PineappleIsDeliciousOnPizzaFightMe
18417
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Aug 24, 2026 4:19 PM
PineappleIsDeliciousOnPizzaFightMe
18417
501
12
theSoulciologist
Like billionaires
IhopeUgetwhatUvoted4
Try that with the wrong bull...
friendsofsandwiches
If you bring out the skritchies brush, and they notice, THEN you're in danger.
OhIfIMust
Jackospade
"Don't kid yourself Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance he'd eat you and everyone you care about."
AllTheGoodOnesWereGone
Cows kill an average of 22 people per year and that's just in the US. They're actually one of the most dangerous animals.
dohcohv
Because we interact with them in confined spaces by the millions. The rate of incidents is low, but the overall numbers are higher.
Base jumping kills about 30 people a year compared to cycling where about a thousand people die in the US. It's because most people have a bicycle, but few people base jump.
cosonfused
they just need to make a bigger stick. they already can make the tools to do so.
Skuggen
We had a fatality from a cow attack just yesterday. If that cow spreads the word...
choppedliveraldente
Herds of cows on the open range can be dangerous. Ive been treed by a bull before. I kinda deserved it tho.
OdinYggd
Customary for any farm animal that attacks a human without being provoked by injury/vet work entrapment to be on a dinner plate or in a shallow gravesite before the following Sunday.
Farmers cannot afford to tolerate insubordination. We are in charge, and they must never forget that.
battery1979
Historically, humans picking up sticks has done a lot to equalize us against much larger animals.
PolitiCat
Cows kill more people yearly than sharks.
Arnstrong
How could a cow kill a shark?
EatYourSoylentGreenAndShutUp
With scuba gear and a harpoon. https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1Y3NpM2hkOTAxMmFiNzkxY3pscWxscmRpYzF4c2x3cHdwcWF2bzN3NyZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/QmJr6ewZqfQvC/200w.webp
Grumpy72
Several years ago my wife's aunt worked on a dairy farm. The cows grazed in different fields every day so she and a couple other workers moved them around on a regular basis. One day just like normal they were moving part of the herd and as she walked across the middle of the field one of the cows saw her calf on the other side of the field and ran over to our aunt (who was between mom & baby), flipped her up in the air and started stomping her when she hit the ground. 1)
Grumpy72
The other guys working with her ran over and used a cattle prod and rope to get the cow off her and moved it to the other field. Aunt called 911 herself and was so calm describing everything that it wasn't until the paramedics showed up that anyone realized she'd made the call. Her right leg, right arm and a few ribs were broken. Several surgeries, arm and leg have steel rods, pins and plates in and it took her 6 months to recover. Angry cows are no joke.
PrincessWasabi
Poor mom and baby, separated like that forever
Grumpy72
Yeah... considering aunt had some pretty good steaks and roasts about 3 months later...
cousteau
I think it's more curiosity than enemity (is that a word?). Cows are super curious animals.
HomoSumHumaniAMeNihilAlienumPuto
enemity is a word, to have enemity towards someone or something means you hate it.
mafiacarstarter
*enmity
forelle
Cows are the number one predator in the alps. Typically tourists with dogs that walk into their herd. And then mother does trying to protect their calf.
NightOwlRally
They really are. If you go up to a cow pasture fence and start singing, chances are the ladies and gents will come see what's going on because, well, not much happens in a field on the day to day. You can also get a similar reaction if you place a bucket or a cone in the pasture haha
cousteau
Damn, poor cows must lead such a boring life :(
NightOwlRally
Some of them do, but they're like guinea pigs in that they need buddies to be happy. Some folks don't believe me, but cows will have best friends in a given herd that they graze or water with more often, and especially laying down in the shade to chew their cud when a nice cool breeze hits.
cousteau
Pretty sure "cows have best friends" has been backed up by science. At least I've read about it before. š®ā¤ļø
SlayerOfGoat
I worked on a ranch when I was younger. I had to work through the night for about a week because of wheat harvest, and I was driving across the ranch from one field to another. I had to drive through one field where all the mama cows had their babies. In the dark, I could see their eyes glowing up ahead, and when I got to them, literally within 10 feet, they just stood there and stared at me. I sat there honking my horn, flipping my lights on and off, and they wouldn't budge. They are all dumb.
PrincessWasabi
You should definitely have gotten out of the car using your superior intellect
OdinYggd
Creep forward at the speeds they walk and push your way through, they'll move out of the way when they notice and don't care to challenge your advance. Just watch out that the little ones don't trip and end up under your wheels.
They can't help it, they spend most of their lives drunk on the low-grade beer that their Rumen makes.
QuitLookinAtMineAim
They are not dumb. They just don't care about your goals. And maybe they know you will take their babies away, again.
PrincessWasabi
I really enjoyed how you phrased that lol, their comment really made me so annoyed haha
QuitLookinAtMineAim
Cheers.
happyrabbitzz
You are calling them "dumb" yet you were the one flipping your lights on and off in the dark?
SlayerOfGoat
I was sitting still, because the cows wouldn't move out of the way.
Kablooeeey
Imagine if an all powerful alien presented you with the choice of living in the jungle naked, or living in a perfect house with free food and protection and fast wi-fi and lots of pillows and shit, but in return the alien eats you when you turn 50. Lots and lots of people would get eaten when they turn 50.
IWouldLickThat
I'm already imagining all of the the art that they would generate, not only knowing they were going to die, but exactly when.
GrimleyGraves
WAIT... was that a choice?!?!?
Kbantar
I'd be safe as I can't turn 50.... because I'm already 52. lol
bbchaz23
With the current timeline we're in, I'm happy going now. What an incredibly shitty year 2026 has been and it's only August.
rollercostarican
Point aside, Lots of people wouldn't survive til 50 living naked in the jungle with no formal training lol
ReaperCDN
All by their lonesome? Probably not. So long as there were other people around they could run into, most of them would be far more likely to survive. We are a social species. Working as a pack is how we survive.
rollercostarican
I haven't seen a whole lotta "working as a pack" in a very long time.
sharK11
most beef cows are slaughtered at about eighteen months old and are force fed grains to make them grow bigger more quickly than they otherwise would from eating grass
MeestowKitty
This is basically the premise of "Vampire Earth," with some minor adjustments.
UsernameAlreadyTaken058
Also Logan's Run.
MeestowKitty
Logan's Run had an all powerful alien in it?
UsernameAlreadyTaken058
The computer controls and directs the entire society, including mandatory death upon passing the age threshold.
BHPaperstacks
I almost certainly wouldnt make it to 50 on my own naked in the jungle anways.
SledgeRipley
That's actually very similar to the plot of Logan's Run. Society's run by an AI overlord and have all of their wants and needs taken care of, but when they turn 21 they're euthanized. In the movie and TV adaptations they bump it up to 30.
NightHouseAssociation
https://media0.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1NmZrZGg0M21ueDc2Y3c0MXN4aXh0ODVweGJqZmRtMXNtNXBwaDdxeCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/lqsvAHeaAyr8AABJB7/200w.webp
SilverFoxChaser
Oh you mean America?
RuffyRuffHausen
Hey, 50 is not so bad
PatrickDenStore
I'd be dead 6 years ago if that was the case so I wouldn't care.
Kablooeeey
Yeah, I'm 60. Pretty sure if I was offered that deal at 18 I would have taken it in a heartbeat however. 32 years of retirement while I was still young enough to enjoy it? Hard to beat that, even if that means I'd be dead for 10 years now. Those have been by far the worst 10 years. So far anyway.
FelonyRaptor
It's not. But beef cows get to live on average for 18 months while their life real span would be like 15-20 years.
DrKonrad
Far from humans, on their own in nature with predators and diseases, they would definitely not live 15-20 years.
FelonyRaptor
Oh, you mean like other comparable bovine species like the gaur that lives up to 30 years in the wild, with all the disease and predators? Or maybe you are comparing them to bisons that have a life expectancy of 15 years? Or the banteng with a lifespan of 16-26 years?
Or maybe you didn't quite understand that I was talking about their natural lifespan. Which means living in the wild. With the disease and predators.
PlankTableGo
OhIfIMust
FelonyRaptor
The thing is, a huge majority of cows that are farmed to be beef don't get to live to a ripe old age of pretty much anything, and they don't get very cushy environments either, just huge literally shitty factories.
But then again they don't suffer from all that for long because we pump them full of growth hormones so they grow huge and beefy as fast as possible.
BestofUwU
Cows, or any animal shouldn't have to live like this
jesuisgur
Hence why Europe doesn't want american beef...
DracarysBlackfyre
I can't say im familiar with factory farming of cattle? Ever cattle farm ive ever been to uses pasture grazing as the primary source of feed, supplementing with lucerin hay when needed. I don't think it makes economic sense to house cattle in large buildings and use feed stock exclusively. Maybe true in other parts of the world
lvsv
Iām pretty sure itās the āfinishingā phase thatās grains.
https://www.matthewhayek.com/blog/beef-factory-farms-pastures
IMakeLotsOfReferencesAndRemakes
Well... more like 10. We slaughter most cows at 18-24 months and they naturally live 15-20 years. So like 10-15% of their lifespan. Humans live about 70-80 so about 8-12 years old is when you would be eaten.
LunarSol357
Something something Promised Neverland
EatYourSoylentGreenAndShutUp
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1bnVqcXp5NXkxY21jZGxpYW52dDVhcXRiMmdjd2lnZ3J5bWp6cmpvYiZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/BgwhabIL5MBFe/200w.webp
zombiejedediah
That makes sense. Human meat is much more tender at that age. Or, hypothetically. I think. I may have read it somewhere.
RAJrios
Did the oval office cookbook release early?