RealSaltLakeRioT
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Honestly I don't know what to do with this information. I've been frustrated and feeling depressed, so I finally scheduled some time with a therapist. They were wonderful and very helpful, but instead of the diagnosis of depression as I was expecting, they said I have PTSD from my religious upbringing.
This is effecting my marriage and my relationship with my children. I don't know how to process this knowledge. I feel broken inside. I can't talk with my wife and have no one else to turn to, so of course I turn to imgurians.
I now have regular sessions with my therapist and look forward to deconstructing this shit and getting myself together, but the fear of the future is crippling.
For the few who will see this, thanks for reading this far. I hope this gets buried in usersub. It's just comforting to say this out loud, even if it is only through a meme.
Edit: holy shit! I can't keep up with the outpouring of love in the comments and my DMs. I'll try to get to all of you! Also, whoever gave me the virtual hug, thank you! I figured this would die in usersub, but once again, this amazing community has proven me wrong. Thank you for all the love and support!
Welliguessillgogetpants
Religion is a cancer upon this earth.
ToonamiT0M
noveltyanomaly
Hey @OP, I would like 2 B ur personal virtual support. Im 16 yrs past my CPTSD diagnosis; traveled the journey mostly solo. U R not alone
RealSaltLakeRioT
Thank you!
azmariaBaroness
Judging by your username, I have an idea of what you're going through. Stick to therapy, mindfulness, and you'll get through it with help.
paulguy119
Don't obsess over the label. You're the same as you were before you knew. Just focus on getting better.
Rhythmaster
Especially if a therapist diagnosed you? I'm pretty sure only licensed psychiatrists and psychologists are qualified to make a diagnosis..
FiveShiftOne
This is true. The label isn't something that changes you, it's a tool you use to understand and work on your problems.
TheElootist
Best recovery technique I had for post-session vulnerability was treating myself with 'me time'. Gaming, fave junk food, a long cruise, 1/2
TheElootist
In my car, whatever, as long as it was 'indulgent'. Therapy is tough, and merely showing up is reason enough to reward yourself for it. 2/2
nevergoingtogiveyouupnevergoingtoletyoudown
Depression is a pretty broad brush. You probably have depression FROM being unable to deal with PTSD.
JohannesParabola
I can relate and pls remember: Therapy is hard work as a patient, rummaging around in uncomfortable territory. Give yourself time to deal 1/
[deleted]
[deleted]
RealSaltLakeRioT
Thank you! I really appreciate it.
JohannesParabola
with new insight like this which can be scary. But this sounds like an important step forward! Wish you the best man, it's worth the battle!
JohannesParabola
You feeling scared is an absolute normal human reaction to this uncertain situation, the burnt-in demons like to stir up when under pressure
WitchCityHound
I have PTSD from raising two special needs kids.
bottledham
I completely understand this. I'm in a similar situation. Hang in there!
angryotterface
I had a similar scenario. It actually opened up the door to allow myself some relief. Lots of harbored guilt that I shouldn’t have held.
rubypilgrim
Has your therapist recommended Peter Levine's "Waking the Tiger"? Ask them about it if not. The gold standard on trauma and PTSD recovery.
rockhydra
Here’s where I’m at on religion. Reality is a chemical reaction taking place in the aftermath of an explosion. Just be kind full stop
rockhydra
Now that may not help, but it’s my two cents. Also I think I’ve been taught guilt an shame from the church and my mom
criminalsarcasm
Religious PTSD is common. It’s almost like walking around with constant fear of eternal damnation in a fiery pit is bad for mental health.
cre8majic
oh, how many people "believe" more for fear of hell and damnation, than for the supposed good stuff?
FalafelisImportant
I was taught God judged my every thought. Really messed me up at an early age
Couchwarrior1337
I first really understood the concept of eternal torture at around age 10, and broke down crying in front of my parents.
Couchwarrior1337
Was also taught that all of the religious doubts I was feeling were satan controlling my mind, and fed loads of awful "apologist" books.
criminalsarcasm
Same. I would sometimes, in a frenzy of emotion, yell “fuck” and then my heart would race like I stabbed someone.
FalafelisImportant
I'm so sorry.
hayhi
Stay strong and trust the process and yourself! There are no darker depths than our own psyche but it’s worth the trip to heal
RealSaltLakeRioT
Thank you. My greatest fear was my therapist telling me I'm more fucked up than I think I am. Turns out, my biggest fear came true...
JohannesParabola
but unfortunately also the only way out. You have to know the enemy you're fighting against, otherwise there's no chance of winning.
Rustbelt
Wait, that's an option? .....wuh-oh.
kaeldra
ItchyHuevos
Take some mushies
Hurglederp
Don't do this apart from medical supervision plz
cbjfan
Or at the very least a trip sitter
ddbrown30
Red is rad, blue is bad.
HedonistBeard
I feel it fits like this. He was refused a diagnoses he thought he had, and instead given a better fitting one that they can now work on.
lDanielHolm
I read it as "The good news is you don't have depression! The bad news is you've got PTSD." So I thought the colors should be inverted too.
HedonistBeard
I think it works both ways. It really depends on what hopes the person had when they went to talk to them.
lDanielHolm
Yeah, but it still read wrong to me at first glance.
mem5000
Giving up a religion you grew up with is scary. been there, but i felt like a weight off my shoulders when i finally did.
tarableT
As an atheist, you're gonna be ok ;)
TheMadOnion
Ain't nothing more liberating than not giving a fuck about living your life the way other people want you to. Golden rule is the only rule.
Nivvi
Why can't you talk about it to your wife, shouldn't spouse be there for you? Or is she part of the problem?
thermodaemonics
I'm noticing @OP's username and a possible implication that would likely include his wife. He may need to stabilize before approaching her.
RealSaltLakeRioT
She's part of it, and I don't have the tools to have a safe and calm conversation with her about all this yet.
shyasen
LDS, OP? My childhood was severely messed up bcuz of it. Your therapist seems correct. Find what brings you happiness and do that.
Nivvi
So you are beginning to realise you are in toxic relationship, either marriage counselling, group therapy or cut the cancer out.
PirateRubberDuck
Maybe his wife needs help too and they want to save their relationship. He needs to work on himself first and get the tools he needs.
FiveShiftOne
Maybe let his therapist do this job and not you, knee-jerk reactionary person.
SciencePetsComputers
doesn't even have to be toxic, it simply can be normal things she is unaware they trigger his PTSD. Communicating about that can be tricky
LifeIsADanceOfMinds
Good luck, OP. Venting is good. A long, calm talk with your wife might be next. See what tools the Therapist can help you use for the chat.
RealSaltLakeRioT
Thank you. My therapist thinks it'll be a few more sessions before I have the tools necessary to safely open up to my wife.
LifeIsADanceOfMinds
I have a toolbox, that I still need to use, and do. Keep at 'er, and stay safe.
PrinceOfWhales
I recommend two sites: Freedom From Religion Foundation FFRF.ORG, and the secular therapy project. Take all the time you need. Good luck
dixxienormus
Has your arsehole healed up yet?
Volpe42
What made them come to that conclusion?
Littldrummrboy
@op which religion?
RealSaltLakeRioT
Mormonism
scandia
I've left comments on here guessing you're LDS. Mormon Stories Podcast & Marriage on a Tightrope could help navigate things with your wife.
yepthatguy
Dehlin gets into marriage advice on his podcast?
scandia
JD interviews people who have mixed-faith marriages.
bottledham
It's difficult to leave Mormonism if all your friends and family are members. I wish you luck on your journey.
martyroflittlefaith
the thing about treatment for PTSD is that it can, a lot of the times, have you leaving therapy in a very vulnerable state. So please make
squishybaker
Yep, sometimes you need therapy for your therapy.
rainbowstraws
THIS. I'm on my own now, too. Thank gods my therapy's online - I'll easily take a couple hrs to recover after a PTS session. Shit's rough...
rainbowstraws
If i may (if not, skip!), my favorite tea & book help me recenter; hugs're best for me but, again, alone. I hope you can find something
rainbowstraws
to help you recalibrate, something that's easy to fall into for a bit for immediate processing. Or just, like, ozone after. Depends on the
rainbowstraws
day, hey? Good luck with your process & journey. I hope you start to have more good days that bad soon <3
TeaStainOnMyKitchenFloor
This. It's the worst type of therapy because you have to talk about stuff you're really uncomfortable with. You can easily get triggered.
SAFireStorm
Absolutely. My wife is usually a wreck for hours after a therapy session. She often feels guilty for feeling so bad.
SAFireStorm
You will be vulnerable after therapy. Take care of yourself and if you are able to, LET someone else take care of you.
martyroflittlefaith
sure you are being compassionate to yourself. Practice mindfulness to help you identify signs of elevated emotional states. have someone you
martyroflittlefaith
feel safe being with if it becomes a crisis. You don't have to talk to them. Just someone you feel safe crying around. I'm sorry you had to
martyroflittlefaith
go through what you went through. i hope you recover well. there is hope and things can get better. good luck <3
RealSaltLakeRioT
Yup, and that's why I can't talk with my wife. My therapist said it wouldn't be good for us until I have better tools to handle everything.
dickbuttbeauty
What this poster said!! Very similar story here and I ended up on meds to help deal with the hard trauma work. Good luck, OP, you got this.
RealSaltLakeRioT
We just moved out of state, so I have no one here to cry with. This is part of why I'm in the situation I am now, realizing I'm alone.
blondewithabrain
Please also give yourself time after each therapy swssion to process what was discussed and emotionally recovered.
ElyaEquestus
Preach. I am in therapy for (C)-PTSD and these appointments breach into parts of my soul that I didnt knew I could open up. Recently I 1/
ElyaEquestus
2/ picked up a book regarding zen boedism and mental health which work well with my daily practice of yin yoga and meditation. Having the
ElyaEquestus
3/ ability to listen to your inner monologue, the physical signals and just sitting with it in general, is a very valuable skill.
ElyaEquestus
4/ It helped me to frame the dismissive attitude of my parents into a whole new light.
cre8majic
sounds like you've come a long way, being able to write about it. I wish you peace!
ElyaEquestus
Thank you, it is an incredible disorienting experience to deal with my parents. They believe that things are singular, that feelings and 1/
ElyaEquestus
3/ others to pick up the tab. It is slowely dawning on them that I am an actual person that has wants, needs and a desire for connection.
ElyaEquestus
2/ events have a straight forward explenation. And. Sometimes things are just hella complex and we cant just run on auto pilot/expect
ElyaEquestus
4/ Overstimulation is a thing and I want positive attention, not just be used for complaining.
IntrospectiveZombie
Religious trauma is very real. My Mormon childhood has definitely given me a lot to talk about with my therapist. Hang in there.
IntrospectiveZombie
Also Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steven Hassan was a really helpful book for me.
scandia
Exmo Luna Lindsey Corbden's book, Recovering Agency is good, too.
ridingcoattails
Therapist or psychiatrist? I've worked in mental health and a therapist should not be diagnosing.
darthOnion
Any therapist can evaluate symptoms, but only a therapist with a doctorate can officially diagnose.
jimfalconer611
You’re not wrong but the only psych I saw listened to me for 1 minute, wrote a scrip for pills and sent me packing. I trust a therapist more
happyrabbitzz
I'm wondering what keeps you from talking with your wife about it?
jcflea
My personal experience is that you survive these religious families by hiding your true feelings from people.
RandyRandalman
Religions and the abuses the place upon people tend to make you do stuff like that
Shadowrayne
My guess is that sometimes trying to discuss it with non professionals can make things worse... it does when hubby tries to talk to me about
Shadowrayne
My PTSD stuff.
Lurch1911
From personal experience, it can be like a performance mentality and a fear of disappointment. It can also manifest from consistently—>
Lurch1911
being told “Put your feelings aside and think about the group as a whole.” It tends to make the individual think their own feelings are —>>
Lurch1911
irrelevant and unimportant overall. An entire childhood of that will inevitably impact adulthood. Again, just a personal experience. (end)
FairfaxJack
If his religious upbringing is bad enough to give him PTSD I’m guessing it was a full on cult and maybe she’s still in it?
cutebytes
LDS, from the look of the username
FairfaxJack
Wow, I didn't notice the user name but was still thinking LDS
RealSaltLakeRioT
My therapist recommended it for multiple reasons.
HeirElfSquire
You're doing it the right way. Let the therapist guide the path. Too much too fast without brain prep leads to the what if monster.
happyrabbitzz
Well then, that's good enough for me.
glittalogik
There's a good reason even professionals don't treat their own family. 1/2
glittalogik
You can tell your wife what's going on without using her as an emotional toilet
DasPumpenStrasse
Great expression
ireallyreallylovecheetos
@op can I ask you something? I’ve been waiting for years to speak to a therapist but they don’t want to start with me because I’m not ready1
ireallyreallylovecheetos
Does this sound right
RealSaltLakeRioT
No, seek out a therapist that specializes in religious trauma. That's how I found mine. Don't wait!
ireallyreallylovecheetos
Thank you
deaththeunholy
Open communication is key in a marriage
idekwut
It's called C-PTSD when the exposure is protracted, and depression IS a symptom. Check out "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents"
idekwut
This book really helped expand my understandings of how childhood informs our modernity. Helps you tend to that hurting inner child.
junkgoof
I'm sorry a gullible ancestor indentured you into servitude to a cult.
Marukina
Good luck in feeling better, hope you get the peace you deserve. And i hope your relationship with your family grows healthy, you can do it!
DillPixels
Please get a second opinion from a different therapist. This doesn't sound healthy. My therapists have always said it's great how open I >
DillPixels
^ am with my loved ones.
kletskoek
Op commend above that he should wait to talk to the wife until he’s done more therapy and is mentally prepared. Seems reasonable to me
kristProblemLord
Eh, I might get a second opinion on that one. I'm no therapist but saying to keep something from your spouse seems fishy.
DisenfranchisedSovietBear
Unless she is still in that same religion. I walked that walk myself, but was able to bring her out later too once I was in a better place
notyoubizness
Congratulations. I mean it. Well done.
kristProblemLord
That being said, I'm proud of you for getting help.
RealSaltLakeRioT
Thank you!
wildsageHMC
I think if you’re not a therapist, you probably shouldn’t be giving advice on a sensitive subject like this.
AoEnwyr
Even if they are a therapist, they aren’t @OP’s therapist. A spouse does not have automatic privileges when it comes to mental health issues
AoEnwyr
@OP is a person in their own right, entitled to their own treatment. If and when it’s appropriate to discuss it with their spouse, OP will
RealSaltLakeRioT
Not keeping it from her long term, but I'm in no place to handle the type of conversation we need to have right now.
MosquitoHawker
If I’m reading this right, the issue may be that this will bring them and their spouse into contravention over spiritual values. 1/2
MosquitoHawker
At least open talks with your spouse. My wife (now ex) suffered horribly from PTSD caused by religious zealotry. Spiritual abuse is a thing.
Acdkatie
Is the plan to eventually bring her into the therapy sessions because I feel like that should be addressed
Apothem
timing is everything. Only do what you are able to handle. Stay strong!
ButLogicallyTho
I can agree with that, make sure you're able to articulate before getting into the deep end
AoEnwyr
Follow the advice of your therapist @OP Random Imgurians may mean well but don’t have all the details. Wishing you all the best
datphone777365
this. big this. bigly this. bigliest this.
Omnimorph2112
Seems a decent idea. Unloading on her might make her feel pressure. If anything I'd try and see how she's feeling, she could also be /
Omnimorph2112
going through her own stuff.
stickywiggit
Ah. Yeah. But you're about to hurt, A LOT, and you're going to need support beyond the therapist. Make sure she's willing and able.
stickywiggit
Think of it like draining an abscess. It hurts, you're depressed and angry. But then you start feeling better. Takes time, but it's worth it
scandia
If you were raised LDS check out ex-Mormon reddit. Lots of support from those who have been in your shoes.
DisenfranchisedSovietBear
It helped me process and even recognize a lot of the trauma I had from being raised in it
RealSaltLakeRioT
I am exmormon! Been out for 7 years or so now. But I never realized just how triggering certain events could be, causing me to spiral.
thatlazylizard
Was like "bro stop being so shit to your daughter"....he didnt go to church after that :/. Im a "sinner" now but never have bad memories
scandia
I hear you. It can be a process for some to separate themselves from the church, especially if they have lots of TBM family. I resigned 1/
scandia
over Prop 8 after years of inactivity. Family of origin was hostile & shunned, cutting me off. Always felt culture and doctrine was BS, 2/
Bertisintrouble
Hey, I'm ex Mormon as well. Tried to DM you but it wouldn't let me. Message me if you want to talk.