mychicken
125361
2298
41
Aug 12, 2023 3:23 AM
mychicken
125361
2298
41
dpat13
Be very proud of your life saving skills. Your dad is
SquareButtedPikachu
I sorry you have to carry that, i hope you one day find peace. You're a good person. Your father always was and will continue to be proud of you
Papo709624
Of all the countless times performing CPR in my career as a Firefighter , I can only recall two instances where we were able to successfully revive the patient. And yes it will take a toll on your pshyce, get sum counseling if you need to handle it.
PrincessWendyB
It is my hope for you: that you take time for yourself. Grieve it out. Wail, and gnash your teeth. And do not go back to work until you have regained your strength. Surround yourself with warm, caring people, and know that his troubles are all over now. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=l1IchzbtNj0
DaisyfromDownunder
My condolences. But you know the odds are with you or they are against survival. Don't beat yourself up or claim too much credit.
bitchesonmonday
Oh damn! I'm so sorry you had to go through that. My brother had to do the same thing. I could only imagine how hard that must have been for him. I know I would need help getting through that. EMDR therapy is good for PTSD.
MBTerrorKitten
Your dad was proud of you.
awesalots
Definitely on the therapy. The earlier you start working out the trauma the better.
januarylover
Yeah, therapy would be a very good idea after this type of trauma/loss. I hope you have access to counselling at the least.
Calicious
I lifegaurded at a wave pool when I was 14 as my first real job. I had to give cpr at least once per month. I can still remember the feeling and sound of cartilage between the ribs and sternum of little kids crunching. Jokes about CPR songs don't quite hit the same after that.
Bathroomboy
god damn dude
oopstheresheis
wow. that is heavy. you will be ok. just breathe internet stranger. you will be ok.
1972toa3000
Well, you should be very proud of yourself, because you’re super efficient at what you do! You brought your dad alive! and that has to at least give you some peace of mind or reconciliation. Sorry your dad passed away but it sounds like he had some other health issues that you probably couldn’t help him with. ♥️
Resenate
One of the most thoughtful comments I’ve ever seen on this site.
Bathroomboy
I concur.
TheHolyFatman
Losing your parents is so hard. Take comfort in the fact that he knew that you succeeded expectations and you are doing wonderfully. I wish every. Single. Day. That I could tell my father...I made it. I did it. And everything turned out okay.
diggetydug
2nd time I did cpr as a nurse was on my pastor. God died, along with him, that day. If a man who spent his whole life helping inner city kids find help and security can die drowning in his own blood, then God isn't fair or just. Nursing will take the soul right out of ya. Sorry for your loss op.
mychicken
i read somewhere recently that nursing is like microdosing trauma every day.
cuttysark
I went back to therapy after my mom died, it was one of my better life choices
AllTheGoodNamesAreUnavailable
I am sorry for your loss, My son recently passed away. I performed CPR on him but there was no bringing him back. I say this because it is similar and I believe I understand what you are going through. I have not gone to therapy yet. I really should, If therapy is available to you I think you should try it. even if it is just one visit. Maybe being able to say out loud to another person what you typed here will help.
massdefect3
I’m really sorry, but I’m sure he’d be proud. You should be proud at any rate.
BenofBen
@op I am so sorry for your loss and what you went through. I am a physician and have done CPR countless times. Seeing it done on my mom three years ago ruined me. I have been in therapy for over a year and have been doing a lot better lately. Please seek therapy whenever you are ready. Sending much love
yousersubzero13
Every day was a win, and every tear was a gift
idonotthinkitownswhatyouthinkitowns
I'm sorry for your loss @OP. I'm proud of you (and every RN).
EMTPete
Our work is hard homie, and harder when it’s someone you know, and two saves (and any you’ve made in between) is absolutely something to be proud of. I have some experience with this scenario, please reach out if you want to talk ❤️
TheEnbyInTheCloset
Sorry for your loss @OP , just know you aren't alone in this.
unknownmale
I think most people who work jobs like that could do with some therapy... even if it's just a person listening and telling you why the feelings are totaly normal.
ToasterDent
A co-worker is a former paramedic - he said CPR has such a low success rate that to protect himself mentally he had to assume CPR wouldn't work so that he wasn't crushed if he found out the person later died. You did the best you could and gained a little time, and sometimes that's what happens.
TitaniumTeddyBear
I agree. Therapy, or just any sort of counselling, could be very helpful in processing all of this.
Jdsalamander
That’s one more revivals more than me! I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your dad and I’m also sorry to hear that you had to do cpr on your dad. I’ve done it enough around family members to know that wasn’t as simple as it should have been.
lDanielHolm
My mother had to perform CPR on her own mother after she had a heart attack. It was ultimately fatal.
JSymphony
I’m so sorry @mychicken
DeadnCold
And because you did, you got the gift of another month with him. I bet he was as proud of you as the first time. My condolences.
YearOfHindsight
I thought the same thing but somehow reading it had me fucked up.
mychicken
Im pretty conflicted about it. he would have been proud but i feel like i dragged him through the mud for another month. thank you for your kind words
PirateRubberDuck
You fought to save someone you loved and gave him the gift of more time with the people he loved. I hope you got the chance to say goodbye.
joemac65
Yeah. My Mom fought for every last minute. She would have loved and extra month. She missed the birth of her last grandchild by 2 weeks. She tried so hard, but cancer sucks. You did and do good OP
7Rhymes
I remember my grandmother in hospice. They told her that they can stop the pain but she'd probably be so out of it that she wouldn't be able to talk. She chose to stay off the meds because she wanted every second to talk with us that she could get.
Diplocrap
He must’ve come back so proud of you. Sincerely. Imagine how he felt to find out it was you who kept him alive and brought him back. At least for a few moments, he must have been brimming with pride.
LTareyouserious
My dad died instantly and unexpectedly in an accident. I wish I had more time, even if it was time to thank him and say goodbye.
NotLuckyDucky
My aunt went to say goodbye to my grandpa before heading off on a trip. She found him dead in his chair. She pulled him to the ground and started CPR while she yelled for her husband to call 911. She saved my grandfather and now two years later he’s still up and moving around. The sad part is now none of his children want to leave him alone for fear he will die again. The moral is every situation involving life and death is conflicting. Acknowledge the emotions as they come as it’s normal
northernmt
Though his last month was rough, rest assured you did the right thing. If he was ready to go he would have shared that with you. So treasure the good. Keep in mind that you not only gained a month with him, but you gifted him a month with you.
DirigoTuSequere
if never told you to not do it, then he didn't mind. He enjoyed every last second with you
Tarmaccian
"He would have been proud" tells me that you know what he wanted.
straikychan
You could have never known. You did the best thing you could do in that situation. If you don't already talk to a psychologist, usually your hospital should provide one for their staff.
MeekrabJones
As someone whose dad died a slow and painful death as cancer spread to his lungs and then his brain, he told us he would choose the extra time with us over a quick death every single time. I know not every single person may feel the same, but our time on earth is limited and precious. An extra month with loved ones is still an extra month he would've lost without you. You did your duty as a nurse, which would've made him proud.
smashole
My dad died the same way. Slow death from stage 4 lung cancer. It was like watching a plant sit in the window in full sun with no water for 6 months. It was the worst thing I've ever experienced. I would vote for the quick death myself. Sorry for your loss😮💨🥺
AVOToastt
This is beautiful, and your dad is proud of you.
Lostcause103
I second this. My dad died slowly and painfully from Parkinson and parkinsonian dementia. Even as he slowly lost his memory, his ability to think straight, even to be able to have a full conversation the one thing he could always articulate was that he was glad he got to spend more time with us. OP, every moment we have, even just a month, can mean we get to share some precious memories with someone we love. You did your best, what father wouldn't be proud of their child for doing their best.
fartser
My dad had cancer and fought till the end but made us promise to not try to resuscitate him when he did start to pass. He wanted the time with us but didn't want to live hooked up to machine. It took an effort of will to not call 911 when he went.
VolcanoHerder
Thank you for articulating this, my grandpa spent 7 horrible months in hospice (long story, grandma wouldn't let him go) and it killed me to see him miserable, I knew he didn't want to go like that. But he wasn't able to speak much (and also old white dude who didn't speak about feelings) so I never knew if he appreciated the time he had with us. When grandma died I was rushing to the hospital but it was late and I couldn't find the ICU in time and she passed. I don't much
VolcanoHerder
believe in spirits or fate but I felt terrible that I wasn't there for her death. Years later someone said that she probably passed before I got there because she didn't want me to see it. I don't believe that she had any control over it, but the sentiment really helped.
VolcanoHerder
Ugh I've been drinking I'm sorry I didn't think I'm articulating myself well at all but thank you, your comment really helped me with a new perspective for something that's been haunting me for years.