeJazzHands
In Estonia, you are either model quality or you belong in one of those Slav memes. There is no in between. Same in the other Baltic states.
ANewBadlyDrawnReactionImageAsIMakeThem
I really want to visit Estonia for this reason. It's like a real life 50/50 challenge.
JustCallMeJazzHands
Jokes aside, the Baltic states are great places to visit. Great people, fascinating history, and very affordable. I recommend all three.
aap71
either you're milania trump or you're a a drunken thug squatting in an adidas track suit
madbydesign
je ne veux pas retourner mickey - I do not want to go back Mickey?
MrRandom314159
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFrmapGCuhs
Jocktrapped18
Je ne veuz pas retourner chez mickey: I do not want to go back to Mickey's house.
imtogs
Comment to vouch accuracy
ThisImgurShitIsHilarious
Started reading this comment in French and got really confused by the following English words. Also my brain tried to turn "to" into "tu"
ZombiesAndZoos
Came to the comments just to point this out. Thank you!
ISupportYourViews
There were once more lions than mice or rats? I don't think so.
Weregerbil2
No he's not saying there were more lions he's saying that lions had the widest land range of places they lived. kinda weird wording though
ZOMGNO
Did they mean predators? Yeah, its bullshit.
ISupportYourViews
Hmm. I'd still say rats and mice.
Flyndaran
Rats and mice aren't the same genus let alone all the same species like lions. But I still doubt that "fact" too.
ISupportYourViews
It's nonsense. No apex predator is going to outnumber the species it preys upon, even if there are many.
Flyndaran
Especially a metabolically hot running animal like a cat. A 225 lb lazy zoo tiger eats 5k Calories a day.
LinneaB
My daughter had 1/2 of her brain removed at age 5. It was to cure epilepsy. That surgery is both impossible and incredible.
NevermindThatShitHereComesMongo
"I witnessed a thing that happened, it was impossible"
Squinge
Went to pre-k with a girl who had that. She was a bit slow initially but is fine now, I believe.
LinneaB
A lot of kids make huge gains after the surgery. Not the case for my daughter, but she has bigger issues. Happy to hear happy stories!
aap71
there's one american surgeon - he happens to be a black guy - who's done more hemisphere-ectomies than any: over 100
SwiggityDiggitySwoo
what does being black have to do with it?
aap71
just that it's an unusual surgery performed by an unusual surgeon (also, I'm racist)
SwiggityDiggitySwoo
not implying you were racist ... was honestly wondering ...
aap71
I looked it up, and it turns out the surgeon is in fact Ben Carson. So who's the racist now? Huh? (OK, still me).
LinneaB
At one time, Carson was our hero. He pioneered a miracle surgery for our kiddo. Then he tried his hand at politics and well, you know.
NevermindThatShitHereComesMongo
Im very interested in what his race has to do with anything
aap71
no, you're not. you're trying to take offense, except you yourself are not black.
aap71
it's just an interesting nuance that lends color to the story. the way melanin lends color to his luscious, chocolatey black skin
paintingpsych
#1 I call bull shit. Find a meta analysis covering this. Then I'll believe it.
ThePastmaster
The study was apparently only done in a single school. And conducted poorly at that.
paintingpsych
Association Between Bullying and Psychosomatic Problems: A Meta-analysis Gianluca Gini, Tiziana Pozzoli.... this article almost gets at it.
UhBell
Agreed. That's absolutely basic psychology, but there was a researcher somewhere that needed to confirm their bias
Faptothefuture
Yeah, I think it is an oversimplification. Looks like researchers have found subtypes of bullies, one of which is happy/socially connected
Faptothefuture
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886914006564
Faptothefuture
Others are depressed etc. Basically, some bullies are Nelson Muntz's and others are the rich villain from any ski movie ever.
paintingpsych
Bahahaha. That's great!
jordanschlansky
#2 Why would the leopard keep fighting? You'd think it would ambush and then cut its loses when she first hurt it.
Tempcore
Yeah i can see it putting up some fight for a while but i don't see a predator that normally relies on stealth stick around for half an hour
karimonsterbitches
It isn't beyond a leopard to wound its prey and wait for it to die. Probably attacked her, she fought it off, it waited, then came back.
IllegalDuckling
Rabies, cat overconfidence, drunk from fermented fruit
doogalleh
there's video of a leopard killing a porcupine on youtube. it wounds the leopard quite a bit. it takes ~2 minutes before mortal wounds occur
doogalleh
obviously not the same but if the leopard is starving to death it may be desperate enough to keep trying to get the animal it wounded
doogalleh
source (there is a lot of blood and an animal dies so be forewarned) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpNlMwfrVJM
Tempcore
Yeah i can see it putting up some fight for a while but i don't see a predator that normally relies on stealth stick around for half an hour
ThePastmaster
Unless it was starving and desperate, I agree.
KSands
because obviously the leopard didn't give a fuck
gondring
A scythe is an unwieldy weapon. Perhaps she just kept it at bay.
GasBandit
It said sickle though, which is smaller and 1 handed. http://pedsgh.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/a-sickle.jpg
helpidontknowmyname
Starving due to habitat loss and scarcity of its prey? Drew blood and just wanted to fucking EAT?
Flyndaran
Cats are pounce predators. They can't sustain long hunts, even when in perfect health. Also people suck at time measurement when in danger.
DaDisser
maybe babies were nearby or something and it was defending them instead of actually hunting? IDK murder cats tho
helpidontknowmyname
Not a big cat expert, buy my housecats sustain brawls for 5 minutes or more. But you are probably right about time distortion under threat.
JohnnieIII
#24 wouldn't time travelers know not to attend in order to preserve the normal space time continuum
iaminfiniteOSL
or...or...MAYBE...time travel isn't real and he's just playing a joke.
seudonym
They'd also risk being "kidnapped" by secret agencies if they announced themselves
MadHakon
It can be so difficult getting people to attend a party a week or two out; imagine relaying that info across hundreds of years.
10tacles
It could be just a week later. There are people who claim they are time travelers right now.
csny4ever
Tell me more!
10tacles
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time_travel_claims_and_urban_legends
RegalJen
And since nobody attended it proves that there are time travelers.
tiarali
As a time traveller, I wouldn't go to such a party because I don't want others to steal my technology.
Tychoxic
Seriously, have a scheduling conflict ONE time and Stephen 'Speak and Spell' Hawking never lets you forget about it. Won't reconsider now.
Tempcore
Many scientists, including Hawkings, agree that it's only possible to travel forward in time, not back. He's jokingly proving his beliefs.
couldhavebeenabaggins
A different timeline could have happened and hawkings could have told us no one came, but you know what it just tells me time travel is real
rkwfxd
Time travelers did not know about the party until this post. They are on their way now.
TheGreatAnhey
Time travelers wouldn't know where to go because earth would be in an entirely different position
10tacles
You can calculate the right position or just check where Earth was in a certain time in the past.
Colenelshitpostermcgee
its also possible that we live in the origional timeline relative to this, and that any time travellers would create an alternate timeline
SenatorHillaryIAmStillInTheRaceClinton
Or maybe they showed up, had a party with him, and convinced him that telling the world would be a mistake.
twotwirlygirlys
I can't imagine anyone convincing him of anything he doesn't already think is true or false.
krapmyself2
Can't attend a time travelers party if time travel doesn't exist.
SethCronyn
jimwormmaster
That one drives me crazy cause I don't know the specific meme name, so I can't find a template. Anyone?
snotcaulk
Roll safe.
jimwormmaster
Thanks, man. Saving that one for later. I've referred to it, but never knew the name. You da real MVP!
Thedaleksarebadnews2
If the announcement had said "Hello Sweetie", maybe they would have shown up.
lbolt
Yes. We did.
MyDogsAreFluffy
HA HA...I don't believe you
10tacles
Nah, the issue is that time travelers can't go past 3 years ago. They say that a temporal earthquake happened that time impeding time travel
10tacles
beyond that point while another group claims that the universe was created 3 years ago.
Cryno1000
HarryHenryHarry
MongolianCandlesWithLove
Maybe they did go and it's a cover up
in2i2on
I think we watch too many time travel films. Will the university really collapse if I tell earlier me to buy Apple stock?
in2i2on
Lol. Universe*
penguin002
if all you are doing is sending words, No, data is fine, if You are going to do it tho, Infinite Mass Event is the issue.
DrYoungblood
Perhaps Hawking never told anyone cause the party was so awesome
maximuminnovationstevejobs
Clearly they showed up and made him promise not to tell.
fnordy
Yes, w...they. Yes, they do.
RandyJames
Maybe they just didn't want to hang out with Stephen Hawking
FrankTheTalkingRabbit
Yeah, who'd want to hang out with a fuckin nerd
icanc4
True, he talks funny
astrangehop
Like literally all of time to see, who's really needs to prove some smug professor wrong.
RichardButtsonthe3rd
If anyone showed up wouldn't it have to be kept secret anyway to not change future events?
JeriSanchez
Its assumed 1. Time travel does not exist. Or 2. There is a fundamental law that prevents going back in time. We just dont know it.
penguin002
even if there isn't the Infinite Mass issue means either we "ghost" back without providing solid form, or timetravel = Blackholes.
JeriSanchez
Man. Theoretical Physics is a hell of a mysterious bitch.
penguin002
it's pretty simple here, take "invention of timetravel" would be a majpt and popular destination, Thus, people from Forever After That Point
penguin002
will wish to go back and see it, to claim they were there and saw it,
Abandonedusername
Hawking was wrong, we are all time travelers. Just by looking at the photo, we have just attended the party.
madtufguy
I'm pretty sure no celebrities would come to my celebrity only party either...something about "birds of a feather"
notwhitetrashbrittany
You're slipping, Hawking. You're slipping...
Ireallycantthinkofanythingbetterrightnow
what if they showed up, but the party was so boring, they decided to jump back in time to warn themselfes not to go there?
SomeCrazyNerd
The Travelers didn't get any directive from the Director. Can't expose the mission. Stay on objective.
browsib
Some rogue time travellers would have gone for the shits and giggles
MrRandom314159
And it's under the assumption that they can control where in time they land.
onea
We time-travelled to this earth when we were borne, and when we die, we time-travel to another space time. No one reads the ads there.
IamNotEvenSupposedToBeHereToday
read "Welcome to the Universe" it does a good job of explaining this
prettykitties
Thanks
torontosfinestraccoon
Im putting that on my list.
Treblaine
That depends if they knew if they went to the conference or not. If they didn't go they shan't go, if they did go then they shall.
MoguraBurgera
Elguerrero1397
Well if they do or do not, it would have been necessary to begin with in order to preserve the space time continuum.
ISayFuckAllTheTime
Maybe the only time traveler that ever comes back from the future is Hawking himself, and he's keeping it hush hush.
Droobilicious
Maybe the time travellers were washing their hair?
Feldspartacus
Time travel isn't possible.
[deleted]
[deleted]
imgurPointsOfficial
Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping, into the future.
gofunkyourself
Grandfather paradox?
Feldspartacus
No, there just isn't some magical thing you can travel through. The universe is just energy in motion. What happened is done.
BruceJennersBoobies
If I knew nobody was going to show up for a party I wouldn't bother going either
ComaGrinner
MadHakon
The Time Party Paradox.
MrRayious
The Time Party NO ONE Gives A Shit About... *Time Traveler*
Droobilicious
Maybe it was a shit party
GoCorral
Time travel is presumably an enormous energy cost. Even more than a rocket. Using it for a party (and an ancient one) is wasteful.
hopethisisarelevantname
Yup. And Hawking didn't even have a live band.
Anononononon
The sun produces 386 yottawatts/second. A dyson sphere around the sun would generate more energy than has ever been utilized by man in each
Anononononon
second (in 2012 we used 22 petawatts. which is One millionth the low ball energy that can be produced from a dyson sphere around the sun.)
Anononononon
In other words, once time travel is possible energy wouldn't be the thing to limit it.
PedanticGonkDroid
Great! All we'd have to give up is, you know, the sun.
Anononononon
You might wanna lookup how big a Dyson sphere is
PedanticGonkDroid
Right, right, we're inside it. Bad joke was bad, sorry. You win some, you lose some.
DrKriegersClone
I mean, if I discovered time travel, would I announce myself and claim some free drinks, or exploit future historical information to 1/
DrKriegersClone
2/ win the lottery and then leave the money invested for myself? Hmm, tough choice there...
Timeandrelativedimensionsinspaghetti
I don't think so. I subscribe to the multiverse theory. Changing the past would just cause the traveler to go to an alternate future
penguin002
remember if you go to a party using timetravel, there's a high chance of you creating a blackhole as you and Infinite Mass Of People arrive.
penguin002
cos Infinite time = Infinite potential Mass, 1/1000th of people go to that event, 1/1000th of infinity is still infinite mass.
ipi22
good point!
i8thebones
If I traveled back now all I know is it happened, not where. Just saying. Also I'm time traveling on business not for a party with 1 guy
dissapointinglysmallwhale
What if people did turn up, but hawking has decided not to tell us in order to preserve the timeline
degenerator
What if potential attendees knew that Hawking threw terrible parties that weren't worth the bother.
rando53
Or more sinister purposes. Are you not frightened by the most intelligent man on Earth? What's an ant to a man with a magnifying glass?
MyLifeIsPotat0
U ok buddy? Rough day? lol
ChickenSirloin
*adjust tin-foil hat Listen to Him..
Anhabanana
UrKungFuNoGood
Maybe Stephen Hawking is wrong about EVERYTHING and the future has no idea who he is.
Nabashin
Temporal prime directive applies.
drbabaloo
Or if they can only travel once, they've got better places to be.
SkyeKey
Maybe we just live in a time where time travelers have absolutely no desire whatsoever to visit. I guess any time from 2000-20xx is shit ?
ChiefFireTooth
So in other words, your time travelers are smart enough not to ever time travel. Solid science.
emmaisnotanoldlady
I bet people showed up in the Bernstein timeline, Bernstain world sucks.
DisgruntledFerret
Ha! The Berenstein/Berenstain Bears conspiracy theory is one of the most amazing I've ever heard. Everyone should look it up.
Anhabanana
oh, is this not a Timescape reference?
Anhabanana
ok I looked it up
BionicWaffle
I want to go back to Chik fil a world!
Pirkale
*Berenstain
LettuceFucker
*Dinkleberg
metheloser
they could attend in one dimeson and got back later and prevent themselves from going
APictureOfAWallFromMyNeighboursRecentlyBuiltGarageADay
Who took the picture?
SomeGuyWhoKnowsStuff
Because of relativity if anyone did attend it would be in a parallel universe not connected to our own timeline. >>
SomeGuyWhoKnowsStuff
Also it would require flying very close to the center of a black hole to achieve, which is ridiculous just to attend some stupid party.
issaidnotnow
Username checks out
Vedar
Found the time traveller!
SomeGuyWhoKnowsStuff
Oh and it'd be a one-way trip, which is perhaps even more ridiculous for someone who had the ability to do a close flyby of a black hole.
[deleted]
[deleted]
SomeGuyWhoKnowsStuff
It depends mostly on whether or not rotating black holes exhibit ergospheres as predicted. Technically even if we had a nearby black hole >>
ichangedmyusernamebecauseiregretmyoriginaldecision
that's only forward time travel.
SomeGuyWhoKnowsStuff
No, it's only backwards time travel. The only known way to travel forwards in time is to wait.
ThanksToDenialImImmortal
Isn't there other theories on How To achieve time travel?
SomeGuyWhoKnowsStuff
Not to my knowledge, and only backwards time travel is currently considered plausible. Forward time travel is called "waiting".
Londres2623
Maybe time travelers have more thing to do instead indulging Hawkins.
JakkOfHearts
Maybe humanity goes extinct before time travel is discovered.
Compendyum
"WHAT DO WE WANT? * TIME TRAVELLING MACHINES!!* AND WHEN WE WANT? *IT DOESN'T MATTER*!!"
SnugglesaurusRex
The way technology is advancing, memory editing will be discovered long before time travel. They did show up, just no one remembers it.
cameraman502
What if Hawking doesn't rate a visit?
Runikal
If we invented time travel, there would be more important things to do than visit historic parties
iKnowMostlyRandomFacts
This aways bugs me. Spacetim laws would say that he can't release the address AFTER the event, because it won't rewrite time. 1/2
iKnowMostlyRandomFacts
He should have released it before the event happened, this way there is no paradox where the message doesn't get met. 2/3
iKnowMostlyRandomFacts
Also, who is to say that there isnt now a paradoxial world where the travellers did go back and meet him, but we arent in that timeline?
rochamochaman
Maybe the time travelers who went ended up creating a different time-line leaving us with this one, without the time travelers
DanieSous
Parallel universe paradoxes
PrfctDrk
Give us a time line where Robin Williams gets help and doesn't commit suicide
ICantThinkOfAU
Unfortunately he was dying anyway, did it more because of the suffering the disease would cause him and his family, than from depression
GifMasterFleX
Yeah let him rest. He had a heart transplant and many the health issues. I believe he has pig heart or cow.
worgenboy
He said it was a cow heart on a few of his standup bits, or maybe the valve was from a cow...
cunninlinguist
good riddens
TwatSprinkle
Riddance*
tehzpoon
Maybe in the future they think he's a silly goose and so they didn't want to go to a silly goose's time traveler party.
[deleted]
[deleted]
RevanTheJedi
I don't think that's how it works
alternatereality543
Hey check out tachyons.
wilothewisp
If you do it right, you do not have to travel at any speed.
Mimsey
What are the odds that we live in one timeline without time travelers out of potentially infinite timelines?
MemeSins
If there are infinite timelines then there are many in which time travel is not utilized by humans.
rochamochaman
Infinite
rochamochaman
Well if you believe in infinite timelines it's infinitely possible
cunninlinguist
literally impossible to say in that case
Octavius440
Perhaps he originally was gonna tell everyone about it but a time traveler told him not to bc would ruin the Continuum
babbleon
Or maybe he claims no one showed up, but he really...had...the time... of his life.
ANewBadlyDrawnReactionImageAsIMakeThem
This is my plan if time-travel ever happens in my lifetime. I'm sure Professor Hawking would understand.
Blopps
Maybe no one went to the party.
malbec
Maybe they were stopped by security
SirReginaldVonBartlesbeid
Maybe Hawking becomes a dictator and nobody wanted to even see him
strawhousepig
Yeah, but they had hors d'oeuvres.
AtlanticPENUMBRA
And iced champers, dude
Aejiss
The hors d'oeuvres must've sucked.
SpockIsMyHomeboy
"When this baby hits 88mph, you're gonna see some serious snacks."
Martecles
TorresaurusRex
1. there's actually a theory that time travelling puts you into a separate timeline where your being there hasn't yet happened and should
TorresaurusRex
2. versus the timeline we all lie within where your being there at the party hasn't happened, never will, and never should. it's based in
TorresaurusRex
3. the whole "kill your own father and stop existing" principal. you can't fuck shit up that's already been determined in time to have
TorresaurusRex
occurred, so in order to do such a thing, you'd have to kill yourself in a different timeline (in universe essentially) where your existence
TorresaurusRex
5. isn't meant to be because it hasn't been established to have occured.
DontReadMyBio
#11 cant be true, gotta be a typo...
Squinge
The Chinese murder sharks for their fins. Just the fins, for bullshit alt.-med. concoctions.
IbuildRobots
I read your bio...
TheyCallMeATree
KFBR392
DontReadMyBio
*Triggered*
[deleted]
[deleted]
THELlD
Boi
Searcher
History of mankind? It says right there 'In 2014'
APackOfExcitedGingers
I interpreted that as "in 2014, the total number of people killed by sharks was 7". If thats the case, the 63 million sounds made up
AxisBond
Hence why it says 'in 2014'. Not 'in the history of mankind'.
APackOfExcitedGingers
I interpreted that as "in 2014, the total number of people killed by sharks was 7". If thats the case, the 63 million sounds made up
Farmerben12
This would include anything from little mud sharks all the way up to great whites I imagine.
kgbofficer
100 Million a year is considered to be the most accurate prediction on the low end, and it's estimated a lot more are killed beyond it.
kgbofficer
http://animals.howstuffworks.com/fish/sharks/shark-fishing.htm
clayfordays
Sharks really aren't much of a threat to humans. Jaws fucked public opinion of them hardcore by causing so much fear.
IllegalDuckling
To be fair, they look fucking terrifying
clayfordays
Plenty of them are super cute! But yeah that one is horrifying.
FrostTide
I'm not sure why, but I read jaws as Jews.
SocialMediaMakesUsLessSocial
Same with snakes. Most are relatively docile once satiated.
DVSBSTrD
Yeah, I'm pretty sure there aren't even that many sharks.
IllegalDuckling
There were over 300000 blue whales before whaling.. so I can see that.
ABillionDucks
Well...not anymore.
BaylissAU
Im an aussie and I'm fairly sure more than 7 people were killed by sharks here. Let alone the rest of world.
IllegalDuckling
Wrong. People wouldn't even get close to the water without dying.
starvingpoet
It's 6.3 deaths per year, average. Key word being deaths. Shark attacks have been up though.
ComfortablyNumbDK
During 2014? I highly doubt it.
BaylissAU
Just googled it, there were 5 fatal shark attacks, so only 2 in the rest of the world ay
ComfortablyNumbDK
I actually think that sounds reasonable enough. Only Australia is that deadly
monkeymuffins
South Africa.
ThePastmaster
Since you live in Australia, you can name the animal which kills the most of you guys every year.
Radix865
Pretty sure it's humans.
flashmozzg
Drop bears
BaylissAU
P platers
ThePastmaster
Pretty sure it's horses.
BaylissAU
Idk man p platers are pre dangerous