527942
6294
172
Feb 9, 2013 9:03 PM
527942
6294
172
afroniner
ABSOLUTELY WORTH THE READ! and tl;dr....READ IT!
seeblue
This is like the 4chan Iliad
ohnoanotherputz
This was almost as long as war and peace, but a much better read.
JanglesTheMoonMonkee
The wicked witch is dead.
WhenPurpleBecomesBlue
WHY. IS. THIS. IN. THE. NEGATIVES? IT IS AMAZING!
Thekingofbeans
Because there are easily offended people on imgur.
aishmp
Watching Star Wars in another tab while reading; Chewbacca noises while reading about Doradus sex noises. Couldn't have been more perfect
Rightinthefeels
Worth the read just for the angry feels. Foodbro is a good bro.
OhMyGodKarenYouCantJustAskPeopleWhyTheyreWhite
This. Is. FUCKING. AWESOME.
donotcallmeblind
This post is about a thrift shop?
OhMyGodKarenYouCantJustAskPeopleWhyTheyreWhite
ahahahah I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!
donotcallmeblind
ATHM
I am proud to admit I actually went and made more taquitos before reading.
Aryn240
I honestly enjoyed this story.
ZacharyKeogh
SHIT JUST GOT REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL
Railsmith
I would watch this movie.
Woodchips
TL;DR foodbro is amazing
javer80
Foodbro is the fucking man. Even after Bonybro fails to see reason for a while, enabling the problem, Foodbro's still looking out for him.
azorho007
No one deserves a doradus. No one.
iFlysoHi
Great story
GhengisDon
Sometimes shit just works out in the end.
DrShoe
Well, I don't know about the moving. But it's definitely the longest. "Behemoth" made me chuckle, tho; reminded me of Al Bundy
donotcallmeblind
O.P. is George R.R. Martin
GinaSanJose
But no one died- they should have cut her head off :)
sinkingfeeling
The OP better get back to writing Game of Thrones before he dies!
WhoeverSmeltItDealtIt
LMAO!
cuddlewench
Great username.
WhoeverSmeltItDealtIt
Thanks, but curious what are doing checking post from 4 months ago anyways?
cuddlewench
Someone linked it in a more recent post and I busted a non-existent nut while laughing. Naturally, I have to read through the comments.
WHOOPAHMOTHAHpheihgh
Read that shit. It's a good time.
docileirish
10/10 would pay foodbro to come over and enjoy the meal
imitalianpleasedontcomplainaboutgrammarerrorsokbye
in all this story, i want to taste foodbro stuff now.
TheBigLebowskiFromTheCreatorsofFargo
Imgur needs a Star or Favorite mark so it could be put into top submission for easy viewing.
uitSCHOT
10/10 would pay foodbro to cook me dinner once in a while!
iambeaumont
10/10 would pay chillbro to come over and chill
pizzapatrol
i lost it at "chillbro bails."
NOBODYASKEDYOUPATRICE
Loved the bro themed names in this story!
spacecowboyein
ya i kept thinking they were pokemon
DoogieHueserMD
Yeah I thought they were some sort of secret evolution for eevee.
BeardKhan
Never say something like this while in 4chan or you are going to get run over.
totallyawesomesweetalabamaliquidsnake
As a fat girl, fuck that bitch.
gargaj
Fucking that bitch was why the whole clusterfuck started though :)
raoulduke25
Read the whole thing. Some people need to be treated harshly before they shape up.
MarzEz
"Shape up" is an amusing phrase to use in this context.
alexandraavenger
I actually read the whole thing. I quite enjoyed it... TL;DR: Fat bitch takes advantage of friends, gets kicked out, everyone lives happy.
WebDevJewelerReptileLover
I thought I was going to get trolled sometime. a 4chan story that's actually good? Weird. This was worth the read.
julesderamablam
Thanks for that! I TL;DR'd it
StevieRayVaughan
*SPOILERS*
iNeverRejectTheNullHypothesis
http://img.pokemondb.net/artwork/slowpoke.jpg
robertwhitmer
Thanks for not being the "tl;dr: go back and read it! it's worth it!" kind of guy. Damn people wanting me to read..
Efreeti
Read it though.
robertwhitmer
NEVER!
TheBonerofJustice
Just the tip?
YallMothafuckasNeedCheeses
This comment made me read the thread and I'm really happy I did! FUCK Doradus!
donotcallmeblind
There are no comments yet because people are only halfway through the second one.
TBKU
Read the whole thing, not sure if worth it. meh
KeithESS
very accurate
MoonlightJellyfish
Fuckin' worth it though.
zorakid
Cool read. Thankfully I don't know anyone IRL as obnoxious as this whale.
dudeguy11164
you're lucky
kungfuman
Unfortunately I do, beta-hunting whales (male and female versions) make me want to punch straight through their skulls.
cucumbersome
Sadly, i do. If only whale hunting was legal.
pastrymaker
I do. luckily I don't know any idiot men like "bonybro" willing to put up with her
Telep11
I imagined doradus as a fat purple dinosaur.
FLOWERPOWER1234
LMFAO!!!!XD
The12thDoctor
"DAMMIT JIM I'M A DOCTOR NOT A MIRACLE WORKER!" - Favorite part.
thandapanda
Mine was "she sounds like a cross between a death metal singer and an elephant seal. "ORGHHHH ORGHHHH ORGHHHH " .
ThatOneGuyFromThatOneShow
I lost it at "stampede of white whales."
BionicDoug
I'm definitely using the Large Magellanic Cloud comment in the future.
MoonlightJellyfish
I'm partial to "holy shit this sashimi", but all of it is great.
The12thDoctor
Long read, but entertaining.
LoveAndCoffeeButNotNecessarilyInThatOrder
SHE'S DEAD JIM!
AndyYouGoonie
Mine was "(lolwatnope)" only because I could picture the absurd looks of comical incredulity on their faces from her comments.
QWTFODDBALL
I like how the focus is that shes a bitch because shes fat not that shes a bitch because shes a bitch.
TheYasu
Probably just to accentuate how much food she was stealing/consuming. (I know sometimes skinny people put down tons.)
shadowlev
When someone is a vile human being, you can't help but point out their other flaws. "Horse face" is a common insult for skinny girls.
heyoJames
Doradus seemed insecure about her own weight, which fueled most of her behavior. So, yes, she was a bitch because she was fat.
DanceComander
This. If she were skinny, she would just be a bitch, but a fat girl who's a bitch- CLEARLY it has to do with her weight.
SpecialTrampDanaScullyFBI
but most of the things that made her so obnoxious had to deal with her eating.
DanceComander
From my reading, I gathered she was obnoxious more because of her attitude and her hitting on the roommates and sleeping naked in his bed.
DanceComander
Her taking the food was just an added negative.
vorduul
That was a fairly well-written short-story. That she was an asshole had nothing to do with her weight, though.
queerboy7
THANK YOU.
chainletter
welcome to /fit/
cleverrobot
Agreed about the fat being kind of irrelevant, although it tied in a little. Regardless, she sounds just awful and this story was hilarious.
vorduul
One gets the impression that fat makes a person 'bad' in their eyes because they find fat gross. It's not unlike homophobia.
meta666
It's nothing like homophobia. Being overweight is an unhealthy lifestyle choice you can do something about.
sheebalasvegas
not in every case
socrateshaditallright
Agreed.
ellaellaellaeheheh
Ah, but behavior wa partly induced by her weight ideas of being a "real woman" with curves and likely, jealousy that M had the whole package
vorduul
Being fat doesn't make you a dick who feels the need to tell other people how to look. She's a bitch who happens to be fat.
welpp
"Being fat doesn't make you a dick" is true. "That she was an asshole had nothing to do with her weight" is false.
IKissedAMagikarp
THIS.
PurpleThomas
Her weight probably had lots to do with her being an asshole, though.
DanceComander
A stuck up bitch is a stuck up bitch. Self confidence isn't inherent;y being an asshole, she took it too far however with her attitude (1)
Cassodeus
I hate stuck up bitches, fat or skinny.
DanceComander
Of "everyone wants me". That's got nothing to do with weight, skinny chicks do the same thing. (2)
PurpleThomas
I am saying she probably overeats because she has poor self-control, and that poor self-control is also what makes her an asshole.
hette
Best justification I've seen in this thread. Upvoted.
DanceComander
Ok, that makes more sense, sorry bout that.
Ronano
It did tie into it. You can see especially from the dress-testing part. And according to this, she did eat A LOT - caused household problems
vorduul
Damaging someone's property by being careless with it and stealing their food have nothing to do with being overweight.
topsu
She wouldn't steal their food if she wasn't overweight.
lebayum
wat
Ronano
I have to state - again, in this particular case, it did. She ruined the dress because it wasn't her size, but she tried to force it.
vorduul
She didn't do that because she was fat. She did it because she was a careless asshole. Correlation does not equal causation.
Ronano
Well, it seems to me to be an emotional problem most probably tying in with it, and all of these things are both a cry for attention(1/2)
AreWeHumanOrAreWePandas
This is one of the best things I've ever read. +1. Especially the fucking Marilyn Monroe bullshit. She was like a size 6
AssDamnCoffee
When he said "The whole 9" he meant some metaphor; basically saying that she implied she looked exactly like Monroe :P
kenzieriann
but don't fuckin' COMPARE yourself to her. Shit bruh. Chicas be pissin' me off.
MeAnd2Bs
Anyone who thinks Marilyn Monroe was a plus size needs to get eyeballs.
shadowlev
Yeah, she was under 140 her entire life and was 5'6. Fat rolls are not curves...
PRAISEKORROK
and in today's sizing she would be a size 0 I think.
mailau
Probably 4-6 based on the measurements I've seen (36-23-36). She'd probably have to get the waist taken in though...she's more hourglass
mailau
can't just use the smallest number to get the size. Have to use the largest (if it's a form fitting non stretch dress) and take it in
Plutoisstillaplanet
looking at her, I'd guess she'd be a UK 8-10 in today's sizing..I'm 6-8 and she's definitely got more of a figure than me, not fat though.
PRAISEKORROK
Jeez, I read it in another comment a while ago, I don't even remember the details, this is some secondhand info, never said it was true.
godgavemetitsandsarcasm
actually she was a size 10
darkdragonempress
Size 14 actually. Though that doesn't mean much. I am a size 14 because of my shoulder and hip width. Stomach is entirely different.
DanceComander
Like "omg i'm totally her size!". I would know, i'm almost the size as the whale in the story, -~50 lbs.
SpecialTrampDanaScullyFBI
thank you! marilyn was the ORIGINAL 36-24-36. yes, men like curves. but fat is not curves, ladies. (please note: i am a lady myself)
Naseth
Yes please! Marilyn wasn't 109 lbs. and she wasn't 185 lbs. either. No hate for the skinny or the thick ladies, but let's be real plz.
Solisav
She was even more pronounced than that. 35-22-35, it's whacky! Kinda neat though.
mremaknu
I can't imagine why so many people don't get that curves means hourglass, god dammit, not wet dough. Sigh. Being a stick isn't curvy either.
imsobadatpickingusernames
+1 for "wet dough"
kenzieriann
Word. As a larger woman, I don't understand ladies my size comparing themselves to her. Look at her as a roll model and aim to be her (1/2)
zeshoopuf
I wouldn't advice looking at her as a role model, she did have a drug problem and all.
kenzieriann
Well, in terms of her figure, I mean. I'd kill for those hips and thighs, but I'm happy the way I am.
zeshoopuf
You don't want those thighs. They make finding fitting pants really, really difficult.
kenzieriann
I'm bigger than her. Finding good looking, well fitting clothes in general is a nightmare.
hette
Heh. Roll model.
kenzieriann
I do my best.
Armyofsquirrels
Hooray for today's vanity sizing... http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2012/04/marilyn-monroe-was-not-even-close-to-a-size-12-16/
eagates
Hope I don't get downvoted for this. But I don't think this site is legit. Her measurements are close to my own and I'm a size 12.
Armyofsquirrels
Are you a lot taller than her? I've got 2-3'' on all of her measurements and fit in anything between 4 and 8 depending on brand...
eagates
Height shouldn't make too much of a difference if your bust/waist/hips are similar. I was probably closest to her size a couple years ago(1)
eagates
(2) and that's when I could fit in an 8 or 10 depending on the brand. I don't think anyone with a 36D bra could be a size 0...
DanceComander
Actually I had read she was a 9/10, but still nowhere near the size that most plus sized girls like to try to claim so that they can be (1)
SpecialTrampDanaScullyFBI
everyone tries to say she was a 16 but a uk 16 is an american 12. but her clothes were all custom regardless.
ThomasLieven
but you have to consider that all the sizes are changed now and then, so that the shift in weight doesn't look too drastic.
mailau
'They' tend to say she is a 12. 10 and 12 are next to each other in size (9 is just the "juniors" version of 10. (Girl sizing is dumb)
DanceComander
But a size 12 today was a size 8 a few years ago (I know, i've been in lots of sizes over the last few years lol) And yes, it is SO DUMB.(2)
mailau
Ok I see the problem. 35-25-35 used to be a size 10. Now that's about a 4 or 6.
DanceComander
Well it depends where you read. A lot of people (not just big girls) say that her size back then is the equivalent of a size 12 today, (1)
ilikepieilikecake
I am currently a size 0. 50 years ago, I would have been a size 14. But I've seen pics of MM ribs, she was tiny.
mailau
You're right http://inyourface.blog.ocregister.com/2012/07/16/was-marilyn-monroe-really-a-plus-size/88178/
YallMothafuckasNeedCheeses
Thanks for this link - it's got a lot of interesting body facts on it! I'm pretty much average for today, but 20 pounds lighter! Yay!