Pretty sure they, and gorilla's, have a genetic trait that means instead of creating fat stores like humans their body is more likely to turn it into muscle. So they literally get jacked the same way humans get fat. Which is unfair.
He'd be pretty much the same. The reason apes stay ripped is because everything they do uses more muscle (fewer controlling neurons than us) and their muscles are much more fast-twitch fiber than ours. That means just moving around is equivalent to us humans, built for endurance, hitting the gym
Fun fact! When apes/monkeys/chimps have large balls, it typically denotes that that species practices "interacting" with multiple different partners, whereas small testicle size correlates with one single dominant mating male. The implication present is that when a mom has had multiple partners, the offspring has one of several possible "dads" and the "dads" don't know that that baby may not be theirs and possibly strengthens the urge to not hurt the infant and defend the whole tribe.
They actually are not that muscular-- they keep their fat layer UNDER the muscle layer so their full musculature is on display. They are still pretty strong but they literally can't have dad bod, physiologically.
As I recall, animals with bigger testicles need to produce more sperm because they have to breed more often or more females at a time, like if they have a harem where the other males are not allowed to breed the females in the group.
oh, it's speculated that humans have a (comparably) massive penis because it's like a peacock's tail - if you can get a boner, you're in good enough health
and that human balls are between chimp and gorilla means we're not randomly humping everywhere but we're also not built for strict monogamy
We're really not, and people HATE it if you bring up the science on it, but there is so much evidence that counters our monogamous lifestyles. Human brains are weird as hell. We're so fucking smart we're stupid. Sigh.
True, enough, but the evidence mostly points towards humans being mostly openly monogamous, but just cheating relatively often; Polyamorous relationships are pretty uncommon, even in places where they're accepted (though this doesn't make them lesser than monogamous ones, of course). And just because we're predisposed towards something by nature doesn't mean we don't have good reasons to condemn it; tribal warriors going out raiding was also pretty universal, but we shouldn't do that any more.
outside nuts at all seem like an evolutionary disadvantage to me, unless them being protected would make it too hot for sperm to live or something? but having a huge, serious weak point right in the front seems bad
yep. they dangle when it's hot out because if they hung closer to you, you'd cook your own sperm. That location is also right next to your femoral arteries, so it's already one we naturally protect.
Which would mean our dicks would also have to be in that vicinity to maintain proximity to the sperm containers, which would impose mechanical and logistical difficulties associated with fucking.
Jaqdakloun
(don'tstareathisballsdon'tstarrathisballs)
HorseonaBike
jerusalemspider
Bet Chris Rock doesn't make fun of him
hotaru251
When people think they could take on a ape casue they look small...yes, they arent tall but they are DENSE and never skip full body day.
Davedavedavedavedave
Is he at full strength?
Someshithead241
Pretty sure they, and gorilla's, have a genetic trait that means instead of creating fat stores like humans their body is more likely to turn it into muscle.
So they literally get jacked the same way humans get fat. Which is unfair.
bitemark
Out fat-storing mechanism is awesome during things like ice age events, or desert living, or other calorie-sparse environments.
Unfortunately in a plentiful environment it just leaves us looking like melted ice cream
Someshithead241
Usually because we keep eating the melted ice cream.
bitemark
I mean, it *is* pretty delicious
plusfoursmax
Yep, and this chimp has done no weight training, no whey shots; Can you imagine how ripped he'd be if he did?
khaosaugur
He'd be pretty much the same. The reason apes stay ripped is because everything they do uses more muscle (fewer controlling neurons than us) and their muscles are much more fast-twitch fiber than ours. That means just moving around is equivalent to us humans, built for endurance, hitting the gym
KingXizor
/a/UovGCZz#MrDZm1S
johnxbear
AtsaMattaForMe
Akule
AtsaMattaForMe
Akule
Yeah, I had read that a long while ago and made the image above, as I felt it fit the narrative.
AtsaMattaForMe
*you* made the 4chan + joe rogan response image?
Akule
No, the one I posted.
judithCat
Waiting for the maga reaction to this one.........
kerms
It's actually more remarkable in the animal kingdom how not-muscular humans are. We traded physique for brainpower and long distance endurance.
Porfirij
joe rogan is gonna lose his mind over this... xD
rolliefingers
Not sure that's possible
wiltsjunk
It legit kind of looks like Rogan
heroesblood
Wait, that's not Joe Rogan in the video?
DontKnowTheSource
I've never watched an episode. Why would he?
tentacularfleshscape
He commonly brings up how strong chips and gorillas are
smithdogg22
https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTY1YjkxZmJlYmZyanVsazJtajZkNmk4bWJiYmg1YXc2eTVqd3o4aGRuZWl6eHZidSZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/xT1XGYVvVNNxqBMEJG/200w.mp4
amcconnell92
TankTrain
"Who leaked my nudes?!"
Euclid11010
To be fair, Joe Rogan would lose his mind over a slice of ham between two pieces of bread.
DrDadJokes
I try to not look at them, but Jesus I can't help
Publicrealm
Is that the Conor McGregor dickpic?
Very similar in appearance - but it looks too smart to be him?
NChomsky
Is that normal for a chimp or does he have elephantiasis in the nuts?
Lucabibble
His balls are so big and his dick is so small
AzgarOgly
this is nuts!
derzoomer
Dont look at them!
chronicbionictonic
I can't seem to look at anything else...
SuperfluousMeh
Oh no I watched them very closely
nclu
aw, nuts!
Level21Magikarp
porcinechoirmaster
Too late.
earthlingextraordinaire
JoeT85
you don't wan too, but you can't seem to help it.
Dissipo
You look at them....LOOK
LiarLiarPantsUntier
What a ballsy comment.
Mandarinduckmama
Isn't there s'posed to be a penis there somewhere?
MrNobodyWTB
Dissipo
Must be a grower and not a shower
EggFooYung
Nucking futs.
DoctorPitt
Are you trying to tell me that isn't Joe Rogan?
lozeldatkm
Can't be. Pretty sure rogan has shrunken nuts.
Iaimtomisbehave
Please don't disparage that poor chimp like that he's sick. ;-)
JohnSatclaire
Joe Rogan will never even approach that level of fitness.
GreenFox
Na, Rogan is on steroids and this chip as massive balls.
BerryButcher
Nah, balls too big
rolliefingers
Squiring his massive balls around the enclosure between trips to the squat rack
casslynn725
Fun fact! When apes/monkeys/chimps have large balls, it typically denotes that that species practices "interacting" with multiple different partners, whereas small testicle size correlates with one single dominant mating male. The implication present is that when a mom has had multiple partners, the offspring has one of several possible "dads" and the "dads" don't know that that baby may not be theirs and possibly strengthens the urge to not hurt the infant and defend the whole tribe.
therealcoolhand
I thought those were kettle bells
Pixel214
*Kettle balls
FellAsleepInSchool
TheLordFoxington
Incels to women, expecting them to care.
Hmuda
Krashtestdummy
PassionAggressive
Was dying to see this
Bobbbyyy
AC/DC wrote a song about this
ByronGetronfree
Every old dude at the gym changing room pretending to look for his towel.
DurbPlnnr
Truth
majorPUFFEN2
MakeItBackAlright
They actually are not that muscular-- they keep their fat layer UNDER the muscle layer so their full musculature is on display. They are still pretty strong but they literally can't have dad bod, physiologically.
swedeonamoose
All nuts and no banana
adverselypossessed
Just an old guy at the Y getting ready to shower.
Syko73
I dare you to go tell him that to his face
DrSchlepenstein
He's a grower not a shower.
XorKaya
Of course he's not a shower. He doesn't have any plumbing or curtain liners.
WhattaMattahYou
I'm sure the girl chimps are happy about that, male chimps have spines on their dick like a cat does
WarlockSniper
Today in "shit I really didn't want or needed to know"!
Magpiebones
At least it's not a bedbug weener.
vegivamp
Are those the ones that don't even bother looking for the hole, they just ram it through the carapace wherever?
Magpiebones
Yep. It has evolved into a sort of injection needle.
WarlockSniper
*Screams eternally*
moonshadowkati
I wonder why his nuts are so large for the body. Is that common? Seems like it'd be tougher to walk, an evolutionary disadvantage.
GerardEngelage
When they are swinging in the trees, there swungs are improved by having a lower center of gravity.
peeopeepeee
They look rather stiff, I wonder if maybe they just have extra padding to keep them safe and that makes them look bigger
NotThatPrivate
Also, they frequently castrate their opponents when they fight, with their bare hands. I guess it is easy to see what a big weak point it is, now
MAN9000
As I recall, animals with bigger testicles need to produce more sperm because they have to breed more often or more females at a time, like if they have a harem where the other males are not allowed to breed the females in the group.
WhattaMattahYou
100% yes
Which is why Chimps have huge balls, they're getting sloppy sevenths and need to do the whole "sperm wars" thing
Gorillas have a tiny penis and also tiny balls - they beat the shit out of contenders before those guys get anywhere near his gals
WhattaMattahYou
oh, it's speculated that humans have a (comparably) massive penis because it's like a peacock's tail - if you can get a boner, you're in good enough health
and that human balls are between chimp and gorilla means we're not randomly humping everywhere but we're also not built for strict monogamy
neat sit
Khanamana324
It’s also why out sperm spread the way they do.
hyptosis
We're really not, and people HATE it if you bring up the science on it, but there is so much evidence that counters our monogamous lifestyles. Human brains are weird as hell. We're so fucking smart we're stupid. Sigh.
Malloon
True, enough, but the evidence mostly points towards humans being mostly openly monogamous, but just cheating relatively often; Polyamorous relationships are pretty uncommon, even in places where they're accepted (though this doesn't make them lesser than monogamous ones, of course). And just because we're predisposed towards something by nature doesn't mean we don't have good reasons to condemn it; tribal warriors going out raiding was also pretty universal, but we shouldn't do that any more.
WhattaMattahYou
oh, someone had a MELTDOWN the other day when they learned the head of the penis is designed to scoop out other fluids
like other people'semen
it was the weirdest online tantrum I have seen in 2025
acuteavocado7
outside nuts at all seem like an evolutionary disadvantage to me, unless them being protected would make it too hot for sperm to live or something? but having a huge, serious weak point right in the front seems bad
JohnSatclaire
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Cremaster_Cycle
rolliefingers
It is about temp regulation that is correct. It's the safest place on the outside that we have.
MostAwesomeDan
yep. they dangle when it's hot out because if they hung closer to you, you'd cook your own sperm. That location is also right next to your femoral arteries, so it's already one we naturally protect.
acuteavocado7
yeah fair enough, i suppose if we MUST have it outside, thats the easiest place to defend. wish we could just have it inside tho lol
Pieccentric
One would think it might be good to have them dangling in front of your throat maybe, since the throat is also one we naturally protect.
rolliefingers
Which would mean our dicks would also have to be in that vicinity to maintain proximity to the sperm containers, which would impose mechanical and logistical difficulties associated with fucking.
Pieccentric
Also since we learned to walk upright (which is just a millisecond in evolutionary terms, I know), it is also a lot harder to reach for most enemies.