Xalten2
20618
552
30
Sep 15, 2025 2:11 PM
Xalten2
20618
552
30
Onlyhereforthelaughs
And even with the crystal clarity of this post, they'll STILL think you're just playing hard to get, because they literally cannot accept No.
TheTravelingAgate
Here's a video that explains consent in an accessible way. I've used it with a lot of young people. It's called Tea and Consent.
https://youtu.be/pZwvrxVavnQ?si=CNcXx_ZVtw0rsmQI
hwatL4bloopy
I have a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner does not mean no for my community.
imaynotbeasmartmanjenny
https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTY1YjkxZmJlMXRkMnM2enVveW82NjYyZWFzaWkyZ3M2Y3I4eXdoanY2NTFkMG5vdiZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/3ohhwlN2fU4oFDgkk8/200w.mp4
Gin2ki
It also shouldn't be necessary to feel obliged to phrase a no differently than a no.
JeanLucguizamos
Worth pointing out that under SPECIFIC AND AGREED UPON CONDITIONS, "stop" doesn't actually mean "no", but if you are in those conditions you need at least one specific and agreed upon word that 100% definitely means "no"
porcinechoirmaster
"Explicit enthusiastic continuous consent is the only consent" is one of those ideas that's appealing in its simplicity, but with the minor caveat that it happens to be pretty unrealistic.
People are messy and complicated. People interacting with one another compounds the mess and complexity. Declaring hard and fast rules about how people interact that don't reflect how people actually interact just makes rulebreakers out of miscommunicators, and that's not a good outcome.
WhatDidIForget
I can only imagine what I could have done if I was raised with boundaries. Where not everyone had access to my body, where I wasn't responsible for the emotions of the adults around me and if I said *no* to anyone...I wouldn't get a slap in the mouth (for my own good).
This is the kind of conditioning kids need...not the bs most have been saddled with.
grandfalloon
To quote my man Ify Nwadiwe, "If it's not a 'Fuck yes!' it's a 'Fuck no!'"
TripleDane
*unless you have already consented to a safeword instead.
But yeah the above im OP should be default.
richmondrosemead0
It’s probably best if we all stopped thinking that s*x is a worthwhile objective for either/any gender. It’s a horrid dirty business with one’s ‘parts’ absurdly close to some really disgusting biology. So, if everyone just says no at all times we can concentrate on stuff which reallymatters, it’s horrendous.
oldguyexlurker
I've had qualms about 'mutual consent' as the prerequisite. I think mutual desire is a FAR better minimum requirement.
Skuggen
Yes means yes. Anything else means no.
eion85
"yes" can sometimes mean no from someone who feels afraid to say no.
That's why we talk about "Enthusiastic Consent"
So if the yes comes after 5 nos, it's a no. If the yes is delivered quietly and with resignation it means no.
Lylani
Yes does not mean yes, if no is not a safe answer. (Saw it put this way once, I rather like it)
samwyze
"Ugh, fine" means "no"
topscienceb
I have sadly been in situations where words like those above did have the power they should. Please if your being intimate with someone please be responsive to them and not just what they say but how they say it.
FinancialRavioli
did NOT have the power they should?
topscienceb
Yeah bad memorys and dyslexia lead me to messing that sentence up royalty. But yeah those words didn't have the power they should have sorry for confusion.
Wuz314159
I didn't understand this at first, but also "I'd love to" means No as well.
MeowMachine12
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1eHRuZWdja3F2eWQ5YTZ4OGo3aDR0dzc3Nm5nMHJnd2JoaGZoN2IxaCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/h4Z6RfuQycdiM/200w.webp
Wuz314159
ikr. Confused the fuck out of me too. It's along the lines of giving a fake number. Lie and hope to never face the repercussions. The "I'd love to... but I can't tonight" means fuck off.
MeowMachine12
"I'd love to" and "I'd love to but I can't tonight" are two entirely different sentences with different meanings, though.
If you assume people are lying to you because they're afraid to tell you no, that's concerning. On your part.
Wuz314159
Agreed. Living in MAGA territory sucks ass. People are so fake. :(
MissSiesta
Crying means no.
MeowMachine12
God, anyone who can continue while the other person cries is unimaginably sick.
MissSiesta
https://media0.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1c2lkeHZvZjdoNm82azR6ZHltNDZ6ZDNwaWlnZW11bG8wZXljeXZmYSZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/m9XQ0bGvJFEuWPrrzp/200w.webp
DriverIRQnotlessOrEqual
But what about mozzarella sticks /s
SpartaWolf117
that last part most of all
porcinechoirmaster
Except that, for a huge swath of the population, it DOES.
I headed out early from Burning Man once and gave a lift to two young women who had something come up and needed to depart at the same time. They were texting with a boy they'd met at a party the previous night who they were interested in, and one of them plainly said to the other "don't say yes, that makes it too easy for him."
I'm not in the dating scene, and that sort of shit is a big reason why. It's still prevalent.
ktp57
100% agree with that. I was a teen in the 80s when the movies targeted for that age group had situations where no *did* mean “convince me,” and I’m appalled these days when I re-watch those films. I’m glad that’s less of a message that’s deemed acceptable now. I’ve had a few experiences I’d like to go back and change.
eion85
Watching the movies I grew up on with Gen Z and Gen Alpha folks is eye opening.
I'm glad shocks and confounds them. It should. We've gotten better.
eion85
Silence means no
TripleDane
*unless you have already consented to a safesignal instead.
But yeah the above In previoust post should be default.
IgnisInvictus
^This.
So many rape victims freeze. Fight or Flight are not the only acute reactions to stress. Freeze is the next one on the list and very common in SA.
WhatDidIForget
Yes and even that has been weaponized. How many women have been referred to as a *dead fuck* ... she isnt consciously there, she has gone into freeze/fawn and just needs it over with.
Qaetan
100%
A couple of years ago I hooked up with a guy who initially was enthusiastic, but once we started I could tell he wasn't into it. I asked if he wanted to stop, but he didn't give me an indication one way or another. I took that as a yes, so I pulled out and suggested we stop. He was relieved, but I was confused why he didn't feel comfortable speaking up. Turns out fucking just isn't his thing, but felt he had to do it for hookups.
Consent is sexy, y'all. Don't forget the human.
eion85
Consent is so sexy.
BlindGardener
Not now means not now, actually. I understand the context you're trying to use this for, and this is appropriate for that context, but I have an unfortunate and involuntary urge to be pedantic. Sorry about that.
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BlindGardener
I can tell that you struggle with literacy, because I did say that ‘not now’ means ‘no’ in the context that the infographic is implying. However I struggle to control my pedantry, so I did need to point out that in other contexts that one is different from the others, which remain more consistent across all contexts.
ChelVanin
I mean, it does mean “no” for the time being. Don’t miss the point here.
DutchBoeremeisie
They're not. It's just different in that the others are a permanent "shut down", whereas "not now" means you can try again later (be it a day or a week or a month, depending).
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DutchBoeremeisie
Yes, I think this is probably the best course of action for you to take.
PrincessWasabi
If you’ve had sex, I don’t know if it was with women who wanted to
VitaminJay
Apologize to your mom for this post. She raised you better.
dreikommavierzehn
If you have any female friends you could ask them about this sometime. If not, consider trying to build such friendships.
1mshadowbanned
VitaminJay
You know there's a WhatsApp warning other women about this creep.
Avilan1972
The incel is being grouchy because he's not allowed to force women.
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MeowMachine12
Why are you trolling? What does it do for you?
VitaminJay
We don't give a shit, creep.
Get bent.
Crowlands
"I'm being retarded on purpose!" Is not an own to anyone but yourself.
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MeowMachine12
What do you mean? You've said these things to partners and they didn't respect you saying no and continued? A rapist won't suddenly stop if you use different words. They're determined to get what they want. Do you need help with an abusive relationship?
CombatWombatBlend
What part isn't working for you? Is the word "NO" not manly enough or something?
MeowMachine12
They're saying they've been raped and these words didn't stop the assault. Not that they're not okay with no. Calm down and actually read what's written.
Kosjir
Why is that the first place your mind went? The post is specifically trying to get across to any person pushing the act on an unwilling target that all of these things mean NO. So when someone comments that "As a male ... these don't work for me" they are obviously saying that they have tried to use these phrases in previous situations and the other party would not except them as NO. Probably due to the prevalent idea that all men want sex.
just4thelolz
Enthusiastic continuous consent means "yes"
NM156
Dunno, once I heard the neighbor in my apartment saying, "no, no No, NO, NO" that turned into a lot of moaning!
Crowlands
Little difficult to do that with the ballgag in my mouth.
ChiLLeCheeze
*Happy consenting noises*
DdCno1
Not dropping ball from fist non-noises.
Wobbleding
Guaranteed to stop rape 100% of the time, every time!
080080
she's probably just being polite to spare my feelings. better not risk it.
RogueCorp
Enthusiastic consent is fucking hot.
Would you like me to do *insert sexy thing here*?
Yes, I would you to do *insert sexy thing here*!
wandergirl
"omg *insert sexy thing here* me now!" is super hot to hear.
TheLastBootyBender
Omg grate parmesan on me now!
dissonantcognition
FRIES
DriverIRQnotlessOrEqual
Sometimes
BlindGardener
Dunno why you got downvoted for saying this: No is meaningless without the option to say yes.
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HavelTh3Rock
"no" doesn't mean anything in the absence of "yes". "no" is a counter to "yes".
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HavelTh3Rock
but you had to reference "the absence of 'yes'" in your description of that. "no" is the denial of "yes". It can be assumed that "no" is the default until given permission/consent, but still means nothing without the opposing term.
BlindGardener
The whole reason the song ‘baby it’s cold outside’ sounds so rapey is that women were not allowed to say ‘yes, I want to fuck your brains out’ back then for cultural reasons.
When ‘yes’ becomes impossible, certain types of ‘no’ become yes. Which is bad. Very bad. That’s why no is meaningless without the cultural opportunity to say yes.
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BlindGardener
Let me rephrase for clarity: If you’re not permitted to say yes, the people who don’t want to believe your nos will have every excuse they need to not believe them.
totallynotatimetraveler
ive had other women tell me no like this and then get mad that i dont "chase". even had one talk shit and post a video online about our interaction. all this is red flag territory to me. i dont want to deal with these kinds of people. this is a serious behavior problem we as a community need to deal with. can we please start telling these kinds of people that this behavior is not ok? i even feel like this mind game bullshit is shameful. it causes so much confusion and problems for others.
CeoHuntingSeason
A lot of feminists believe thinking as you do is misogyny, that is not shameful to want to "feel valued enough to be chased" and that is a valid strategy, that you have to read into their "no" to determine if its playful enough that they want to be chased or if its a "serious no", which of course makes it worse for the rest of men because now some get strong "no"s that can damage their self-worth, men who would have had enough with a simple "no, thank you" now get "wtf no! leave me alone!"
DutchBoeremeisie
Yes, it is BS behaviour. I'll happy tell them they're being assholes, and a shame to their gender. And you're right - it very definitely is red flag territory.
meganical
That’s just women being deceptive then. If they were honest and wanted you to “chase” them, they should be forthcoming with that or even mention that they are wanting to be convinced
jimmityjammity
To be fair, entire culture changed so much between 70-00s that gen Z literally don't believe it and can't see 'baby it's cold outside' not as a rape song. All of history women had to pretend that they were 'pure' and their green light to sex was 'not say too much of a no' to a man's advances. We now have sex positive, independent women who are 'allowed' to want whatever they want and can afford to be very clear with their communication. Obviously for the better but some places are behind.
PrincessWasabi
They need to make a safe word then
LazerSpacePirate
That sounds to me like a deeply unhealed traumatized person. It's toxic, no doubt. And unfortunately it's a product of rape culture. You're correct to turn away from these sorts of interactions if you aren't equipped to help the person heal.
ToSisPoS
That must give you a better understanding what unwanted approaches from men feel like for women.
SirenBrick
It is disconcertingly common. Especially on dating apps where women seem to want an immediate profuse declarations of love, lust, and desire without any reciprocal communications or just basic conversations first. And saying hello, my name is X, I like Hobby y, how are you? is considered somehow inadequate.
totallynotatimetraveler
tell me about it. ive gotten comments right off the bat like. "fuck love where the money at?!" and "i need a provider are you good enough or are you just another broke loser?" even had some that wanted money for their time cause they got expenses. the ones that want straight declarations of love/lust are at least wanting to play some drama part out. like what happened to getting to know people?
sabrinadiesatdawn
If someone says no and then wants you to chase them, you run the fuck away. Be glad you dodged the bullet