Noonius
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Aug 8, 2025 1:14 PM
Noonius
33885
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RicheTheBuddha
SOMEBODY doged a bullet
arikelrecords2000
Hallmark movies are generally made to push 'Family values' currently called Trad wife social values.
-Women shouldn't work
-Education means nothing
-Manly men are better (always)
-Family is the most important thing, especially motherhood
It's pretty toxic social conditioning, but lots of women love it just like lots of men love Sword and Sorcery as it reinforces that being successful at a job is overrated, just be your gendered stereotype
BeardedWonder82
azazyel
Fuck Mark
MrTenant2
Maybe they should mix it up a little. Instead of the romance Princess, make it the warrior Princess. By the end of the movie, she takes both of them, makes a harem and takes all the money. Anyone that gets in her way she cuts up with a broadsword and feeds them to Santa's reindeer.
bobthefunny
I mean, in defense of Mc. Bad Guy just being like "yeah, ok, I respect you, good bye..."
She DID just give him the BIGGEST pile of red flags ever, and he likely dodged a massive bullet if she's so fickle.
IMakeLotsOfReferencesAndRemakes
"Welp I guess that whole 10 million dollar deal bonus is mine. Gonna get a luxury car/overkill surround gaming setup in a dedicated room/One Warhammer Army."
zeusdemigod131
I dont want to say Hallmark movies are traditional family values propaganda but given the message is usually "this successful business woman isnt actually happy, you know where she would be happy? Moving back to her hometown and being a community event organizer/homemaker for a 'real man'" feels like its pretty much that
SkidMarc25
She's not happy until she's popped out 2 babies and has one in the oven.
looker42
Dude's internal monologue is just: ...Alright, guess I'm dodging a bullet and setting myself up for two lifetimes instead then, bye!
pritolus
I'm all for hating on Hallmark movies but you're not convincing me the guy who spends all his time sucking the dick of capitalism is actually the good guy
yalczero
Parody idea. The "bad guy" boyfriend turns out to have been working so much because he was making extra money so his girlfriend could quit her soul crushing job and finally open the dream bakery she always wanted to since she was young so she could sell the baked goods her grandma, who she loved very much, used to make all the time.
6c6vrp2xf711
Wow I know
6c6vrp2xf711
Bailee butterfly tells me that all the time
tarask
I've always wanted to see the sequel of those Hallmark movies, where the girl finds out her lavish lifestyle she was accustomed to with her rich ex can't be supported by her new minimum wage boyfriend and that she only wore that flannel shirt on Christmas for the spirit of Christmas but now what she really need is a new $3000 dress
NicolasKevinMac
This was basically the plot of _Green Acres_.
IIikethecutofyourjib
No, he's secretly rich. He invented the Internet
meowingintensifies
Bills are due,, she has a special needs child, bf doesn't have a plan to prevent eviction other than "it's christmas, they can't do that".
FarNorth60
How about a sequel where the ex boyfriend realizes he dodged a bullet with the crazy girl, moves and lives happily ever after?
hobbitdude13
The Notebook 2: James Marsden Isn't That Bad Actually
nesurame
I want one of those Hallmark movies, except its in a shitty small town and everything's obviously terrible
AsperonThorn
That's never an issue.
The hometown boyfriend is always secretly wealthy.
meowingintensifies
There's always money in the christmas tree farm! (and he's got a pot farm behind the lot, defended by rescue dogs and the local gunsmith).
AgainstMethod
Is this even actually true? I know there's a formula, but I'm guessing Hallmark Christmas movies still have the main character making better choices than this.
michealangleo
holy shit, when put like that ive been the bad guy in a hallmark movie of a relationship of 6 months. i need a moment and a strong drink. maybe time to reasses too
jammer909
Reminds me of my ex fiancee. But instead of her falling in love with her bum ex, she fell in love with a random bum in another state who she hadn't met in person, but had been talking to for a year behind my back, broke up with me, and bought a plane ticket to go meet/fuck him. I worked 2 jobs because she couldn't hold a job, I was not spontaneous enough, and I was frequently too tired to do random bullshit. She said I'd be a terrible husband and father because I'm tired all the time.
jammer909
I was the Hallmark villain because I was the responsible adult, had to think about finances all the time, and refused to cheat on her. She also spent years saying she didn't want kids, then in the end revealed she actually did want kids, just not with me because of the above reasons.
CP3oh
Starring Lacey Chabert.
wannasee
And a cowboy named Braydon
vDorothyv
I don't really watch these movies but I thought the premise was always to turn down wealth/status/grinding in favor of emotional intelligence and values.
RecurringNightmare
except those movies dont show the original boyfriend lacking emotional intelligence and values that much, because if they did the woman would be stupid for falling for him in the first place, no, his supposed flaws are only very minor, which means he basically did almost nothing wrong, yet still gets dumped in an instant...also the new guy almost always actually has wealth and status, except hes not grinding for it, his family is just rich or some shit...
johnxbear
I guess the point is finding "true love" which in movies sounds great but in real life is pretty dumb. Tim minchin has a good song about it.
grandfalloon
"Fuck, I love boobs, though..."
Colopty
Oh, the point of Hallmark movies is to sell greeting cards. Yes, really.
johnxbear
I meant the point of the plot.
iCommunicateInGifs
https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTY1YjkxZmJlcnYycjB3MXNueHF3NXV4ZGYxeXRhb3VlbWt3dXpyY3Z0eDZ0ZmRyeiZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/LD4R8B2uihbBdhcQQl/200w.mp4
sistermoon
Did a great job as Judas in Jesus Christ Superstar, too
iCommunicateInGifs
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTY1YjkxZmJleWFvdWM4azlmcDBib3pveWNrOG9zaTFxcmczeG5iNG1qM3pjcGRyOSZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/wfweywg50Jaz7tLvZ0/200w.mp4
johnxbear
I admire your dedication to the bit.
iCommunicateInGifs
johnxbear
Tim Minchin https://media3.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1NjF0dmpqOHkwN2o5dTRnbTc3N3ppYWptdm1uMzl3bm8xNjF2MTlzaSZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/3o7bu3iKiAjeRyNveE/200w.webp
devolutionary
I’ve seen him live twice, entirely worth it.
SealOnLand
And guys and gals that's because of these movies influencing people that I'm still single. Yep. All because of Hallmark movies... Don't you DARE challenge this thought
Zuegma197777
The good guy is like I have nothing but love... Gtfo here, no lady Fallin for that.
Keeblerkhan69
Nah, the bad guy in a Hallmark movie is the one that actually gets to be aired....
Lugh314159
Hallmark movies are meant to appeal to the small town woman who never left the town that they grew up in.
Their entire purpose is to reassure these women that they made the right choice—unlike their sister who moved to the Big City, has a career, no kids, and is happier than she's ever been.
SubsyServy
When I started my first season as a commercial fisherman, the captain asked me if I had a girlfriend I said I did and he said you won't by the end of the season. Then told me a series of stories about the various deckhands he had and their reactions when their girlfriends broke up with them. I laughed it off and then got the call about 1 month in that she wanted to see other people.
Shawnthegirl
While these movies do promote some unhealthy ideas, the "bad guy" isn't bad for being corporate, he's bad for neglecting her in pursuit of money. The "good" guy is good because he spends time with her or see's something about her corporate boy didn't that's important to her.
I'm not saying these movies are good - just that they aren't as shallow as they're being made out to be. They're also a response to the trope of women wanting a rich guy - they were subversion, but then they became cliche.
wannasee
Can we all agree that the Hallmark channel is always the bad guy? Spewing outdated chivalry, unrealistic white (caucasian) knight fantasies, and toxic femininity - and yeah this is toxic for women the same way incel shit is toxic for masculinity.
rbudrick
Like eating 15 packets of sweet n low, just disgustingly fake, unrealistic, emotion porn.
Sensiblyinteresting
I knew they were the bad guy when I found out how much they pay the actors for those movies. The lead roll usually will get like $3-$4000 which is nuts and everyone else much less
Wonkable
Can I steal Caucasian knight fantasy? Will probably steal it anyway, since it's a great line, but thought it like to ask
wannasee
Lol i figured somebody had already come up with. Sure!
isaidsomethingcool
They also have subtle and sometimes even not-so-subtle digs at city folk while portraying rural folk as good, salt-of-the-earth wholesome people.
SarcasticComment
that's what makes it great. the movies are hysterical in their racism, sexism, homophobia, and commentary on American values. My liberal ass friends and I watch them every year for 2 months and have great time making fun of them.
InTheBeginningWasTheNerd
It helps if you think about it as porn, except it uses emotions to titillate its audience rather than T&A. Just like watching porn teaches you very little about how sex works, consuming romance does the same (i.e. nothing) for relationships.
wannasee
Yeah and thats why you always have to pay more for your porn channels, unlike the Hallmark channel which is bundled in to different cable plans amd touted as bejng a family channel...that only shows one type of relationship and family....but even unethical porn offers so much diversity from various BIPOC, gender, sexualities, body types/sizes, and kinks.
OK - got an idea
Maybe we should lobby the FCC for removal of hallmark to be replaced with ethical porn promoting orgasms for everybody!!
thetasigma22
But some of us don't want orgasms ;_;
wannasee
Hey we can get some ethocal edging/ watch in the corner porn, or maybe some porn documetaries?
Fengor
It keeps my mom from watching fox news; this may be a necessary evil at least for a time.
Mostlydeadpool
this. this is....actually a pretty good point. it's a vice. but it's like coffee. "yeah, it's probably bad for you but it could be so so much worst."
wannasee
Welp! It is the lesser of the two evils...i agree
IDontKnowWhatToDoAnymoreAndImTired
And if you reversed the genders, and it was a guy who went home, cheated on his girlfriend, and decided to dump her for his ex? The very same audience would be howling for his blood.
wannasee
Yes!!! It also promotes toxic double standards - this is not good for anyone!!!
CyberWizard252
I recently re-watched Overboard with Goldie Hawn. It's one of my favourite comedies but I gave it a more critical eye. Geez. Small town guy "claims" a stray woman, takes her home to do the laundry, and gaslights her to curb undesirable behaviour. The scene where he picked her up to put her to bed when she was sick and her response was "I don't want to be thrown in the water tank again"...Yikes. At least in this case her previous life wasn't good to begin with but that's relatively minor.
rhixhikaru
Overboard is playing on the trope of Taming of the Shrew.
Morkath
The really weird thing, is someone watched it and decided it was a good idea to remake the movie, but reversed the gender roles.
CyberWizard252
I'm sure some Hollywood executive moron felt that reversing the roles would invalidate the severity of the original. "As long as we do it to a male this time then no one can complain from either side".
wannasee
I remember Overboard - they made a remake of it some years ago. Its very cringe in the context of today.
Here's one only on Netflix. Horror comedy - Roohi
2 guys kidnaps a chick to sell her into forced marriage only to find out she is possessed. One guy falls in love with the chick. The other falls in love with the demon inside her.
wannasee
Some executive approved Roohi. LOL
Raygirl
Everyone is allowed their indulgent, ridiculous, feel-good fantasy media. It only becomes a problem if that's the only thing you ever watch and build all your values and world view on them and only them...so actually yeah you make a valid point.
TheBigBadBonerBiter
Fantasy is good and all, but it's increasingly apparent that a dickload of people have difficulty separating fantasy from reality.
Butterupmybuttcheeks
I think it's rather, more scarily to me, that they don't WANT too.
wannasee
I wasn't allowed to watch this growing up because my parents thought it taught inappropriate behaviors - like lack of independence and prirotizing an intimate relationship over being financially stable. So I never learned to see this as a healthy form of self indulgence either.
But no one stopped me from watching zombie movies....
https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1OGs4djV4Mmx1czgxYW1pdGtlY21maGZ5czE3MmE0aXNneWM5ZnNobCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/cKRG8Vz1vgv3W/200w.webp
Mikeiller
and now you eat flesh for a living.
wannasee
No I do not parttake of the flesh - human or animal type.
Its more like
https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1bXFldnB6dG9iYWgzajY0aTc4MHllMmI1YnJtdnQwbHF6M3hwcXJ2ciZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/kWFhIYUNSXAfDdwub7/200w.webp
controlsthepresent
So you grew up to be a zombie? Or now you have a fetish?
wannasee
I find zombie movies soothing to fall asleep to. Lol
curnsington
The plot of Sleepless in Seattle was similar, now that I think about it. Even as I kid, I remember thinking that Meg Ryan's fiancee (Bill Pullman?) was weirdly chill about it. Like, "Oh, you fell in love with a guy you met on the radio. Good for you!"
Idonotbelievewehavecompany
And they are the whitest of whites
Margrave9000
Hallmark and blatant racism, name a better duo...
morganfreemanslarynx
Candace
zafner
I feel like I've seen pics of posters (or whatever they call those things when they're produced for made for TV movies) where the woman is from the "harmless looking black woman" marketing trope, the one where they're always attractive, smiling, and chopping vegetables or eating a salad
[deleted]
[deleted]
youbetchamom
We found the snowflake. And I'm guessing, a white snowflake.
TheDefective
White is an opt-in identity created by ethno-nationalists to stoke fear and recruit the layperson to their authoritarian & xenophobic cause. They ask you to surrender your racial identity to become part of the master race and then save said race from threat of extinction. Don't be irish, italian, french, etc, they say, be white, & hate the other. It's different from black identity born of the imposed erasure of cultural ties & origins perpetrated during the transatlantic slave trade. Not a race.
RoseHarmonic
This evaluation is interesting and clearly well thought out by either you or your source. I need to spend more time here instead of TikTok.
ChaosInherent
I see what youre saying but like, what would I call myself when I'm a mix of Irish, Scottish, German, Italian, and English? I'm just...white bread white
mithiwithi
Multi-ethnic. Same as if you had any African or Native ancestry.
TheDefective
Caucasian, European, or American. Don't opt into the white identity. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iditics">https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/I">entit">itics">https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Identity_politics
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_identity
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_nationalism
SophieClockwise
It's a post about *Hallmark movies*, which have, rather infamously, traditionally been made by and churned out by the hundreds for the whitest, blandest people on the face of the planet. If you think they've been a bastion of diversity, you're obviously unfamiliar with them, but regardless, the other commenter isn't out of line calling out this defining Hallmark trope alongside all the dozens of others in the post.
The meme isn't even misleading cherrypicking:
TheWombatStrikesAgain
The word "original" should sue for damages.
michiyl
Top left dude reminds me of
somethingsomethingwittyhere
hairytrigga
Im pretty sure these movies are all filmed in Muskoka region in Ontario, the whitest of white rich cottage country.
OhIfIMust
If it weren’t Hallmark, I’d have assumed that image was a gag.
FiftyShadesOfTiramisu
It did make me gag a little. But I'm allergic to christmas cheer and fake-smiling couples who look like Fox News hosts and corny romance stuff (except in Kdramas, where everyone is adorably cute and there is some Borgia-level intrigue happening on the side plus some supernatural and/or crime stuff just to keep things interesting)
beez428
Just once I wanna see the guy take a beat before saying, "you CUNT" & fucking back off to New York or wherever & meeting some model that loves the fact he has his own lucrative job.
CodeWarrior
Steve Borgaloogie, is that you?
Chloe Van Der Flemming?
JayDeeDubs
Then a week later she finds out her new boyfriend/old ex who stayed in Bumblefuck, Ruralamericaland is a huge Maga Trump supporter, and regrets every decision that led to this
J4nein4ne
Dude dodged a bullet. Good for him.
DatDarthCaedus
discostewsm
That's why it ends before that happens. They censored it.
celestedrake
JayDeeDubs
Well that's just perfect, excellent job
theobituator
With an Oxy problem...
mikeatike
Isn't hallmark super right wing? Or is that only the breakaway faction that created the GAF (Great American Family / Give A Fuck) network?
3Davideo
Yeah I don't really get that. I'd've thought that when getting to know a person, that you'd be able to figure out pretty quickly whether or not you're generally compatible like that. Like, that's first date material, not two weeks down the line.
slightlybrokenegg
MAGA scum literally lie about who they are until they feel like you are in to deep to leave before showing their true colors they know how awful they are.
houghten
With the caveat that I'm so thoroughly aromantic that I've never been on, set up, asked for nor *been* asked for a first date, so take my "would have thought"s with a grain of salt... but I would have thought that some things you want to filter out well before you even agree to a first date, and that "voted for the apocalypse" would be one of them...
astrangehop
Maybe not in this current political cli.ate, but you'd be amazed about how many *almost* deal breaker things you can glaze over in a whirlwind romance. She loves glade plug-ins, you're highly allergic. Kitchen light on or off. Favorite type of vacation. Of course these don't sort out exactly the same but I can see "this fun attractive person probably isn't a monster" as a probable assumption.
Neurisko
There are a lot of dysfunctional people out there who just stumble through relationships, their conversations subsisting of the bare minimum to get them though their dates. They can't communicate at all. It's that illogical conservative mindset where you're supposed to figure everything out from vibes.
3Davideo
As a luckless demi myself, I totally get that. We could amend it to "no later than the first date" just to cover that. Not to mention some relationships just sorta casually drift from acquaintances to friendships to being together without any hard and fast "first date" milestone.
JayDeeDubs
These movies usually take place over a weekend, a week tops.
cepacolusmaximus
there are no "surprise, I'm a trumper" people
epistlero
Sydney Sweeney
holyfool521
You'd be surprised.
TheDefective
Forced into the life of a tradwife, she begins reading the handmaid's tale, and growing foxglove in her garden.
RooGryphon
How did she get that book? Given her new husband doesn't let her out of the house alone without an escort? Or allowed to read those 'novels'
TheDefective
He doesn't believe in the written word, only sight-reads, and thinks it's about how to be a good maiden-wife.
SarcasticComment
not even a rich trad wife. she married a maga tree lot salesman so she barely has butter to bake from scratch
iRecommendBooks
you: "and growing foxglove in her garden"
me (laughing): "Oh shit"
TheDefective
Trad problems require trad solutions.
MrRareza
https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1MGJ1ZG56bmUxczJuOHdmNWJucWRkN2Z6bnpsZmJnM3N2Njh4dzFpbCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/XBEy2UaKT3zXkRtvhQ/200w.webp
sometimesarobot
Where's that comic someone did about these movies
OhIfIMust
He invented the Internet!!
Frostycopper
Love the dub
hushpuppyextraordinaire
Steve borgalugi
cbjfan
Chloe vanderpglegning
Colopty
That made me look up the net worth of the guy who invented the internet. It's $10M for the curious.
VipertheFirst
That's... really underwhelming actually. You'd think he would get royalties for it every year or something
Colopty
Government project so not like it was something he could patent or anything. Also while he is credited as "the" inventor it was technically a group project. Overall he was a well paid government worker whose work set him up to be comfortable financially for life, no real need for him to appear on some silly leaderboard of obsessive resource hoarders.
All in all it's not really an underwhelming amount of personal wealth, dude's undoubtedly rich, but capitalism has ruined people's expectations.
VipertheFirst
Fair point. Just used to "this person came up with this and now they're a gajillionaire!" stories
Justanotherbloodyacctname
He gave it away like the absolute legend that he is. Unfortunately it was then completely fucked up by the sort of people who'd *never* turn down royalties, even other people's, but that's not his fault.